burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

I'm reading How To Be Sick, and it's Buddhist, so a lot of it doesn't work for me. Some of it does resonate, though.

Yesterday afternoon I hit the story of the author watching an interview with the actress Susan Saint James, whose son was killed in a plane crash.

     Then, emanating deep calm and assurance, she made this most astonishing comment: "His was a life that lasted fourteen years." I gasped. Could I make that statement with such equanimity should one of my children or grandchildren die? I still don't know the answer to that question. But Susan Saint James's words and the serenity with which she spoke them entered my heart that day. Ever since, when I find myself in grief and despair over the many losses I've had to face due to my illness, her words are my equanimity practice.
     When I feel myself mourning my lost career as a law professor or a lost friendship, I say to myself, "This was a career that lasted twenty years"; or "This was a friendship that lasted twenty-five years." If I feel overwhelmed by the loss of my health and its consequences, I say to myself, "This was a body that was illness-free long enough to be active in raising my children and to not be a burden to them when they were young; to be a part of their weddings; to teach and be of personal support to many law students; to travel and keep company with Tony out in the world."
     Inspired by Susan Saint James's courage, which reinforces the teachings of the Buddha that I've learned, I'm able to say these equanimity phrases without bitterness. I can even be genuinely grateful for those years.
     -p.85

The idea of saying, "This is a relationship that lasted for 10 years," with cognizance of the past tense (that this relationship is Over), is of course Relevant To My Interests. I'm not sure it's an equanimity practice I'm ready to embrace, of course...

Monday

I had my six-month dental appointment.  When the cleaning was done, Comedy Dentist said "you're free as a bird" and then said that he recently had a patient who had "free bird" tattooed on the inside of one of her fingers.  He said he didn't ask her about it, 'cause it was their first session.  His assistant was like, "Really?" and he said, "Actually I was running late, so I was pressed for time."  We were both like, "Oh, that makes much more sense."

Tuesday

I had Sara and Kate over for dinner.  They both helped cook (this -- which was Sara's idea).  I kept saying I felt like I should be thanking THEM and they were like, "But cooking is fun."  Clearly a value creating endeavor :)

And Sara brought cupcakes from Sweet (I had the chocolate one, and it wasn't bad, but I was unimpressed), and Kate brought half a Carvel turkey ice cream cake (which my housemate helped us finish off).

Thursday, Sara got me a thank you gift -- Godiva dark chocolate covered cherries and a card that just says "happpiness" on the front, under which she had handwritten "= pasta with butternut squash and a turkey-shaped ice cream cake..."

From conversation with la bff later that night: TLGN knew when Advent begins this year thanks to me.  *squees*

Wednesday

Tuesday night, Molly emailed the listserv saying (in part), "Some of you have tomorrow off, and said you are coming to office hours at the Diesel! I'm so glad. We'll be a big First Church caffeinated jamboree. I'll share my earl grey with you. Look for me in the 3rd booth. It's so nice to have a booth, the way y'all get pews of your own."

I hadn't even bothered to put her Wednesday morning Diesel office hours on my calendar because really, 8-10am on a Wednesday...  But hey, I did in fact have that day off.  I spent about a half an hour there.

Then I went to the gym.

I came in just at the end of Act 2 of "The Short List" (The West Wing 1.09).  My heart just about burst at how THEY ALL LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH.  (Okay, also I facepalmed because there is no "freedom of expression" enumerated in the First Amendment.)  Which makes me think of chosen family, which makes me think of Buffy and Angel and also the queer community and then CWM (and so then also church).

And they love what they are doing so much.  Which is again reminiscent of church.

( excerpts from the episode )

Walking from Fields Corner to Dunkin' Donuts I found myself reciting my pre-meal grace prayer...because apparently prayer was what I needed to be doing in that moment.  (I can't imagine why I would have anxiety preceding dropping by unannounced to see a friend at work whom I haven't been able to get a hold of in some time.  /sarcasm)  I got about 20-25 minutes of one-on-one time, which was good.

I sat in Kennedy Park and talked to my best friend for about an hour.  Al walked by and said, "It's a bit cold out for that, isn't it?" and I said, "It's actually warmer out than I'd been expecting" -- though when I used the bathroom before the seminar I realized just how red and cold my hands were.  (I think it was like upper 40s F.)

I walked in behind a security guard, so I still don't actually know if my ID card works on the exterior doors (it wasn't so working over the summer).

The seminar ended ~4:30, so I got to church a half hour early.  The room was actually mostly set up already, so after I finished the set up I sat down with my laptop and started some emails -- because yeah I need to debrief and process like some people need to breathe.

After Rest and Bread, Gianna and I were both debating about staying for the Extraordinary Relationships book group.  She had only read the first chapter and wasn't blown away but it as she had hoped to be given the way Molly had talked about it.  I said I'd been intrigued from reading Molly's emails about it, but that when I'd actually looked up the book online I hadn't been inspired, so I hadn't read any of the book, though I didn't feel that would be a problem for me in having strong opinions.  She decided to go home since she's out every night this week.  I decided to go home, too, in part because my impression is that the book is a lot about healing wounded/broken relationships, and that just doesn't really resonate with my life (for which I am v. grateful, obv.).

Thursday

I am reminded that I am an introvert.  When my reserves are depleted, I don't want to go out and do social things.

Friday

The West Wing at the gym was "He Shall, from Time to Time" (1.12) which, meh -- though I did tear up at the end.

BARTLET: You have a best friend?
ROGER: Yes, sir.
BARTLET: Is he smarter than you?
ROGER: Yes, sir.
BARTLET: Would you trust him with your life?
ROGER: Yes, sir.
BARTLET: That's your chief of staff.

[source]

I came in to the office and did the one thing I hadn't done on Thursday which needed to get done by the weekend.  IT came by around 9:30 to take my computer.  I then hung out with Katie and Greg until about 10:15.

Walking home, it was BEAUTIFUL out (though apparently only low 50s).

I haven't heard "coming up" in ages, but hearing it on a random mix I still expected "make them apologize" to be next [see imperfectly album].

I figured out an "in" into this Sunday's lectionary and wanted to stay home and work on my sermon.  But Liz C. from CHPC and I had plans to meet up at 2pm and I really wanted to do that too.  Except she totally spaced (and we hadn't exchanged cell phone numbers, so I couldn't call her).  I considered going to see if FCS was open so I could use their free wifi (I'd brought my laptop, not realizing Mr. Crepe's wifi isn't free), but instead I left Scott a voicemail, ordered some food, tried to read Pope John Paul II, and headed out to Alewife (switching to Jonathan Sacks).

At Coffee Hour on Sunday, Mary R. had asked me if I'm ever able to take Fridays off and attend the thing at Salaam's house.  I said not really but that I actually had this Friday off.  She gave me the address, and I used mbta.com to figure out how to T there -- and did in fact successfully navigate the bus &etc.
This used to be a Women's Bible Study, but is apparently a Women's Group.  Which was mostly okay ... though I do not feel any desire to take time off in the future to go (which is good to know).

After I got home I talked to my bff for a while and eventually Scott called me back, so both of those were good.

Saturday

I'd been feeling like maybe my body was moving to a 7hr/night routine because I kept waking up at like 5:30am this week, but Friday night I went to bed at like 10:30pm because I was tired, and I kept waking up Saturday morning and thinking, "Should I be getting up?  No, I don't have to get up."  I eventually got up around 8am -- and then went back to bed until like 10am.

It was rainy and I was not excited about leaving the house.

Pope John Paul II continued putting me to sleep on my train ride out to Dorchester -- but coming back I stood reading while waiting for the train for ~10min and was fine for the ride back.

I was feeling lonely and sad and mildly depressed, but I was getting better as the evening progressed (I did get my reflection written for the CHPC Advent booklet -- though I didn't get much work done on my sermon), but I was glad to get to phone with my bff for ~1hr.

Sunday

Between about 8:30 this morning and 9:30 tonight, I was literally home for 25 minutes.  SCBC adult ed, CHPC worship service and book study, home, memorial service for Trelawney, Tallessyn, and Tamarleigh's mom, CWM worship service and dinner, re/New.

I have lots to say about church, but short version (because sleep is important) is: better than I had expected.

The memorial service made me cry, and I wanted to call my mom and tell her I love her.  But service ended like twenty minutes before 5pm (when CWM was scheduled to start upstairs), and I used that in between time to hug the Grenfell clan and socialize with people I don't see much and went upstairs at like ten past five -- at which point service hadn't quite started yet.

from "What I Learned From My Mother" by Julia Kasdorf:

I learned to attend viewings even if I didn’t know
the deceased, to press the moist hands
of the living, to look in their eyes and offer
sympathy, as though I understood loss even then.
I learned that whatever we say means nothing,
what anyone will remember is that we came.

My mom called during Prayer Time at CWM (I had my phone on vibrate).  I decided it probably wasn't urgent -- especially since she didn't leave a voicemail -- so I called her back on my way home.  We talked for about an hour and a half -- mostly about my day of church (incl. the memorial service).

Terry is still employed (in Dorchester), not in jail, and not dead.

***

[redacted v. Holy Saturday]

***

Carolyn (and Stephen) had me over for dinner around 6pm. Carolyn and I went to watch the fireworks from the Longfellow Bridge. We got there around 8pm. The fireworks are scheduled to start around 10:30pm. Except neither of us had thought to actually check when the fireworks were actually scheduled to start. Oh well. (Also, there was a teaser round of fireworks around I think 9:50. I think right after the 1812 Overture.)

I an reminded of why I don't watch the fireworks from the Bridge every year, but it was nice to be with Carolyn for her first Boston Fireworks. And we got to see them reflected in the Hancock Building, too. (And being there early it was nice to just watch the water and the skyline in the pre-sunset light. Edit: And also the F-16s.) And at one point there was this kind of adorable little boy; during one really bright round of fireworks, he said, "It made it light! It made it morning!"

Also, I hadn't noticed in previous years, but we were really aware of how many people around us were speaking languages other than English (plus just generally it was far from being all white people). It seemed really appropriate for a celebration of America.

[Heh, I hadn't realized that my Subject Line got cut off -- Semagic allows me to type for longer in the Subject Line bar than LJ will actually display -- but I kind of enjoy that "house of Is" . . . echoing God's self-identification as "I AM."]

[FirstChurch Mailing List] Rest and Bread, Ezekial, his wheel and his bones

Dear Beloved,

Rest and Bread tonight is a preview for Pentecost, as each service is, a preparation for a visit from Spirit.

In our series of biographical reflections, tonight, we learn about Ezekiel, how he was visited by God's Spirit, what he saw, and what it has to do with us.

Come and be prayed with and for tonight at 6. There will be a full glorious 15 minutes of silence (except for music for meditation). Our service begins at 6:15.

Growth committee meets at 7:15.

Love,
Laura Ruth

Psalm 6 [I remembered reading this during Lent -- 'cause I read one Psalm a day, in order -- and I appreciated hearing it today, even though I am definitely not that distraught.]
Sacred Text: Ezekiel 2:1-3:3 (with changes ... "mortal" instead of "son of man;" I think the Israelites were just referred to as "rebels," etc.)

Laura Ruth gave the Reflection.
    She said that Ezekiel was around 570 BCE, when Israel's power was waning and the Babylonians were coming in and carving up pieces of it and taking Israelites into captivity.  I definitely did not take notes on all of this, but I think she said that Ezekiel was on the fringe somewhere.  She said he was a priest & prophet -- which was unusual at that time, although it's how Christians are ordained now.
    She talked about the prophecy Ezekiel is given about the dry bones and I thought, "Didn't we do that Scripture reading?"  But actually that was Holy Saturday at CWM (thank you, Ari -- since a site-specific Google search was uncharacteristically fail).
    She said that from a Christian perspective, Ezekiel's story prefigures Pentecost (which she did say we celebrate as the birth of the Church) -- God breathing into people and giving them voice, though she then said that of course God doing that long predates Ezekiel (I later thought, "Yeah, like Adam"), he's just a very good example of it (and apparently it's one of the readings you have the option of doing for Pentecost).  I thought, "But Pentecost is the birth of the church because it happens in community."  As I was articulating to Ari tonight what about the Acts story of Pentecost makes it the story of the birth of the church (like the fact that everyone gathered heard it in their native language, symbolic of reaching out and being so much more than just a Jewish revival/reform movement), I realized that I was so stuck on community being the important part of our Pentecost story in reaction to Laura Ruth's analogy, if you had asked me previously to tell you what Pentecost is about, I probably would have said: fire, speaking in tongues, birth of the church (in that order).
    She also talked about (and this was one of the pieces I was most struck by listening to the reading) God telling Ezekiel to eat the scroll and his finding it to taste as sweet as honey.  She talked about embodying the Word by physically ingesting it and pointed out that we ingest the Word every time we take Communion, which I hadn't thought of (hi, I have a low theology of Communion) but which immediately made me think of the time we had milk and honey with Communion at CWM one Sunday.

Prayers of the People:
At Prayers of Thanksgiving, I said the first one -- thanksgiving for having a functioning washing machine again, thanksgiving for being able to afford the technician's visit and being able to afford to take the time off work, and thanksgiving for being able to afford to purchase a new washing machine because this is very much a stopgap fix.
Next, Gary said in that theme he gives thanks for the guy in Brookline who gave Althea a free washer.
Keith gave thanks for family visits at a graduation ... and his parents doing his laundry.
Laura Ruth gave thanks for the next-door neighbor who hauled away lots of trash from the basement, including a washing machine.

***

After service, I hugged Laura Ruth and asked if she was okay, said she had seemed rushed before service.  She said she was rushed, is still catching up from being away, but that she's fine (and she sounded genuinely really cheerful and energetic).  She asked how I was, and I said I'd been better.  She got concerned-face (which was of course the reaction I had been looking for).
I said low-level anxiety flare-ups which I wasn't entirely sure the why of, plus I still haven't heard from my friend Terry and I really really really don't like that.
She said, "You knew you wouldn't hear from him for a while, right?" (in a way like she wanted to make sure she was remembering correctly, not like she was criticizing me for being upset about something I should have expected) and I said yeah, said my self-imposed deadline for when I'm allowed to contact him again is next week.
She said someone once asked her if she "carries" parishioners and she said yes she does and the person said, "Then you're not letting God do her part," and she was properly abashed.  I laughed and said I try to do that but yeah the reminder is helpful, that you sit with people but you are not called to carry it all.  She then said something like, "But I know how much you care about them," which I appreciated -- because yeah, of course I worry about those I love, and I think I actually do a good job of not trying to take on an undue portion of the stuff I should leave to God.  I knew she had a meeting to go to, so I wasn't even going to request pastoral care in that moment ('cause it's not like I was in crisis, and getting to tell her -- and hold her hands while I did it -- and have her be sympathetic, was about what I was looking for ... yes, I want someone to sit with me and hold me for a long long time, but really I want to know something; I'm trying not to dwell SHUDDUP because talking about it doesn't really do me any good and I don't have anything to talk about anyway, since entertaining worst-case scenarios is not at all a good use of my thought processes) nevermind think about getting into a discussion about loving healthy caregiving and support -- though on reflection, it wouldn't be a bad conversation to have at some point (though she'll be busier than usual this summer with Molly on sabbatical).
After I was done, she changed topics and asked if I wanted to be a part of their summer small group series and I said yeah I'd been a part of the tail-end of that last summer and so long as it could be right after service on Wednesdays I could do it.  She had apparently already put my name down -- though as she pointed out, she could easily have taken it off if I'd said no :)

I dislike:
- feeling like I'm doing other people's jobs for them
- feeling like I'm not doing a good enough job at my own job
- feeling like I need other people to do my job for me (this one is really mixed because having someone so proactive is awesome and I am so so grateful, but I hate feeling like I'm dumping my work on someone whose job it isn't)

I do enjoy things like Greg joking that he doesn't need everyone in the department's cell phone he just needs mine.

Further commentary on Inaugural words is going to have to wait, but thanks to various people + the internet, have transcript links:
* Rick Warren's invocation: transcript + video (boston.com)
* Elizabeth Alexander's inaugural poem (NYT)
* Obama's Inaugural Address (AP)
* Rev. Joseph E. Lowery's invocation (blog.suntimes.com).

Walking home from work, there was snow falling intermittently.

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]

Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine
     -"You Are Mine" (David Haas)

Five good things about today:
1. Surprise bonus Allie at the T this morning.
2. Ian brought me a chocolate chip cookie from the FacCommons.
3. Terry called me -- while I was at work, which was somewhat awkward, especially as someone sits behind me, but points for promptly returning my call (I left a voicemail last night).
4. Apparently I am getting overtime for my work in SF.
5. "Free Hugs" girls outside Harvard T when I was going home.

Three things I did well today:
1. [gym] 45min treadmill (4.3mph, 1.5incline)
2. I remembered to pick up milk on my way home.
3. I paid bills.

Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]
1. Rest and Bread.
2. Getting to go home after service (because class is over).

Hai, 12 hours of sleep!  I went to bed at like 8:20pm.  I woke up at 6:13 (about when I normally get up during the week) and opted to not get up just yet.  My alarm was set for 8, and I ultimately got up a little before 8:30.

It was still flurrying out, and weather.com said 13F, feels like -3F (8:25am).  (Predicted high for today: 23F.)  That seemed a bit cold even for me.  My concessions to the cold were: a sweatshirt instead of a knit top, thick socks inside my boots, and gloves in the pockets.  I was expecting to feel underdressed, but I was actually mostly fine (I left my house around 10am).  I was a little dizzy leaving my house intitially because the snow on our porch/steps was mostly untouched, but my walk to Davis T is mostly past Tufts campus, so the sidewalks were mostly reasonably cleared, which, yay.

***

I called Terry when I got in to Norwood and said, "I'm at Norwood Central T Station and I would like you to come pick me up and take me to lunch.  Does that work for you?" and he said, "Uh, I'll be there in five minutes," in a tone which suggested it would not be a quick five minutes -- but after 15 minutes of walking in place and singing doxologies and "Abide With Me" and "Amazing Grace" to myself, I called him and said, "Should I just meet you at the restaurant?  Would that be easier for you?"  He said, "No, no, I'm almost there; I'm at the post office."  He was taken aback when he picked me up, asked "Is that all you're wearing?"  I said I was fine, that I had dressed appropriately for what I had expected, but that 15 minutes outside I was getting kinda cold and bored and I had to pee.  He thought the little building by the train station was still open to the public (it hasn't been for years).

We always go to lunch at the same place, and one of the staff members, José, knows Terry from when they both used to work at the Ground Round.  Last time we were there, when José came over to say hi to Terry, Terry introduced us.  Today when he came over to say hi, Terry introduced us and José was like, "We've already met," and I was like, "Yeah."  After José left, Terry said that the last time he was in here by himself, José had asked, "Where's your girlfriend?" and Terry said, "She's not my girlfriend," and José asked, "Are you sure?" and Terry said, "Yeah I'm sure."  He also told me that he had "fibbed" and told him that I was married.  To his credit, he immediately said something like, "Of course, I'm married..."  I was like, "Yeah..."

At one point, he asked what I was doing after lunch and I said I was gonna help my grandma wrap Christmas presents and he asked where she lives and I said the housing complex by Norwood Depot and he said, "Hill Street?" and I said yeah and he said, "I lived there [crashing with a friend for a few months] when I first moved to Norwood ... 23 years ago."  I said, "Wow, doing the math is weird; I was 2 then."  (He was 18.)  He looked horrified and told me to never say (things like) that again.

He said he could take extra time for lunch 'cause he got overtime for coming in early today to help clear the snow (they closed at 3:30 yesterday) except he couldn't today because it was still snowing (albeit only flurrying) so he was obliged to stay on-site and "keep an eye on the walkways."  I said I wanted to have lunch some time while I was off for winter break anyway (he's working days Christmas Eve through the day after New Year's) so we agreed that we'd make lunch plans for some day that it's not snowing :)

***

I wrapped Christmas presents for my grandma and listened to her talk incessantly and played three rounds of Upwords and did not die (nor kill).

I got the 5:07 (which was about ten minutes late, maybe more) train back into South Station.  I was a wimp and T-ed it to Govt. Ctr.  As I was walking through City Hall Plaza, a woman said my full name and I stopped and turned -- and didn't recognize her at all.  It was Alaina.  She said to tell my parents she says hi :)

***

The Back Bay Chorale's "An 18th-Century Christmas."

The Great Hall at Fanueil Hall is small enough that I don't think there are really particularly bad seats, and I didn't really need to have sprung for Premium seats, but whatever -- my gift to the arts or whatever.  (I think the chairs are uncomfortable, though.)

The conductor (Scott Allen Jarrett) said, "If you know of any Baroque Christmas music that we're not doing, let me know and I'll be sure to include it in a future program."

In the "Rejoice greatly" [Messiah], the Soprano sings a like 10-measure "Rejoice" (twice).  Wow!  (There's a long "Jauchzet" in Bach's "Jauchzet Gott in allen Landen," too, but the "Rejoice" was far more impressive to me.)  I actually wish that that section ended with the "He shall speak peace" where the orchestra fades out and the soprano sings the word "peace" unaccompanied.

Before the last piece of the first segment, the conductor said, "And as the angels said... we will end the first portion of our program with 'Dona nobis pacem' from Bach's Mass in B Minor, one of the greatest pieces ever written."  I was like, "Wow, way to set a high bar for your performers."

After the sing-along (for which we all stood) was the closing piece, the "Hallelujah" from Messiah, and I was expecting to stay standing (yes, I've been to the Handel and Haydn Society's performance of Messiah for what, three years in a row?), but it seemed like everyone was sitting down, so I did, but some people stayed standing, so I stood back up.

[Addendum: I neglected to mention that the sing-along included three verses of "O Come, All Ye Faithful," and when we hit the refrain the second time, I was really struck by the "O come let us adore him" -- in part because of the shift to softer and sort of more intimate from more energetic, and also because it's this really evocative idea, this deep desire to adore/worship.]

( full program list )

***

Walking back from Fanueil Hall, there was a guy playing trumpet really pretty.  I had no bills smaller than a twenty, so I just gave him all the change I had (which unfortunately was like 57 cents).

When I was walking home past Powder House Park a little before 10:30, people were sledding.

My housemate renewed her Hollywood Video membership (and added my name -- yay) today and rented Ocean's Eleven and Goodfellas -- "Now I wanna go to Vegas and shoot people," she said.

I woke up a little after 9 this morning and thought, "Seriously?  But I only went to bed like 7 hours ago."  I didn't get up, but I clearly wasn't deeply asleep because about twenty minutes later I woke up to my phone vibrating on my bedside table.  It was Terry.

You may recall that last Saturday I was supposed to have lunch with Terry but he had a family emergency.  I called him on Thursday evening, and he couldn't talk because he was at a wine auction.  So I was glad to actually get to talk to him, even though phone conversations are never optimal for us as a mode of interaction.

I'd been planning to just come back another Saturday for a rescheduled lunch, but I have so much stuff to do that I think I'll just leave it until the next time I'm scheduled to be out there -- which is the last weekend in May.

+

This week, my hair hit that point of desperately needing to be cut.  [The last time I got it cut was late December -- I'd been thinking about growing it out, but have firmly decided against that.]  I walked in to Salon Femia, where I've gotten decent cuts before.  I had a different woman this time, and I'm not sure that when I said I wanted something wash-n-wear that that really registered.  'Cause the end product I thought, "My hair does not naturally have that much volume, and I'm kind of freaked out."  It's calmer now, and I think it'll look fine with regular wash and air-dry.  She also gave me side sweep bangs, which are a mix of cool and annoying, but I'm not too stressed about that.

+

65F at 12pm?  It felt significantly warmer than that.  It is nice to see people outside, cleaning and playing.  This warm weather saps my energy, though.

+

I went to my mom's friend Susan's Passover seder tonight.  (Apparently this is her fortieth year hosting this seder.)  Every time someone mentioned that this was my first seder, I felt like those "Baby's First [Whatever]" books.

I was actually surprised at how familiar it felt.  At CAUMC Maundy Thursday service, Trelawney does the Jewish blessing when she lights the candles at the table; I know the Exodus story, of course; I read The Devil's Arithmetic when I was like 9 (I remember doing a book report on it in 4th grade) so I have some familiarity with the four questions, the hiding of the matzoh portion, the opening the door for Elijah; relatively recently I looked up what exactly the Four Questions are (it had come up in conversation somehow), and in the process I read the bit about the four different kinds of children; the bitter herb and the sweet are familiar from some sort of cultural osmosis.

One thing I was (pleasantly) surprised by was the bit about how we shouldn't rejoice at the destruction of our enemies (the ancient Egyptians or whomever) because they are God's children, too.

I totally want to edit their Haggadah, though, because if you've never been to a seder before there are places where you're unclear on what you're supposed to be doing (it reminded me of church bulletins -- and there were times when people like Susan would stumble over what we were supposed to be doing, which of course drove me extra-crazy), plus just typographical errors.  And sometimes there's just the transliteration for the Hebrew, which some of the Jews at the table stumbled over (said if it were the actual Hebrew they could read that no problem), so the Hebrew should be added in all the places it's absent.

The actual discussions during and after the meal didn't drive me too crazy -- despite politics featuring prominently.  It was kinda trippy that there were over a dozen people, many of them older, so people would hear bits of conversation and ask questions which had totally been answered like a minute earlier -- much like the last time we FA's went to Border Cafe and Cailin was talking to me and MaryAlice chimed in, saying exactly what Cailin had said earlier (in that instance it was because the environment was so noisy).  I commented as much to my mother, and then the same sort of thing happened and I just about died laughing -- I don't even remember what about it made me so punchy.

The seder started around 7pm, and around 11pm most people were dispersing.  My mom had driven in, so rather than my waiting for a 66 or doing the long route of Brookline Villlage (Green Line) to Park to Davis (Red Line), she drove me part of the way home (we ended up at Central Square, and I said she could just drop me there rather than having to mess around with going through Harvard Square).

I took the 66 from Harvard to get there, and I've rarely taken it past where it hits the B Line, so it was interesting paying attention to stuff.  As soon as you pass Now Entering Brookline or whatever the sign says, there are a whole bunch of Jewish stores and temples and stuff, which entertained me, like an unspoken subtitle to the Welcome sign.  (I also hadn't realized just how many restaurants there are on the Brighton Ave. stretch.  Nor that there are a million burrito joints everywhere -- the plethora of burrito joints is kind of a joke in davis_square, and there are an increasing number in Harvard Square though I tend to forget that since I don't actually live in Harvard Square, but it still threw me to see places on Brighton Ave./Harvard St. apparently selling primarily burritos etc.)

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]
"Sin is necessary, but all will be well, and all will be well, and every kind of thing will be well."
-Julian of Norwich, Showings

Five good things about today:
1. I got 10½ hours of sleep!  (And yet a few hours later I was dozing off reading The Meaning of Jesus [CHPC adult ed] and ended up taking a couple naps.  Maybe I should have gone for a walk?)
2. Terry called me!  The last I'd heard was when I bumped into Harriet the Friday of MLK Day weekend and she said he'd hurt his knee at his non-library job and that place was balking at paying the workman's comp.  He says he's been having physical therapy -- hasn't had knee surgery, though he'll probably have to.  He's working the closing shift at the library these days (5-9pm).  And his son just got a job.  Apparently he hadn't actually had one when he moved in with them.  *sighs*
3. It was snowing lightly both times I was outside today.
4. I got a free dinner.
5. The "motivational poster" in the most recent Neil Gaiman blogpost [lj synfeed link].  I had not known there was as make your own "motivational poster" Internet tool.

Three things I did well today:
1. I visited CWM-Beth.  I had White Ambrosia tea from tea forte.  It was indeed good -- and came in a lovely container.  We went to House of Tibet for dinner.  I was in the mood for dumplings but got seduced by the potatoes-and-spinach stir-fry.
2. I did some additional processing (and praying) about a certain relationship.
3. I updated my GoodReads.  And did some tag-tweaking -- in which process I learned that there is a 35-character limit on tags.  Oh intarnets, why do you thwart my organizational attempts?  Oh, I tagged recent posts on femslash_minis, too.  Ari, am I evil for wanting a moderator account for masterlist posting, so that any Maintainer can go back and edit masterlist entries to update them?
4. I actually left various LJ comments.  (I've been so bad at commenting recently.)

Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
1. Seeing Rachel at CHPC and getting to debrief with her.
2. Going to church.

Advent meditation: Matthew 6:13-16 (from Scripture Readings: Advent to Pentecost, copyright 1989, by the Carmelites of Indianapolis)
     Salam did the meditation.  She said, "God wants us to be useful to others and to people around us and to be doers, not talkers.  He wants our love for others to be useful the way salt is useful to the soil and helps things grow.  He wants us to spread the light around us, like the light from a lighthouse that shines around and guides people at night."

+

joy sadhana for Advent (14)

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy." -mylittleredgirl [more info]

And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High; for you will go before our God to prepare the ways, to give knowledge of salvation to God's people by the forgiveness of sins.  By the tender mercy of our God, the dawn from on high will break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace."
-Luke 1:76-79

Five good things about today:
1. Hanging out with traces.

+ I was running late (woke up shortly before I had intended to leave the house to meet her train at South Station), and she didn't mind.
+ She said I looked "gorgeous."
+ I got a breakfast sandwich croissant at the ABP at South Station and the croissant was really tasty.
+ We walked from South Station to Boston Common and then through Boston Garden (we need to go on the Swan Boats this spring/summer) and down to Copley, where I consulted a map at the bus stop to find Huntington Ave. and we walked the rest of the way to the MFA.
+ I told her stories about Terry and about Ian.  (I have photos of Terry on my camera and she said he's cute and asked if he's Italian and I said no, Portuguese.  Later I played my most recent voicemail for her and she was like, "You didn't tell me he had a Portuguese accent *fans self* ")
+ We were much more engaged in our conversation than in the artwork, so were kind of Those People, which I felt a little bad about, but we did see Shy Boy, She Devil, and Isis: The Art of Conceptual Craft. Selections from the Wornick Collection and Symbols of Power: Napoleon And The Art of The Empire Style, 1800 - 1815 and the Impressionist room, and in our wanderings saw pieces of the Walk This Way exhibit.
+ We walked back to South Station from the MFA, too.

2. Hanging out with Hannah, her boyfriend Daniel, her coworker Nina, and our mutual friend Cate.

+ Scoring two imaginary gold stars against Daniel.
+ Playing Guillotine for the first time (and incorporating Les Mis songs -- e.g., "Master of the House," "At the End of the Day," "One Day More").  People then played Settlers of Catan, and I'm not that interested in games like that, but I wasn't very bored watching them play, so that was good.
edit:
+ I forget how we got to talking about crime dramas and missing persons and stuff, but Daniel said he wanted to develop a supplement to social networking sites where you could get notified when someone hadn't updated in a certain amount of time and have the local police information connected there as well so you can report them missing.
+ We talked about The Golden Compass series, and Daniel mentioned how they've been referred to as the anti-C. S. Lewis and said he wants to reread the Narnia books because he totally missed all the allegory when he first read them.  I said The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and The Last Battle (I forgot The Magician's Nephew) were the most obvious, that I'd heard some about Christian allegory in the other books but apparently I'm not sufficiently rooted in the Christian tradition 'cause I didn't see it at all.  Cate boggled at the idea that I wasn't sufficiently rooted in Christian tradition given all my churching :)
/edit

3. When I got home tonight, the house thermostat was set at 63F.
4. Ellen Page picspam (via alixtii).
5. IM-ing with Jonah (who watched the first five episodes of Angel).

Three things I did well today:
1. Recalling all the slush where sidewalks meet roads from these past couple days, I wore my black rain boots today so I wouldn't have to worry about changing into dry socks during the day.  (Cate complimented me on them, commenting that they were neither pink nor covered in jelly beans.  We agreed that it would be hugely out of character for me to have such boots.)
2. I did laundry.  (Sunday is usually my laundry day, but hi, messy storm a'coming.)
3. I also remembered to buy milk.

Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
1. Going to church.
2. Writing my Secret Slasha fic.