burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

Going through the piles of copy paper boxes which have served as our "entertainment center" (drape a purple sheet over them, put a DVD player and flat-screen TV and no one notices) in prep for moving.

I knew I had various cassette singles, but I have literal mix TAPES. Will have to at some point connect with someone with appropriate equipment so I can retain those.

( hand recordings of albums )

( actual albums )

( soundtracks )

( cassette singles )

On the subject of music from the 90s, can I just say, I love "i'm a 90s bitch" on 8tracks?

( kidstuff )

***

I also have so much VHS taped off of tv -- is there a way to recycle VHS tapes?

I also have 2 actual production VHS tapes -- The Last Unicorn and Jean Kilbourne's Slim Hopes (which technically belongs to Smith College, but which I seem to have taken with me :/).

First off, can I say how much I love Ari?  Yeah, a lot.

***

My hair didn't freeze this morning, but walking across the River I saw patches of it were thinly iced over -- which is an indicator of winter I'd forgotten about.  This week is going to be warmer than last, so I don't expect it to last, but it pleased me.

I've been thinking sometimes recently that my insistent fondness for and literal tolerance of the cold is in part that I am committed to this idea of who/how I am, but I was jogging outside tonight and the feel of cold air in my throat gave me this nostalgic happy which it wouldn't have occurred to me consciously to cultivate/perform, so I was comforted that it is at least in part still legitimately organic.

( gym )

Recruiting eating me up last week has put me so off my game.  Sigh.

I did have a moderately productive day, though.  And I was relaxed enough to feel like I could begin to skim some blogs again.  (Yeah, I know, I should really plug everything into a GoogleReader or something.)

The Bush twins, Barbara and Jenna, taught the Obama girls, Sasha and Malia, how to jump on the White House beds.

First Lady Laura Bush verified the story, and added that there was a real trick to proper White House bed-jumping: "They're really tall beds; you need to get a running start."

***

In some families, you can jump on the beds, and in some, they tell you no jumping on the beds. Both the Bushes and the Obamas allow bed jumping. Or, no, maybe Barack and Michelle are the no-jumping-on-the-beds kind of parents. And Malia and Sasha will say but Jenna and Barbara jumped on the beds -- they showed us how to jump on the beds. And Barack and Michelle will be all: The American people voted for change. No more of the failed policies of the Bush years. No more jumping on the beds.

Speaking of the Obama transition, I was reading a blurb in the metro this morning about the Richardson appointment, and it concluded along the lines of, "the aide spoke on condition of anonymity, not being authorized to speak about this matter," and that always squicks me (I mean, I know I share inappropriately, but not like that), but having watched The West Wing, part of me also wonders, "Was that an intentional 'leak'?"

***

[giving blood again]

I just missed the 94 bus, so I walked to Temple Shalom [from Davis T].  It took me just about 40 minutes, hustling but not booking it.  I had a 6:30 appointment and arrived about 6:15.  An hour later blood was actually dripping out of me.  The paperwork is such a process, plus there was a delay because like six people came in like ten minutes before me.  Also: apparently I have thin veins?  Whatever.  Anyway.

When I sat down at the "cantina," a man was explaining to a woman about the early episcopal councils anathematizing the Jews.  He's not Jewish but is very committed to seeking "God's will" (I got the conservative Christian vibe from him around there).  Later in conversation, she asked him if he was familiar with The David Project and he said yes and then brought up CAMERA, which he said exposes anti-Semitism in the media, including all the b.s. from Jimmy Carter and the like around Palestine.  I don't have strong opinions on the Israel-Palestine conflict, but this was the part at which I started withdrawing internally.

But during one of the conversations, she mentioned that this Temple has a Torah study from 9:30-10am on Saturday morning before service (which is 10-12!) which he would be welcome to come to (he'd be welcome to the service, too, but obviously might be less desirous of going to that).  I wasn't really engaging in the conversation (in part because I was anxious to get home for The Sarah Connor Chronicles -- and it took me little over 15 minutes to get home, which pleased me, though I was definitely hurrying), but I made a mental note of that ... 'cause clearly I need more religious engagement in my life.  (Torah study, though!  How is that not win?)

Also: They gave me a Red Cross blood donation t-shirt which I will probably never wear, so if anyone wants it...  (It's a size Large.)

Beth was very glad to join my family for Thanksgiving.  Apparently the past four years she hasn't had anyone to spend Thanksgiving with.  (It's not physically/financially feasible for her to travel to her family.)  She says everyone thinks of Thanksgiving as a big family holiday so they don't think to invite people, which is sad.

There was traffic on 95 on the way to my house, so we took the "scenic" route back.  I learned a tiny bit more about how places are connected to each other.
I think of the Green Line branches as being far apart from each other*, but driving on Chestnut Hill Ave. we hit Chestnut Hill at Comm. Ave. [B Line] and Cleveland Circle [C Line] and Reservoir [D Line] in rapid succession.
*Okay, an actual map disabuses me of that notion.  Clearly I've gotta learn my geography better.

Beth brought "fruit casserole" (pineapple, whole cranberries, apples, with grated almonds on top -- I had some, and it wasn't excessively pineappley, which I was grateful for).

My brother had the plate of beige (mashed potatoes, turkey, gravy, etc. -- he was gonna get salad etc. second round) while I had color (mashed potatoes, green beans with almonds, baby carrots, black olives, fruit casserole, sample portions of squash and cranberry goop).  We took photos to prove it.  (I've really gotta bring my digital camera around more places.)

And I had Riesling with dinner (my mom knows me) and non-alcoholic eggnog with nutmeg with dessert (crustless pumpkin pie, with whipped cream).

***

I see people on the flist being all, "Okay, Thanksgiving's over, can it be Christmas now?" which is not so much where I'm at.  I regret that we're almost at the end of the day and I haven't done a proper gratitude list (though duh, I know I can post one anytime, the fourth Thursday of November is not the only date I'm allowed to give thanks), and Advent begins the Sunday after this one and I still haven't figured out how I want to observe it this year.

Last year I think I spent one Saturday between Thanksgiving and Christmas in my own apartment, was constantly back in Norwood/with my mother doing hoilday stuff.  I seem to be repeating that this year.  ( list cut because you probably don't care )

I was watching CSI tonight -- yeah, I know I'm behind in writeups -- and JCPenney (and Kohl's) opens early for Black Friday -- at 4am!  No lie.  (I am however apparently jaded as to the fact that many places open at 6am on Black Friday.)

***

My mom has a copy of The Measure of Life: Virginia Woolf's Last Years by Herbert Marder which she was underwhelmed by but perhaps someone more into Virginia Woolf would enjoy it more.  Any takers?

10 hours of sleep.  Oops.

I still got a good amount of packing/culling/reorganizing done, though.

As usual, despite all the culling (which is definitely not finished, btw) I still have way too many boxes.  7x11 shouldn't be that much smaller than 9x12, but my spatial sense is defective plus I boggle that all this stuff fit in my current 9x12, so I'm still with the worrying.

I did call the landlord.  (Voicemail, natch.)  OriginalRoomie said he hadn't been by to fix the windows yet.  Sigh.

-----

My parents came back from NH and we went to Friendly's for dinner tonight.  I ordered my usual -- the mushroom+swiss+bacon colossal burger with Gardenburger and (duh) without the bacon.

watress (handing us our food): "I told them no bacon, and then they took the bacon off.  Is that okay?"
me: "Yeah, that's okay."
[later]
my mom: "And Elizabeth's feeling gracious -- to the shock of her mother."
me: "I've grown as a person."

I generally insist that no meat touch my food (or utensils that are used on my food) but I'm more relaxed about it when eating out.

It occurred to me only later that there's almost no way I would have known about the bacon just from eating it (unless I have a physiological reaction against it -- is that even possible with bacon?) and that was really wonderful of her to ask me about it.

---

free to good home, part two

let's go down to the east river
and throw something in
something we can't live without
and then let's start again

Seriously, anything you want, just let me know.  No charge.  This is all going to Goodwill.

- A bumper sticker that says:
Next year, why not vacation in the millions of worlds of a used book store?

- assorted magnets

• a waist is a terrible thing to mind
  
• more fun / less stuff
  
• Live simply that others may simply live.
  
• Practice random acts of kindness and senseless beauty.
  
• Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.

( and lots of books )

VHS

• Il Postino (The Postman) (1995)

What Graduation Weekend stories did i forget?

In one of the classes my dad was subbing for, some kids were talking about who's gay at NHS [the high school i went to and which he substitute teaches at now] and being so matter-of-fact about it -- "He's bi," "Her girlfriend's from Sharon," etc.  This made me happy.

At graduation rehearsal they told us not to open booze at the graduation ceremony out of respect for alcoholics -- the best argument i've heard yet for that policy.

At Commencement, the Senior Class gift to the college was a rock, symbolic of a larger rock which would be erected for students and orgs to paint on.  I thought of Hollins :)

P.S. Dominique took pictures of the comp-sci majors graduating, and jessikins4774 has pictures from Ivy Day and Commencement, if you want a feel for what it all looked like.  And Cate has an account of the Baccalaureate i skipped out on.

---

During Senior Week, one thing i did was to read some of the other fairy tale retellings in the collections i'd gotten out to do research for my seminar paper.  I never did get around to posting the highlights:

Dorothy Lee Richardson's "Modern Grimm" from Disenchantments (ed. Wolfgang Mieder) is really interesting.

Tanith Lee's "Snow-Drop" (from Snow White, Blood Red) is omg hot and chilling.

From Black Thorn, White Rose:
"Words Like Pale Stones" by Nancy Kress - some really interesting thoughts on words and beauty and etc.
"Stronger Than Time" by Patricia C. Wrede - interesting thoughts on how fairy tales and magic spells work

I really like Sisters in Fantasy 2.
"Shahrezad" by Ellen Guon and "Dumping Ra" by Sharan Newman both use tropes i've seen before, but they're still done well here.
"Angel of the City" by Susan Shwartz is reminiscent of various angels i've seen in other stories, but is very well done.  I have such a weakness for angels who are oh so human.
"Why Is This Night Different" by Janni Lee Simner is a wonderfully interesting and powerful story that hits a lot of my kinks (not sexual ones, thematic ones).

Oh, and Anthony Schmitz's Darkest Desire: The Wolf's Own Tale includes a really interesting on the Grimms and their tale collection.


And because i always forget to look them up when i'm home, the creepy-as-fuck tales i grew up on are: The Fairy Tale Book a deluxe golden book illustrated by Adrienne Segur ("Donkey-Skin," Madame d'Aulnoy's "The White Deer" and "The Royal Ram" -- also includes stuff like "Urashima and the Turtle" and Madame d'Aulnoy's "Queen Cat"), and The Unbroken Web by Richard Adams ("The Giant Eel," "The Moddey Dhoo," "The Robin").

---

What else have i been doing?

My grandma approves of my break from academia, which is a relief since she was the one person i was really worried about telling.  The plans i do have seem to not really register.  Her short-term memory is so going, and she definitely doesn't tend to retain things that don't fit with what she's expecting, so i rather suspect we'll be telling her about bartender training and massage school to blank looks for weeks.

I finally watched Sliding Doors.  I approve.  For the most part anyway.

. . . There are two schools of thought about the resilience of time.  The first is that time is highly volatile, with every small event altering the possible outcome of the earth's future.  The other view is that time is rigid, and no matter how hard you try, it will always spring back toward a determined present.  Myself, I do not worry about such trivialities.  I simply sell ties to anyone who wants to buy one . . .
     Tie seller in Victoria, June 1983
-from The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde

One of the things that bugged me about the movie also came up in Grey's Anatomy (which i saw for the first time tonight).  Who today has unprotected heterosexual sex -- i mean, have you heard of pregnancy?  And a slew of doctors?!  [Also, the ease with which Alex homo-bantered made me heart him like whoa, but to say "unprotected sex" and not mention anything about non-penis sex?  I object.]

I had orientation for massage school Thursday night.  The assorted walks involved are not a big deal.  Saw so many sailors.  Apparently the JFK has been in port.

My grandma took me to Salem years ago, and i have vague memories of North Station as something akin to Back Bay station.  Now, however, it is omgFleetCenterliekwhoa!  I am displeased.

Walking to Palmer i passed a sign saying, "Welcome To The Open Door United Church of Christ" [salemmission.org].  The adjacent sign (they seemed to share a building -- which looked to me like a Catholic church building) was for St. Clare of Assisi - Catholic Church in America, "An Association of Catholic Churches NOT In Communion With The Roman Catholic Church" [catholicchurchinamerica.org].
Sometime last semester, Ruhi was asking Emily about this thing she had heard of, Catholic Church of America, not affiliated with Rome, and she was wondering if Emily knew anything about it.

The people at Palmer are all effusive and everything, and definitely knowledgeable, but the hippie-dippie-ness puts me on edge.  During the orientation, the instructors all talked about the courses they taught, and they talked about the National Certification Exam, and the woman who heads the school talked about how it's a computerized test, created by people who don't necessarily know anything about massage but know a lot about testing, and how it's multiple choice, and she said something about how you have to live in your brain for a few hours (while you're taking the exam) and she said that can be difficult for massage therapists [which does make sense insomuch as massage work is very body-oriented and to some degree intuitive and not an explicitly intellectual work], saying she hardly ever lives in her brain, and i thought, "But i always live in my brain."  I'm really into physical contact -- hugs, cuddling, that kind of thing -- but i so very much live inside my head, working with words rather than bodies.  And this whole energy focus makes me wonder if i'm at the right place at all.  I picked it because it was the only one i could commute to, and i figure it's better to have the knowledge and choose to not use it than to not have that option.  And i am such a whore for knowledge, as evidenced when the instructors were talking about their courses and my mental list of Want to Take was growing.

A number of the women (instructors) had bleached blond hair, and makeup, and one had a dark tan that to me yelled tanning salon.  This seemed out of kilter and bothered me far more than all the talk about working with your clients' energy etc.

And omg the EarthLite catalog.  You can purchase massage tables with names like Pegasus and Everest, and there are nature pictures taking up half of each page.  It's intense.  Tempts me to set up my scanner.

At dinner on Friday, i learned that my mom knew one of the instructors before, because she did social work stuff.  Said instructor was one of the people i liked best from the brief introductions we got.  And she does a 4-hour "Caring for Victims of Abuse" workshop [as part of Anatomy&Physiology III lecture series] which i want to manage to attend if not this session then sometime.

That Friday we bought alcohol, my choice.  I ended up deciding on Blue Moon Riesling and admitted to being sucked in by the label (though i read the label for every Riesling in the store and had reasons besides just the label for choosing what i did).  I said i was a victim of their marketing.  We came outside to a beautiful sunset and i said i was a victim of God's marketing :)  The Riesling, for the record, is quite good, though the guy in the store was right that American Riesling is drier than German Riesling.

I applied for a slew of administrative assistant type jobs this weekend (and a variety of other jobs, as i have no shame -- though i still won't work for MassPIRG).  Looking at the listings, i don't want the ones that want me to manage teams or whatever; i want brainless work.  I keep thinking of Stacey's apologies for not giving me challenging work and my insistence that really this was what i wanted, that i used my brain enough.  And also of this year's commencement speaker talking about a waitress in her area who loves her job in large part because it gives her the freedom to do so much else with her life.
I did a cognitive whosiewhatsie and ow my brain.  The recognizing faces portion reminded me of my self-defense class.

offbalance has the most eclectic "5 books that mean a lot to me" i've seen for that meme yet.  (She's also the second person to tag me to do that meme.  And i will do it.  That question is just like the hardest thing evar.)

Post-"Chosen": Girl Pitches Perfect Little League Game and ladyvorkosigan wrote The BSC, Vampire Slayers which i think i'm afraid to read.

twinkledru says, I am really, really tempted to write a "Five Jedi Yoda Never Trained" story. With one of the five being River.

Whole lotta links about writing teh sex in the most recent metafandom.  Basically summed up by: generalizations are bad, and stating your opinions in an inflammatory manner riles people up.  I do like this bit, though.  ( cut for some explicitness ) Oh, and jadelennox quotes a Newbery winner: "reality is no excuse for fiction".


In the interest of getting rid of stuff:
--The Blending by Sharon Green (6 book series, quite good, i just don't expect to reread them anytime soon)
-- the first four Earth's Children (The Clan of the Cave Bear etc.) books in paperback (i really like the first book and keep intending to read the rest, but i'm thinking it's not gonna happen anytime soon)
Any interested parties?

Hey, Ashley, it's not Showgirls, but...

And Emma, clearly this is when you should come visit me :)

"I have this big tattoo on my back. It means 'love and peace in the world' but mostly it just means 'drunk and 18'." -Vanessa Marcil (number 20-something on the Maxim Hot 100 - courtesy of VH1)
Angelina Jolie is only #7?


And okay, i think i'm done now.

Having to write a paper on Friday when i'm used to having Friday as an off day?  Totally messed up my conception of time.  I kept feeling like i should one more free day left.

I missed Biz and Cordelia preaching at HHHC Senior Sunday because i'd been asked to usher at First Churches.  My name was spelled correctly in the program, which was probably my biggest excitement about the whole thing.  Turned out it was Youth Sunday.  This kid Nick who looks about middle school age played "Gigue" from Sonata in D minor by Veracini, and he's not a prodigy, but he was really good -- certainly better than i ever was, though that's not saying a whole lot.  This girl Chelsea who's a freshman at NorthamptonHigh (to write NHS would just be too weird for me) did the sermon, and you could tell she was nervous 'cause she was talking fast and stumbling over what she was saying sometimes, but she was pretty good.  And Sasha not only did a handdrums piece but he also did a piece he wrote himself with guitar, singing (though i couldn't make out a lot of the words), and harmonica, that last of which means he wins at life.

Kelly got installed at Chicopee at 2pm, but obviusly i couldn't go.  I meant to ask Liza for her e-mail address.

I finished a whole set of website edits (which won't go live until Sunday) and as well as my MAT project.  (Why am i not motovated until it's like T minus 24 hours to deadline?)  It's a very traditional unit with reading quizzes and an exam including passage identification and all that, and i feel like i got lazy, but i'm a kind of an off-the-cuff type of girl, so my discussion outlines are only going to be so comprehensive.  And i'm honestly torn between feeling like i don't cover enough and feeling like i try to cover too much, since i'm still in Smith College English major mode rather than high school English class mode.  I think it's a reasonably comprehensive (for high school) unit though, and also flexible.

I didn't reread Charles Williams for Inklings class 'cause of sleep dep (the first time i did the reading i was sleep deprived and retained little, so i figured repeating that wouldn't help anything) but it turned out okay because she broke us up into groups in class and my group (highonsleepdepZia, SullenEmily, and some other girl) got the one about the Inklings phenomenon, which CZ hadn't intended initially, but when she realized it was us she made some crack about how we'd be good at it or know a lot or be argumentative or something. Anyway i remember thinking "Way to go having a rep," 'cause it's so true.

I think i might finally be under enough deadline pressure to actually make myself do all this work.

I went to the second batch of Eng. Dept. thesis presentations.  Turns out i actually know the Auden girl insomuch as i've had classes with her.  Was weird listening to the Space Trilogy presentation 'cause hello something i've acatually read (2/3 of).  And i had forgotten how brilliant J is.  And to my surprise, i found myself actually wanting to read her book.

In Renaissance Drama, Emma's reading John Ford's " 'Tis Pity She's a Whore" and told me i need to read it.  In fact i already have, so all is right with the world.  I read Angela Carter's retelling first, and frequently blame it for my incest kink.
I boggle that i'm the one of all my friends (by which i mean: the cohort i surround myself with here at Smith) who is nigh on unsquickable, has no TMI threshhold, etc.  Emma expressed surprise that i think of this as some sort of new development.  I think partly i still think of myself as being around people like Mimi and Allison.  And more generally being around people who are so much more sexually experienced (and interested in being sexually experienced) than i.  And the internalization of people's perceptions of me (the first time Mimi heard me swear -- back in high school -- she literally stopped in her tracks and made me repeat it because she couldn't believe it had come out of my mouth).

---

club_joss: book club-esque discussion of fanfiction.  Looks interesting.  It just started, and the current fic is a Spike/Xander, so i'm abstaining for now but am friending it to keep an eye on it.  (Speaking of which, i really should catch up on ats_nolimits at some point.)

I also added su_herald and meta_fandom to my flist, which i probably should have done a while ago (though there is the whole distraction=bad factor).  This is a really interesting personal essay on the power dynamics involved in rl sex, seguing into a discussion about writing chan, and then seguing back to rl.

Serenity trailer comes out on Tuesday, probably before the Hitchhiker movie.  I was so willing to go see Elektra over break to see the trailer, but i am not seeing HGttG and not going to the movies the last week of classes, and being spoiler-free is how i prefer to operate anyhow.  (Yes i know September 30 is a long way away.  But y'all are good at cut-tagging.)

From the zinesters list:

Are you still saddened by the demise of the teen magazine Sassy?? Do you have trouble understanding what all the hubbub about Sassy was about?? Have you ever ranted or raved about Sassy in a zine??

Kara Jesella and Marisa Meltzer are currently working on a book about Sassy, to be published by Simon, Farrar & Giroux, and are looking for articles about Sassy (positive, negative, whatever).

If you have printed, written, or read any such articles about Sassy in a zine (even if the focus of the piece is not Sassy itself), please contact Rebecca at rebecca.willa.davis@gmail.com.

I think i left some of my posters at home, ‘cause going through the ones i have here i know i own some other ones.  These are the ones i have in my room currently (that are free for the claiming):

• Pooh Bear with pinecones
  
• "Apparition du Visage de l'Aphrodite Cnide dans un Paysage" - Salvador Dali
  
• The snow!Ani poster of her standing on the rock.  (I'm fairly certain i have the other one, plus red hat Ani, at home, so you can put in a request if you'd like either of those, i just make no guarantees.)
  
• The Buffy poster i have on my closet door that looks like this only mine's all in purple tones.

One thing i will never live down is not shaking my class president's hand after getting my high school diploma.  I wasn't purposely snubbing him (i was indifferent to him) it was just that the way stuff was set up, he wasn't directly in my line of vision and i honestly forgot.  Some of the football players were on the periphery of my circles in high school (and then went to UMass Amherst, though i have yet to bump into them), so when they end up in the local paper my father saves them for me, but i had completely forgotten about the existence of this kid until my father e-mailed me the following:
"LB Alfred Fincher of UConn was taken by the Saints in the third round of the NFL Draft [...]  Fincher was the first player ever taken by the Saints out of Connecticut" -from the New Orleans Saints website
and more info from the NFL site
My high school class president will be playing for the NFL next year.  I'm feeling a little weird about my future right now.

So speaking of weird, i heart the Hitchhiker's Guide (book quotes, no movie) icons here.  And there are some good ones here.

Also: son_of_art on akronohten (in a thread here):

your own live journal would lead anyone to believe that you were "Bi", which is (as most people know) a term used by gay men who are still partly in denial. At best, it is the socially "light" label referring to people who still amount to part-time Sodomites.

I think "part-time Sodomite" is the best redonculous phrase i've heard recently.  I may need to adopt it.

So yeah, that deadline pressure i spoke of above.  ::runs away::  More link spam tomorrow.