burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

Okay, I was out of town June 29-July 5, so this is delayed.

***

books

• [feminist sff book club] The City in the Middle of the Night by Charlie Jane Anders (and the sequel short story "If You Take My Meaning")
• read Abby ~11 picturebooks -- incl
  • Every Body: A First Conversation About Bodies written by Megan Madison and Jessica Ralli & illustrated by Tequitia Andrews -- explicitly fat-positive, anti-BMI, etc.! (which does still have a bunch of "every body can be healthy," which I don't love -- like, not all bodies are, or even can be, healthy; the book in other places is very intentionally trying to be disability-aware, but I think it doesn't realize it's being problematic in this way)
• [work book club] Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri (which had been on my TBR list for years, but which I had no memory of being a short story collection)
  
• DEI Deconstructed: Your No-Nonsense Guide to Doing the Work and Doing It Right by Lily Zheng
  
• quickly read the 4 "Little Senses" picturebooks

theatre

[ASP/TTO] a very queer As You Like It with Abby, Cate, and Allie

tv

• Ted Lasso 3.12 (the season+series finale)

short stories

• as mentioned above:
  • Charlie Jane Anders' "If You Take My Meaning" (which won't make much sense if you haven't read the novel The City in the Middle of the Night it's a sequel to)
  • Interpreter of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri
• the freely available Theodore Sturgeon Memorial Award finalists (which is almost all of them -- thanks, yhlee)
  • "Ten Steps for Effective Mold Removal" by Derrick Boden (in Apex Magazine, Sept. 2022) will fucking haunt me
  • "Toronto Isn't Real and Other Metropolitan Anomalies” by A.D. Sui (in Augur Magazine, Dec. 2022) it turns out only the first part of the story is available for free and then you have to buy the issue (Augur Magazine Issue 5.2); I was sufficiently hooked that I did (8 CAD -- which was $6.31 USD at the time I made my purchase), though ultimately I didn't love it as much as I had hoped to.

trailers

• Nimona -- coming June 30 on Netflix

music albums

• Janelle Monáe's The Age of Pleasure -- which I wasn't super into, but this NPR review is good. Also, lol. And Janelle's both non-binary and non-monogamous (the latter via this them piece my partner saw, which cites a British Vogue interview).
  
  Because my last Janelle Monáe was Dirty Computer, an emotion picture, it was weird to listen to this album without accompanying videos. Which also made it harder for me to pay attention/catch the words because of how I often struggle to focus on auditory input if I don't also have visuals/often struggle to make out lyrics.

movies

• Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse w/ Abby (whose daughter had warned us it ends with a big To Be Continued cliffhanger; this movie was initially gonna be "Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (Part One)," but since they changed the name I hadn't been able to find any info about whether it was still a two-parter, so I was glad for the heads up, and also feel like it's kind of cheating.  
  
  Vulture informed me that "The next movie, which will be titled Spider-Man: Beyond the Spider-Verse, is slated to come out less than a year from now, on March 29, 2024"  Though the author of a later Vulture article said, "Across the Spider-Verse animators say Phil Lord drove them crazy with relentless revision, seeming unfamiliarity with 3D anim, 6 months of indecision and demands to redo finished work 5X. They say no way is Beyond the Spider-Verse coming out in 2024.")

***

Currently reading:

I recently started reading Surviving the Future: Abolitionist Queer Strategies, after livestreaming the virtual book launch on Tuesday, June 27.

Reading next:

The Monsters We Defy by Leslye Penelope for feminist sff book club (which is July 23, so I'll probably start that as soon as I get my library copy)

On the MLK Day holiday last night, Thom and Colleen watched a YouTube concert which I dipped in and out of.

Like, Rachael Sage was on the artist list -- leading to this from me in chat:

I mean, do I know any of Rachael Sage's songs other than "The Spirit We" off of her 1996 album _Morbid Romantic_? Maybe not. But when I was going through the list just now I recognized her name and had a college flashback.

Oh, also "Bruises Without Blue" from _Smashing the Serene_ (1998)? /me has been Googling to remind myself what songs of hers I actually know, obviously

and then today:

omg, Google reminded me of "Sistersong" (also from _Smashing the Serene_).  Which I'm a little bit ashamed of, because that one is my *favorite.*.

I'm definitely also trying to remember who sent me MP3s of her songs when I was in college. offbalance?

+

So, this is from the blurb for the concert:

“Move Forward Virtual Music Fest,” to raise money to safely relocate two historic Confederate Monuments from the Bastrop County Courthouse Lawn, in Bastrop, TX, will take place on Monday, Jan. 18th (MLK Day ’21) at 6:30pm CT.
HOW TO GIVE:
By online donation: https://www.bastropconfederatemonumentrelocationfund.org/

And it was mostly music, but this white dude who does The Daily Stoic podcast talked for, I kid you not, 15 minutes (well, including the below-mentioned second video). I had him muted almost his entire time.

Thom:

"Do I still appreciate German culture and my German family? Sure." JESUS FUCKING CHRIST  

MY GOD. HE FINISHED AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER PRE-RECORDED VIDEO FROM THE SAME DUDE‽‽‽‽  

I HOPE HE GAVE THEM A FUCKTON OF MONEY  

me:

> Grace Pettis
> This is Ryan Holiday, best-selling author and Bastrop local, who has already given $10K to the cause.

Thom:

FINE

Still wanna claw out my ears.

Hell hath no torment like a White Man with a Mission  

"Our norms are collapsing." I can't even....  

me:

I mean, lbr, I'm a little dubious about this whole project to "ensure that the history these two monuments represent is preserved" (to quote from the donation website).  Like, just bring them down and grind them into dust.  No one needs this to be preserved.

Thom:

I mean, there's an argument for keeping things in a museum, but yeah, what value do these monuments even have that a history book or museum plaque can't?  

( click to read us getting increasingly upset about 'preserving' Confederate monuments )

+

Some of the music was good, though?

Grace Pettis' "White Noise" led me to say in chat:

"What have you done? Where is your brother?"  I am here for the subtle biblical references in this song.  (Among other things.  This is maybe my favorite song of the night?)

I also appreciate this:
> MPress Records recording artist Grace Pettis has released a powerful new single, "White Noise". 100% of the proceeds will be donated to Color Of Change, which "leads campaigns that build real power for Black communities" (including their current fight for justice for Breonna Taylor).
-https://www.pastemagazine.com/noisetrade/music/gracepettis/white-noise

(Yes, it was probably my favorite, even though The Chicks showed their "March March" music video.)

Not all the songs were Issue songs, which was fine, but of the ones that were, I vastly preferred the ones that didn't feel blandly, "Love, be nice to each other, we're all the same, maybe some bonus patriotism."

+

Thom last night:

I appreciate that a bunch of the men needed to bloviate and Jackie Venson is like, "Great cause. Gonna play you some songs."

And then Thom in group chat today:

Watching Nobody’s Girl videos, then listening to Jackie Venson, from last night’s show.

I appreciate that BettySoo’s entire consistent aesthetic in this video seems to be “Fuck your beauty standards; I could not be bothered to brush my hair."

Okay, I saw maybe one or two exceptions? But there are definitely multiple shots of her “dressed up” with (intentionally?) unkempt hair.

I also appreciate that this is clearly a pandemic video, including appearances by pets, projects, and at least one partner.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDNXzeUapeE

The song is kinda meh, musically, and I did not do a good job following the lyrics.  

Liking “Waterline” a lot better (not that “Tiger” was _bad_, exactly): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDvSW81rYGQ  

I prefer the acoustic version of this (link below) to the one on the album, but that surprises maybe nobody: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48zglqwnjB0

A few weeks ago, Touch Performance Art did a workshop production of "Sexyback: or what you will" at Club Oberon.

The website said 8pm. Doors didn't even open until 8:07, and the show didn't start until ~8:35 (because not only do you have to wait for everyone to get in, but you want everyone to buy drinks). Le sigh -- I forget what Club Oberon shows are like. I saw Sarah V. from feminist sci-fi bookclub in line, and we hung out once we were inside, which was nice (the killing time part is more enjoyable with friends). I was hoping people would be actually dancing during the pre-show, but people were just standing about, alas.

It does with "Twelfth Night" what "The Donkey Show" does with "Midsummer" -- bare bones of narrative with lots of song+performance. Which actually basically worked. ( spoilers )

FWIW: After the show, they said their plan is to do 3 more workshop shows in July and then 10 full shows in the fall.

[LJ kept refusing to let the update go through last night, so, posting this morning.]

Sun. Dec. 30, 2012

As it turned out, the blacktop of College Ave. was well-cleared, so I actually could have biked to church -- avoiding the whole "walking in the street" issue as the sidewalks were only intermittently cleared until about midway into Tufts campus (though there weren't many vehicles on the road, so I didn't feel unsafe) -- but I opted not to turn around and get my bike (in part because I had just chatted with Joan across the street about the fact that I wasn't biking today -- apparently she sees me biking a lot ... and is glad I wear a helmet).

It was after sunset that I came home, but the sidewalks didn't feel too dangerous to me, so I probably could have biked home fine, too (and there was even, to my surprise, enough clearing for me to have parked my bike where I normally park it across the street from morning church).

***

Unison Prayer of Confession

God,

You are big open love that knows no boundaries
And that can be hard on us.
Honestly, it would be easier to keep track of You if You were a little smaller,
A little less mobile.

You are everywhere,
But that includes so many places that we'd rather not be and we'd prefer that
You kept away from them too.
When you go there, it's hard for us to follow.

You are a wide-open welcome,
But we'd be more comfortable if you could be a little more selective -- just to keep things simple.
It's just a tough job, working a room as big as Yours, and it can make us feel small and lost.

You sent Jesus to us to help sort things out.
If we get confused, he said, just love one another.
Really, we'd like to know, what's so simple about that?

God, we can get lost in your big open love.
And not know how to find You.
Help us to stop trying to make You smaller so that our faith might feel bigger.
Be with us as we follow you into a world without walls.

***

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]

After three days, Mary and Joseph found Jesus in the Temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. And all who heard Jesus were amazed at Jesus' answers and understanding.
-Luke 2:46-47 (NRSV, alt.)

( joy sadhana )

Sun. Dec. 2, 2012

Last night I read the d'var Torah that Velveteen Rabbi offered that morning at her shul on this week's parsha, "Vayishlach."

She talks about Jacob wrestling with the angel and says:

Having received a new name, Jacob bestows a new name: he names that place, that bend in the river, Peni'el, literally "the face of God," saying, "For I have seen God face-to-face, yet my life has been spared."

(which is really interesting in and of itself, given the multi-vocality of Scripture on seeing the face of God -- e.g., God to Moses in Exodus 33:20 "you cannot see my face; for no one shall see me and live.") and then talks about Jacob's encounter with Esau, where he says:

No, please, if I have truly found favor in your sight, take the offering from my hand; for to see your face is like seeing the face of God.

She closes with the bit from the Talmud about each individual human being being created in the image of God but each of us are unique -- unlike identical imperial coins each stamped with the mark of the secular leader.

This all seemed quite a lovely connection to Molly's "Light Gets In" Advent theme. But then she closes the post with her 70 Faces Torah poem on this parsha, which ends with such a downer:

For one impossible moment Jacob reached out.
To see your face, he said, is like seeing
the face of God: brother, it is so good!

But when Esau replied, let us journey together
from this day forward as we have never done
and I will proceed at your pace, Jacob demurred.

The children are frail, and the flocks:
you go on ahead, he said, and I will follow
but he did not follow.

Once Esau headed out toward Seir
Jacob went the other way, to Shechem, where
his sons would slaughter an entire village.

And again the possibility
of inhabiting a different kind of story
vanished into the unforgiving air.

***

The theme for this year’s Advent is Light Gets In. No matter what walls we throw up, what boxes we climb in or that circumstances put us in—Light gets in. Light will have its way.

This Sunday in worship, I’ll be preaching on the walls humans throw up that block out Christ’s light. We’ll begin building an actual wall in the sanctuary, that will grow each week up until Christmas Eve, when the Light will get in. Will you bring cardboard boxes to church anytime you show up, and leave them on the chancel, and help us duct-tape them together to build our Babel-wall up toward heaven and obscure the cross?

-Molly in This Week at First Church

To my mind, Advent is about the light slowly breaking in (we light first one candle and then a second, and so on), so I don't love this theme.

(The Meditation in the bulletin was Robert Frost's "Mending Wall," so of course I was trying to remember what mt said about that poem. Allie?)

+

Pre-service lectio divina happened in the Parlor, and as a result we could hear the pre-service choir rehearsal. I heard "Emmanuel, Expected Jesus," and fell into Advent.

...

To my surprise, 9am lectio divina was not just me and the facilitator (Bobby); Tom arrived before I did, and Leigh came a little late.

We did Luke 1:5-25.

I was struck by Gabriel's statement, "I stand in the presence of God."

(The second round, when I read, I was struck by the piece about Zechariah being overcome by fear -- because of Reasons. And the third round, nothing struck me.)

+

Before service, I picked up a hardcopy of Molly's Advent calendar.

December 2
First Sunday in Advent: Put on your sparkle cream. Glow.

+

Unison Prayer of Confession

Light-Bringer,

We offer you our repentance.
We replace holy days with holidays.
We hurry past opportunities to give the gifts of kindness and honesty.
We do not listen to angels in our dreams, forgive those dearest to us,
Or welcome into hearts and homes, the poor and the stranger.
If all sin is separation, forgive us for all the walls we throw up, and let your Light in.

-Maren Tirabassi, adapted

...

Molly preached on Jeremiah 33:14-16 -- and her Advent theme of walls and also touched on the theme of Recovery (it being a first Sunday of the month -- no, I had not realized we were continuing this theme after we'd been through the 12 Steps).

She opened with talking about Israel and Palestine, but also talked about other walls -- the Mexico/USA border, gated communities (Trayvon Martin), and other walls we erect. She talked about healthy boundaries -- "calm contact works better than walls."

She said that contrary to popular belief, prophets don't tell the future -- they tell the present.

She said, "our God is not a safe God," which of course reminded me of "Aslan is not a tame lion."

She said God "doesn't call us to safety but to radical love."

...

During Prayers of the People, Missy lifted up prayers "for all those who feel restricted by the gender binary." ♥

At Coffee Hour, Jonathan told me about Tufts' Hamlet the Hip Hopera, which Cate and I tragically missed out on in our attend ALL the Shakespeare.

FCS does a thing where you can pick a kid's name out of a hat and buy them a gift. Harold said that one of his friends at another church got a 10-year-old boy and she only daughters, so she asked what 10-year-old boys like. Harold's response: "When I was a ten-year-old boy, I liked Wonder Woman. Hope this helps." ♥ (And it's trufax. I mean, he also liked e.g. dinosaurs, but this makes it no less trufax.)

+

Jamie facilitated an Advent Devotional Workshop, which I attended.

I was starting to investigate the art supplies when the horde of kids who had been playing war or something all came in and decided to do art (well, Simon was like, "Guys, can't we go back to what we were doing before?" and got ignored by all the kids wrapped up in doing art, so he compromised by making pictures of e.g. ninjas) so I stepped back from the chaos and worked on poetry.

Sue D., to her husband, later: "I was looking for the kids, and I found a craft fair, so I sat down."

Having ~skipped class last week and the next two sessions being review for the final and me being so checked out, I had been undecided about whether I wanted to bother going to the remaining class sessions, and in the Parlor this afternoon I definitely felt like I wanted to go to Art Night.

...

Brandon asked if I'd seen Tongues United, apropos of World AIDS Day. I had not, but given that we barely acknowledged World AIDS Day at church (though in her sermon, Molly told a story she had recently learned of 25 years ago, when there was still so much fear and unknowing, this church volunteering to be the church to host a healing service) I loved that he brought it up.

He also talked about Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence (Christmas movie, what? see also: Batman Returns), The Avengers, and The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (which fandom has been expecting for 5 years).

***

I really liked the Call to Worship we used at CWM tonight:

[One] How shall we prepare God's house for the coming of the Promised One?
[Many] With fragrant branches of cedar, the tree of excellence and strength.
[One] How shall we prepare God's house for the Christ child?
[Many] With a stable and a manger where in the weeks to come, the mystery of the Advent story will be revealed and where the entire creation will welcome the Promised One.
[One] How shall we prepare God's house for Emmanuel, God with us?
[Many] With garlands of pine and fir, whose leaves are ever living, ever green -- symbols of our faith in the living God.
[One] How shall we prepare God's house for the prophet of Galilee?
[Many] With sprigs of holly and ivy, telling of Jesus' faithfulness, even unto death and resurrection.
[One] How shall we prepare our hearts for this revelation of God?
[Many] By hearing again the words of the prophets, the stories of the ancestors of Jesus, and the promises of God.
[One] For in the story of Jesus we see revealed the transforming power of God, and we are reminded anew of God's vision of wholeness, justice, and peace for all creation.
[Many] Thanks be to God!

...

Marla preached on Isaiah 11:1-9 and 1 Samuel 16:1-13. I was mostly meh, but she closed with talking about the fact that we ignore the parts of the Biblical stories that don't seem "proper" or "dignified" and inviting us to think about, if Jesus were to come as a baby a second time, what unexpected places that baby might show up in -- and her shocker suggestion was: born to a Wall Street executive (I thought of the Buddha).

***

At 8-something this morning, it was 32F and a predicted high of 59F. I wore my sparkly purple short-sleeve shirt, because when am I gonna get to wear short sleeves during Advent? Except I basically never took my hoodie off. (Though Jeff B. did ask me whether an email had gone out about wearing purple or if we just knew 'cause Advent. I said I'd worn purple for Advent because I do and it's not like one is required to match the paraments or anything.)

After I left morning church after 1pm, I went to Trader Joe's and it was hazy and still hoodie+gloves weather.

When I left evening church at 6:30 or whatever, it seemed to have rained recently (20% chance of precipitation, this morning's forecast said) and now, hours after sunset, it felt warmer than it had all day.

Weather, what is it?

***

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]

Hail full of grace, the Lord is with you
Worlds without end depend on you
Bless'd is the one whom you bring forth
Whom no one else can bring
-"Say Yes," Bob Franke

( joy sadhana )

I remembered in the shower this morning that the black pumps I would usually wear to a wedding are at my desk at my office now that I've been wearing skirts and thus not wearing boots with my work clothes. I considered biking in to the office to retrieve them (despite the fact that that would give me helmet hair), but I have other dressy shes -- and my black pumps are starting to fall apart, so probably not the best choice for e.g. a night of dancing -- so I wore my rainbow heels.

Kristen's friend Kristen and her fiance Jay (both of whom I'd never met before) picked me up around 12:40 and we headed up to NH (the wedding was at the Enfield Shaker Museum). We chatted a bit and listened to some Wait Wait Don't Tell Me on NPR and I dozed a bit. Then Jay (who was driving, despite it being Kristen's car) comments on the fact that the speedometer says zero -- and oh, also smoke is coming from the hood. So we pull over and call AAA -- and call some friends who are also attending the wedding to drive us the rest of the way.

The original plan was that we'd stay at the museum hotel overnight, but since their car was towed to a garage, they asked some friends to drive them home (they're a two-car household). The two families I knew at the wedding had no room in their vehicles, but the people who picked us up by the side of the road said they could drive me home.

I would have liked better-labelled food, and more vegetarian food period, but I was sufficiently fed.

Their DJ was really good. Yay, dancing. I ended up leaving about an hour and a half into the dancing, by which point the DJ was playing stuff I didn't think was as easy to dance to, so I felt fairly okay about leaving.

When I first started dancing, I thought the shoes were gonna be a real problem, but they ended up being fine.

Mike and Kristen's first dance was to "The Book of Love" by The Magnetic Fields. (It occurs to me that I have the whole 69 Love Songs album on my computer and have never listened to it.)

I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am,
When I am with you.

-from a poem by Roy Croft (which I totally misheard as Robert Frost ... and which in Googling I find is possibly an originally German poem)

I chatted with Molly & co. some before the ceremony.

Molly said they made some concessions to tradition -- like Kristen thought her parents would freak out if they used the Riverside formulation. I asked Molly which one that was and she said: "In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, one God, Mother of us all." I said that's what I thought, that I was gonna say, "Isn't that the one that isn't ... WHATEVER enough for me?"

I also expressed surprise when Molly robed. She said because it's all made up we need the trappings to remind us to take it seriously.
I said that because I'm so low church, despite the fact that I have plenty of experience with (my) pastors in robes, I would feel like, "You are not really my pastor." Actually seeing her during the wedding I actually experienced it fine, I think it was largely the dissonance of, "You are existing here, in your summer dress, being my pastor, and now you are donning this black robe and that is WEIRD."

***

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]
Thus says God to these bones: "I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live. I will lay sinews on you, and will cause flesh to come upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and you shall live; and you shall know that I am God." (Ezekiel 37:5-6, NRSV, alt.)

( Read more... )

( joy sadhana - Saturday )

***

Another FCS week of our opening hymn being a song I already know which Thom W. takes a long time to teach us. This time it was "What does the Lord require of you?" -- which, okay, we did as a round, in a slightly different way than I'm used to doing it as a round.
I forget until later that CWM sings "Love" for "Lord" (I tend to make substitutions that match the number of syllables) so after experimenting with "y/our God," I eventually sang "Hashem."

Molly had said:

I'll be preaching, the second in a mild-mannered sermon series I like to call Summer Reading, because, guess what, I like to read in the summer. I'm preaching on the runaway bestseller among young adult fiction, The Hunger Games, and on a very strange, disturbing and illuminating story from Chapters 6 and 7 of the book of 2 Kings (read it!).

I did indeed read the story on oremus and didn't really follow what was going on. I wondered if she was gonna opt for The Message. What she actually did was to tell the story as if she were just telling the story, rather than reading it (the bulletin said "2 Kings, Chapters 6-7, excerpts"), and I could definitely follow the story this time -- including being able to map pieces on to pieces I recalled from my oremus reading.

The post-sermon hymn was "Taste and See," and I wished that we did Communion.

I was in line at Coffee Hour and India came up to me and hugged me (usually I find her and hug her). She asked, "Have you tried the cake?" and I said No (because I was still in line and so hadn't sampled any of the food) and then said, "Wait, which cake? Because some of the cake is leftover from my birthday party last night."

Rooftop People in fact happened. Redheaded-Diane, whose first time at FCS was today (she recently moved to the area) came, too. Yay, people who jump right in.

Jeff B. and I made plans to see Brave (in 3D -- I'd never seen movies in 3D, and had no real desire to, but that was the showing that worked best in our schedules) on Tuesday.

I was starting to feel fade-y at like 4pm -- which is when I needed to leave to get to CWM because I'd agreed to help set up since Pr. Lisa is out of town. Grate. I set up and ran worship fine, though -- I wasn't expecting to have to run worship, so my extemp was subpar, but it was just me and Tara so it didn't matter too much.

***

( joy sadhana - Sunday )

On Friday I posted a link to "We Are Young" by Fun, featuring ft. Janelle Monáe to facebook, saying, "I don't really love this video, but the chorus has been recurrently playing in my brain for some time. (Happy almost Pentecost?)"

We are young / so let's set the world on fire...

It felt too warm today for a long-sleeved shirt, and I don't love the one short-sleeved red shirt I have (plus, I'd rather be wearing a red shirt with black pants, but my weekend usual is blue jeans) so I decided to wear my red dress* and maroon tights ... and I wasn't wearing my rainbow Pride heels** to bicycle, so I wore my black ~Vans with the ~glow-in-the-dark stars on them (they're not actually Vans, they're just laceup flats in that style -- they were on like closeout sale at Berks for $10/pair or something).
*When not worn with black knee-high boots with ~3-inch heels, this dress totally doesn't feel like a hooker dress. [No one has ever called it a hooker dress to me, I just frequently think of it as such, b/c of aforementioned footwear pairing.]
**I got an Urban Outfitters email this afternoon which included these shoes [Jeffrey Campbell Rainbow Starlight Eva Sandal marked down to $99 from $139].

***

(from the FCS bulletin this morning)

Unison Prayer of Confession

God,

We confess that we find Christmas and Easter more exciting than the urgency of Pentecost.
We confess that our worst nightmare is sounding drunk or folish.
We confess that this birthday-church isn't always a party.
We confess that we rarely listen to the speakers of other languages, and almost never try to learn their words ourselves.
Holy One, we are heart-cut and frightened by strong winds.
Make us new, and ready for Your Holy Spirit. Amen.

-Maren Tirabassi, adapted

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Meditation [a longer piece was printed in the bulletin]

I believe the church can have an integral role in the development of the self, but also of the self in covenantal relation to others. I believe the church should always adapt and change and grow with each person; in other words, to a certain degree, when a person becomes a part of a church community, that church should never be quite the same as it was. And as change happens to the church, I should change, too. I want church to help me to be me, to help me figure out what that means as a child pf God, and to help me figure out what that means as a citizen of God's green earth with neighbors all about. I want church to help me to understand what it is to be loved, to feel loved, and to love. I want church to help me to recognize God around me and others, to see God at work in and through me, to assure me of my place in God's grace.

-from Rev. Kaji Spellman, Yale Divinity School Reflections Fall 2009

***

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]

And those chapters, again, must be read in the context of the entire book of Acts, which begins with Pentecost — bringing together people “from every nation under heaven … Parthians, Medes, Elamites, and residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia, Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya belonging to the Cyrene, and visitors from Rome, both Jews and proselytes, Cretans and Arabs” — and continues inexorably outward to include and embrace European tradeswomen and African eunuchs and anyone else the author can imagine the reader otherwise being tempted to exclude or reject. The book reads like an after-school special on celebrating diversity.
-slacktivist

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At morning prayer this morning, we sang "Beautiful Jesus" (TNCH #44). I told FCS-Ian I wasn't a big fan -- that it's a "Jesus is my boyfriend" sort of a hymn. Afterward, Ian said he'd never heard the term "Jesus is my boyfriend" but that it certainly fit, that this song sounds a lot like something you would say to your lover. I hadn't thought of it that way before, but it's true.

I said that (and that this is because/indicative that I'm a Unitarian at heart) the word that primarily comes to mind for me for this hymn is "idolatrous." I said that the phrase "Jesus is my boyfriend" usually gets used to refer to contemporary praise music, but that I thought of it in this hymn because there's stuff about the beauty of Creation, and I'm into that, but then it's, "But Jesus is better -- he's prettier and he smells better." Ian laughed and said, "You're paraphrasing, but not by much."

I said I am pro-Jesus, but because of the work Jesus did in the world... Ian concurred.

Ian said the hymn is often titled "Fairest Lord Jesus" [warning for auto-play in that link] and that makes him think White and he was glad that at least we weren't singing something with the undertones of, "Jesus is the best because he's pretty -- and he's pretty mostly because he's White."

In thinking about the "Jesus is my boyfriend" trope, I thought of my best friend's love for Jesus and Her Church -- something I very much don't have.

When my best friend says, "Jesus is my Girlfriend," there's a lot going on with Incarnation and queer theology and body theology there.

So/and I'm hesitant to totally dismiss "I personally adore the person [pun intended] of Jesus."

Though I'm still uncomfortable with the adoration/worship of Jesus.

I'm not all that interested in worship/adoration of God of the, "Here, I will tell You how awesome You are," variety, period, because I don't think God needs ego-boosts (though I do think reminding ourselves of the goodness of God can be a valuable spiritual practice).

And -- perhaps ironically for someone who professes to be really uninterested in most social justice work -- I think God is happier when we are working to do God's Will in the world, to help embody the truth that "The kin-dom of God is at hand," than when we are just singing God's praises. (When you are in love with someone, you want to love what they love, right? You want to be passionate about the things they're passionate about. You want to work with them. You don't want to spend ALL of your time gushing at/about them. At least not once you're past the NRE stage.)

And likely will continue to be.

I have been tired and stuff.

Forgiveness and grace have been themes that have been coming up recently -- e.g., Liz Walker's sermon on Saturday (which I got to listen to after the fact), "If Grace is Received, It Must be Given" (hat tip: sk8eeyore?).

Today I listened to Ani's cover of "Amazing Grace" on YouTube -- and then "sorry i am" and "not angry anymore."

One of these days I will have a more substantive post. Today is not that day.