burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

Tues. Dec. 4, 2012

Get more vertical: hike, climb to a high place, pogo or trampoline. Lift your chin to the sky and remember whose you are.

-from Molly's Advent calendar ["Advent and Christmas 2012: Incarnation"]

The end of the workday yesterday, I was feeling kinda pissy, so coming home I kinda wanted to just bike for ages, but I also wanted to head home. (There isn't a nice bike path immediately near me, which is irritating -- my go-to is the Charles River, and while I remembered about the Minuteman Bike Path later, I'm not certain that would have been all that more convenient, requiring that I head into Arlington, since it was the whole "travel during rush hour after dark" that was disinclining me from heading out again -- well, that and various other factors.)

I sometimes flirt with the idea of doing an hour bike ride along the River in the morning and doing strength training after work (I seem to get through it much more quickly when I'm not doing it first thing in the morning) rather than alternating morning routines. Days like today when I have extra time after my strength training routine and no time-sensitive plans after work, this seems like a good idea -- but I usually have evening plans (and don't love the "gym during lunchbreak" thing, though certainly I do it at times when I agree to be in the office early).

At the gym this morning, a trainer was talking about classes she teaches e.g. a Cardio Chaos from 12:05-12:55 (Wednesdays), where you rotate 3 times through 10 stations (jumping jacks, kettlebell swing, etc.), which is sort of tempting. (I tend to forget that there are regular classes which I can attend for free as part of my gym membership since I'm not inherently interested in trainers/classes and thus only notice classes when there are fliers up for special pay-extra classes -- which I have done before.)

(On the theme of Molly's calendar today, one of these days I'll go rock wall climbing again.)

+

At the gym this morning, a trainer and her client were like, "Yay, Christmas music!" and my first response was "Unrelenting War on Advent!" and then I realized the song playing on the radio was "Let It Snow," which isn't actually a Christmas song. (In contrast, at Trader Joe's on Sunday I heard "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" and cringed for multiple reasons.)

The trainer said that one year it was like the last day before Break and barely anyone was in and she had Christmas music on and someone asked her to turn it off and she did but she thought, "Grinch." I did not say, "Unrelenting War on Advent!"

She talked about some class she does where she plays holiday music and she really does try to be inclusive -- e.g., including the Chanukah song. (On reflection, I assume she means the Adam Sandler song -- which is trufax an amusing song, though, hi, I bet Jews have lots of songs they sing at Chanukah, because they're Jews and thus have lots of songs for every occasion.)

Somewhere in here the client commented that there aren't really a lot of "Advent-y" songs, and in my head I was like: THANK YOU for acknowledging that the season of Advent even exists! -- Advent songs aren't peppy upbeat radio songs (like "Let It Snow") because they're about expectant waiting, and also they're explicitly religious so they're not radio songs and ugh, we mostly don't play explicitly religious songs on the radio period for obvious reasons (though, okay, I have a Josh Groban album (no, I don't remember why -- possibly a gift from Singspiration) which has actualfax Jesus songs on it, so probably so does every other album, of which there are many since apparently everyone needs to make a Christmas/holiday album [Edit: And on that subject, on Thursday night, someone I know from high school posted to fb: "How was I completely unaware that Sufjan Stevens released another amazing 58 song, 5 album Christmas extravaganza? So ridiculously excited right now! http://www.npr.org/2012/11/19/165470944/first-listen-sufjan-stevens-silver-gold " /edit ] -- because people need 87 different renditions of the same few dozen songs for their parties? idek.), so when we talk about "Christmas music" we probably mostly mean either generic winter stuff (which varies in quality, and obviously elides the entire Southern Hemisphere) or songs about "Santa" -- which I want to burn in a fire because, ugh, lying to your children.

I am not trying to take away anyone's holiday joy* but seriously, if you want joyful music in the darkness, go for it. If you want it to explicitly reference the cold/snow/dark of the season, go for it. [I have in fact crowdsourced "songs celebrating winter."] Please don't subject me to crappy music, and please respect my desire to observe my personal spiritual/religious practice of expectant waiting during the ~4 weeks of Advent and then celebration during the 12 Days of Christmas (see also: Lent and Eastertide); see also: my desire to not have "Christmas" cantatas or carol sings during Advent.

[Later today, someone on facebook linked to: The Daily Show with John Stewart: "The War on Christmas: Friendly Fire Edition" (it gets good about 4 minutes in -- "Christmas is so big now it's eating other holidays").]

* posts I have read recently include:

• Mary Luti's "A Good Word for the World in Advent" [via Molly]
  
• "Grace as: Permission to Celebrate" [via MagpieGirl]
  
• "A few ways in which the church cultivates irrelevance" on Episcopal Cafe [via OccupyAdvent]
  
• "Top 10 Reasons Christians Should Stop Whining About Secular Xmas" [via a UMC acquaintance]

When I was thinking about secular radio not playing Advent songs I remembered that on Sunday, @OccupyAdvent shared their #adventplaylist:

• Depeche Mode, "Enjoy the Silence"
  
• Blind Boys of Alabama, "People Get Ready"
  
• Bob Marley, "Stir it Up"
  
• Colin Hay, "Waiting for my Real Life to Begin"
  
• Mumford & Sons, "I Will Wait"
  
• Simon & Garfunkel, "Sound of Silence"
  
• Bear with us on this one: They Might Be Giants, "Birdhouse in Your Soul"
  
• Tom Waits, "Jesus Gonna Be Here"
  
• Over the Rhine, "Only God Can Save Us Now"
  
• Johnny Cash, "The Man Comes Around"

and then today they Tweeted the YouTube playlist link.

I am debating including Ani DiFranco, "The Waiting Song" (or "Second Intermission" -- yes, I ran a lyrics search for "wait").

Edit: @OccupyAdvent added:

• Beatles, "Let it be"
  
• Sam Cooke, "A Change Gonna Come"
  

And friends of mine suggested:

• Joni Mitchell, "River" (Coming on Christmas, waiting)
  
• Avril Lavigne, "I'm with You" (I tend think of Avril Lavigne's "I'm with You" as describing my relationship with God in general, but it strikes me as pretty darn Advent-y)
  

Plus, obvs., given my joy sadhana this season: Bob Franke, "Say Yes"

And after Wednesday's concert, possibly: Jenna Lindbo, "Angels on the Subway"

/edit

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"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]

Hail full of grace, the Lord is with you
Worlds without end depend on you
Bless'd is the one whom you bring forth
Whom no one else can bring
-"Say Yes," Bob Franke

( joy sadhana )

Fri. Aug. 12, 2011

My friend Becca (from my first year at Smith) and her wife Angela live in Sacramento, and in my tour of the Bay Area I visited them. (I'm returning the favor in September when they come out to Boston for part of Ang's UU candidacy process -- though that'll be more about providing gratis crashspace and less about playing tour guide.)

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me [9:22am] Glad I checked the weather forecast before leaving for Sacramento. Predicted highs in San Francisco today and tomorrow: 63F and 60F. Predicted highs in Sacramento: 92 and 88.
me [9:27am] Overnight lows dipping below 60F both places, though! \o/
Becca [9:51am] but no humidity! :) See you later today.

I liked that there were so many murals in Sacramento -- though most of the murals themselves I was indifferent to (tho I did really like the one by Cafe Bernardo).

Back at their place after dinner, Becca suggested playing a game. The games they had weren't really speaking to me, but I commented that I'm always a fan of Apples to Apples (which was one of the games they had). There were only 3 of us, but I said that someone (mayhap?) had told me about a way of playing where each round you draw a random red card and include that in the pile of cards to be judged. So we did that. We totally anthropomorphized and referred to the game as playing a card rather than saying, "The random card is..." and were frequently impressed by how well the game played.

( [Apples to Apples] you know I like keeping track of this stuff )

Sat. Aug. 13, 2011

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[9:55am Pacific] Elizabeth [surname] is having a hippie crunchy California breakfast -- gluten-free organic cereal with coconut milk.

my mom [10:32am Pacific] You can come back all healthy and wholesome .... hmmmm, or maybe not so much "wholesome" - but healthy!

We planned to go to Sacramento Art Walk.

Looking at this, Ang said: ‎"It's like that guy with the unicorns, but with naked women." (She was thinking of Lisa Frank.)

We ended up (only) going to the Smith Gallery. Lots of beautiful artwork. Not a huge fan of the proprietor.

---

While I was at the Amtrak station to come back from Sacramento, Mara called to postpone our plans for that evening on account of she had a stomach bug.

I GoogleMapped vegetarian places in my area and went to Golden Era Vegan. I got the Ginger Bliss and was fairly meh on it. I got Almond Pumpkin Cheesecake for dessert and YUM... pumpkin cheesecake.

While I was at dinner, I remembered that there was other stuff I could have done with this newly free night -- like Cymbeline for the second time in a season. Oops.

I walked the outdoor labyrinth at Grace Cathedral (one of Tiffany's recommendations). Smaller than I was expecting, though still a nice experience. (I fairly well tuned out the two people sitting on the facing benches.)

Aftward I walked up the street a bit and hey, I could actually see the Bay. (My being so meh on San Francisco is probably partly related to the part of town in which I'm centered.)

I think I tend to get intimidated by maps and feel like things are so far away when they aren't necessarily.

The other day, I was rereading entries from when I was here last time, and in one of them I said:

I was thinking that going places on my own is like What I Do, so what was my problem? But I realized that exploring places isn't something I tend to do on my own -- which helps explain why I've been feeling somewhat bored wandering around and have actually been wanting someone to be here with me.

I considered trying to expedition to Fisherman's Wharf area (yeah, one of these days I will have a smartphone and will boggle that I ever went anywhere without having an electronic map in my pocket), but I came back to the hotel in part because I had to go to the bathroom.

Heading down Taylor, the first leg, one could really feel unsteady heading down that steep incline. As I headed down Taylor, I passed a variety of interesting places, including a "massage" place.

As I interneted back at the hotel, I was still hungry (I think after all the walking around Sacramento, my body was like, "moar calories pls"), so I went to one of the places I'd seen on my way back on Taylor -- Honey Honey Cafe and Crepery.

I knew a savory crepe would fill me more, but none of them were really speaking to me, so I got a strawberry+Nutella crepe. It comes with ice cream, too! :)

It would probably behoove me to invest in some granola bars or trail mix or something.

Sun. Aug. 14, 2011

Initially planning to be on vaca with la bff, I'd looked up ELCA churches -- since she's more denominationaly committed than I am. I stuck with my plan.

I went to Her Church in the morning. Was running a little late (underestimated how much time to allow for eating out, esp. on a Sunday morning), so missed the bus(es) I would have taken. Was less in the middle of nowhere than the map had suggested, and I successfully navigated based on the map I had sketched. (I also got to see the morning fog burning off the hills.) I was actually only a few minutes late \o/

The service was about what one would expect having looked at the website. At one point afterward, two people were chatting about hymnals and I perked up (my best friend has totally corrupted me) and (unprompted) the musician gave me a copy of Inclusive Hymns for Liberating Christians \o/

I checked out the art gallery and ultimately crashed the book study. The idea of Our Lady of Guadalupe mostly makes me think of the scene in Death Comes for the Archbishop (which book title I totally couldn't think of).

+

I went to First United Lutheran in the evening.

Coming from my hotel, I accidentally took Grove rather than Hyde (it starts out Grove/Hyde, and I felt like I was going in the wrong direction based on the map I had been looking at, but I also thought I was on the street it had told me to be on and so clearly it would resolve itself and anyway I have a poor sense of direction -- I feel good about the fact that the direction I wanted to go in was the actual correct direction; I also found a Mediterranean eatery I didn't know about as I started on Grove/Hyde) and so had to trek from ~300 Franklin to 1187 Franklin, but I still got there on time. The building signage is poor, but when I mentioned that to the pastor afterward, she said she was very aware and they were working on it. I did get to positively affirm that they did the, "This chalice has wine, this chalice has grape juice, we also have gluten-free crackers," spiel out loud in addition to having it printed in the bulletin (which was true at Her Church as well).

Various people chatted with me afterward. (People did at Her Church, too, but I felt better about it here. Though both places I was very open about being just visiting on vacation, so I can't blame people too much for not having placed a high priority on sustained conversation with me.)

I was gonna go to dinner afterward, but I was full of post-church food, so I took this guy Daniel up on his offer to hang out for a bit. We headed toward the Castro (he mentioned ex-girlfriends and very much presented as straight, the Castro's just a nice place to hang out) and stopped at the Jamba Juice by the Safeway, though I got a Chunky Strawberry Topper, which is more like a meal ($9! -- though Daniel offered to pay, and I let him), so I still haven't had a real Jamba Juice smoothie. (When we were in Old Sac, I saw a smoothie place as an option and wanted to go and Becca was like, "But you're in California -- if you get a smoothie you have to get Jamba Juice," and I was like, "That seems to be what Google thinks as well -- I Googled for smoothies near my hotel, and it mostly gave me a dozen Jamba Juices" [I then told her the story of my having found the now-defunct smoothie place near the hotel I'd stayed at last time I was here]; she did let me get a smoothie at Old Sac.)

After we finished our Jamba Juice, he drove me up to Twin Peaks.

When I noticed we were on Portola I wondered aloud if it was the same Portola I was on this morning and then realized that oh yeah, we were going through the Castro and I'd taken Muni out through Castro to Forest Hill Station and so it was actually likely. We did indeed see Her Church up on our left. (I was at that point forbidden from looking off to the left so as to get the full effect when we got to the peak, but I did look to see the church -- and vocalized that that's what I was doing ... and maintained that given what the view was there, I still retained full points for not looking. He had previously stated that he was impressed that I really wasn't looking. I said the effect of seeing it for the first time from the top seemed worth it.) As he pointed out, San Francisco is not that big.

As we were looking out over the city from the peak, Daniel pointed out that Market Street is basically straight until it hits Castro ;) (This observation is obviously not original to him, nor did he claim it to be.)

It wasn't a brilliant sunset, but it was soft and lovely. (Daniel said he didn't think he'd ever been up there at sunset, actually.)

While I've taken to giving money to people on the street, I almost never do when I'm with other people (yeah, apparently I don't wanna be seen as someone who gives money to panhandlers), so I really loved that Daniel did (once when we were in the car, stopped at a light; and once walking from his car to my hotel). I felt bad about not having affirmed that. (I know that I mostly didn't say anything because I couldn't figure out how to say anything without implicating myself, and/or without getting into a conversation on the topic which I felt would be uncomfortable. Though sitting outside Jamba Juice (so after he'd given change to the guy outside the car, I'm almost certain) we did talk some about homeless folk, and I mentioned that for a while I had the common "what if they use it to buy drugs/alcohol?" discomfort with giving them money, and that then I'd encountered the idea of, "in that situation, wouldn't you want to numb that pain somehow?" -- though I didn't vocalize the next step that was in my head [also not original to me], about part of human dignity being able to make one's own choices).

I have developed enough of a sense of the area around my hotel (and paid enough attention to the surrounding streets -- a training I began to develop after taxi drivers asked me how to get to my Medford apt., though I'm not as conscientious about it [anywhere] as would probably be optimal) that I can sort of direct people who are driving me.

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[8:55pm] Elizabeth [surname] got taken up to Twin Peaks at sunset by a guy she met at church tonight. Who walked her to the front door of her hotel and everything and never tried to kiss her. She admits to some surprise at this last part.

SCBC

In SCBC Adult Ed, we've been doing a series of short (~10min) films on faith communities and environmentalism. (Though after Haiti, we did a session on "Where Is God When Disaster Strikes?")

The first one was about evangelicals in Appalachia and mountaintop removal (something Annie B. preached on at CWM some months back).

The second one was an interfaith group in New Jersey -- helping finance solar panels for churches, doing a garbage audit, doing that carbon footprint quiz (which punchline tells you how many Earths we would need if everyone lived like you did); I loved all the practical examples.

This one was a Muslim community around Chicago getting into humanely raised/slaughtered meat. It also talked a lot about Ramadan -- the primarily Muslim woman in the video commented that during Ramadan it is particularly important that the food you break your fast with be ethically raised/slaughtered, which hadn't occurred to me but which made a lot of sense. (Technically you break your fast with like dates and milk before moving on to dinner, but the point still stands.) The same Muslim community also volunteered serving food to the hungry during Ramadan. There was definitely a lot about human connections -- the Muslim woman went out and met (and befriended) the farmers who would be supplying them. And one of the farmers trufax commented in the film that he wasn't sure what to expect at first 'cause he's in a rural area where there aren't very many Muslims, and most of what you hear about Muslims is "terrorists." He totally joined them for Ramadan dinner, though :) One of the Muslims talked about how in Islam it is not good to eat alone, and that the more people are present, the more blessings are in the food.

After the film, the first person who commented was Betty, who said that the dinner made her think of my church, with the dinner afterward :)

Later, I said that I hadn't realized that Islam had like the Jewish kosher rules, though I shouldn't be surprised, and I talked some about eco-kashrut (which I totally learned about at Temple Shalom Medford).

A lot of Owen's questions focused on, like, does this change your preconceptions about Muslims -- which I'm not sure was the most helpful route with this particular group, though an understandable angle (albeit one that totally wouldn't have occurred to me).

Owen asked if anyone want to close us in prayer, and I did.

Afterward, Betty asked me about the retreat. And when I was about done with that, Owen asked how my friend in Kansas City was doing.

As we hit a kind of conversational lull/wrap, Betty asked me what time I had to be at my next church, and I said it started at 10:30 (the wall clock said it was currently like 10:28) but that I wasn't really in a rush.

When she hugged me goodbye, Betty said she's so proud of me. I'm not sure what exactly prompted that, but I was happy to take it.

Walking to CHPC, I felt all bubbling over with joy.

CHPC

So I was ~15 minutes late to CHPC, but I hadn't missed much -- just the welcome and announcements and most of the Introit.

Words of Assurance: it's all about grace -- all we have to do is admit we need it and it's there

During Passing of the Peace, Liz called me "gorgeous" (she complimented me on my shirt -- a black v-neck knit top with patterning along the neckline).

The Scripture readings were First Corinthians 15:1-11 and Luke 5:1-11, which were the assigned lectionary, but I don't think Karl made one single mention of them in his sermon. (This always makes me think of Ellen having commented during Adult Ed one time about how she has so much experience in churches where the sermon didn't relate at all to the Scripture that was read and how here the sermon is always connected to the Scripture.)

The sermon was titled "Being Church, Doing Church." Karl talked about how "being church" is a mindset, a worldview, while "doing church" is action. Okay.
He talked about how the essence of Christianity is community (quoting the saying that "there's no such thing as an individual Christian") -- getting past your self-preoccupation.
He opened the sermon with saying that he was talking about these theme because of the Annual Meeting upcoming later in the day, but he didn't really say useful specific stuff.

My most useful takeaway was the insert (excerpted from the PCUSA Constitution):

The Great Ends of the Church
--The proclamation of the gospel for the salvation of humankind
--The proclamation of the gospel for the salvation of humankind
--The shelter, nurture, and spiritual fellowship of the children of God
--The maintenance of divine worship
--The preservation of the truth
--The promotion of social righteousness
--The exhibition of the Kingdom of Heaven to the world

The Meaning of Church Membership
A faithful member accepts Christ's call to be involved responsibly in the ministry of his Church. Such involvement includes:
--Proclaiming the good news
--Taking part in the common life and worship of a particular church
--Praying and studying Scripture and the faith of the Christian church
--Supporting the work of the church through the giving of money, time, and talents
--Participating in the governing responsibilities of the church
--Demonstrating a new quality of life within and through the Church
--Responding to God's activity in the world through service to others
--Living responsibly in the personal, family, vocational, political, cultural, and social relationships of life
--Working in the world for peace, justice, freedom, and human fulfillment

During Prayers of the People, Craig lifted up Haiti. Randy told two stories -- one of someone who said he was fine, he just had a rock fall on his foot, but he was dead 1 week later from infection; and one of a person pulled out from rubble alive after 3 weeks. I cried.

The potluck luncheon was quite a spread. I asked Katherine what was in the dishes, and she told me who had made the various dishes so I could ask them and make labels. Ellen is my favorite because she had brought labels with ingredient lists. (Yes, I want labeling the food we put out to be just a natural part of What We Do. I mean, even if I didn't have any dietary restrictions, I would like to know what stuff is before I take a bite. And srsly, Corinne has food allergies -- how is this not already a thing we do?)

The Annual Meeting was better than I'd expected.
The woman who does the newsletter is moving to NYC in a few months. I did not volunteer to take it over (largely because I don't have a good program in which to do it in).
We moved the pastor to quarter-time, and Jeff delineated both Karl's "schedule" and also what Karl will now NOT be doing -- which turns out to all be building maintenance stuff. (My first thought had been: "Oh, so this helps explain why Karl said Session's beginning to talk about lay readers being more involved in leading worship," but apparently not -- and I wasn't gonna bring up worship planning at Annual Meeting, where we're passing the budget and stuff.)
Karl talked about North Prospect Union, which is a product of a merger -- and we wouldn't necessarily have to merge with them; we could worship together but still be distinct congregations. (This seemed bizarre to me, but then at CWM Linda said that she came back from renewal leave to find that her two tiny congregations want to continue worshiping together -- at least until the end of the appointment season -- though they definitely don't want to merge.) Apparently an elderly member of North Prospect has a house that he's basically promised to the church, and it needs a lot of work, but that could be an option. House church is now totally my new favorite option.
Karl said something about the April Session meeting, and I wrote down that I wanted to plan to go, but I forget why now.
There are a couple ethnic Presbyterian congregations (Hispanic, Taiwanese) that don't have their own building. Tufts has also expressed an interest in this building in the past.
We talked about maybe moving to Medford (lots of folks are getting fed up with Somerville -- parking, etc.).

CWM

"Jesus invites you to follow and define your own life in relationship to God. You are a child of God and no one can change that. You can change your name given at birth but the name God has given you will stand forever." -Ruben Duran

Isaiah 6:1-8
Luke 5:1-11

For Children's Time (in between the Scripture readings), Tiffany introduced Nizzi to the children and talked about making new friends and etc. Trelawney was totally crying. At Tiffany's request, I turned a bank of lights on when she started preaching, so she could read her text. Trelawney was sitting on the floor, and I sat down behind her and rubbed her shoulders. I actually sat with her for 15, maybe 20, minutes.

In her sermon, Tiffany talked about how this story of the calling of the first disciples is often told very briefly and is missing an important part of the Call narrative -- the resistance. She said lots of people, herself included, have made meaning out of the story of the disciples just leaving everything they have and following Jesus, but that she thinks there is also importance in this expanded version.

She talked about how Simon Peter in Luke and Isaiah both have the same reaction to the presence of the Divine -- "I'm not worthy."
She quoted Richard Wing -- "it is our feelings of unworthiness that prevent us from giving our gifts to the world."
She said we must respond to God's call out of a sense of our own belovedness rather than out of fear.

We did a ceremony of transition (which had Tiffany symbolically giving Nizzi the keys to the Kindom church).

The first congregational responsory was "While we are sad to part, we look forward to the new journeys on which we both embark," and I was okay, but then the next one was, "Thank you for the time we had together," and I got all choked up. Then I was okay again, but then I looked at Tiffany (who actually looked fine -- unlike during her sermon when I thought she looked red around the eyes like she was teary) and got all choked up again.

We are doing a lay-led Ash Wednesday service. \o/
(I still don't know of anywhere locally that's doing a Shrove Tuesday service, but that's okay. I sort of expect that First Church will have one, but they went on retreat this weekend and are going on a mission trip to Mexico next weekend, so I'm not sure how much they're on top of their programming.)

It hadn't occurred to me to think about a Lenten discipline until Trevanna asked over dinner. Yeah, I am increasingly liturgical, but I still spent my entire pre-college life thinking that Lent was just a Catholic thing (yes, I was that Low Church).

(Trevanna said she'd Googled our new interim pastor, and one of the results was my blog. I forget sometimes how Google-indexed this LJ is. Looking at my LJ -- pretty much all the recent public entries are about church.)

Quoth Karen Oliveto just now.

Whatever. Means I don't feel bad about having taken the whole slice :)

Edit @ 9:40 A guy just walked by and said, "Do you like chocolate?" I said, "Yes!" and he handed me a king size Hershey's milk chocolate bar. (Yes, I'm sitting out in the foyer while everyone else is doing Called to Witness Believe Out Loud stuff.)

Yeah, I have literally not had the energy to keep up with basic updating stuff (I've been keeping a running draft, but as you'll see, even that was incomplete). I am update-dumping before I leave for a long weekend in Maine.

***

( gym: July 20-24 )

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[MFA] Saturday, July 25

I went to the MFA with WalthamWoman, who wanted to see as much as possible in the time we had before closing, so that was interesting. I think we "saw" like 80% of the museum in under 2 hours. Good thing I've been there a ton and never feel invested in seeing anything particular when I'm with friends.

The Contemporary Outlook: Seeing Songs was all up (it was only partially installed last time I went through), though unfortunately it didn't live up to my expectations.

I want to look at a lot more of the Asian art next time I'm there.

I really enjoyed A New and Native Beauty: The Art and Craft of Greene & Greene

***

( gym: July 27-29 )

***

( gym: Aug. 4-7 )

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[giving blood] Thursday, Aug. 6

I was hesitant about going to SCBC agan, despite the serious convenience factor, given how inefficient it was last time.

This time: I had a 5:30 appointment and got there at like 5:24. I was handed a #29 and had barely sat down before I got taken over to get my iron checked etc. She asked if I had read the material, and I said yes ('cause I have given blood umpteen times this year and read all the material every time and it never changes, at least not in any ways relevant to me).

(BP 98/60, pulse 64, oral temp 98.4, Hb: 12.8)

In the past I have actually hit their maximum mark of how long you can be blood-drained before they make you stop because of clotting concerns, but this time I was done in like 7 minutes. I was like, "We're done? Really?" The woman said everyone that day had been really quick.
It was like 6:00. I then dutifully sat for 10 minutes, ate two packets of cookies (one pack of Oreos and one of oatmeal raisin) and drank a bottle of water and then left.

***

( gym: Aug. 10-14 )

***

Tues. Aug. 11

I had dinner at Andala with OtherElizabeth. We ate outside because blessedly it was nice enough out to be able to do that. (By the time we parted ways, it was actually cool enough out that I would have wanted a sweater were I to remain not moving.)

I got the Avocado Press Sandwich, because I could. It came with a little like potato salad on the side, which was a nice bonus, except that there was something in the seasoning or something that I didn't like -- even though in theory I should have liked it since it was basically cold potato chunks with some oil. (I also got a banana smoothie, I think.)

***

( gym: Aug. 17-21 )

***

Tues. Aug. 18

Cailin invited me to go out for dinner with her and Katie 'cause it was her last night in Boston or something. I assumed she would wanna do Restaurant Week, but she said actually she'd been planning on Legal. I said I wasn't very excited about Legal 'cause there's almost nothing I can eat. She said she was sorry but she really wanted to get seafood. I said that was fine.

She said she'd be fine getting salads at Cheesecake, but I said Legal was fine.
On our way to Legal (we were driving to the one in Kendall), she mentioned that we could go to Bertucci's. I strongly supported this.
I got the Spaghetti Primavera, which had lots of vegetables. I wilingly ate asparagus with no problem -- go me (asparagus always strikes me as the kind of thing I don't particularly like).

At one point Cailin asked if we thought there was pressure (at HBS, for faculty) to get married, saying yeah academia's a little different than other places but there's probably still "pressure to conform to social norms, as Elizabeth would say." Apparently I am still really obviously a Smith College grad? :)

After we got out at Davis, Katie said: "I'm going to take the bike path. Shorter and cooler. Don't die. Call me if you're going to die." (Because she has a vehicle, so she could come and rescue me.)

***

Fri. Aug. 21

I had dinner at Taepei Tokyo in Davis Square. I don't know if it's the same franchise as the one in Northampton. I ate at the one in Northampton once, but I wasn't feeling well then, so I have no real verdict on it (and we were going to a Dar Williams concert at the Iron Horse afterward, so I couldn't really get my meal wrapped up to go), and I'd never been to the one in Davis Square though it opened a while ago.
I got hot and sour soup, which I'd never had before, and yeah, not really my thing.
I got a peanut avocado sushi roll, which was tasty.
We got vegetable tempura for starters -- which lighter than I'd expected (which was good).

***

( gym: Aug. 24-27 )

***

Mon. Aug. 24

I had dinner at The Elephant Walk in Cambridge.
I got the vegetarian spring rolls for starters, which were okay.
I got the Tofu Amrita as an entree, and the tofu was fine, but I didn't eat much else, in part because of anxious stomach.

***

Thurs. Aug. 27

Make-Your-Own-Sundae in the Dean's House Garden.

I got vanilla ice cream and loaded up as many toppings as possible -- crushed Oreos (sans filling), M&M's, chocolate sauce, sliced strawberries, cherries. Yeah, when the faculty I came over with were getting seconds I was about halfway through my bowl.

A couple of our Unit's RA's came over at one point and we chatted and then headed back. I feel sort of bad that I only socialized with people I see all the time, but I'd been out for about 45 minutes and wasn't really feeling like seeking out more socialization. So it goes.

CHPC

There was zero mention of More Light Sunday, which displeased me.

The sermon title was "Ministers of a New Covenant" (Scripture: Isaiah 61:1-4 & 2 Corinthians 3:1-4; 3:17-4:1), and Karl talked about covenant being relationship.

Cofee Hour included strawberries from Katherine's garden.  Someone said this what strawberries are supposed to taste like.  I was snacking on them like nonstop 'cause they didn't have that bite to them that usually makes strawberries a very "in small doses" snack for me.

intermission

After I got home, I finished the Timothy Keller book Ross had lent me.  I wanted to reread the chapter on hell (the chapter we were actually planning to discuss this afternoon), but I opted for something like a nap instead.

Discussion wasn't quite as good as I would have liked, but largely that's because I'm not as well-versed in Scripture/theology as I would like to be.  I was able to articulate most of my major points in a reasonably intelligent fashion, though, and Ross is a really open and respectful guy.  Emily was there, too, which was nice.  I like her.  (She did the AIDS Walk today.)

Ross had youth group at 4pm, so I sat on the CAUMC steps and read before CWM.  I had cramps, which fine whatever, but the front/inside of my thighs were also really sore and painful which I really didn't understand -- and was not happy about.  I wanted to just go home and obtain some sort of drugs that would knock me out, but of course I stayed for church, and I actually felt progressively better as service went along, which I was grateful for.

CWM

Trinity Sunday.  Tiffany preached on Romans 8:12ff.  She talked about how when Paul is talking about "flesh" here, he doesn't mean that the material/bodily is bad, but rather he's talking about legalism.  She said that earlier in Romans, Paul had said that legalism leads to guilt conspiring with a sense of inadequacy to a moral impotence.
    She talked about how Augustine imaged the Trinity as Lover/Beloved/Love and the Cappadocian Fathers (the 3 Gregories) as perichoresis (root of "choreography" -- I knew this from aforementioned book [Chapter 15 -- p.215]) ... dance.  She expanded this idea to include God's relationship with humanity and indeed with all of creation.

home

Housemate and I took care of assorted (metaphorical) housekeeping this evening.  We're having our joint-birthday (and belated housewarming) party the evening of Saturday, July 11.  Ugh, facebook friends decisions are stressful.

And my keyboard keeps being temperamental, which isn't helping with getting stuff done.

***

( joy sadhana )

This morning I kept singing in my head this morning (from Lenten Taize at FCS UCC) (mostly in English, natch).  I've frequently found myself singing bits of Taize chants we did during Lent at Rest and Bread.  This repetition thing really does work, huh?

FR
Jésus le Christ, lumière intérieure,
ne laisse pas mes ténèbres me parler.
Jésus le Christ, lumière intérieure,
donne-moi d'accueillir ton amour.

EN
Lord Jesus Christ, Your light shines within us,
let not my doubts nor my darkness speak to me.
Lord Jesus Christ, Your light shines within us,
let my heart always welcome Your love.

***

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come.  You wait and watch and work: you don't give up." --Anne Lamott

Good things about today:

• [redacted, v.2]
  
• Comfortable-feeling lunch with coworkers.
  
• I am really grateful to have disposable income and food options.  I had tofu stirfry for lunch and then got vending machine cookies and after work I went to Finagle-a-Bagel and got an overpriced Tomato Cheddar Melt (with avocado and possibly an excess of honey mustard) and a hot chocolate, and later I went to Burger King and got french fries, and I was hungry when I got home but opted not to eat anything in part because I knew I was going to bed (relatively) soon, but I totally could have eaten more food.
  
• Okay, after-work is just going to be a series of stories.
  I got out at Arlington Street T Station and headed toward the church, and it was so weird to not see all the construction stuff up.  The only stuff still there is signs at the T entrances saying that the entrance is closed.  There are steps to a downstairs Church Office, and a green lawn, and who knew... I sat on polished stone and ate my dinner.  According to the signs inside the T, on May 31 (Pentecost! hee) the Arlington Street Entrance is reopening and the Berkeley Street entrance is closing.
  After I finished my dinner, I walked into the Public Garden and phoned Ari.  I saw Swan Boats (because oh yeah, we are after Memorial Day), and a white swan sleeping.  And there were so many animals around -- ducks and squirrels and clutches of people with their dogs all playing together...  Yes, this is really spring/summer.
  I walked around seeking a Burger King, and indeed I was recalling correctly that there is one at Park Street, and as I headed in I had a split-second impulse to ask Ari, "Do you want anything?" -- which is particularly ironic since I'm often bad at being attentive like that when I'm actually with people.
  ASC's front sign said "Respect" for May 31 and I thought, "So not doing Pentecost," and we talked some about UU churches, and I said I would like to go to King's Chapel at some point to see how an example of a "Christian" UU church works, and I thought some more about church-hopping this summer because I'm not really feeling church service at CHPC (though I know that summer is a bad time to check out a new church, because attendance drops off and programs go into recess and all that) -- and I can use Ari's 6-axis scale, and be a blogging Phantom Churchgoer like Eric suggested :)
  And we discussed tagging.  As we do.
  Sacred Eros was just me and Desmond.
  We discussed: non-petrol cars, the Bible's stance on monogamy/marriage, sex work (primarily from a workers' rights angle), libertarianism, how to be a truly welcoming church, church membership, how to do the Ask in a way that reminds people that we give to the church in so many ways, and assorted other things.
  Desmond mentioned possibly moving Sacred Eros to Tuesdays since a lot of interested parties can't make Thursdays.  I said that would be fine by me because I would no longer be skipping church to come here -- I would just be skipping church class (i.e., World Religions at Harvard Summer School).  Heh.
  
• Comment from Mayhap.
  
• One of my Summer School books arrived (albeit the one I am probably least interested in reading).
  
• A flister has been surfing Magpie Girl Blog because of me.
  
• A 276-slide PowerPoint printed 4-per-page without my having to tell it to (which was good because I clicked Printed before realizing what a big document it was).
  

Things I did well today:

• I only snoozed my alarm once and I ate breakfast at home and I went to the ( gym )
  
  
• I finally mailed my GAP VISA payment (all my postage stamps are at work, so I put it in my bag and kept forgetting about it when I was at work).
  
• I navigated the ID card swap/replacement maze for Prof.D.
  
• I reached out to FUH re: grading and totes got to manage the poll participation the electronic way (I've been helping a coworker and think her system is really inefficient) AND figured out how to generate averages from text entries (with thanks to Ranjan).
  
• I followed up on all the stuff that came in while I was out yesterday.
  
• I did some work on the AAR.  (The problem with giving myself permission to only do some -- the intention of which is to not have me feel paralyzed with guilt/anxiety over not having finished the entire thing in one day -- is that after I've done some, I feel like I can then quit for the day.)
  
• I emailed Laura Ruth (thanking her for "hearing and holding me" last night and also talking about Pentecost).
  
• I emailed various people (Ross, Sara, L.) about getting-together plans.
  
• I changed the template on the "professional"(?) blog I'm experimenting with having, and I like it so much better now.
  
• I reminded a friend of an additional tool in her (mental/emotional/spiritual/psychological) toolbox.
  
• I found two things in B's office (per his request).
  

Things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]

• Firefly discussion with Jeff, L., et al.

***

Another Magpie Girl post:

Over at The DO LESS Revolution, we are getting ready to get rid of a bunch of stuff on our To-Do list.

Sometimes, I think we take the idea of Doing Less too literally, restricting ourselves to reducing only our external tasks and chores.  But our internal tasks demand our time and energy as well. By internal tasks I mean the activities of our monkey mind - mental and emotional busyness. So here’s a little warm-up exercise for Friday’s DO LESS post. What *8Things do you need less of– from the internal or external list? Here’s mine, share yours!

Her list included:
* Worry
* Regrets
* Second Guessing
* Self Criticism

I feel like what I need right now is more in my life -- more abundance ... more physical touch, more conversations and interactions and time with people I love, more delicious food, more sleep.  But I do appreciate the spirit of this exercise.

***

Another blogpost I read today was Sweet Machine's "Queering my mirror."  Excerpt:

Seeing the world through a queer eye makes me look at other women without the pathological measuring up/judging/comparing that I have been trained to perform since girlhood. Especially when I am actively dating a woman, I look at women and don’t think about how they differ from me and whether that puts us higher or lower on the hierarchy of acceptability. I look at women and think, How lovely you are. And there is a point, for me, when that can become How lovely I am.

When I was in college, I had a serious (but fun!) relationship with a woman who was also white, tall, and brunette. Our friends joked that we had Identical Lesbian Syndrome because we were roughly the same height and weight and had dark curly hair. The truth is, we really didn’t look alike in either our figures or our faces, but hearing that other people thought we did astonished me, because she was the most adorable, desirable person I could imagine.  People told me all the time that I looked like her—even though, to myself, for years I had looked like a clearly undesireable person with a flabby body, bad skin, and way too much hair, who would never ever be pretty. When I was dating my non-identical-gf, we could trade clothes with each other… so that implied my body wasn’t as grotesque as I had imagined. Our bodies were differently proportioned… but when we were naked we looked more alike than different.

It would be difficult to overstate how simultaneously liberating and confusing this was for me. Here was someone whose body I adored for the same reasons I had always hated mine: its softness, its roundness, its abundance. Her body was dramatic and singular, yet every time I looked at her and praised her, there was some part of my mind thinking, “And that is also true of me.” Having a strong relationship and good sex was positive for me in the way it often is, but this particular relationship made me look at myself differently; it was like having a different mirror.

One of my initial reactions to this was: I totally look at women (people, really) I'm interested in/attracted to and think about how much more awesome they are than I am (including physically) and thus why of course they wouldn't be interested in me.

But I also thought about how the people I've been attracted to haven't been people I would objectively say are particularly hot but THAT DOESN'T MATTER -- I mean, I love these people deeply (and not just in a gen way), and I don't love them in spite of or because of their bodies, I just love (and want) them inclusive of their bodies, and it's a really good reminder to me that, oh yeah, it works the other way, too.

I felt less pathalogically avoidant today.  I also might be starting my period.  If being avoidant and depressive really is hormonal I'm gonna be stoked.  Except, of course, for the fact that I'm wicked irregular, so it's not like this will necessarily help me except for being able to comfort myself that it's just a temporary fluctuation in mood and not actually a sign that I am in need of professional intervention.

***

Cailin, Katie, Henry, and I had dinner at Garden at the Cellar.  Which was not as expensive as I had initially feared it would be when Cailin said she'd been dying to go there.  And there were enough vegetarian options that I didn't feel really limited.  Rosemary-Truffle Fries are not really my thing, it turns out.  I didn't dislike them, but they weren't really what I was looking for in french fries.

***

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Five good things about today:
1. getting invited to go get breakfast with coworkers
2. lunch with Nicki
3. chatting with Katie after dinner felt really comfortable
4. Jessie wants to get together with folks pre-MJ on Thursday; which I can't be a part of (and points to her for remembering this) but which I think is a really nice idea
5. via Ari, I learned about Quasimodo (yes, one of these days I would like to actually read the book)

Three things I did well today:
1. I got up with my alarm, and did my requisite morning stuff, and went to the ( gym )
2. I asked FUH about having a brief conversation about my supporting his teaching this semester.
3. I emailed various people.

Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]
1. Rest and Bread
2. continuing to get caught up on stuff

The below was mostly finished August/September of last year, but I had wanted to do a bit more and then I kept not getting to it, and here we are months later and I'm just gonna post it.

---

Part of what I did with my extra day in the States before leaving for Europe was catch up on the ibarw del.icio.us -- at least in terms of compiling links to read when I got back.  ~60 posts got added to while I was away, hence the "part 1" in the title.

***

( Olympics )

( hidden histories )

( on writing characters from unfamiliar-to-you contexts )

Subject: From The Fortune Cookie Chronicles

Our benchmark for Americanness is apple pie. But ask yourself: How often do you eat apple pie? How often do you eat Chinese food?

Jennifer 8 Lee

Link thanks to Marginal Revolution.

I think this is my favorite of all the IBARW stuff I've read so far.

[Edit: oyceter reviewed the book.]

***

sparkymonster made a couple fashion posts:
* [IBARW] Alek Wek: The First Model I cared about
* [IBARW] The All Black Issue of Vogue

***

( Jewel of Medina controversy )

qiu xiaolong, 'death of a red heroine;' and on chinese family names (stephiepenguin) made me think of Ro Laren (ST:TNG).

---

From the altfriday5:
----
This week's questions were written by Guest Questioner sparkymonster in honour of International Blog Against Racism Week. She provides this link to helpful reading: http://seamonkey.ed.asu.edu/~mcisaac/emc598ge/Unpacking.html

1. List 5 things which are basic common knowledge in your culture, which people outside are unfamiliar with. This is not about obscurity, but something everyday to you, that others go "bzuh?" at.

2. What was the last book you read that was written by a person who is a different race than you? Do you seek out books written by people of other races? Why? Why not?

3. What did you eat at dinner last night? Would you call it ethnic food? Why?

4. Has your gender presentation changed over the last 5 years? Has this change/lack of change been a deliberate choice on your part?

5. Do you discuss race and racism in your livejournal/blog or in person? Why have you made that choice?

6. Bonus question. Were you aware of International Blog Against Racism Week? Did you choose to participate in it? Why or why not?
----
Follow up in your LJ, or this one, and post links to discussions here.

Edit: Per Lorraine's request, I answered these in comments.