burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

Sun. Dec. 2, 2012

Last night I read the d'var Torah that Velveteen Rabbi offered that morning at her shul on this week's parsha, "Vayishlach."

She talks about Jacob wrestling with the angel and says:

Having received a new name, Jacob bestows a new name: he names that place, that bend in the river, Peni'el, literally "the face of God," saying, "For I have seen God face-to-face, yet my life has been spared."

(which is really interesting in and of itself, given the multi-vocality of Scripture on seeing the face of God -- e.g., God to Moses in Exodus 33:20 "you cannot see my face; for no one shall see me and live.") and then talks about Jacob's encounter with Esau, where he says:

No, please, if I have truly found favor in your sight, take the offering from my hand; for to see your face is like seeing the face of God.

She closes with the bit from the Talmud about each individual human being being created in the image of God but each of us are unique -- unlike identical imperial coins each stamped with the mark of the secular leader.

This all seemed quite a lovely connection to Molly's "Light Gets In" Advent theme. But then she closes the post with her 70 Faces Torah poem on this parsha, which ends with such a downer:

For one impossible moment Jacob reached out.
To see your face, he said, is like seeing
the face of God: brother, it is so good!

But when Esau replied, let us journey together
from this day forward as we have never done
and I will proceed at your pace, Jacob demurred.

The children are frail, and the flocks:
you go on ahead, he said, and I will follow
but he did not follow.

Once Esau headed out toward Seir
Jacob went the other way, to Shechem, where
his sons would slaughter an entire village.

And again the possibility
of inhabiting a different kind of story
vanished into the unforgiving air.

***

The theme for this year’s Advent is Light Gets In. No matter what walls we throw up, what boxes we climb in or that circumstances put us in—Light gets in. Light will have its way.

This Sunday in worship, I’ll be preaching on the walls humans throw up that block out Christ’s light. We’ll begin building an actual wall in the sanctuary, that will grow each week up until Christmas Eve, when the Light will get in. Will you bring cardboard boxes to church anytime you show up, and leave them on the chancel, and help us duct-tape them together to build our Babel-wall up toward heaven and obscure the cross?

-Molly in This Week at First Church

To my mind, Advent is about the light slowly breaking in (we light first one candle and then a second, and so on), so I don't love this theme.

(The Meditation in the bulletin was Robert Frost's "Mending Wall," so of course I was trying to remember what mt said about that poem. Allie?)

+

Pre-service lectio divina happened in the Parlor, and as a result we could hear the pre-service choir rehearsal. I heard "Emmanuel, Expected Jesus," and fell into Advent.

...

To my surprise, 9am lectio divina was not just me and the facilitator (Bobby); Tom arrived before I did, and Leigh came a little late.

We did Luke 1:5-25.

I was struck by Gabriel's statement, "I stand in the presence of God."

(The second round, when I read, I was struck by the piece about Zechariah being overcome by fear -- because of Reasons. And the third round, nothing struck me.)

+

Before service, I picked up a hardcopy of Molly's Advent calendar.

December 2
First Sunday in Advent: Put on your sparkle cream. Glow.

+

Unison Prayer of Confession

Light-Bringer,

We offer you our repentance.
We replace holy days with holidays.
We hurry past opportunities to give the gifts of kindness and honesty.
We do not listen to angels in our dreams, forgive those dearest to us,
Or welcome into hearts and homes, the poor and the stranger.
If all sin is separation, forgive us for all the walls we throw up, and let your Light in.

-Maren Tirabassi, adapted

...

Molly preached on Jeremiah 33:14-16 -- and her Advent theme of walls and also touched on the theme of Recovery (it being a first Sunday of the month -- no, I had not realized we were continuing this theme after we'd been through the 12 Steps).

She opened with talking about Israel and Palestine, but also talked about other walls -- the Mexico/USA border, gated communities (Trayvon Martin), and other walls we erect. She talked about healthy boundaries -- "calm contact works better than walls."

She said that contrary to popular belief, prophets don't tell the future -- they tell the present.

She said, "our God is not a safe God," which of course reminded me of "Aslan is not a tame lion."

She said God "doesn't call us to safety but to radical love."

...

During Prayers of the People, Missy lifted up prayers "for all those who feel restricted by the gender binary." ♥

At Coffee Hour, Jonathan told me about Tufts' Hamlet the Hip Hopera, which Cate and I tragically missed out on in our attend ALL the Shakespeare.

FCS does a thing where you can pick a kid's name out of a hat and buy them a gift. Harold said that one of his friends at another church got a 10-year-old boy and she only daughters, so she asked what 10-year-old boys like. Harold's response: "When I was a ten-year-old boy, I liked Wonder Woman. Hope this helps." ♥ (And it's trufax. I mean, he also liked e.g. dinosaurs, but this makes it no less trufax.)

+

Jamie facilitated an Advent Devotional Workshop, which I attended.

I was starting to investigate the art supplies when the horde of kids who had been playing war or something all came in and decided to do art (well, Simon was like, "Guys, can't we go back to what we were doing before?" and got ignored by all the kids wrapped up in doing art, so he compromised by making pictures of e.g. ninjas) so I stepped back from the chaos and worked on poetry.

Sue D., to her husband, later: "I was looking for the kids, and I found a craft fair, so I sat down."

Having ~skipped class last week and the next two sessions being review for the final and me being so checked out, I had been undecided about whether I wanted to bother going to the remaining class sessions, and in the Parlor this afternoon I definitely felt like I wanted to go to Art Night.

...

Brandon asked if I'd seen Tongues United, apropos of World AIDS Day. I had not, but given that we barely acknowledged World AIDS Day at church (though in her sermon, Molly told a story she had recently learned of 25 years ago, when there was still so much fear and unknowing, this church volunteering to be the church to host a healing service) I loved that he brought it up.

He also talked about Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence (Christmas movie, what? see also: Batman Returns), The Avengers, and The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (which fandom has been expecting for 5 years).

***

I really liked the Call to Worship we used at CWM tonight:

[One] How shall we prepare God's house for the coming of the Promised One?
[Many] With fragrant branches of cedar, the tree of excellence and strength.
[One] How shall we prepare God's house for the Christ child?
[Many] With a stable and a manger where in the weeks to come, the mystery of the Advent story will be revealed and where the entire creation will welcome the Promised One.
[One] How shall we prepare God's house for Emmanuel, God with us?
[Many] With garlands of pine and fir, whose leaves are ever living, ever green -- symbols of our faith in the living God.
[One] How shall we prepare God's house for the prophet of Galilee?
[Many] With sprigs of holly and ivy, telling of Jesus' faithfulness, even unto death and resurrection.
[One] How shall we prepare our hearts for this revelation of God?
[Many] By hearing again the words of the prophets, the stories of the ancestors of Jesus, and the promises of God.
[One] For in the story of Jesus we see revealed the transforming power of God, and we are reminded anew of God's vision of wholeness, justice, and peace for all creation.
[Many] Thanks be to God!

...

Marla preached on Isaiah 11:1-9 and 1 Samuel 16:1-13. I was mostly meh, but she closed with talking about the fact that we ignore the parts of the Biblical stories that don't seem "proper" or "dignified" and inviting us to think about, if Jesus were to come as a baby a second time, what unexpected places that baby might show up in -- and her shocker suggestion was: born to a Wall Street executive (I thought of the Buddha).

***

At 8-something this morning, it was 32F and a predicted high of 59F. I wore my sparkly purple short-sleeve shirt, because when am I gonna get to wear short sleeves during Advent? Except I basically never took my hoodie off. (Though Jeff B. did ask me whether an email had gone out about wearing purple or if we just knew 'cause Advent. I said I'd worn purple for Advent because I do and it's not like one is required to match the paraments or anything.)

After I left morning church after 1pm, I went to Trader Joe's and it was hazy and still hoodie+gloves weather.

When I left evening church at 6:30 or whatever, it seemed to have rained recently (20% chance of precipitation, this morning's forecast said) and now, hours after sunset, it felt warmer than it had all day.

Weather, what is it?

***

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]

Hail full of grace, the Lord is with you
Worlds without end depend on you
Bless'd is the one whom you bring forth
Whom no one else can bring
-"Say Yes," Bob Franke

( joy sadhana )

"Making Sense of Abstinence" [part of Sex Week at Harvard] was more of an interactive Planned Parenthood workshop than I'd been expecting (or wanting).

At one point, the presenter talked about the fact that many religious traditions are in fact supportive of masturbation -- though they're not going to have a "Masturbation Sunday."
Carolyn looked at me and said, "CWM." (So, um, if anyone has any ideas on how to make that be a thing, lemme know -- Carolyn has promised to help.)
Later, I told Carolyn about Julia's and my conversation about a sermon series on non-traditional images of God, to which she immediately said, "Mama grizzly bear!" She said it's in Isaiah (that apparently it's a brown bear, since grizzlies aren't found in that part of the world, but, yanno). I couldn't find it, so I've since emailed her. [Edit: She says it's actually Hosea 13:8. /edit]

+

In other news, I learned that the granite building with the John Harvard statue, which I always think is Widener Library from that angle is in fact University Hall.

***

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]
"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up." --Anne Lamott

( Read more... )

Best way to keep me quiet during a Bible Study? Do a lectio style where we go around and say what spoke to us personally and there's NO DISCUSSION. [Lambeth/African style] I had comments the 3rd round, but the first 2 I was like, "Yeah, I got nuthin." (It didn't help that my body was rebelling at the use of the H-word during Lent in The Message version and all the masculine pronouns in the Message and the NRSV and the pronunciation of YHWH in The Inclusive Bible.)

I stayed for the Congregational Meeting re: the Capital Campaign (which lasted less than an hour!) and left shortly thereafter as I needed to eat some real lunch and finish my sermon.

I got crepes to-go from Mr. Crepe, took the shuttle bus to Harvard Square, walked to HBS, and sat in the foyer of my building on my netbook and then went upstairs to my office to print out. (I had considered just going to HEUMC and working on the office assistant computer, but I think this was the better plan.)

During Coffee Hour, Rae asked, "Do you know what you're preaching on?" I said yes -- and said that if I had to wing it right now, I would be okay. When I actually pulled my draft up, I realized I'd had a somewhat overly optimistic recollection of how much I'd accomplished thus far -- but I was done about 2:30.

***

FCS today was: the Twelve Steps of AA: Step 6; and the 7 Deadly Sins: Greed+Gluttony.

The Meditation in the bulletin was:

From Geneen Roth's Women, Food and God:

It's never been true, not anywhere at any time, that the value of a soul, of a human spirit, is dependent on a number on a scale. We are unrepeatable beings of light and space and water who need these physical vehicles to get around. When we start defining ourselves by that which can be measured or weighed, something deep within us rebels.

...Compulsive eating is basically a refusal to be fully alive. No matter what we weigh, those of us who are compulsive eaters have anorexia of the soul. We refuse to take in what sustains us. We live lives of deprivation. And when we can't stand it any longer, we binge. The way we are able to accomplish all this is by the simple act of bolting -- of leaving ourselves -- hundreds of times a day.

...Imagine not being frightened by any feeling. Imagine knowing that nothing will destroy you. That you are beyond any feeling, any state. Bigger than. Vaster than. That there is no reason to use drugs because anything a drug could do would pale in comparison to knowing who you are.

***

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]
"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up." --Anne Lamott

( Read more... )

We see the world not as it is, but as we are.
-Steven R. Covey (The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People)

Unison Prayer of Confession

God of the Mountain Top,

We confess that sometimes we don't climb.
We have the wrong shoes on, or we're afraid we'll get lose and look ridiculous, or because, really, we're needed here on the ground.

We confess that sometimes, after a long trek up, we turn right around and head back down.
We're tired. It's getting dark. And if you've seen the view from one peak, you've seen them all.

Forgive us.
We know that we can climb with bare feet. We know that when darkness falls, you will light the way. And our souls long to be still and gaze out with you.

Draw us up the mountain. Hold us up there awhile. And then put us back on the ground, where we are needed, renewed.

+

FCS Lenten House Church this year is on the 7 Deadly Sins. (Yes, one of my first thoughts was, "But we don't have 7 Wednesdays...")

And we're doing Adult Bible Study before Sunday worship (8:50am-9:45am) -- so apparently I'm *really* continuing my Lenten tradition of not getting enough sleep (usually it's just because there's 7am prayer service every weekday...).

+

Melissa (on the book/project ideas we have floating around): "This is what happens when you live with someone for a while and you have lots of bitter discussions about how stupid people are."

***

Pr. Lisa was teaching a a lay speaking class yesterday and, while mentioning this to me before service tonight, asked me if I'd thought about taking lay speaking training and then was like, "Oh, right, you're not a Methodist."
I said I've had plenty of conversations with UMC CWM folk about lay speaker training -- primarily a few years ago when I was writing sermons in my free time because I didn't like the sermons I was hearing in my churches and Tiffany said, "You might be repressing a Call -- I'm just sayin'."
I explained that I'd told Tiffany I am not Called to congregational ministry though I'm willing to believe I'm Called to some other kind of ministry.
Given that she's known me for ~2 years and in significant leadership for ~1 year, I was expecting Pr. Lisa to be like, "What is a polite way for me to agree with you that you are not cut out for congregational ministry?" but instead she commented that all the things that are bad for congregational ministry are things I could change if I wanted to -- and if I really felt Called then I would, because I'm really committed to being effective and successful. (I could argue about unchangeable parts of who I am that make me ill-suited for congregational ministry, but I took her point.)

Pr. Lisa and Cassandra had pre-planned for the Lenten worship planning meeting (using Season of Ash and Fire: Prayers and Liturgies for Lent and Easter by Blair Gilmer Meeks) so tonight's meeting was fairly straightforward.

One of the weeks is The Cross, and they had both thought of me as a preacher for that week -- Pr. Lisa was like, "You might have something constructive to say," and I was like, "I see what you did there" (deconstructive critique is really my primary and preferred m.o.). So that's in 2 weeks. *hands* (Mostly I am just like, "Ari will help me" -- because, as I commented while we were on the phone yesterday afternoon, she is way more brilliant than I am, at least when it comes to theology.)

+

When I came home from evening church, this happened:
Houseguest: "How's God?"
me: "..."
Housemate: "Noncorporeal and ubiquitous?"

***

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]
The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light. And they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined. (Isaiah 9:2, Handel's Messiah)

( Read more... )

So, the Srs Bznz gloves I bought yesterday are really 2 sets of gloves.

[weather.com] 8:45am: 5F, feels like -13F

Biking to church this morning, I wore just the one set of gloves -- though I brought the lobster gloves that go over them just in case.

Initially, my hands were fine though other parts of me got progressively colder. By the time I got to the Powder House Rotary? (more than 2/3 of the way through the ~10min commute) Yeah.

And trying to work the key to lock my bike with frozen hands? That was challenging.

During Coffee Hour, orgainst!Hugh offered me a ride home (he saw me biking on my way to church). I said I'm a very stubborn person, and he said he used to live in Minnesota and biked year round except when it was icy, so he understood.

I put on both sets of gloves for biking home, and wearing the lobster gloves definitely felt awkward.

My eyes didn't water at all coming home like they had going to church (Jenni, who was greeting with Harold, said it looked like I had frozen tears), but my ears were definitely cold.

[weather.com] 11:45am: 11F, feels like -4F

I decided I was not biking to evening church. Instead I took the earlier bus, which meant less time on the Internet at home, but I could print out the Council agenda in the upstairs office and have plenty of time to set up the worship space.

[weather.com] 3:05pm: 17F, feels like 4F

I was LJ commenting, so I got to the bus stop right around 3:27 (when the bus is scheduled to be at that stop) and I thought maybe I'd missed the bus -- but there was a woman waiting, so I figured not. I know the Sunday afternoon #96 is often late, so I gave myself until 3:40 before I'd just start walking to Davis to get the shuttle (and then backtrack across Harvard Yard ... yeah, this was not my favorite plan). After I boarded the bus I looked at its ticker and it said 3:36pm.

***

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]
The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light. And they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined. (Isaiah 9:2, Handel's Messiah)

( Read more... )

This caught my eye in the Revels program Saturday night:

Twelve Holy Days of Christmas
December 25 - January 6
Daily Communion Service,
The Act of Consecration of Man,
11 a.m. at our church.
Followed by refreshments and a study about Angels.
Midnight Communion Service
on Christmas Eve

Further details from the ad:

The Christian Community - Movement for Religious Renewal
Renewing religious life, bringing the spiritual potency of the Seven Sacraments and the richness of the Gospel into a new form inspiring independently thinking human beings.

The Christian Community 366 Washington Street, Brookline Village, MA 02445
www.thechristiancommunity.org [phone number redacted]

***

In other news, apparently Pr. Lisa will be away January 1 after all, so I'm planning to preach that Sunday. For starters I need to select a lectionary...

Pr. Lisa just called, to confirm that I'd gotten the email about church tonight being canceled. She said she was trying to call everyone she thought might show up, and also to tell them that if they feel they need it they should feel free to call her tonight.

I said I had indeed gotten the email, that I thought I would be fine -- that I'm personally in a place where I don't need to have church tonight, I'm just irritated on principle because I don't think church should ever be canceled, but I understand that she's coming from Wellesley and it's supposed to be a blizzard and all that.

She said that she was wimping out because last time she drove home from Cambridge in a blizzard it took her 7 hours. But she said if I wanted to go and be a presence there, that the Korean congregation would be there until 4, so the building would be open for me to be able to get in, and she'd send out an email to CWM. She said she had thought about calling me before she sent out the cancellation email, and she was sorry she hadn't.

After dinner tonight, Rob was talking to Julia about ANTS, incl. whether she took many classes at other BTI schools. She said no and mentioned various reasons, one of which was that for some classes -- like pastoral care.

me: "Who teaches pastoral care?"
Julia: "Leanne."
Rob (to me): "BU this fall?"
me: "I'm flipping you off in my head."
Rob: "Come on, I've got to have someone to come with me."
me: "I almost stopped myself from asking the question, because I maintain that I'm not Called to ordained ministry, so why am I even asking about pastoral care classes?"

Julia pointed out that a lot of it would be relevant in various arenas, which I know.

+

Rob is also talking about teaching Basic Lay Speaking at CWM -- 2hrs/night after worship for 5 weeks, instead of the 2 Saturdays that is the way MBH usually does it (and hey, the next round is likely to be in Quincy -- which MBTA.com says is a short walk from Wollaston, so that's way better than it could be).

+++

I also have to decide if I want to go to the UMC holiday party (which is followed by the HGLC holiday party that evening, and I think is the same day as the UCN church fair).

***

Edit: And I forgot to mention, apparently RMN is doing YouTube videos for next summer's Convo -- whose theme is "Sing a New Song" -- and some folks have put pressure on CWM to step up and do one. I'm unclear on the exact lead up to this train of thought, but Sean imagined us doing "Getting to Know You" (The King and I), very proper and demure and all, and Samuel stepping out and interjecting stuff like, "And pointing out your racism!" and then me adding, "And fixing it!" ♥

Seen on facebook:

"Hendricks Chapel's first female dean is committed to social justice"

Jeremy: "Yea for T.L.!!"

Jeremy: "And wow...the comments are RIDICULOUS on that article."

Jeremy: "Oh man. Comment of the day RE: Cambridge Welcoming Ministries : "this group appears to be an informal front group for various labor unions and environmental groups." LOL!!!!"

Sean: "This is one of the best thing anyone has ever said about my church!"

***

I told my housemate, who literally went \o/ and said, "Yeah!  You're a socialist front!" and told me I needed to blog this :)

Today was Regathering Sunday at FCS.

Opening Hymn "Come, All You People"
(I'm used to just singing "come and praise your Maker," but this had a Trinitarian formation -- "the Most High," "the Savior," "the Spirit.")

Anthem: "Here I Am, Lord" (in a slightly different tune than I'm used to, but definitely the same words)

Scripture Readings
Isaiah 42:6, 7, 9
Psalm 40:1-3
Isaiah 43:18-19
Jeremiah 31:31-33
Lamentations 3:21-23
Isaiah 65:18
2 Corinthians 5:16

Ian H's sermon ("Building the Beloved Community") was the second in a series on change, transition, and transformation.  The Mission Statement was also printed in the bulletin today (along with the Vision Statement), and it ends: "We are of many minds in our spiritual beliefs, but one body in loving service to others and in joyful worship of the One who made us."  Ian talked about various works of this this church and invited us to reflect on where we feel called to serve.

(I have various thoughts related to the readings, the sermon, etc., but for not I'm just recording that Ian H. quoted Irenaeus: "the glory of God is a human being fully alive")

Hymn: "Be Now My Vision"

Closing Hymn: "I'm Gonna Live so God Can Use Me"

+

I feel sort of wriggly under my skin, like God was saying, "Yes I know you've been having a rough time recently, but remember that peace I gave you on Friday?  It's time for you to do some more focusing on yourself and the stuff you might be called to do."

re/New tonight's theme was "rule of life."  I'd been undecided about how much I wanted to go, but after church this morning I decided I did really want to go, so I planned to leave CWM dinner fairly quickly unless it was really good.  (CWM service ends ~6:30; re/New is 7-8:30; it's a 30-minute walk from CWM to FCS.)  I ended up staying at dinner until we ended at 7:30 (and stayed and helped clean up, in part because I knew Julia was willing to drive me, so I still got to re/New about the same time I would have if I'd walked).

I blathered to Ari a lot this afternoon about how much stuff FCS does that I want to be involved with (that I want to attend, at least) and how that contrasts with CWM since CWM is so small, and about what do these congregations want to be and what do I want from them.  Which are still valuable conversations, but it was nice to be reminded that yeah, this [CWM] is a good community and I enjoy spending time with a lot of these people.

During closing thoughts at re/New, Jeff V. shared that he was reminded of the fact that keeping the Sabbath is a commandment.  Which I think is something I kind of needed to hear, because recently I've been wanting to be more intentional about certain spiritual practices, but that requires certain tradeoffs, and Jeff's comment was a reminder to me to think seriously about what's really important to me and what I'm willing to give up.

I stayed to help clean up, and Ian H. and I carried a bunch of tables.
Ian H. said (in exaggerated seriousness), "Lead me, direct me, tell me what to do."
I laughed and said, "Don't tempt me."  (After Rest and Bread a couple days ago, I was chatting with people as they were settling/trickling in for a committee meeting.  Once they were ready to start, Ian H. asked me if I was staying for the meeting -- it was Worship Planning, which was the sort of thing I had been talking about the whole time.  I said, "Oh, now I'm tempted.  I like having Opinions and telling people what to do.  But I'm not sure I'm the most useful person to be a part of this meeting."  And so Ian H. wished me grace and peace until we meet again and blah blah blah.  I said, "Thanks.  [Beat]  Subtle."  Everyone laughed.)

I'm Reflecting at Rest and Bread this Wednesday.  On prayer.  /o\  (I also need to decide soon whether I am going to commit to being one of the pre- Sunday morning service Bible Study leaders or not.)

I think I am going to go to CWAC and TBC.

***

As I mentioned, I read Stop Walking on Eggshells recently.  One of the bits that really resonated was:

    Consider a lighthouse.  It stands on the shore with its beckoning light, guiding ships safely into the harbor.  The lighthouse can't uproot itself, wade out into the water, grab the ship by the stern, and say, "Listen, you fool!  If you stay on this path, you may break up on the rocks!"
    No, the ship has some responsibility for its own destiny.  It can choose to be guided by the lighthouse.  Or it can choose to go its own way.  The lighthouse is not responsible for the ship's decisions.  All it can do is be the best lighthouse it can be.
(p.87)

bff said, "You're a good lighthouse."

After we got off the phone today, I did art exploring the implications of that metaphor (yes, I know the analogy meant to illustrate a particular point, not to map exactly in every single way; and I took bff's "You're a good lighthouse" entirely as a good thing, which is what it was intended as).  I'm not sure that the pictures I drew actually convey what I meant them to, but *I* figured stuff out, which is the important part.

( pictures )