burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

Today I:
+ went downtown to Payless and picked up a pair of dress flats and a pair of cute-but-not-excessively-so wedge sandals for clubbing or whatever
+ went to TJMaxx and on a whim picked up a bright spring shirt which turned out to look great on me, and also a pair of brown dress pants which fit fairly well
+ did laundry
+ washed dishes
+ picked up some groceries
+ cleaned my room a bit, though not nearly as much as I should (being ruthless is HARD)

Stuff I'm getting rid of that flisters might actually want:
- green dolphin earrings (surgical steel posts) claimed by Maria
- magnet of an indigenous peoples male-female couple with the text "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.  1 Corinthians 13:7-8"
- magnet with "Discover the wonder in every day" text above a wilderness scene with mountains in the image of bears, rocks in the image of eagle heads, a waterfall, etc.

I need to figure out what I am feeding people next Saturday.
Edit: I am also somewhat concerned that almost everyone is gonna drive and there is like nowhere to park. /edit

P.S. From QueerAgenda:

Wednesday, July 16
============

Gender Redesigner
At Brattle Theater:
40 Brattle Street Harvard Sq. Cambridge
9:30pm all ages $10
http://www.truthserum.org

CineMental is excited to welcome fAe Gibson, subject of Gender Redesigner, to Boston for this screening and discussion.

Gender Redesigner Johnny Bergmann, USA, 2006, Video, 74 min.

Follow fAe over the course of 5 years as she begins to question her gender and decides to surgically modify her body. This intimate fun filled adventure makes you wonder how fAe can handle beginning hormone treatment, having his breasts removed, and drag kinging - all in the middle of rural Western Pennsylvania. While transitioning from female to male, fAe makes a startling discovery about the balance between his masculine and feminine sides. Can she succeed living as a man in the middle of farm country?

Gender Redesigner has screened at: NYC NewFest, San Francisco Frameline Festival, North Carolina Film Fest, Translations: Seattle Transgender Film Festival, and the Best of NewFest @ BAM and other festivals.

fore more information: http://www.myspace.com/genderredesignerfilm and http://www.RainbowAmerica.org

***

For the baby shower, I bought Trelawney and Eric (and baby-to-be Cuboo) a BornFree Gift Set of Bisphenol-A Free Plastic bottles from their registry.  I got an e-card thank you today.

Thank you, Elizabeth!

I got the bottles in the mail, and I am very excited to use them! They look delicious! And I'm especially excited to see how fast I can make Mummy and Daddy get them ready for me in the middle of the night when they're still half asleep and I'm making lots of loud noise! We'll have lots of fun! Thank you so much!!

love and kisses (with drool),
Cuboo

***

Edit: Chatting with mjules tonight, she related a conversation with her mom in which said mom said, "Damn skippy."

me: ::laughs:: I haven't heard anyone say "damn skippy" in years I don't think.
mjules: *laughs* It's fairly commonplace with me and Mom. We both have kind of quirky speech patterns.
me: I recall "nifterspiffic" from my teen years with my best friend, but that's fallen by the wayside.
I love that my parents adopt my slang -- like my mom will say "wootles" (her variant on "woot").
mjules: Wootles? That's fucking adorable.
me: Yeah, my mom's pretty adorable
mjules: Hee. From what I know of her so far, I'm willing to accept her nomination into the Hall Of Most Awesomest Mothers Ever, along with my own mother

Closer in to Teele Square (coming along Broadway from where I live) all the sidewalk snow is gone, which was disconcerting. Frustrating, however, was that the traffic lights were just flashing yellow, so I had to wait for a lull in traffic and kinda dart across. (I was also annoyed because to look at the traffic lights required me to basically look into the sun.) When I came back about an hour and a half later, I was pleased to see what looked like someone working on the base of one of the signal poles. Though six and a half hours later when I was heading to the train station it was (still) blinking. Hee, I'm thinking of The Twelve Pains of Christmas -- "now why the hell are they blinking?"

I want basic black non-leather shoes and boots (approx. ankle height so I can easily wear them with jeans), appropriate for both outdoors and at work. This should not be that difficult. And also dress pants that fit. (Scrub pants like for the gym would be an added bonus. Oh, and pajamas. And possibly some new bras. I'm so demanding, I know. I really just want this stuff to magically appear in my bedroom as I do not enjoy clothes shopping much at all.)

Also: my hair is annoying me. Why does it do that stupid curling out thing?

---

Advent meditation: Isaiah 9:2-7 (RSV)
     Alex did the meditation. He talked about how the "For unto us a child is born" bit is so familiar to him from growing up in a church (especially a church where "the Christmas Eve service was always led by the youth") and then said, "I'm not sure that I had ever read carefully the full passage from Isaiah in which that phrase appears. What strikes me most in doing so is that beside and among the joyful passages that I remember so clearly are references to oppression and battle that on first glance sit oddly with the message of hope. If Christ's appearance did not bring about an end to these sources of suffering, it seems a bit less clear what to make of the uplifting sides of the story on which we prefer to focus." He concluded, "though it may not be apparent, the spread of peace will continue, and the message of Christ will play its role in that process."

+

joy sadhana for Advent (23)

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy." -mylittleredgirl [more info]

And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High; for you will go before our God to prepare the ways, to give knowledge of salvation to God's people by the forgiveness of sins. By the tender mercy of our God, the dawn from on high will break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace."
-Luke 1:76-79

Five good things about today:
1. I got about 8 hours of sleep.
2. I got lovely Christmas cards from my grandparents and from Layna. Dude, I am impressed at the home-made-ness of your card. The text inside is too cute not to share.

Happy Christmas!

May peace and joy be with you.

Love,
Layna

PS Can you maybe teach me to love winter?

3. I got picked up on the train. I was reading Our Lives As Torah and as we pulled in to Norwood Central they announced we were gonna be standing by for a few minutes, and this guy sitting across from me asked me about the book I'd been reading, said he'd seen it a number of places but had never read it. It's possible he was just making this up, but there was at least some effort (I have low expectations from random guys, what can I say?). He was un-creepy enough that I let him give me a ride home (he lives in Walpole but parks at Norwood Central, which makes sense since the Walpole train station's kind of in the middle of nowhere) and he didn't try to kiss me goodnight as I'd feared he might. He invited me for coffee or a drink and I said I had to get home since my parents were expecting me for dinner, and that tomorrow I would be doing family stuff but possibly later in the week (he works at Fidelity, near South Station). I didn't feel like we really clicked, but I'm willing to try some practice at this dating thing (assuming he actually calls).
4. Shells & cheese for dinner at my parents' house.
5. Being with my parents and brother makes me really really happy.

Three things I did well today:
1. I woke up (and got up) before my 9am alarm yet again.
2. I did assorted errands.
3. I did some back-tagging. [I have 996 tags. This 1000 tag limit makes me wanna cry. I can delete the "movies: watched" by year tags 'cause most movies I watched well after they came out anyhow, but I like being able to divide tv shows by season. There are single-use tags I can collapse into broader tags and it won't be horrific. But I have hundreds, probably thousands, of entries which are tagged minimally if at all, and part of the way I motivated myself to push through was to allow myself to just give things unique tags, knowing I could go back and figure it all out later.]
Bonus: Lay-reading.

Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
1. Figuring out details for the Greece-and-Italy trip with my brother.
2. Super tasty baked goodness from my mom. And possibly non-perishable gifts as well.
Bonus: Secret Slasha (and Yuletide).

My family is the best.  My dad e-mailed me about my aunt (who just finished nursing school -- the graduation I skipped to go to my own Reunion):

She had taken the nursing certification exam on Tuesday and the computer had shut her down after the minumum number of questions.  I calculated that even if she had gotten all the questions wrong so far, there were still enough left that she had a mathematical chance to pass.  So the computer wouldn't have shut her down for failing.  Unless ... it had decided that even though she had a mathematical chance, the possibility wasn't worth taking seriously: like expecting the Tampa Bay Devil Rays to win the American League East championship.

When she called up, her first words were, "I'm not the Tampa Bay Devil Rays!"

***

I haven't been really paying attention to the details of the HP:7 midnight release parties 'cause it feels par for the course and it's not like I would go to any anyway (I'll acquire a loaner copy of the British edition, but I haven't been really into the series for some time now).

However, being reminded of the Harvard Square party it finally clicked that I'm actually gonna be in the Square that same night (birthday dinner with my family).

I'm consistently spoilerphobic (props to LJ, btw; I read Book 5 almost 6 months after it came out and was still unspoiled; didn't see the big Spoiler outside of a cut-tag until like 3 months after that) but I'm feeling oddly unfazed about Book 7 -- which is extra-ironic since most of LJ seems to be burying themselves under a rock to avoid spoilage (trolling people with spoilers is just mean, btw).  I wouldn't want to have been spoiled for the big Books 5 and 6 spoilers, and I'm sure when I read Book 7 I'll get to stuff which will make me think, "I'm so glad I wasn't spoiled for this," but I'm completely unfazed at the moment.  Which is not an invitation to spoil me as I still wish to go into stuff unspoiled, but it's kind of interesting, given my history and everything.

(I have been reading writeups of the OotP movie, but that's different since I have no interest in watching the movies.  Okay, I'm tempted to see the 5th movie 'cause I hear Luna is awesome, but I think really I can wait for the video.)

[I also do not currently have comment on StrikethroughGate is going boom again.  Though reading relevant information/discussion and parsing it should be on my to-do list.]

Obligatory link to the Emmy nomination list.  Provided by Amy, who said: "Hey, how many people from YOUR favorite bad WB show are nominated?

(If you're not sure, though, you could find out here. Hint: the answer is probably "less than four". Which, contrary to popular opinion, is not "a really big heart".)"

***

I was Google-Map-ing for MaryAlice and dude, they have the MBTA stops now (little blue and white M squares).  ♥

***

We watched "Mr. Frost" (tWW 7.04) today.  This seems appropriate to my mood today.

I was gonna listen to "After All" ("We will push on into that mystery / And it'll push right back / And there are worse things than that") but ended up listening to "Mercy of the Fallen" instead almost by accident, and yeah.

There’s the wind and the rain
and the mercy of the fallen
Who say they have no claim to know what’s right
There’s the weak and the strong
and the beds that have no answer
And that’s where I may rest my head tonight

[...]

There’s the weak and the strong
And the many stars that guide us
We have some of them inside us

I was talking tonight about how my bosses have all been away so I have barely everything to do and I end up not even doing the stuff I need to do and I'm so unmotivated to do anything and . . . Michelle said it's Dorito Syndrome -- you indulge but ultimately aren't fulfilled.  This makes a lot of sense (and reminds me of my tarot reading from WriterCon last summer about want vs. need, which is an idea I keep coming back to).

Michelle gave me a back/shoulder/neck/arm massage during discussion tonight, and she goes really deep and I enjoyed it.  I'd been thinking recently about trying out some of the local massage places -- though I also felt kinda stupid 'cause it's not like I'm particularly stressed.  I'm not sure if I'm touch-deprived or not (oddly, when I visited Smith people last weekend I didn't insist on much cuddling like I usually do) but it's entirely possible that it would be one tool [obviously not the only one] in helping me feel better.

When we sat down to dinner tonight my mood just lifted, which was somewhat surprising since there wasn't anything I would point to in particular, but it was nice.

Turns out Michelle can't hang out this Saturday after all, so that frees me up to do some erranding and possibly some room-cleaning (yeah, I'm lame and will probably skip out on ArtBeat).

I've been looking for black sneakers, and I really liked these ones, but I just noticed that they're part leather.  Gar.  So that means more shoe shopping.

In more productive news, I have bought my round-trip Europe tickets.  My travel plans for within Europe are mostly solidified except for getting from Barcelona to London for the return.  Meredith recommends EasyJet over RyanAir, so I'll be checking that out.

I got my workshop schedule for Convo (you give them three choices and get assigned two).  I'm going to the two transgender workshops.  Hopefully they'll be good.  (Yes, HomoCon SafeColleges has made me wary of workshops.)

I also went to the gym after work today.  I really should ask one of the trainers to make sure I'm doing the rowing machine correctly 'cause when I used to use it I felt like I really wasn't working my body at all.  Today I just did the elliptical and then left to pick up an ILL item at SOM/WEST and hang out reading for a bit before small group.

I think I am incapable of working out so hard I hurt the next day (which I think is a good thing, really), but I've definitely been trying to push myself.

1mi @ 11:15min
2mi @ 23:10min
2.55mi @ 30min
2.90mi post-5min-cooldown

***

Bedtime now.

So, today was Mountain Day at Smith.  And I spent the day in Boston being a grownup.  (Even all suited-up, for the first time in a while.)

I got myself turned around and ended up at Government Center rather than Faneuil Hall, evidence of how out of practice I am at all this.  The day got better, though.

Met with ExcitingSoundingAgency first.  And by the end of the day I had a phone interview with a biotech pharmaceutical company scheduled.

Since I really don't have enough professional type shirts, I hit up Ann Taylor Loft and actually found knit shirts I liked that fit and were reasonably priced.  (So I now have the same shirt in 3 colors, for a total of only $50.  It freaks me out that the petite and non-petite versions get the exact same picture on the website just with different colors.) Edit: And I forgot to mention that they gave me a classy white bag rather than the gross pink one I got (and threw away -- to Fefe's dismay) last time I went. /edit

Proceeding back to Downtown Crossing I hit Express next but didn't like any of the blouses enough to buy them.  My shoes have begun to literally fall apart, so Payless was next, though I ceased being optimistic about shoeshopping some seasons ago.  Predictions [brand name] totally wins at shoes this season, though.  So many hot boots.  Most of which I have nowhere to wear, and some of which are too stilleto for me to walk in, but hot [non-leather!] shoes that fit me?  I was deeply delighted (and thought of you -- especially when I seriously considered purchasing the femmeZoe boots, though first when I saw the faux suede boots).  Of course I remain hella picky, but I did get a pair of nice solid ankle boots (though the toes go out rather freakishly far -- a trend in women's shoes that I have never understood) which also turned out to be one of the cheaper options, which was nice.

At this point I quit the shopping and got lunch at the Greek place at the Downtown Crossing Food Court -- which, admittedly, is not the best choice when one is dressed nicely for interviews.

On my way to LessExcitingSoundingAgency, I was walking behind a large black woman who was all dolled up like out of another era.  I learned that it's Employee Week at Citizens Bank and apparently that means they dress up and she was going as My Fair Lady.  She had a long black short-sleeve dress with white nurse's slippers.  A black&white boa with silvery bits in it, and a similar boa around her black bowler-esque hat.  She had white gloves up to her elbows and a big silver sparkly ring on her left pinky finger, which hand held a small white lacy parasol.  Her other hand held what looked rather like a freakishly long eyebrow pencil, a sort of greyish purple color.  I was impressed.

I walked into LessExcitingSoundingAgency and was surprised to see the reception desk already decorated for Halloween (orange&black streamers and orange balloons) but hey, free chocolate.  Recruiter person was per usual.  Pushed the "We network . . . do you know anyone who's looking for a job, or a company that has openings?" a bit more than I would have liked, but I did get a free tips-for-interviewing pamphlet.  Also: their computerized skills testing is weird.

Rounded out the day with an actual job interview at an architectural design company.  They're in this old building near the Children's Museum which reminded me of a museum I went to in England that used to be an industrial warehouse or something.  (I wanna say it was the Modern Art Museum in Oxford, but I'm not sure.)  I was the first of about a dozen candidates she's gonna be interviewing, and I'm undecided as to whether that's good or bad.  Am trying not to obsess over how I could have interviewed better.  She's gonna bring in the top 4 or 5 candidates to meet with the heads of the company in a couple weeks and will let me know regardless.

Tomorrow I start back at HBS, working in the building next door to where I was before.  I've been guessing that I'm covering for someone who's going on vacation (the original gig was next week Mon.-Fri.) so we shall see whether this is an actual scheduled overlap day or what.