burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

Friday

( on a lack of heat )

( train ride home )

( Singspiration )

( joy sadhana )

---

Saturday

( joy sadhana )

I have new reasons to be concerned about Terry, which was about the opposite of what I had been hoping for as a takeaway from today's brief time together.  Sigh.  The song as a whole doesn't really fit, but as I was listening to OMWF I was struck by the line "Wish I could slay your demons."

( gym this week )

Friday morning, Rob Marciano (the CNN weather guy) announced that it was Talk Like a Pirate Day.  Heh.  Yeah, he's kind of a dork.

***

Friday morning, Kathleen asked – apropos of nothing as far as I could tell, though I didn't ask – if I'd been promoted to Unit Coordinator.  I laughed – and said that in practical terms I suspected that was basically what my job was, though I don't actually know the details of the UC job description.

When FUH left, he asked me to check the dates for a couple upcoming meetings to reassure him that they weren't next week.  He said "I noticed you put them on my calendar, which was great."  I said, "That's why I'm awesome."  He said, "One of the many many reasons why you're awesome."  Aww!  :D

***

On the Red Line heading to South Station, this man and woman (in their twenties maybe?) sitting next to me were talking, and as we were crossing the Charles River he pointed and said that see those spires off in the distance, that's where he lives, right across the street from a church.
"Do you go to church?" she asked.
"I haven't in... seven years."
"So that would be a no."
"Yeah, but I'm thinking of going back.  I just don't know how I feel about that scene."
She mentioned the John Lennon line "God is a concept by which we measure our pain."
He said, "I prefer Karl Marx's 'Religion is the opiate of the masses.'"
I said, "While pithy, Marx's quote elides the role of religion in social justice, like the civil rights movement."
The guy (sitting next to me) turned and looked at me and said, "Whoa."
I said, "I'm sorry, I don't usually interrupt other people's conversations on the T."
The woman joked, "We're just that interesting."
I laughed and said, "Whenever people are talking about religion, I perk up."
We let the conversation drop there, which was fine, since we were all getting off soon (but at different stops) anyway.

***

First Singspiration of the 11th season. (JoeF said the first one was November of 1998.)  ( Read more... )

After we got home, my mom and I talked about United and stuff.  I talked about how recent experiences have taught me that the different parties in a single situation can come away with very different interpretations/understandings of that situation, and I hope I retain that lesson beyond these specific instances.

***

Saturday morning, my dad showed me the Sept. 18 Norwood Record (the newest local paper) so I could read about the new Director of the Library.  I ended up reading most of the issue and rolled my eyes at Valerie Saber's "Town & Country" column.

Nobody interesting was working at the library this Saturday, but I hung around my parents' house 'cause my Uncle Miles was gonna be stopping by and I hadn't seen him in I'm not sure how long (not living at home, I tended to miss his infrequent -- and often rather last-minute -- visits).  It was nice to spend time with him.  And I talked about work a lot -- and was reminded of how much I have failed to retain (not that he was being critical, but that I would try to talk about stuff and realize I had only a very surface understanding/familiarity -- which is actually good, because it pushes me to make more of an effort to learn and retain, because even if I didn't find a lot of this interesting I would like to be able to talk coherently about the department I work in and stuff).

Oh, we ordered Chinese food for dinner, and my fortune cookie said, "It's not the hours you put in, but what you put into the hours that count." [in bed]

On the Red Line home, I was sitting next to a man and a woman in their sixties I would guess.  The man was talking about how he had started reading The Iliad, and I didn't hear what he said after that but the the woman said, "He's Roman," and I almost said, "Do you mean the Iliad or The Aeneid?"  He kept talking, said something about the "carrying his father Anchises" bit in the play-within-a-play in Act 3 of Hamlet (which I don't recall at all).  He said something about his mother being Aphrodite, and at this point I turned and said, "Aphrodite?  His mother's a goddess, but it wasn't Aphrodite."  The woman (who was sitting on the other side of the guy) looked shocked and said, "Someone talking to someone on the T!  Are you from the Midwest or California?"  I laughed and said no, I grew up south of Boston, Massachusetts resident all my life.  She said usually the only time people will talk to you on the T is September when it's students from the Midwest and California who haven't been retrained yet.  I told her I appeared to be making a habit out of it actually, which pleased her.  [I Googled when I got home and, duh, it was Aeneas the guy was talking about, not Achilles.]

Also, apparently the guy has twice picked up this age-fifties-ish mild-mannered hitchhiker and taken him from Cambridge City Hall to Trader Joe's or Whole Foods (to redeem his cans and bottles).  I said, "Wow, I didn't know anyone picked up hitchhikers these days."

On my way home, I saw a sign for a yard sale today (Saturday) just a couple houses down from where I live.  Bummer.  Would be nice to get to know the neighbors a bit.

***

In conversation Friday evening, Ari and I affirmed that, Out in Wesport notwithstanding, National Coming Out Day is October 11.

She emailed me later:

Subject: do you celebrate this holiday?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celebrate_Bisexuality_Day

It's apparently September 23. Who knew?

-Ari

I recall going to a Celebrate Bisexuality event at Christopher's one year -- found it.  Heh, that's the entry that had Rana saying in comments, "You identify as queer? I haven't ever picked that up from you before."  Which is synchronicit-ous, because Ari and I were talking about advance planning for NCOD posting and I was thinking afterward about different kinds of Coming Out, specifically since I've "come out" as libertarian to various people recently and I always feel a little nervous/weird about that, and was specifically thinking about how mjules thought I was a Republican and how that reminded me of Rana not realizing I self-identified as queer.

Anyway, QueerAgenda doesn't seem to have anything -- though pulling up biresource.net, it [the Bisexual Resource Center] apparently co-sponsored CineMental's "Bi's Night Out: Queer Bisexual Film Program" last Wednesday (which I had opted to skip, for a variety of reasons).  [Edited to add: Biversity Calendar]

[I had intended to post last night, but opted for sleep instead. Yes, I know this combo post is lengthy. You can just skip down to the poll at the end if you'd like.]


On Friday, I saw Layna at Harvard Square T Station, though I only paused long enough for a brief greeting and hug since I wanted to get to South Station to get the 5:40 commuter rail home.

However, once I got on the Red Line, it was stop-and-go, due to a slow-moving disabled train ahead.  (I don't know why they couldn't just have another train pull/push it or something.)

I got on around 5:20 and 5:55 I was still at Charles.  I couldn't stay sitting waiting any longer.  (I was reading a book but no longer focusing on it.)  I been thinking I'd get out at Park St. and walk to South Station, but I got out there and walked to Government Center, hopped on the Green Line to Park, and then ran to South Station.  Arriving at 6:19, which meant I missed both the 5:40 and the 6:15 train and had to wait for the 7:35.  (So if I'd gotten out when we arrived at Charles I probably would have made it.  Le sigh.)  ABP was out of mac&cheese, so I went to McDonald's for french fries and a fruit&walnut&yogurt.  I was gonna go back to ABP and get a lemonade, but McDonald's had a mint milkshake, so I got that.  I may have eaten too fast, or McDonald's fries and/or shakes do not agree with me, 'cause I felt unwell for a couple hours after.

I actually had two positive interactions with strangers, which was a pleasant surprise since usually I just want other travelers to get out of my way (especially now that school's back in session and students travel in slow-moving packs even more than tourists do).

1) At South Station I sat down at a table with a woman who had also missed her commuter rail due to the Red Line delay (plus she had intended to leave work early but then her company called a meeting at 3pm).  She works at Kendall and lives out in Zone 8 (two-hour commute), has a daughter who just started working at MGH a week ago.  The daughter's being really picky about apartments and one time said, "But it'll be at least a 35-minute commute" (the daughter has an entry-level position, so the places she can afford aren't right in the city).  Her mother thinks the commute will start to wear on her and she'll get more motivated to move out.  She hopes.  ("If she's not out by October One, I'm charging her rent.")

2) A man and a woman boarded the commuter rail at Back Bay and sat down on the aisle seats of a table, so I was a couple seats away but facing them.  I was enjoying listening to them talk, and then they got talking about kids and the woman was all: how can people spend all day with someone who can't even talk? and so on, and it was interesting, because that is totally me, but I've come to understand better the appeal, so I actually felt somewhat distant from the woman's railing.  The guy was saying that when kids are so young and they're learning about the world and growing and all it's just so magical -- and told the story of how one time when his kid was just a year or two old, he was talking over a hedge to a neighbor and saying how this time is so magical, and the kid was playing some plastic golf clubs and hit his dad "in the sack" and he literally couldn't talk for like ten minutes, so he was like, "It's such a magical," in that whisper kind of voice you do when you can't talk.  I laughed, and the guy said, "See, you understand."  I said, "I have no intention of ever having children, but I believe you."

***

First Singspiration of their 10th season.  I was present for like 4 songs 'cause I came in late [it starts at 7:30] and then helped Mike F. count the money.
The few I was there for were classics I'm actually familiar with -- "O Jesus, I Have Promised," "His Eye Is on The Sparrow," etc.  Someone requested "In the Garden," and I always think, "That's gonna be at my grandma's funeral, Why do you request this song? Is my mother going to cry?"  I forget that it is actually a nice song -- though I don't entirely understand it.  (1) "And the joy we share as we tarry there, None other has ever known."  For serious?  Jesus has never done this with anyone else in the history of ever?  *eyeroll*  (2) Okay, I admit that I was primed to think of it as a funeral song, but it still throws me that in the third and final stanza, the speaker is sent out of the garden -- like he just met Jesus in a dream or something and now has to go back to his "real life."

(My mom jotted down on her program the hymnal numbers of all the requested hymns.  Proof that she knows and loves me.)


Don asked me about my "Ask. Tell." and I said it was from Boston Pride this year, protesting the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy in the military.  "But everyone deserves the chance to die," he said (because he's just that classy).  I said that yes, I actually supported gays being allowed in the military, but the "Don't ask, don't tell." policy is a ridiculous halfway measure.  Mike F. overheard Don's "But everyone deserves the chance to die," so when we headed out to count the money I explained that Don had asked about my "Ask. Tell."  So we talked some about that.  ( Read more... )


After Singspiration was over, I hung out in the kitchen with my mom and grandma and people.  At one point, JoeF. came in and said to me: "Your momma's told me all about your trip."  Haha.  (As all my mother had told him was that I had gone to Europe.)  He said my mother was very proud of me and rightfully so, as were they.  He said he really appreciated my letters, said they were well-thought-out and my points were always well-taken, said he'd rather get one critiquing letter like mine than stacks of praise.  He literally said "I love your letters," and I said, "I love that you love them."


Later, one of the women (whose name I really should know), asked, "Did anyone listen to Focus on the Family last night?"  I did not look at my mother.  It turned out to be about overcoming adversity, so I did not have to deal with a "fight or flight" response.

***

Saturday, we had 11am pancake brunch.  Yay my mommy's sourdough pancakes.

Ginny came over and I showed my abbreviated photoset slideshow.

My grandma said she didn't recognize any of the stuff from Bangor (it was 54 years ago) and said most of what she remembers was the hospital (she gave birth to my uncle while she was there) and said Wales was nice.  I boggled, because all I used to hear about Bangor was how they had no heat and no one spoke English and the language sounded like chicken scratch and so on.  I mean, I'm pleased to hear vague nice things rather than the same negative things I've heard many times before, but still.

I got asked not only what my favorite place was and whether I would go back, but where I was planning to go for my next trip.  Uh, I just got back from this trip two weeks ago.  So I talked about how there are rumors that the people who work at the library in Norwood will do a 9-day cruise to the islands off the coast of Portugal next summer and how if they do I totally think I should get to go.  (I doubt this trip will happen, though, so all I'm planning on for next year is WriterCon.)

My mom have me a card with a dog on the front wearing a party hat with his nose up.  On the inside, it said: "Do I smell birthday cake?" under which my mother had written: "Isn't that why you're here?"  So true.  I always forget quite what my mom's cake (vegan chocolate cake with cream cheese [and almond flavouring] frosting) tastes like, but it continues to be delicious (and to give me this good memory feeling, because it's the birthday cake we've always had).

***

Thursday night, Eric e-mailed me (but to my HBS address, so I didn't see it until Friday morning):

Dear Elizabeth,
    Didn't know if you responded to Mike's message the other day about Saturday,let us know.  Also, if you could bring the DVD's i lent you in I'd appreciate it.

I responded: What time on Saturday are you planning on going?
Eric: Does it matter?  Would you really pass up a chance to see me belt out power ballads like a pro?
me: *cracks up*  Okay, fine, I'm sold.

He came up later (in part to say he was going to some boring mortgage talk for a free lunch) and said he'd call me, would be probably be around 8pm because that's when it was last time.  He also said I had to go onstage, because last time no one did except MaryAlice and he was pissed.  Uh . . . right.  I don't so much sing.

Saturday night, 7:40 text message from Eric: "I don't think were going out. Been a hectic night and everything seemed to go wrong..."

Which is unfortunate for him.  But in this heat, I was really fine with staying home.  (I had gone grocery shopping around 6, and there was some thunder and maybe lightning and I kept hoping for those predicted thunderstorms.)

***

The syllabus for my Introduction to the Classics of Western Thought I is up.

Book list
Plato, Plato's Republic, Grube, trans. and ed., Hackett
Aristotle, The Politics of Aristotle, Barker, trans., Oxford
The Bible, Revised Standard Version [Looking at the syllabus, the assigned readings are: Genesis, Exodus 1-23, Isaiah 11, Matthew, Romans]
Augustine, City of God, Pelican
Aquinas, Aquinas on Ethics and Politics, Sigmund, ed., Norton
Hillerbrand, ed., The Protestant Reformation, Harper Torchbook
Machiavelli, The Prince
Descartes, Discourse on Method/ Meditations etc., Hackett
Hobbes, Leviathan, Pelican
Spinoza, A Theologico-Political Treatise
Locke, Second Treatise on Government

***

Heather told me about Zanna, Don't! -- "straight/gay reveresed musical fairy tale" in her words.  I'm intrigued, though undecided as to whether I think I'd actually like it.

***

lunabee34 made a poll, and I thought it was a really good idea, so I'm stealing it.  ( Talk to me about my fic reccing. )

Today's Word Origin [Jan. 2, 2007]:

DOUGLAS FIR: This majestic, soaring conifer takes its common name from the Scottish botanist David Douglas (1799-1834), who brought seedlings home from one of his many scientific expeditions to the Pacific Northwest.  He died under mysterious circumstances.  More mysterious is the fact that the tree's scientific name, Pseudotsuga menziesii, honors a rival botanist, Archibald Menzies.

Oh, the world of botany.  I feel like this is out of a Far Side cartoon.

***

I was really pleased at how high-functioning I was today.  And despite having literally 27 e-mails (and ye gods another Chicago change) it was a fairly easy day.

The WSJ has changed its format.  More compact.  I approve, as I have always found standard newspaper format unwieldy.  Cailin says the new format feels squished.

I heart FormerUnitHead, even if he did nearly give me a panic attack (not having fully read my Thurs. Dec. 21 e-mail about Chicago).  "I'm glad you didn't have that Serenity graphic novel; I was a little nervous.  There was something else I was looking for and couldn't find that I thought you might like."  He couldn't remember what, but I pointed out I intended to work for him for at least a little longer.  "And this will give you added inducement to do so," he said.

Me to Eric, holding a container of my mom's sherry cookies: "How much do you love me?"
Eric: "That depends.  Are those mine?"

Cailin's probably taking Principles of Economics (Tuesdays 7:35-9:35).  She says it's like an intro to intro econ, even more basic than micro.  (She's bad at econ, hence the appeal.)  I took micro and macro at Smith but really didn't have the time to actually learn the material (hence I think at least one of them I got a C in) and it is something I'd like to understand, so maybe I'll take it for non-credit.  (P.S. I want a syllabus for Medieval Church already.  Boo.)

"tushies"  Oh, I heart Greg.

Joyce class was fairly decent.  Again with the awake.  And I got brownie points for having actually read Venus in Furs.  Of course actually being faced with the prof I felt guilty turning in such a shite paper.  Le sigh.  Waiting for the T afterward, and older woman who was in the class approached me -- recognized me from the class, despite the fact that I was reading my Portuguese workbook -- and we chatted some about the class.  She asked me about what I had written my paper on, and in talking about it some I articulated some (moderately impressive) ideas I totally hadn't put in my paper.  Yeah, I put so little thought/effort into that paper.  Sigh.  On the Red Line we were sitting across from another classmate (working on the extra credit crossword puzzle) and next to a guy reading a comic book (title = eXtreme, I think, maybe).  I love public transit sometimes.

I met up with Joe at Copley.  Every time I see him he looks more grownup.  We went to Vinny T's.  Joe told them we were just gonna get dessert, and lo indeed we got a tiny menu.  They don't serve hot chocolate; boo.  They did give us the free bread, though.  Because we were only ordering dessert the waitress kind of ignored us after we got our food (which was sad 'cause we kinda wanted more water).  Note to self: the "Chocolate Bomba" isn't lying when it says "dense."
I told him that my mom had said she thought of 2006 as the year I was "launched," and he really liked that phrasing.  It was good to catch up with him, and more importantly to be affirmed that yes it remains true that interacting with him I am valued.  A friend out on the B Line was driving him home to the 'Wood, so I took the T out with him and then came back on my own.  There were these two guys behind me having just the best conversation.  I came in for the part where one was talking about Our Bodies, Ourselves being assigned in some feminism class he took; this quickly moved to talking about how (easily) one talks about sex with friends/s.o.'s.  ♥  "Name one movie that mentions contraception," the first guy challenged.  After some thought, his companion named American Pie.  They also named Chasing Amy and She's All That.  I am of course now intrigued and posing the question to you all.

***

Ways in which I am for the win today:

Gillian says I win a prize, TBA.

I was processing a reimbursement for a job candidate and caught an error.  At the end of our correspondence he e-mailed me, "Thanks so much for double checking all this. I really appreciate all of your help in coordinating my visit – it was all amazingly smooth and I know that takes a lot of work to make happen."  Woot on appreciation.

theatre_pixie left me a comment on my Secret Slasha fic which is easily one of my favorite fic feedbacks received.

***

musesfool is polling about remixredux, which adds to my desire to get my act in gear about finishing up some of my fanfics.

I agreed to do a creative writing workshop (MLK Day).

***

This morning I was singing to myself:

the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell
the truth from the stuff that they say.
she looks me in the eye
and says, "would you prefer the easy way?
no, well okay then, don't cry."

Of course, sometimes I kind of do prefer the easy way.  But I like the reminder that perhaps I shouldn't.  I very much insist it is more than okay to cry, though.

Looking up the lyrics to be sure I'd gotten them right I was reminded of this other section: "i wonder if everything i do / i do instead / of something i want to do more."  That, too, is an important idea for me to keep in mind.

Amanda and I were on the same Red Line home -- and then both stopping at the library to pick up ILL items.  We chatted for a while and she had made a crockpot of vegetarian soup yesterday and started to invite me over for dinner, but I had CAUMC, so I declined (I would have postponed, but I have to do laundry tomorrow night, and I expect the weekend to be booked up -- I suppose I could have asked about Monday, but I wasn't thinking that far ahead; maybe I'll e-mail her).

We took the escalators up at Davis, and near the top a guy came up all growly "Stay to the right if you're gonna stand."  I had completely zoned and not even registered that we were standing on the left (Stay Right, Pass on the Left is one of my big things, so this is ironic).  I was a little miffed 'cause dude, you're coming home after work, the only connection you would be making from here is the frequent busses, so why the hurry?  But given that inability to grasp Stay Right, Pass on the Left (either on sidewalks or escalators/stairs) is one of my Peeves, I really liked that somebody actually called somebody on it ('cause I always just growl silently, and I suspect I am not alone in that).

*

I went grocery shopping this evening and only saw boxes of individual packets of hot chocolate, no canisters like we get at my parents' house.  What up :(


***

Trelawney's father is still in the hospital, so Megan stepped up and led tonight.  She's taking a Wesley theology class, so she used Wesley & Christian Perfection as her topic.  Since I know next to nothing about Methodism, this was largely new and interesting to me.  Once I sat down after arriving (before dinner) it started to hit me how tired I was -- and I think most all of us were a bit overtired, but it was a really good session, which pleased me especially in the contrast to last week.

We opened with "Love Divine, All Loves Excelling", which Megan said encapsulates Wesley's theology, and then read a series of Bible passages (NRSV) -- the ones Wesley drew on heavily in his creation of this theology.

• Matthew 5:43-48
• 1 John 1:5-10
• 1 John 3:1-14

The obvious paradox is "No one who abides in him sins" (1 John 3:6) and " If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us." (1 John 1:8-10).  We even get "Everyone who does what is right is righteous, just as he is righteous. Everyone who commits sin is a child of the devil;; for the devil has been sinning from the beginning" (1 John 3:7b-8a).

We talked about this some -- about how the forgiveness after sin removes the sin.  Then she brought up "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matthew 5:48).  I said I'd always understood it as something you're aiming for even though you can't achieve it.  I mean, saying "Try to be a moderately good person" does.  She said that in philosophy, obligation presupposes ability, which makes sense when you point it out.  Wesley really believed that people could become perfect.

I said, "So he definitely doesn't believe in the Calvinist Absolute Depravity, huh?  Total Depravity, rather."  (TULIP had come up in conversation over the weekend)  She said that actually he does, which is fascinating.  She said that his reasoning was: God is always present, and it is because God is always present that we can choose to do right or do wrong -- without God's presence, we would have no choice but to do wrong.  I'm uncomfortable with the idea of Total Depravity, but I do find that a really interesting theology (the It is only by the grace of God that we are able to choose to do right, though it does not mean that we will always do so).

She said Wesley's favorite metaphor for God was a physician or therapist.

I forget how it came up, but she also mentioned Wesley's idea of the faith of the servant (Jews, Muslims) versus the faith of the son (who obeys the laws because they love God) -- which is obviously problematic, though definitely interesting.

She said that his idea of Christian perfection was like walking up a down escalator -- that stopping is equivalent to backsliding (you can't stop moving forward).

In my Affirmation, I told Megan that this is the kind of thing that makes me want to be a div student ('cause I had literally been thinking that during the discussion).  She had talked about Augustine and the church fathers, both of which reminded me of sk8eeyore and her (course) readings etc., and thinking of her and the classes she takes I added, "Though I could probably do without the pastoral care classes."  Megan stage-whispered in response, "M.T.S."  Recalling the conversation I had with Nicole over the summer, I feel like I should create a tag for this imaginary div school plan :)

After dishes, Sue and Mike both complimented me on my blouse.  I was wearing my blue flowered blouse 'cause it was gonna be high near 69F and also 'cause I'm running out of options what with overdue laundry (though I really have better options than I had expected).  The last time I wore this I think Alyssa complimented me on it.  I don't wear it often because I feel like it's not a great shirt, but apparently I may be in the minority on this.  When Eric saw me this morning, he commented on how it's unusual for me, that I'm usually wearing "black... or solid colors."  Yeah, solid colors; I almost never wear black shirts 'cause I'm almost always wearing black pants.

***

Oh, Grey's Anatomy.  I don't actually watch the show but have watched enough to know what people are talking about and keep somewhat abreast of current storyline events because I have jennyo and fox1013 on Track, which ignores cut-tags (and polls -- like when you get responses to your entries e-mailed to you).

From musesfool: "This one is less with the funny and more with the disappointment: more on the Isaiah Washington-Patrick Dempsey choke-a-thon, which makes me respect Isaiah Washington a lot less. This is why I generally wish to know nothing about actors. "

via fox1013: one of the cast officially Comes Out [which link won't display in Firefox for me, weirdly; I pasted it into IE and it worked fine]

***

P.S. If you're gonna comment and don't have an LJ account, could you please sign your name?  Thanks.  I usually assume it's my dad (whom it usually is, and who usually signs his initials) but it isn't always, and then I get confused.

***

Wow.  All my housemates are home and awake.  This hasn't happened in possibly over a week.  OriginalRoomie came home and my door was open and she said, "You do exist!" and I replied, "As do you."

I get on the Red Line this morning and from the next set of doors down heard the distinctive voice of the guy I talked about a week ago. This time he was telling someone "Oh, he'll buy you lunch. You two are friends, right?" etc. It was very bizarre. I almost expect it to be some sort of sociology experiment, but my strong suspicion is that it is just a very strange man. To their credit, my fellow commuters continue to ignore him.

*

When the front desk manager called yesterday he said "How are you?" (like you do) and I said "Good" because I as so on auto-pilot (my brain was too occupied with other thoughts) and oh I hate when I do that (oh, my intentionality issues).

*

I went to return some books to the library last night and ran for a few blocks, as I often have the urge to do when I'm out at night.  I can't keep it up for very long, but while I was running I was thinking [due to the Marathon conversation over lunch], "I could totally do an 8-minute mile if I tried," and I remembered that I only have a rough sense of how fast I normally do a mile (i.e., how long it takes me to get places that I estimate are a mile apart) and it would be nice to actually time myself on a track, both for regular fastwalking and really pushing myself.  And I really should look into that whole HBS gym thing.  (I also get into self-defense mode frequently, and just as much as I hate that I get winded easily I hate that I can't run for extended periods of time at all.)

From my dad [not written by him, just sent along by him]: an open query on why animals love physical movement and we (humans) don't.

*

My mom came to say goodnight around quarter of midnight and I kinda chirped "Night!"  I wasn't actually intended for it to come out so perky.  Me being perky on our morning (read: 7:15am) walk to the train has become a Thing.  "And how are you this Grand and Glorious morning?"

She'd forgotten to brush her hair and after she did so and actually headed to bed she said to me, "Goodnight, Her Perkiness."

*

I think there's just the one Red Line conductor who is hardcore about taking your trash.  This morning, same voice as last time, "If you're sitting on, looking at, or thinking about a Metro newspaper, you own it; please take it with you.  There's a special prize for anybody who takes more than 2."

*

After you're hired you're on probation for 3 months. Today [April 19] is my 3-month exactly.

Last week, Alyssa was commenting on how she's been here nearly 6 months (she was hired about a month after me, direct-hire), and in the context of the 3-month review thing she said she still hasn't had hers (I got the impression from her that it necessitated scheduling a joint meeting with the profs you support as well as with J&B).

*

One of Eric's friends used to go to Smith; she transferred to Gordon.

*

I read callmesandy's femslash06 fic -- CSI futurefic Catherine/Sara [comm entry link; website link] -- and it felt like postapoc fic, and I've been in a Mood for that off-and-on for some time and this triggered me to start thinking about why.  My realization was: the idea that these people having nothing left but each other.  (Which may or may not have to do with my personal feeling of alienation from most of the human race.)

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HBSP hold music wins.  I think it was Beethoven's Ode to Joy -- full orchestra -- but it didn't go on long enough for me to be sure.  For once I was sad when an actual person picked up.

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I'm filling out the paperwork on Saturday for the apartment I liked.  (I feel like such a grownup, yo.  And OriginalRoomie checked in with me about a prospective third who has a cat.  We agreed cats are okay but the cleanup needs to be handled entirely and conscientiously by the owner.  Re: landlord she said "I'm sure everything will work out for the best.  You're room is here and waitin for ya!" and while apostrophe errors make me wince, I'm all grinny.)

I have rental applications from some of the previous places I looked at, and they want stuff like "present landlord," "current landlord," "personal reference," "credit reference."

RA's having a Welcome Spring party that night.  The text of the Evite e-mail?  No lie:

when the world is puddle-wonderful...

in just-
in Just-
spring when the world is mud-
luscious the little
lame baloonman

whistles far and wee

and eddieandbill come
running from marbles and
piracies and it's
spring

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This afternoon the NEG profs (headed by Greg, whom I heart) were arranging drinks for Friday -- would be Thursday except they teach Friday, Greg said :)

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( My trip home is really long written out, though I don't think it drags much if I'm actually *telling* the story out loud. )

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I am still catching up on LJ comments.

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I think I am going to bed now.

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Killing time before today's apartment showings I checked out Ann Taylor Loft 'cause I've been wearing the same like eight shirts to work.  I actually found some stuff I liked (and their color theme seems to be beige, sky blue, and dark bluegreen, of which I mightily approve).  Going to pay I realized I had left my debit card on my desk (I never do this, but I had been doing online bank stuff).  The woman kindly said she'd hold the stuff through Monday (in case of blizzard -- I'll believe that one when I see it; note to self: they close at 7). In retrospect, I'm glad to not have had to carry around a bag of clothes all day anyhow.  That and tripping going up the Government Center stairs (tripping on my coat maybe?  I don't know) were my only incompetencies today, though, which was pleasing -- especially given my recent track record.  I even correctly instincted which way I was supposed to go a couple times and was actually capable at reading my maps.

I took the Green Line out to Allston and when I got on at Park some crazy (but not in a bad way) girls asked me if this train went to Newbury Street.  I was a bit thrown 'cause all the Green Lines go to Copley but hey, Boston's subway system is totally nonintuitive, so I said yeah and told them they wanted to get off at Copley (and I could even point them to a wall map as we pulled in).  I got two free Jelly Bellys for my trouble, too :)

The most forward of the girls kept not holding on to anything and thus being thrown around my the movements of the train, so when some people got off and their seats were thus available she promptly plunked down.  She then tried to strike up conversation with the guy sitting behind her.

Her: "Do you go to BC?" ["The destination of this train is..."]
Guy: [shakes head]
Her: "Harvard?" [where they had come from]
Guy: [shakes head]
Her: "Are you in college?"
Guy: [shakes head]

'Twas amusing.

Killing time in between apartments one of the places I ended up in was a used bookstore that made Puddingstone look positively uncrowded.  They were playing something like techno music, though, so I didn't stay all that long.

Anyway, the studios.

First was 56 Brighton Ave.  Basement level studio apartment.  Coin-op washers exactly the same as we had at Smith -- also in the basement, so right near the apartment I'd be living in.  Decent sized bedroom.  Closet.  Bathroom.  Kitchen nook -- including a microwave left by the previous tenant :)  Dumpster outside and recycling (blue containers just like Smith) in basement.  Heat and hot water included in the $850/mo.  Electricity estimated at $30/mo.  Supposedly something like 15 degrees cooler in the summer 'cause it's basement level.  Quiet couple lives directly above.  I get a good vibe from the property manager.

Next was 38 Linden St.  On the outside it looks like a nice two family house, lots of wood, big lawn.  It's actually broken up into lots of studios inside, though.  The open one is on the second floor.  It comes furnished -- or not, if you want, but it was furnished when I saw it -- nice rug, low bed that would fit two, some sundries, a sink/cabinet/small fridge conglomeration with a microwave on top of it.  No stove.  You could purchase a hot plate if you wished.  Utilities included in the $800/mo.  The laundry options are the nearby laundromats.  Tiny bathroom.  Closet.  Have I mentioned how I suspect the bedroom was smaller than my room at Smith?  It's very much for students, so I guess they all have laptops and dump their books in a corner and just don't have many clothes.  Or something.  I could fit a desk in there or a bookcase or a dresser -- though with a single bed I could maybe fit a bookcase and one other item of furniture.  And I could fit like one friend.  I mean, okay, I'm attached to the idea of an apartment-warming party but dude, I had more socializing space in my Smith room.  The guy showing me the place seemed in a rush, but he did ask if I was a realty agent, which made me who is always taken for younger than her age happy.

Intellectually I know I'm not gonna have something like Layna's apartment, but I was thinking of studio as meaning a bedroom larger than the one I have at my parents' house plus a bathroom and kitchen(ette), but this tiny (combined with the fact that I would still be paying good money for it) was, I hesitate to say "depressing" but . . . sobering.

Suddenly the Kendall 1 bedroom looks amazing.  And it makes me seriously reconsider my no-roommate stance.  I'm willing to pay extra money to not have to worry about clashing with roommates, having to find a new one when somebody moves out, etc., but to pay this much money for basically a roof over my head?  (I'll be out at work or wherever a lot, but I do want a place to live.)  Takes a lot of the enthusiasm out of the search.  Anyone within commuting distance to Harvard looking for a roommate?  (Or know anyone who is?)

Coming home we hit Copley at 3:15 and I knew I couldn't get to South Station by 3:20, so proving I am learning I got out and walked to Back Bay to catch it at 3:25.


Oh, forgot to mention from last night.  One of the commercials I saw during the Olympic coverage was: Gunn plays a NY ADA!  (Conviction.  And IMDb reminds me that Eric Balfour played Jesse.)  I heard an "all will be well" refrain playing during bits of the commercial and thought of my mom and sk8eeyore and tried to discern if it was the hymn I remember from First Churches Daffodil Sunday.  Today I learned it's an original song by The Gabe Dixon Band [lyrics here] and there's even a full ad/music video (which I don't think is what I saw on tv, but maybe I just wasn't paying much attention).

I saw a snippet of the figure skating pairs program tonight and wow, the new scoring system.  I'm surprised nbc.com doesn't have some sort of explanation on their website (I assume the opening of the televised program had some sort of explanation).  I Googled and found explanations here and here; the most succinct explanation [from my limited searching] comes from here:

Gone is the traditional 6.0 scoring system we grew up with. In its place is a complex, multi-faceted scheme that essentially transforms art into science — or worse yet, mathematics.

Skaters start at zero and accumulate points, based on the difficulty and presentation of their routines. A technical panel identifies each of the executed “elements,” all of which have predetermined and standardized numerical value. A judging panel then evaluates how those elements were performed and assigns a “grade of execution,” using a scale from minus-3 (worst) to plus-3 (best).

The judges also evaluate the five components of the overall program — skating skills, transitions, execution, choreography and interpretation — and award marks from 0.25 to 10.00.

And all of this transpires while the skater is performing.

I left my house this morning and started walking to the train and a white-haired woman walking in the opposite direction stopped and asked me, "You through college already?"  I didn't recognize her at all, but with Food Pantry and everything else I don't really question stuff like that in my small town.  I said yes and she asked me where I was working and I told her and she asked me if I was planning on going there and I said no and she said it was a good place for a young woman like me to be working and that she wouldn't make me miss my train, so that was the end of that.

A few seats ahead of me on the train were a bunch of grownup people who were really annoying me.  The guy was talking about how he's so incapable of saying no, but if you have headphones on the homeless people don't ask you because they figure you can't hear them anyway.  One of the women said, "They're just gonna buy liquor with it anyway," and I so wanted to get up and fight her/them [verbally, natch], but I just couldn't bring myself to be that confrontational with a group of people in a crowded public space at eight in the morning.

I already posted about the morning cellist, but one thing I want to mention, which is in some ways connected to the previous anecdote, is the fact that you need an MBTA permit to perform.  I can sort of understand it (and I imagine you have to pay money -- I vaguely remember reading about this a while back -- which makes it suddenly make more sense why so many people have albums for sale . . . though that's also just a legitimate way to capitalize on your audience) but I really like the idea of sort of free market street performance (and yes, they're on MBTA property so asking for permits is legit -- and Harvard's spray paint artist had a permit displayed as well, though I think that was from the city -- but it's the principle).  And yeah, I'm really not articulate, but discuss.

Amanda's back, though still coughing and stuff.  (And a bunch of other office people have the beginnings of possible illnesses.)

Do you know how expensive it is to fly business class Boston to Kuwait roundtrip?  I learned today.  I also learned that British Air has quality hold music.  Their webpage tells you "Please wait a moment whilst your chosen itinerary is being quoted" on its processing page, which I enjoyed muchly.

I went to see the Kendall/MIT area apartment tonight after work.  I got disoriented coming out of the Kendall T station as I often do, and then I misremembered the map and went too far, and then I overcompensated coming back (so that makes twice I didn't/couldn't see a street sign for the street I needed).  So it took me about 35 minutes to get there.  I'd forgotten that the Kendall area is predominantly former industrial.  It's not sketchy, just not how I'd imagined my neighborhood.  The part where the apartment I looked at looks nice and quaint, though.  Quiet, too.  The apartment's kinda weird.  You come in to a living room area, which has two closets, and off of that are bathroom, kitchen (gas stove!), and bedroom (no closets).  The walls are all that sort of dark cream or whatever that Baker's is and which I'm not a huge fan of.  Nothing articulably bad about the place (though damn, coin-op washers and dryers?  I got spoiled like whoa when Smith implemented OneCards) but I don't think I'll be taking it.  Good to to generate experience, though.

So I knew better what I was doing coming back and it took me 15 minutes to get to where the T station should have been.  I figure I'll just keep going and pick up the train at Charles/MGH.  The walk over the water is nice, though I had forgotten how long it takes -- 10 minutes and I'm at the T station.  I knew early on I was on the other side of the bridge from the last time, and when I got to the end I couldn't figure out how to get up onto the station, so I figured I'd just keep walking.  When I did this last time I was following a woman who knew what she was doing, so this time I was thinking, "I feel like I should turn right to get to Park St. -- but these are dark one way streets, and what if I get more lost?"  So I just kept walking.  Eventually I hit Government Center.  At this point I admitted defeat.  However, they have been having wire problems, so they were running a one-track operation and doing lots of shuttles and there were probably 30 people waiting for the Green Line to Park St.  After 10 minutes I admitted defeat in this arena and was fairly certain I had effectively missed my train (7:15, 7:25 train) and figured at least heading to Park St. would be doing something.  People had been leaving in clumps, so when I left I followed a woman and soon saw the Beantown Pub light sign and thought, "Government Center is really this close to Park St.?  I suck."  So I go in to Park St. -- and push past a woman who is standing pratically in a turnstile rifling through her purse -- and when I get to the Red Line pull out my schedule just to check.  7:35 train.  I make it after all.  [After ~50 minutes of walking.]  (Which is good, as I didn't have anywhere near enough reading material on me to last until the 8:50 train.  Plus LJ always keeps me up until near midnight as it is and I'm adjusting to ~6 hours of sleep but less would be pushing it.)

Looking at the cheap studio this afternoon I began deciding against it as I can't find a regular T station nearby.  (Bus lines are fine, but I'd like regular T stations for people coming to visit me -- among other reasons.)

burnalive informed me about the fabulous http://www.housingmaps.com (the yellow icons have pictures -- took me far too long to figure that out) and I have found some Allston studios, which sound good both price and locationwise, so we shall see.
- $850 studio apartment w/ heat & hot water
- $800 1br studio all utilities included
- $875 oversized studio apt.

Now, um, bed?  Hope to continue the Ari discussion tomorrow.