burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

After worship service at FCS last Sunday, I was reminded of how Ari talks about church as her "family."

We had a few minutes to stretch etc. between the end of service and the beginning of the meeting. I talked to Jeff B., climbed over pews to talk to Mike R., saw Lisa S. (who hadn't been at church in about a month on account of law school) and ended up sitting with her for the meeting (leaning against her).

I felt so warm and cozy -- like this is a place I belong, these are people I feel comfortable with, etc.

***

At Singspiration last night, every time someone asked me how I was, I said something like "good" in a really happy tone and meant it. Which I found interesting. I mean, I definitely felt better by the end of the workday on Thursday when I finally got a CWM thing done, but it was interesting to me how I answered "good" on automatic pilot but genuinely felt really good interacting with this people -- that there was something about the energy of all that that was really positive. (I also find it interesting which people I ping with -- and which people I'd like to be in relationship with but it just doesn't quite work.)

The closing group was the Just Us 4 Bluegrass Quartet (2 Baptists, a Pentecostal, and an Anglican -- in dungarees and flannel shirts). They did a medley of "I Saw The Light" & "I'll Fly Away" & "Do Lord" -- and invited us to sing along. Because I was standing in the back with the other ushers, I also bopped along to all of it (though somewhat suboptimally, as I was also rubbing Mike F's back).

They decided to do an encore -- "Have you been washed in the blood?"
I refused to sing along with that. Too much squick. For some time now, my engagement with Singspiration has been that I sing all the hymns, changing all the masculine pronouns to feminine pronouns, and sometimes changing "Lord" (and "blood") to "Love" (we sang "For the Beauty of the Earth," which we often sing at morning prayer and had in fact sung that Thursday, so I sang "God" and "You" in that, because that's the way I'm used to singing it) but despite the catchy tune, I refused to sing that one.
I did comment to Mike F. that the melody reminded me of "Do Your Ears Hang Low?"

One of the Baptists commented to me afterward that he saw me dancing and knew I wasn't a Baptist :) I affirmed that yes, I am not a Baptist. (I did find it kind of ironic, given that I would sometimes go to SCBC for Sunday morning worship because I found it way more invigorating than CHPC -- though no, nobody danced in those services.)

Another guy also commented on my dancing, and chatted with me for a while. And I chatted with a couple of women later, because I kept thinking that one of them was Joy C. and by the time I was close enough to tell it wasn't, I was close enough to have to engage in conversation. Yay for effortless extroversion (though I declined to join my housemate in donating items at OccupyBoston this afternoon in part because the idea of interacting with strangers was singularly unappealling).

Oh, and one woman in the back row requested, "Here I Am, Lord." I leaned over her shoulder to tell her I loved that song so thank you. I think I might have freaked her out a bit -- though after my dancing bit, she beckoned me over to inform me that she's starting a square-dance thingie I think in Attleboro.

Twice, I told someone I lived in Medford and got the response of, "Oh, Meh-fuh..."
Yes, I do not have the classic Boston accent.

At the refreshments after Singspiration, usually people ask me if I go to this church [UCN]. Nobody asked me that last night, though. Yay for parsing as my own actualized adult :)

I also got lots of positive comments on my haircut. (I was reminded of the series of positive comments my mom conveyed to me from people seeing photos from my brother's wedding.)

Some Sundays back, Carole T. at FCS asked me where I got my hair done, as apparently it always looks so nice.

Edit: Dick R. was telling me about new folks at UCN, including a woman who came up from Texas -- pretty, single, ... I kept thinking, "This sounds like you're trying to set us up, but that's not how UCN rolls [which is why I'm not out to you in the first place]." Eventually I realized that his intention in his framing was, "This is a woman like you."

[Oh, and Edit2: On the drive to Singspiration, we passed by Phyllis's old house, and my mom commented that in the last year of her life, Phyllis was reading about homosexuality and Christianity. My mom's takeaway was that she loved that even in the last year of her life, Phyllis was still learning. My response, of course, was to think that I would have liked to know Phyllis as a grownup -- and to feel confident that she would have reached the "right" conclusion on that topic :) ]

I also learned that a salon/spa closed after the owner got arrested on charges of running a prostitution ring. Somehow, I didn't share everyone else's shock at "prostitution" and "Norwood" in the same sentence -- but my priors are skewed ;)

Singspiration this Friday was kind of odd.

When Jeff C. first opened it up to requests, there was silence. "This has never happened before," he said. (Usually people already have their hands up, and some people will just call out numbers.)

When we got to the Christmas carols section, the first hymn requested was a generic "Jesus is awesome" sort of hymn. And someone else requested "Lo, How a Rose E'er Blooming." Elyse and I were both like, "This is a hard song to sing." Don T. didn't even know the hymn. (At least we sang it with the held notes instead of all the weird slurs, so it actually felt fairly easy to sing.) When I told Ari this story, she said, "Maybe they figure they'll get to sing the songs like 'Hark the Herald Angels Sing' on Christmas Day, but the only way they're going to get to sing 'Lo, How A Rose E'er Blooming' is if they request it."

***

There was a Sunday NYTimes out during Coffee Hour at FCS, and an article on the front page opened, "It sounds like a tough sell: a game that involves catapulting birds at elaborate fortresses constructed by evil pigs."

Keith and I were both like, "How is that a tough sell? That sounds awesome."

Monday, Jason and I went to

dance on down the rabbit hole
WONDERLAND
Join Sexy Alice as she journeys through a world of bondage cards, naughty bunnies, coked-out hatters, and fabulous queens!  Flesh, music, drinks, and desire...a special one-night-only engagement sure to titillate, tease, bewitch and amuse.

Jason's verdict: "needs moar plot" and "get more naked."  (Yeah, it kind of failed at being burlesque.)

But it was worth the price of admission for the Red Queen killing all the Alices to Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" (which song I don't even like [YouTube link] -- though, as with all Lady Gaga, it is indeed catchy).

+

Scott's gf's dad works at Brandeis, and someone told him about a production some Brandeis folks were doing that was "an Alice in Wonderland story."  They went last Sunday, and apparently "an Alice in Wonderland story" meant "a female character ends up in a strange world and has bizarre adventures."  Scott does not recommend it.  [Play is "Reckless" -- which I think I read about in the metro, but I can't find that online so instead I found boston.com]

+

Friday I went to Singspiration.

I saw John P., whom I haven't seen in ages (apparently he's been doing Awana, but he was filling in for Don T.), so I gave him a serious hug.  He asked what I'd been up to, and I talked about various things and also said, "In January I'm preaching at my radical, queer gay, progressive church."  He was like, "Really?" and I said, "Yeah.  You're invited, once I get my act together.  I thought: 'I want to invite the people who loved me at my old church that is now so conservative.  They'll hate it, but I want to invite them.' "  He didn't really know what to do with that, but to his credit he just asked what I was preaching on.  (I said, "Well, it's Baptism of Jesus Sunday, so I'm talking about baptism, and the lectionary texts are a lot about the Holy Spirit, so I'm talking about the Holy Spirit.")

I've mostly been leaving my theology at the door recently at Singspiration, but Ari and I have been talking recently about feminine language for the Divine, and so when the first hymn was (iirc) "He Lives," I found myself singing "She" for "He," and did that for all the pronouns re: the Divine for the entirety of the evening (though I still sang all the "Lords" -- though I sometimes whispered "Queen" when it said "King," and I did sing "Child" for "Son" and "Mother" for "Father").  (Though in "O Come All Ye Faithful" I was tempted to leave "o come let us adore him" because saying "adore her" in that context made me think of Marian Adoration.)  I was really startled at how it helped make these familiar words new (I kept wanting to use the word "reclamatory").

Introing "In the Garden," Pastor Bill talked about how the author had a dream and he started by saying that he saw a figure of a woman; I thought, "It's Jesus!" and was really surprised that this guy was going the Julian of Norwich route or whatever; but it was Mary (at the tomb, and then John shows up, and then Jesus comes out of the tomb).

Every time I heard someone say "Merry Christmas" I thought, "Happy Hannukah" (which had started at sundown that night) and "Blessed Advent," but I didn't actually say anything to anyone (I don't think anyone said it directly to me except maybe like as they were leaving).

There wasn't anything that outright offended me.  Oh, except Joe F. talked about MC'ing Stacie's Black History Month concert and how he was like, "You know I'm white, right?" and he said that honestly he doesn't think she sees that and isn't that great, that's how God is.  I internally facepalmed.  A metaphor that occurred to me today was: Nobody says, "Look at this wonderful garden," wanting the viewer to say, "Oh, I don't see roses or tulips, I just see beautiful flowers, isn't that great?"

+

Waiting for the train at Montello on Saturday, I heard a guy say to another guy: "Survivor Series -- Stephanie and Shane sold WCW and ECW to Rick Flair.  And Steve Austin came back and took out Kurt Angle and became a face again.  I don't know how he did it, he just did."  I haven't watched WWFE in years, but oh, my heart.

sk8eeyore, my mom mentioned you might like The Fountain and the Furnace: The way of tears and fire by Maggie Ross -- she said it's got a kind of a mystical bent, from a Catholic perspective she thinks.

I really don't have anything to say about Singspiration.

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]

Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine
     -"You Are Mine" (David Haas)

Five good things about today:
1. Apparently it snowed some more last night? Thin soft layer when I left the house this morning.
2. I got a response to yesterday's email, which I wasn't expecting.
3. Greg bought me a replacement brownie, and it was really yummy.
4. I got to sit with my mom on the train home.
5. GinnyC petted my hair :)

Three things I did well today:
1. I took out the recycling.
2. I went to the ( gym ).
3. I finished some backdated LJ writeups.

Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]
1. The part of me that is not trepidatious is joyful at the prospect of lunch tomorrow.
2. Getting to sleep in.

( Friday gym )

***

( Singspiration )

***

Saturday, as I got in to Norwood Central to wait for my train, I was like, "Is that Jackie?"  And indeed it was Jackie and Terry [different person, obv., from the Terry I'm usually talking about], who were heading in to the city to do Christmas shopping (the weather having thwarted their plans to do so in Portsmouth).  I totally didn't know that Terry's teaching 8th grade social studies at the junior high.  It was nice to catch up with them, and in theory we'll make actual plans someday.  They said to say hi to my family for them.

***

GinnyC sent me a Christmas card:

    It's good to get a chance to chat with you every once in a while.
    You've changed a lot since the trip to N. S. in the motor home.  Life goes by much to fast.

[We went to Nova Scotia when I was 9.]

***

Excerpt from Diana Butler Bass' Christianity for the Rest of Us: How the Neighborhood Church Is Transforming the Faith:

Although hospitality at Cornerstone is free, it is not without cost.  Indeed, Christians who enter into the practice of welcoming the stranger know that it is risky---and sometimes dangerous.  Hospitality is not a tame practice, an option to offer only to those who are likeable.  As the ancient Christian theologian Gregory of Nyssa reminded his flock, "The stranger, those who are naked, without food, infirm and imprisoned are the ones the Gospel intends for you."³⁶  Hospitality can be frightening at times.
    The people at Cornerstone know this.  One man shared a story about Rick, a man who challenged the congregation's hospitality. "He comes with tattoos, addiction problems, and even long braids of different colors all over his head."  But, he insisted, the congregation accepted Rick as a human being in need of God's love: "People still saw HIM."  Still, it is risky welcoming Rick because "he continues to struggle with life issues and is in and out of jail because of his addictions and inappropriate behavior."  Yet the people at Cornerstorne know and accept him, holding him accountable for his faith journey and actions.  "This is not the kind of miracle story people like to hear," the Cornerstone member admitted, "but it is a part of the real world."
    At Cornerstone, they speak of living out the "apostolic core" of Christianity, a reference to a brief sentence in the Book of Acts: "They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and prayers."  An essential part of that early Christian teaching and fellowship was hospitality, a practice that awed even the Roman opponents of Jesus' first followers.
    A few centuries later, as the Roman Empire broke down amid social chaos and violence, Saint Benedict charged monastic communities to "receive guests as Christ" and to embrace the poor, outcast, strangers, and pilgrims.  The heart of Benedictine spirituality is hospitality: a Christian community is not a closed community but extends welcome and shelter to all, regardless of class, status, or respectability.  Joan Chittister, a contemporary Catholic writer says, "Hospitality means we take people into the space that is our lives and our minds and our hearts and our work and our efforts.  Hospitality is the way we come out of ourselves."³⁷  Or, as two Roman Catholic writers put it, "Guests are crucial to the making of any heart."³⁸
    -p. 83-84 [Chapter 5: Hospitality]

36. Gregory of Nyssa, "As You Did It to One of These" (homily), in And You Welcomed Me, ed. Amy G. Oden (Nashville: Abingdon, 2001), 59.
37. Joan Chittister, Wisdom Distilled from the Daily (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1990), 130.
38. Father Daniel Homan, OSB, and Lonni Collins Pratt, Radical Hospitality: Benedict's Way of Love (Brewster, MA: Paraclete Press, 2002).

( gym this week )

Friday morning, Rob Marciano (the CNN weather guy) announced that it was Talk Like a Pirate Day.  Heh.  Yeah, he's kind of a dork.

***

Friday morning, Kathleen asked – apropos of nothing as far as I could tell, though I didn't ask – if I'd been promoted to Unit Coordinator.  I laughed – and said that in practical terms I suspected that was basically what my job was, though I don't actually know the details of the UC job description.

When FUH left, he asked me to check the dates for a couple upcoming meetings to reassure him that they weren't next week.  He said "I noticed you put them on my calendar, which was great."  I said, "That's why I'm awesome."  He said, "One of the many many reasons why you're awesome."  Aww!  :D

***

On the Red Line heading to South Station, this man and woman (in their twenties maybe?) sitting next to me were talking, and as we were crossing the Charles River he pointed and said that see those spires off in the distance, that's where he lives, right across the street from a church.
"Do you go to church?" she asked.
"I haven't in... seven years."
"So that would be a no."
"Yeah, but I'm thinking of going back.  I just don't know how I feel about that scene."
She mentioned the John Lennon line "God is a concept by which we measure our pain."
He said, "I prefer Karl Marx's 'Religion is the opiate of the masses.'"
I said, "While pithy, Marx's quote elides the role of religion in social justice, like the civil rights movement."
The guy (sitting next to me) turned and looked at me and said, "Whoa."
I said, "I'm sorry, I don't usually interrupt other people's conversations on the T."
The woman joked, "We're just that interesting."
I laughed and said, "Whenever people are talking about religion, I perk up."
We let the conversation drop there, which was fine, since we were all getting off soon (but at different stops) anyway.

***

First Singspiration of the 11th season. (JoeF said the first one was November of 1998.)  ( Read more... )

After we got home, my mom and I talked about United and stuff.  I talked about how recent experiences have taught me that the different parties in a single situation can come away with very different interpretations/understandings of that situation, and I hope I retain that lesson beyond these specific instances.

***

Saturday morning, my dad showed me the Sept. 18 Norwood Record (the newest local paper) so I could read about the new Director of the Library.  I ended up reading most of the issue and rolled my eyes at Valerie Saber's "Town & Country" column.

Nobody interesting was working at the library this Saturday, but I hung around my parents' house 'cause my Uncle Miles was gonna be stopping by and I hadn't seen him in I'm not sure how long (not living at home, I tended to miss his infrequent -- and often rather last-minute -- visits).  It was nice to spend time with him.  And I talked about work a lot -- and was reminded of how much I have failed to retain (not that he was being critical, but that I would try to talk about stuff and realize I had only a very surface understanding/familiarity -- which is actually good, because it pushes me to make more of an effort to learn and retain, because even if I didn't find a lot of this interesting I would like to be able to talk coherently about the department I work in and stuff).

Oh, we ordered Chinese food for dinner, and my fortune cookie said, "It's not the hours you put in, but what you put into the hours that count." [in bed]

On the Red Line home, I was sitting next to a man and a woman in their sixties I would guess.  The man was talking about how he had started reading The Iliad, and I didn't hear what he said after that but the the woman said, "He's Roman," and I almost said, "Do you mean the Iliad or The Aeneid?"  He kept talking, said something about the "carrying his father Anchises" bit in the play-within-a-play in Act 3 of Hamlet (which I don't recall at all).  He said something about his mother being Aphrodite, and at this point I turned and said, "Aphrodite?  His mother's a goddess, but it wasn't Aphrodite."  The woman (who was sitting on the other side of the guy) looked shocked and said, "Someone talking to someone on the T!  Are you from the Midwest or California?"  I laughed and said no, I grew up south of Boston, Massachusetts resident all my life.  She said usually the only time people will talk to you on the T is September when it's students from the Midwest and California who haven't been retrained yet.  I told her I appeared to be making a habit out of it actually, which pleased her.  [I Googled when I got home and, duh, it was Aeneas the guy was talking about, not Achilles.]

Also, apparently the guy has twice picked up this age-fifties-ish mild-mannered hitchhiker and taken him from Cambridge City Hall to Trader Joe's or Whole Foods (to redeem his cans and bottles).  I said, "Wow, I didn't know anyone picked up hitchhikers these days."

On my way home, I saw a sign for a yard sale today (Saturday) just a couple houses down from where I live.  Bummer.  Would be nice to get to know the neighbors a bit.

***

In conversation Friday evening, Ari and I affirmed that, Out in Wesport notwithstanding, National Coming Out Day is October 11.

She emailed me later:

Subject: do you celebrate this holiday?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celebrate_Bisexuality_Day

It's apparently September 23. Who knew?

-Ari

I recall going to a Celebrate Bisexuality event at Christopher's one year -- found it.  Heh, that's the entry that had Rana saying in comments, "You identify as queer? I haven't ever picked that up from you before."  Which is synchronicit-ous, because Ari and I were talking about advance planning for NCOD posting and I was thinking afterward about different kinds of Coming Out, specifically since I've "come out" as libertarian to various people recently and I always feel a little nervous/weird about that, and was specifically thinking about how mjules thought I was a Republican and how that reminded me of Rana not realizing I self-identified as queer.

Anyway, QueerAgenda doesn't seem to have anything -- though pulling up biresource.net, it [the Bisexual Resource Center] apparently co-sponsored CineMental's "Bi's Night Out: Queer Bisexual Film Program" last Wednesday (which I had opted to skip, for a variety of reasons).  [Edited to add: Biversity Calendar]

Today's Lenten Labyrinth talks about the story of the Samaritan woman and how Jesus was breaking all sorts of social boundaries . . . the usual stuff from that story . . . and then it goes on to say:

     As you ponder the out-of-character behavior of Jesus, at least out-of-character for a Jewish man of his time, remember that he was tired. I propose to you that, at the well, Jesus was not so much meek and humble of heart as sick and tried of heart. He was sick and tired, fed up with the silly laws that separate people, laws that brand women as inferior. He was sick and tired of those religious debates about which religion is superior to all others, the "Mine is best" attitude.
     Was Jesus also sick and tired of the fact that any group of people thought they could capture God and put God inside some little building on this or that mountain? His words to the woman at Jacob';s well seemed edged in impatience. Jesus said that God is Spirit, and so you cannot put God in any box or house.

The first few days in the book talked about death and stuff and I assumed it was a more conservative bent, but this is all blah blah inclusive. (And it's talked recently about wishing wells -- about gifting the goddess of the well, which made me all like, "Really? In a Lenten devotional book?")

***

( gym )

***

Leap Year Google Doodle

in_parentheses says:

I love the idea of Leap Day as a day out of time -- it's like the extra hour for Daylight Savings, only we get twenty-four extra hours! Why isn't it a carnival day? Why are we all going to work like normal?

***

Hey, Cat. The Economist came today, and one of the articles listed on the front cover is "In praise of the potato." I flipped to page 18 to find "The potato: Spud we like: In praise of the humble but world-changing tuber," which informed me that "The United Nations has declared 2008 the International Year of the Potato." There is also a book review:

History of the potato
Wonder-food

On the face of it, John Reader's new biography of the potato seems to have a silly title—"propitious esculent" is just a fancy way to say "helpful food"—and an even sillier subtitle. But that is because the virtues of the world's fourth biggest food crop (after maize, wheat and rice) and its influence on world history are easily overlooked. "I used to take potatoes for granted," the author writes. His aim is to discourage readers from doing likewise.

And lastly there's an article about the potato in Peru, where it was first domesticated. (I feel like only a British rag would come up with the punny "Llamas and mash" as a title for such an article.)

***

I got everything squared away at work (well, I delegated one thing because I was still waiting on a response from her prof) and got to the TransLaw conference early and everything.

Between panels, a woman sitting next to me (Talia) made some superficial small talk comment, and we got chatting, and it actually would have been lovely for it to have gone on longer. This was extra nice 'cause I was feeling very much like most people there already knew clumps of people and I was just sitting there reading my book. (Not that I mind sitting and reading my book.)

I took brief notes on the panels, so there's actually a prayer of writeups happening sometime this decade.

Both panels ran late, and at 5:30 (when the second panel was originally supposed to end) I opted to stay for the half hour Q&A rather than extricating myself from my row to go make my preferred train back to Norwood.

I got dinner at the Harvard Square Qdoba (I had a Qdoba coupon that was only good for January/February) and then went to South Station and read. We're reading pieces of The Meaning of Jesus: Two Visions in adult ed at CHPC, and last week we did chapters 3-4 and this week we're doing chapters 9-10 but of course I feel the need to read all the chapters, and I actually finished chapter 8 right as my commuter rail pulled into my station, so yay for good use of my time.

I walked in to the sanctuary and saw MikeF. and JohnP. and I hugged Mike and he said he'd asked my mom to help with the offertory if I didn't get there in time so I should tell her I was here. I went and found her and we hugged and it was . . . not quite the feeling of hanging on for dear life, but . . . as my mom said later, "These are wounded people." I went back, and I hugged JohnP. and it was the same kind of hugging. Less prolonged, but the exact same feeling. I did a lot of shoulder/back rubbing and side-hugging and stuff with both of them throughout the evening.

I had thought I would go to Singspiration in part to get more information about the UCN drama, but most people just did the superficial "How are you?" / "Fine" exchanges -- and there are a variety of legitimate reasons to not talk about that stuff, especially with me (even though I feel like I'm a member of the church by proxy) and in this particular context. I am really glad that I went and was able to be a blessing to people. (And of course after we got home, my mom and I talked.)

People kept asking if I was staying at my parents', and I said I was staying overnight but then getting an early train back to Boston to attend a conference, and GinnyH actually asked me what the conference was, and I said, "transgender legal issues," and she didn't give me shockface or anything, in fact started asking me about it like had I learned interesting/useful stuff or something like that and I just went with it and did my best to answer -- since lots of different things had been brought up in the two panels I'd been to thus far. Other stuff came up and we didn't get far in the conversation, but still, I thought, "I'm so confused; aren't you supposed to be telling me how bad and deviant trans folk are and questioning why I'm going to this conference?"

---

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]
"Sin is necessary, but all will be well, and all will be well, and every kind of thing will be well."
-Julian of Norwich, Showings

Five good things about today:
1. I saw Allie waiting for the T this morning.
2. I had baby samosas (and eggplant with potato curry) for lunch.
3. [TransLaw] I spent nearly four hours listening to radical folk and did not feel profoundly uncomfortable.
4. [Singspiration] I told a member of UCN that I was going to a conference on transgender legal issues and she acted like that wasn't anything to remark on.
5. When my mom brought the car around when we finally left Singspiration (we stayed through all the cleanup) it was just beginning to snow lightly.

Three things I did well today:
1. At work, I wrapped up the stuff I didn't get to yesterday.
2. I looked into gay clubs in the Boston area as advance research for a friend's potential visit.
3. I helped with the post-Singspiration cleanup a bit.

Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
1. More TransLaw conference -- which hopefully I will stay awake for (god I fail at going to bed).
2. Saturday night I will actually get to sleep for real. (I hope.)

[I had intended to post last night, but opted for sleep instead. Yes, I know this combo post is lengthy. You can just skip down to the poll at the end if you'd like.]


On Friday, I saw Layna at Harvard Square T Station, though I only paused long enough for a brief greeting and hug since I wanted to get to South Station to get the 5:40 commuter rail home.

However, once I got on the Red Line, it was stop-and-go, due to a slow-moving disabled train ahead.  (I don't know why they couldn't just have another train pull/push it or something.)

I got on around 5:20 and 5:55 I was still at Charles.  I couldn't stay sitting waiting any longer.  (I was reading a book but no longer focusing on it.)  I been thinking I'd get out at Park St. and walk to South Station, but I got out there and walked to Government Center, hopped on the Green Line to Park, and then ran to South Station.  Arriving at 6:19, which meant I missed both the 5:40 and the 6:15 train and had to wait for the 7:35.  (So if I'd gotten out when we arrived at Charles I probably would have made it.  Le sigh.)  ABP was out of mac&cheese, so I went to McDonald's for french fries and a fruit&walnut&yogurt.  I was gonna go back to ABP and get a lemonade, but McDonald's had a mint milkshake, so I got that.  I may have eaten too fast, or McDonald's fries and/or shakes do not agree with me, 'cause I felt unwell for a couple hours after.

I actually had two positive interactions with strangers, which was a pleasant surprise since usually I just want other travelers to get out of my way (especially now that school's back in session and students travel in slow-moving packs even more than tourists do).

1) At South Station I sat down at a table with a woman who had also missed her commuter rail due to the Red Line delay (plus she had intended to leave work early but then her company called a meeting at 3pm).  She works at Kendall and lives out in Zone 8 (two-hour commute), has a daughter who just started working at MGH a week ago.  The daughter's being really picky about apartments and one time said, "But it'll be at least a 35-minute commute" (the daughter has an entry-level position, so the places she can afford aren't right in the city).  Her mother thinks the commute will start to wear on her and she'll get more motivated to move out.  She hopes.  ("If she's not out by October One, I'm charging her rent.")

2) A man and a woman boarded the commuter rail at Back Bay and sat down on the aisle seats of a table, so I was a couple seats away but facing them.  I was enjoying listening to them talk, and then they got talking about kids and the woman was all: how can people spend all day with someone who can't even talk? and so on, and it was interesting, because that is totally me, but I've come to understand better the appeal, so I actually felt somewhat distant from the woman's railing.  The guy was saying that when kids are so young and they're learning about the world and growing and all it's just so magical -- and told the story of how one time when his kid was just a year or two old, he was talking over a hedge to a neighbor and saying how this time is so magical, and the kid was playing some plastic golf clubs and hit his dad "in the sack" and he literally couldn't talk for like ten minutes, so he was like, "It's such a magical," in that whisper kind of voice you do when you can't talk.  I laughed, and the guy said, "See, you understand."  I said, "I have no intention of ever having children, but I believe you."

***

First Singspiration of their 10th season.  I was present for like 4 songs 'cause I came in late [it starts at 7:30] and then helped Mike F. count the money.
The few I was there for were classics I'm actually familiar with -- "O Jesus, I Have Promised," "His Eye Is on The Sparrow," etc.  Someone requested "In the Garden," and I always think, "That's gonna be at my grandma's funeral, Why do you request this song? Is my mother going to cry?"  I forget that it is actually a nice song -- though I don't entirely understand it.  (1) "And the joy we share as we tarry there, None other has ever known."  For serious?  Jesus has never done this with anyone else in the history of ever?  *eyeroll*  (2) Okay, I admit that I was primed to think of it as a funeral song, but it still throws me that in the third and final stanza, the speaker is sent out of the garden -- like he just met Jesus in a dream or something and now has to go back to his "real life."

(My mom jotted down on her program the hymnal numbers of all the requested hymns.  Proof that she knows and loves me.)


Don asked me about my "Ask. Tell." and I said it was from Boston Pride this year, protesting the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy in the military.  "But everyone deserves the chance to die," he said (because he's just that classy).  I said that yes, I actually supported gays being allowed in the military, but the "Don't ask, don't tell." policy is a ridiculous halfway measure.  Mike F. overheard Don's "But everyone deserves the chance to die," so when we headed out to count the money I explained that Don had asked about my "Ask. Tell."  So we talked some about that.  ( Read more... )


After Singspiration was over, I hung out in the kitchen with my mom and grandma and people.  At one point, JoeF. came in and said to me: "Your momma's told me all about your trip."  Haha.  (As all my mother had told him was that I had gone to Europe.)  He said my mother was very proud of me and rightfully so, as were they.  He said he really appreciated my letters, said they were well-thought-out and my points were always well-taken, said he'd rather get one critiquing letter like mine than stacks of praise.  He literally said "I love your letters," and I said, "I love that you love them."


Later, one of the women (whose name I really should know), asked, "Did anyone listen to Focus on the Family last night?"  I did not look at my mother.  It turned out to be about overcoming adversity, so I did not have to deal with a "fight or flight" response.

***

Saturday, we had 11am pancake brunch.  Yay my mommy's sourdough pancakes.

Ginny came over and I showed my abbreviated photoset slideshow.

My grandma said she didn't recognize any of the stuff from Bangor (it was 54 years ago) and said most of what she remembers was the hospital (she gave birth to my uncle while she was there) and said Wales was nice.  I boggled, because all I used to hear about Bangor was how they had no heat and no one spoke English and the language sounded like chicken scratch and so on.  I mean, I'm pleased to hear vague nice things rather than the same negative things I've heard many times before, but still.

I got asked not only what my favorite place was and whether I would go back, but where I was planning to go for my next trip.  Uh, I just got back from this trip two weeks ago.  So I talked about how there are rumors that the people who work at the library in Norwood will do a 9-day cruise to the islands off the coast of Portugal next summer and how if they do I totally think I should get to go.  (I doubt this trip will happen, though, so all I'm planning on for next year is WriterCon.)

My mom have me a card with a dog on the front wearing a party hat with his nose up.  On the inside, it said: "Do I smell birthday cake?" under which my mother had written: "Isn't that why you're here?"  So true.  I always forget quite what my mom's cake (vegan chocolate cake with cream cheese [and almond flavouring] frosting) tastes like, but it continues to be delicious (and to give me this good memory feeling, because it's the birthday cake we've always had).

***

Thursday night, Eric e-mailed me (but to my HBS address, so I didn't see it until Friday morning):

Dear Elizabeth,
    Didn't know if you responded to Mike's message the other day about Saturday,let us know.  Also, if you could bring the DVD's i lent you in I'd appreciate it.

I responded: What time on Saturday are you planning on going?
Eric: Does it matter?  Would you really pass up a chance to see me belt out power ballads like a pro?
me: *cracks up*  Okay, fine, I'm sold.

He came up later (in part to say he was going to some boring mortgage talk for a free lunch) and said he'd call me, would be probably be around 8pm because that's when it was last time.  He also said I had to go onstage, because last time no one did except MaryAlice and he was pissed.  Uh . . . right.  I don't so much sing.

Saturday night, 7:40 text message from Eric: "I don't think were going out. Been a hectic night and everything seemed to go wrong..."

Which is unfortunate for him.  But in this heat, I was really fine with staying home.  (I had gone grocery shopping around 6, and there was some thunder and maybe lightning and I kept hoping for those predicted thunderstorms.)

***

The syllabus for my Introduction to the Classics of Western Thought I is up.

Book list
Plato, Plato's Republic, Grube, trans. and ed., Hackett
Aristotle, The Politics of Aristotle, Barker, trans., Oxford
The Bible, Revised Standard Version [Looking at the syllabus, the assigned readings are: Genesis, Exodus 1-23, Isaiah 11, Matthew, Romans]
Augustine, City of God, Pelican
Aquinas, Aquinas on Ethics and Politics, Sigmund, ed., Norton
Hillerbrand, ed., The Protestant Reformation, Harper Torchbook
Machiavelli, The Prince
Descartes, Discourse on Method/ Meditations etc., Hackett
Hobbes, Leviathan, Pelican
Spinoza, A Theologico-Political Treatise
Locke, Second Treatise on Government

***

Heather told me about Zanna, Don't! -- "straight/gay reveresed musical fairy tale" in her words.  I'm intrigued, though undecided as to whether I think I'd actually like it.

***

lunabee34 made a poll, and I thought it was a really good idea, so I'm stealing it.  ( Talk to me about my fic reccing. )

So, Friday began with me banging my head against the wall (figuratively speaking). The Metro asked its readers whether Isaiah Washington should make a public apology [amusingly, this overlapped with IW actually making a public apology -- see ETA to fox1013's post], and the consensus was yes, with agreement that his actions were hateful. But one said: ( cut for people who don't wanna start banging their heads against the nearest wall )

[I really need a tag for this. fox1013's "the dangers of going out at knight" is possibly for the win.]

***

There was a little snow falling Friday morning (shortly after I got in to work -- like, 9:15). I was annoyed that it had waited until I was already in the building.

Eric, on why he wasn't here the previous day: "I had a migraine the size of my left nipple -- or, wait, that wouldn't be very big, would it?"

We had lunch at the restaurant formerly known as Pho Pasteur (it even says so on their menus) for belated Eric's birthday.

I feel like I am totally over the crush thing, and yet as soon as he mentioned the street address of his new apartment I immediately went into stalker!glee! mode.

I felt so much better after lunch than I had before, and was thinking of my similar experience after CAUMC the previous night and wondering if I was turning into an extrovert -- i.e., someone who recharges their batteries by interacting with other people. I decided that no, it's just that being around people I like makes me feel happy and fulfilled in ways that my job often doesn't.

Despite good intentions, I was not motivated to do work on Friday. I did get what needed to be done done, though.

Ari was For The Win! Context is the following meme:

Reply to this post, and I will tell you my favorite icon of yours.Then post this to your own journal using your own favorite icon.

[[ I'm gonna say that "taken out of context" is my favorite of my own icons. 1. Ani, 2. Dawn, 3. so very me, 4. made it myself, 4a. am so very pleased with how it came out ]] I also did:

Comment here using the icon you think best represents me, reminds you of me, and I'll reply back with the one I feel is best suited to you. This is a fun (and possibly heartbreaking) way to see what your flist really thinks of you, and to snag new icons, as well.

over on offbalance's journal the other day.

***

LJ is planning an LJ-specific search engine. They say they will respect privacy settings and you can opt out. I say it's about damn time they finally started doing this. I think its primary usefulness is to search one's own journal, honestly, and I adore the onset of that capability. Secondarily, I'm a big fan of being able to supplement people's often not very good use of tags/Memories.

***

Singspiration: ( in which I sing hymns and am possibly a bitch -- cut for length )

Saturday

I visited the library today. The flag out front was at half-mast. What up? Emily mentioned the same thing about HBS earlier this week. Is there a prolonged mourning period for dead presidents or something?

Yet another person has brought up the possibility of my continuing massage. Should I go back to Palmer? Getting sufficient practice hours is mad hard (though I suppose I could poll the HBS and CAUMC contingents). I am also considering taking my table back and relearning my Massage I book. This would require partitions of some sort for my living room. Anyone have any thoughts on where one could purchase fairly cheap ones? Also feel free to weigh in on the whole return-to-amateur-massage-practice issue.

And it continues to be cold. And I continue to be excited about this.
weather.com (Somerville), 4:25pm: 24°F Feels Like 7°F / Wind: From NW at 26 mph gusting to 35 mph

I went outside at one point tonight (was doing laundry and grocery shopping) and locked the door and then dropped my key. I rang the doorbell and NewRoomie let me back in. Yeah, I am very glad I got two copies of OrginalRoomie's spare made for myself. She turned the porch light on and I still did not see it. Will look tomorrow when it is light out. I seriously need to get a keychain.

I like going to Singspiration to get to see various UCNers I'm fond of, and I don't actively dislike the music though I don't always love it.

Looking at the program this time, I noticed that Stacie whom JoeF loves so much is from "Community Baptist Church, Somerville," which is one of the churches on that College Ave. drag.  She's been at Singspiration a number of times before, but this is the first time I've attended Singspiration since I moved.

I still have a problem with the hymn "The Potter's House."  Stephanie read the Scripture it was inspired by, and I really like the Scripture with its implication that we are always works in progress and God can always work in our lives, but the hymn is about the Potter fixing the broken pieces of our lives, and while I realize that the broken pieces imagery is powerful, a potter can't really do much with dry pieces of clay.

Partly in an effort to stay out of people's way (I really had intended to go chat with my grandma for a few minutes) I stood in a corner chatting with Elyse (sophomore at Gordon) for most of the night.  At one point we were talking about college roommates, and in talking about how I was glad to get a single I was very conscious that I didn't mention not having to worry about being around when my roommate and her girlfriend were having a fight, 'cause I was really worried that I would state it in a way that would imply my problem was with my roommate having a girlfriend.  Ugh.  I hate the way that I tacitly closet myself and others out of cowardice.

At the end of the night I still hadn't had a chance to talk to JoeF (my mom and I had said hi briefly on our way in before the program) and he was talking with a couple guys, so I figured I'd just get a "Hey kiddo, good to see you," but they dispersed and he walked over with me to a corner.

Reiterating his wonderful card [scroll down for the blockquote], he said that the last time he saw me he thought I looked radiant, and that he still thinks so.  I refrained from saying anything snarky like "So what did I look like before?" 'cause I know he didn't mean that I looked bad before.  I don't have anything in specific that I can point to as a joyful turning point in my life, but I really am well settled in a content kind of place in my life.  Certainly I'm no longer in the stressful liminal space of job-/apartment-hunting (though in some ways we are always living in liminal spaces).

We had a really nice chat about various things.  I continue to love his affection for the older people who used to be this church.  At one point, after saying that he's conservative, he said that his wife and daughter disagree with his columns, which surprised me in part because his wife did join UCN.  I've really gotta actually read some of his columns at some point  ::Googles to find out which paper it is he writes for::  The Herald?  I wasn't expecting that.  Sorry; I just don't think very highly of the Herald.  Anyway, I really admire and respect his good heart, and his enthusiasm and compassion, and his integrity.  I said a lot of this during our conversation but will probably write him an actual letter because I'm like that -- along with an open dinner invitation.

I was talking with JoanR and she asked about my helping at the church fair.  I said I would probably get roped into it (and I honestly don't mind all that much).  Turns out it's Dec. 2 -- the Saturday of the weekend of the Palmer Chair Massage class I was planning to take but hadn't registered for yet (am actually not entirely sure I can take it 'cause I'm not an enrolled student of theirs, and I won't be any less eligible on April 7&8 -- when it's offered again -- than I am now).  It occurs to me now that this also means I'll be home almost every weekend in December -- 'cause the next Singspiration is Fri. Dec. 8.  Though I'll probably do Friday night/Saturday day, so it's not like they'll eat up my weekends awfully.

In other news, I added "Religious Views" to my facebook profile: "wrestling with faith [low church Protestant]" (and deleted my website link, 'cause the connectyness was making me anxious).

Speaking of facebook... ah the Campaign Issue function.  It actually makes me really happy to see people with religious objections to homosexuality arguing that same-sex couples should be able to have the same legal rights opposite-sex married couples have, just with a different name.  I know it smacks of "separate but equal," but I would honestly support, for all couples, making "marriage" an exclusively religious term with the married-by-a-justice-of-the-peace part being just a "civil union" -- or whatever the terminology of choice, but with the exact same legal function that civil marriage currently has.  [Yes it still makes me somewhat uncomfortable because I know the push for that mostly comes from people who really believe that same-sex unions are an abomination to God, but this really seems to me the sensible way to separate out the religious and secular aspects of "marriage."]  Um, yeah.  The point of that was going to just be that my brother does me proud sometimes even when we disagree, but there you go.