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[Lent 34] joy sadhana
Mar. 31st, 2012 08:03 pm"Making Sense of Abstinence" [part of Sex Week at Harvard] was more of an interactive Planned Parenthood workshop than I'd been expecting (or wanting).
At one point, the presenter talked about the fact that many religious traditions are in fact supportive of masturbation -- though they're not going to have a "Masturbation Sunday."
Carolyn looked at me and said, "CWM." (So, um, if anyone has any ideas on how to make that be a thing, lemme know -- Carolyn has promised to help.)
Later, I told Carolyn about Julia's and my conversation about a sermon series on non-traditional images of God, to which she immediately said, "Mama grizzly bear!" She said it's in Isaiah (that apparently it's a brown bear, since grizzlies aren't found in that part of the world, but, yanno). I couldn't find it, so I've since emailed her. [Edit: She says it's actually Hosea 13:8. /edit]
+
In other news, I learned that the granite building with the John Harvard statue, which I always think is Widener Library from that angle is in fact University Hall.
***
"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
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mylittleredgirl [more info]
"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up." --Anne Lamott
( Read more... )
At one point, the presenter talked about the fact that many religious traditions are in fact supportive of masturbation -- though they're not going to have a "Masturbation Sunday."
Carolyn looked at me and said, "CWM." (So, um, if anyone has any ideas on how to make that be a thing, lemme know -- Carolyn has promised to help.)
Later, I told Carolyn about Julia's and my conversation about a sermon series on non-traditional images of God, to which she immediately said, "Mama grizzly bear!" She said it's in Isaiah (that apparently it's a brown bear, since grizzlies aren't found in that part of the world, but, yanno). I couldn't find it, so I've since emailed her. [Edit: She says it's actually Hosea 13:8. /edit]
+
In other news, I learned that the granite building with the John Harvard statue, which I always think is Widener Library from that angle is in fact University Hall.
***
-
mylittleredgirl [more info]"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up." --Anne Lamott
( Read more... )Keith's away this week, so Jason D. (one of the Community Ministers) was there instead. He was really grateful I was there because he didn't know where anything was and he had also just realized that he wasn't sure how much he had committed to doing besides just giving the Reflection (he doesn't usually attend Rest and Bread). I said I'd do all the setup no problem (I even microwaved the bread, which I'd never done before) and we divvied up the bulletin. He asked me to lead the Prayers of the People and I agreed, even though that's usually the one thing I request not to do (the only thing I'm actually incapable of doing is leading music -- though technically I did do that at morning prayer last week -- but I always request not to do Prayers of the People) -- I articulated my reluctance when he asked, but we agreed that I felt better about doing it than he did.
So, he did the Welcome and Call to Worship; I led us in the unison praying aloud of the Psalm; he read the Sacred Text and gave his Reflection and invited the congregation to reflect; I wrapped up reflection time and moved us into Prayers of the People, led us through the three moments of prayer, led us in the Confession and then Assured us of Grace; he led the Passing of the Peace; we did Communion together (which I kind of led); I led us in the unison Thanksgiving at the end and then moved us into the Closing Hymn; he gave the Blessing and Benediction; I gave the Announcements (and did a bunch of cleanup).
There were various moments that did not go exactly as they were scripted, but I wasn't really bothered by that -- Laura Ruth would be so glad. "You're gentler on yourself and on those around you."
Doing the Prayers of the People felt really okay -- which I was pleasantly surprised by.
I didn't feel especially worshipful (I never do), but I was sufficiently present -- and I wasn't stressing about everything having to be perfect ... which is really impressive for me.
(I still maintain that I'm not called to ordained ministry, but I am glad to be growing.)
***
I signed myself up as a "potentially interested" in leading one of the small groups at FCS this summer, and in email conversation today Ari said, "I kind of want to volunteer you to lead Discernment because you would do it RIGHT." And she wasn't being ironic.
Did I mention that this morning I emailed FCS-Ian the "lectionary" readings from last Thursday and he replied, "Thank you very much. And, thank you for leading the service. You really are a blessing."
***
Jason D's Reflection tonight was on the "become like children" bit from Matthew, and he suggested that we need to acknowledge, recognize, forgive, and love the people we have been -- in order to be whole and integrated who we have been, who we are, and who we are becoming.
Carolyn and I talked about humility afterward (numerous congregants articulated a hesitancy at "humility" being a child-like trait) and she pointed out children's willingness to admit that they don't know something -- to ask their parents with complete faith that their parents will know the answer. We middle-class white folk who have had lots of Western education tend to think that we know everything ourselves, that we don't need anyone else's assistance and/or that no one else possibly has anything we could learn from them (I'm certainly guilty of that -- though obviously not in all contexts).
***
Carolyn was late to service for a variety of reasons, so she came in during the communal reflection time. She commented to me afterward that she'd gotten there in time for prayers and Communion -- the "meat and potatoes" of the service. I laughed -- because my instinct with church still tends to be to prioritize the sermon. She said that prayers and Communion are where we interface with God -- that the sermon is thinking time, and maybe it's because for the 3 years of seminary she basically thought about God all the time, but the interfacing with God part is really important to her.
So, he did the Welcome and Call to Worship; I led us in the unison praying aloud of the Psalm; he read the Sacred Text and gave his Reflection and invited the congregation to reflect; I wrapped up reflection time and moved us into Prayers of the People, led us through the three moments of prayer, led us in the Confession and then Assured us of Grace; he led the Passing of the Peace; we did Communion together (which I kind of led); I led us in the unison Thanksgiving at the end and then moved us into the Closing Hymn; he gave the Blessing and Benediction; I gave the Announcements (and did a bunch of cleanup).
There were various moments that did not go exactly as they were scripted, but I wasn't really bothered by that -- Laura Ruth would be so glad. "You're gentler on yourself and on those around you."
Doing the Prayers of the People felt really okay -- which I was pleasantly surprised by.
I didn't feel especially worshipful (I never do), but I was sufficiently present -- and I wasn't stressing about everything having to be perfect ... which is really impressive for me.
(I still maintain that I'm not called to ordained ministry, but I am glad to be growing.)
***
I signed myself up as a "potentially interested" in leading one of the small groups at FCS this summer, and in email conversation today Ari said, "I kind of want to volunteer you to lead Discernment because you would do it RIGHT." And she wasn't being ironic.
Did I mention that this morning I emailed FCS-Ian the "lectionary" readings from last Thursday and he replied, "Thank you very much. And, thank you for leading the service. You really are a blessing."
***
Jason D's Reflection tonight was on the "become like children" bit from Matthew, and he suggested that we need to acknowledge, recognize, forgive, and love the people we have been -- in order to be whole and integrated who we have been, who we are, and who we are becoming.
Carolyn and I talked about humility afterward (numerous congregants articulated a hesitancy at "humility" being a child-like trait) and she pointed out children's willingness to admit that they don't know something -- to ask their parents with complete faith that their parents will know the answer. We middle-class white folk who have had lots of Western education tend to think that we know everything ourselves, that we don't need anyone else's assistance and/or that no one else possibly has anything we could learn from them (I'm certainly guilty of that -- though obviously not in all contexts).
***
Carolyn was late to service for a variety of reasons, so she came in during the communal reflection time. She commented to me afterward that she'd gotten there in time for prayers and Communion -- the "meat and potatoes" of the service. I laughed -- because my instinct with church still tends to be to prioritize the sermon. She said that prayers and Communion are where we interface with God -- that the sermon is thinking time, and maybe it's because for the 3 years of seminary she basically thought about God all the time, but the interfacing with God part is really important to her.
Morning prayer service, I did both readings (de-masculinizing the language on the fly, so I wasn't entirely happy with the results):
Psalm 147:12-20
John 8:12-19
I accidentally read through verse 20 in John by accident (that's how the paragraph ends!). Someone asked if this was when Jesus was 12 -- which it isn't. Ellie said that was the reading this past Sunday (I'm glad some church did Christmas 1 this past Sunday). FCS-Ian commented that it's interesting that when he was 12, the religious leaders were impressed by him but once he started challenging them, then they were questioning him and trying to get rid of him.
The responsive was Psalm 97 (in the New Century Hymnal).
Afterward, I kindly asked to be locked in to the building and was obliged, so I didn't have to go hermit at Starbucks or something :) [Keith was joking yesterday that we should turn the church into a wireless cafe -- because before Rest and Bread I was on my laptop on the phone with Carolyn making plans for today, and the last time he'd seen me I'd been on my laptop in the chapel before Cantata Sunday.] Though while I'm increasingly hooked on wi-fi, I'm still not really comfortable using my eee for more than casual surfing level of actvity -- because of the keyboard and the fact that I keep accidentally dragging tabs out and accidentally zooming in/out (which I still can't figure out how to do on purpose, so I can't undo it).
Carolyn and I had some difficulty finding her ZipCar in the University Park lot (sidebar: she had a Prius yesterday and way prefers it to the Civic we had today) and then we hit snow around 10:30, so we got into Northampton significantly later than we had planned, but so it goes. (God bless the parking garage! We parked for 2hrs38min for $1!!!)
We stopped and Pride & Joy first.
Looking at the buttons, I commented on the one that said, "If I let Jesus into my heart, then everyone will want in." I said I know it's intended to be sarcastic, but really it's true. There were 2 left in the drawer. We each bought one. I put mine on my snowflake hoodie.
I also looked at a necklace -- black beads with rainbows of beads sprinkled throughout. I tried it on and Carolyn said it looked good on me. I bought it. I didn't actually see it on myself until I was in the bathroom at Haymarket (yay non-gender-demarcated bathrooms!) but it really does look good on me.
We had lunch at Haymarket (duh). Looking at the menu, I thought, "I want everything on here!" which like never happens to me. I think I had this same experience last time I was there. At some point I noticed that there was no meat in any of the items on the menu. \o/ I got a grilled cheese sandwich (with gruyere, tomato, avocado, etc.), which while I was eating it I realized I think I'd gotten last time; oops. I got a Daucus smoothie, which I don't remember from when I've been there before (carrots, cinnamon, etc.).
Carolyn's been angry with God recently for Calling her -- and also with her parents for teaching her how to hear the Holy Spirit ;) She said people keep asking her, "How do you know you're called to work within the church?" and she wants to start responding: "How do you know you're not?"
She said to me, "You're lucky. You're called to be where you are. To do what you do. You're drawn to the church, but." I was amused, since just a few weeks ago she was teasing me about not answering my call to ministry.
She asked me if I thought I was called to do the work that I do at HBS -- "to deal with that particular kind of bullshit," as she put it. I said that for the most part I really like my job and for the most part I seem well-suited for it -- but that I've been rethinking that a little recently because the staff all have their own things going on so there's not that feeling of connection that there used to be, plus some of the faculty are leaving. She said it sounded like I was called to be stability in times of transition (be that in the church or elsewhere), and talked about my ability to stay calm in the midst of change, to see and point to the stepping stones across the water -- which image I really liked, because it reminds me that stable doesn't have to mean static.
By the time we left, the snow had basically stopped -- having accumulated about an inch.
We skipped Faces but stopped at Northampton Wools. Carolyn's been questing for a rainbow skullcap to replace the one she gifted to someone, and she bought self-variegating yarn to make herself one.
We went to the Emily Dickinson Museum (though due to repairs on Emily's house, we only got to tour her brother's house) -- last tour of the day/year. It was lovely picturesque in the snow. (Ari, apparently the Franklin edition is the best collection -- so says the retired English professor who was our tour guide.)
Aww, Carolyn's facebook status: Carolyn [redacted] had a fabulous adventure with Elizabeth [redacted] today. She learned that when the GPS says "left" or "right" it really means "gaily forward." There was snow, there was good food, there was queerness, there was literary greatness... and there were a few inside jokes. What a great way to end the year!
Psalm 147:12-20
John 8:12-19
I accidentally read through verse 20 in John by accident (that's how the paragraph ends!). Someone asked if this was when Jesus was 12 -- which it isn't. Ellie said that was the reading this past Sunday (I'm glad some church did Christmas 1 this past Sunday). FCS-Ian commented that it's interesting that when he was 12, the religious leaders were impressed by him but once he started challenging them, then they were questioning him and trying to get rid of him.
The responsive was Psalm 97 (in the New Century Hymnal).
Afterward, I kindly asked to be locked in to the building and was obliged, so I didn't have to go hermit at Starbucks or something :) [Keith was joking yesterday that we should turn the church into a wireless cafe -- because before Rest and Bread I was on my laptop on the phone with Carolyn making plans for today, and the last time he'd seen me I'd been on my laptop in the chapel before Cantata Sunday.] Though while I'm increasingly hooked on wi-fi, I'm still not really comfortable using my eee for more than casual surfing level of actvity -- because of the keyboard and the fact that I keep accidentally dragging tabs out and accidentally zooming in/out (which I still can't figure out how to do on purpose, so I can't undo it).
Carolyn and I had some difficulty finding her ZipCar in the University Park lot (sidebar: she had a Prius yesterday and way prefers it to the Civic we had today) and then we hit snow around 10:30, so we got into Northampton significantly later than we had planned, but so it goes. (God bless the parking garage! We parked for 2hrs38min for $1!!!)
We stopped and Pride & Joy first.
Looking at the buttons, I commented on the one that said, "If I let Jesus into my heart, then everyone will want in." I said I know it's intended to be sarcastic, but really it's true. There were 2 left in the drawer. We each bought one. I put mine on my snowflake hoodie.
I also looked at a necklace -- black beads with rainbows of beads sprinkled throughout. I tried it on and Carolyn said it looked good on me. I bought it. I didn't actually see it on myself until I was in the bathroom at Haymarket (yay non-gender-demarcated bathrooms!) but it really does look good on me.
We had lunch at Haymarket (duh). Looking at the menu, I thought, "I want everything on here!" which like never happens to me. I think I had this same experience last time I was there. At some point I noticed that there was no meat in any of the items on the menu. \o/ I got a grilled cheese sandwich (with gruyere, tomato, avocado, etc.), which while I was eating it I realized I think I'd gotten last time; oops. I got a Daucus smoothie, which I don't remember from when I've been there before (carrots, cinnamon, etc.).
Carolyn's been angry with God recently for Calling her -- and also with her parents for teaching her how to hear the Holy Spirit ;) She said people keep asking her, "How do you know you're called to work within the church?" and she wants to start responding: "How do you know you're not?"
She said to me, "You're lucky. You're called to be where you are. To do what you do. You're drawn to the church, but." I was amused, since just a few weeks ago she was teasing me about not answering my call to ministry.
She asked me if I thought I was called to do the work that I do at HBS -- "to deal with that particular kind of bullshit," as she put it. I said that for the most part I really like my job and for the most part I seem well-suited for it -- but that I've been rethinking that a little recently because the staff all have their own things going on so there's not that feeling of connection that there used to be, plus some of the faculty are leaving. She said it sounded like I was called to be stability in times of transition (be that in the church or elsewhere), and talked about my ability to stay calm in the midst of change, to see and point to the stepping stones across the water -- which image I really liked, because it reminds me that stable doesn't have to mean static.
By the time we left, the snow had basically stopped -- having accumulated about an inch.
We skipped Faces but stopped at Northampton Wools. Carolyn's been questing for a rainbow skullcap to replace the one she gifted to someone, and she bought self-variegating yarn to make herself one.
We went to the Emily Dickinson Museum (though due to repairs on Emily's house, we only got to tour her brother's house) -- last tour of the day/year. It was lovely picturesque in the snow. (Ari, apparently the Franklin edition is the best collection -- so says the retired English professor who was our tour guide.)
Aww, Carolyn's facebook status: Carolyn [redacted] had a fabulous adventure with Elizabeth [redacted] today. She learned that when the GPS says "left" or "right" it really means "gaily forward." There was snow, there was good food, there was queerness, there was literary greatness... and there were a few inside jokes. What a great way to end the year!
Fourth Sunday After Pentecost
Jun. 28th, 2009 09:37 pmI am so so grateful to God for the fact that the past, oh, three weeks have passed without my being anxious really at all about the fact that I haven't gotten to connect with certain people I know and love. I think it is possibly starting to wear off a bit.
I decided to not go to LizL's installation.
SCBC
I got to SCBC at like five minutes of nine and rang the doorbell. I stood outside reading my book. Once it hit 9am, I considered just going home, but then someone showed up and let me in, and moments later Ross and Emily walked in.
We opened with prayers of thanksgiving. I appreciated that Ross explicitly articulated that silence is good, too. The only thing I could think of was that I am so grateful for the patience I've had (by the grace of God) this past month or so re: various interpersonal things.
Next we lifted up prayers for the church -- and Ross turned to me and said, "You can also lift up prayers for your church, it doesn't have to be for this church," which I appreciated. But (a) I'm not used to praying for my church(es) specifically, (b) when I try to think of prayers for the Church, what keeps coming to mind is stuff like the "All Means All" initiative, (c) it would feel like a betrayal to gripe about one of my churches in this outsider space.
And lastly we lifted up any personal concerns that were particularly weighing on our hearts -- during which part I did lift up select prayers out loud.
People kept saying "Lord" and "Father" and "He." I don't want to co-opt the term "double-consciousness" (esp. since I think I wouldn't really be using it correctly), but I was very conscious simultaneously of how the speakers intended the language and how it failed to resonate with me. I've been inclined recently to use female language for God (e.g., "Mother," "She"), even though any gendered language for God makes me uncomfortable to some degree because God is so beyond our conceptions of gender. "Mother" in particular often make me uncomfortable because I feel like the speakers are intended to conjure up this happy fluffy "if only women ruled the world we would live in socialist harmony" idea. I was thinking about how recently I've had that fierce protective "place myself between you and the powers of darkness" urge, and how that feels to me really true to who God is and also echoes the Mama Bear response I've seen from my own mother.
"Mother is the name of God in the lips and hearts of children" [Google tells me (1) that originates with William Makepeace, (2) it was quoted in The Crow -- which is probably where it was initially familiar to me from.]
CHPC
2 Corinthians 8:1-15
Mark 5:21-43
Sermon: "Generosity Heals"
I continue to feel like we're just going through the motions.
I liked that we sang "O How Glorious, Full of Wonder" and "Take These Gifts" (though why only verses 1&3 I dunno), and "May You Run and Not Be Weary" is growing on me as a closing responsory hymn.
Various people chatted with me at Coffee Hour. I kept expecting people to call me out on the email I sent to Session, but no one did.
CWM
I think it was in the Welcome that Tiffany said something about how we are gathered around this table, and I realized that by gathering around the Communion table, we literally mirror the Last Supper -- Christ gathering together with his friends.
Carolyn went off lectionary and preached on: Psalm 29, 1 John 4:19-21, Amos 5:18-24
She talked about how Amos' audience believed that their prosperity (though I don't think that was the exact word she used, but I totally thought, "Wow, that really undercuts the idea of the Prosperity Gospel") was the result of God's favor on them. Retribution will come at the time it is least expected. She also talked about how this idea of divine retribution is problematic (though I think she might have been overgenerous in stating that we liberals are uncomfortable with the idea of divine retribution raining down on our adversaries ;) ).
She said that the word translated "stream" in Amos is a word from the Noah flood story, so it's rather more intense than just the literal translation of "permanent stream that will never run dry." She talked about how the water language of the Psalm recalls Creation and Noah -- order out of chaos. She suggested that one lesson we could take from this is that God helps us find meaning.
Three things we can learn from this Amos passage:
1. Justice is important to God. (On the Day of YHWH, YHWH's justice comes to fruition. Even God's people can act counter to what God wants.)
2. God is there with us.
3. Perhaps we are called to be the prophets.
Every time Carolyn said "Yahweh," I pinged a little. I used to really like the name "Yahweh" for God, but Ari and I have had conversations about the Tetragrammaton, and so now my immediate reaction is to find it problematic that we are pronouncing a name which was purposely unpronounceable/unpronounced.
--
Carolyn and I made plans for Fourth of July. \o/
I decided to not go to LizL's installation.
SCBC
I got to SCBC at like five minutes of nine and rang the doorbell. I stood outside reading my book. Once it hit 9am, I considered just going home, but then someone showed up and let me in, and moments later Ross and Emily walked in.
We opened with prayers of thanksgiving. I appreciated that Ross explicitly articulated that silence is good, too. The only thing I could think of was that I am so grateful for the patience I've had (by the grace of God) this past month or so re: various interpersonal things.
Next we lifted up prayers for the church -- and Ross turned to me and said, "You can also lift up prayers for your church, it doesn't have to be for this church," which I appreciated. But (a) I'm not used to praying for my church(es) specifically, (b) when I try to think of prayers for the Church, what keeps coming to mind is stuff like the "All Means All" initiative, (c) it would feel like a betrayal to gripe about one of my churches in this outsider space.
And lastly we lifted up any personal concerns that were particularly weighing on our hearts -- during which part I did lift up select prayers out loud.
People kept saying "Lord" and "Father" and "He." I don't want to co-opt the term "double-consciousness" (esp. since I think I wouldn't really be using it correctly), but I was very conscious simultaneously of how the speakers intended the language and how it failed to resonate with me. I've been inclined recently to use female language for God (e.g., "Mother," "She"), even though any gendered language for God makes me uncomfortable to some degree because God is so beyond our conceptions of gender. "Mother" in particular often make me uncomfortable because I feel like the speakers are intended to conjure up this happy fluffy "if only women ruled the world we would live in socialist harmony" idea. I was thinking about how recently I've had that fierce protective "place myself between you and the powers of darkness" urge, and how that feels to me really true to who God is and also echoes the Mama Bear response I've seen from my own mother.
"Mother is the name of God in the lips and hearts of children" [Google tells me (1) that originates with William Makepeace, (2) it was quoted in The Crow -- which is probably where it was initially familiar to me from.]
CHPC
2 Corinthians 8:1-15
Mark 5:21-43
Sermon: "Generosity Heals"
I continue to feel like we're just going through the motions.
I liked that we sang "O How Glorious, Full of Wonder" and "Take These Gifts" (though why only verses 1&3 I dunno), and "May You Run and Not Be Weary" is growing on me as a closing responsory hymn.
Various people chatted with me at Coffee Hour. I kept expecting people to call me out on the email I sent to Session, but no one did.
CWM
I think it was in the Welcome that Tiffany said something about how we are gathered around this table, and I realized that by gathering around the Communion table, we literally mirror the Last Supper -- Christ gathering together with his friends.
Carolyn went off lectionary and preached on: Psalm 29, 1 John 4:19-21, Amos 5:18-24
She talked about how Amos' audience believed that their prosperity (though I don't think that was the exact word she used, but I totally thought, "Wow, that really undercuts the idea of the Prosperity Gospel") was the result of God's favor on them. Retribution will come at the time it is least expected. She also talked about how this idea of divine retribution is problematic (though I think she might have been overgenerous in stating that we liberals are uncomfortable with the idea of divine retribution raining down on our adversaries ;) ).
She said that the word translated "stream" in Amos is a word from the Noah flood story, so it's rather more intense than just the literal translation of "permanent stream that will never run dry." She talked about how the water language of the Psalm recalls Creation and Noah -- order out of chaos. She suggested that one lesson we could take from this is that God helps us find meaning.
Three things we can learn from this Amos passage:
1. Justice is important to God. (On the Day of YHWH, YHWH's justice comes to fruition. Even God's people can act counter to what God wants.)
2. God is there with us.
3. Perhaps we are called to be the prophets.
Every time Carolyn said "Yahweh," I pinged a little. I used to really like the name "Yahweh" for God, but Ari and I have had conversations about the Tetragrammaton, and so now my immediate reaction is to find it problematic that we are pronouncing a name which was purposely unpronounceable/unpronounced.
--
Carolyn and I made plans for Fourth of July. \o/
(no subject)
Jun. 5th, 2009 11:59 pmI ended up spending most of my morning at the gym watching SVU. I watched the very end of ( Mercy, 4.14 ) And then I ended up watching all of ( Perfect, 4.24 )
***
A few weeks ago, Carolyn posted about finding a cheap place to get her hair cut, and I asked for details, and she said, "Lisa's is located at Comm Ave and Babcock Street. (HA! funny name) Anyway, it's got a puple awning that says "Lisa's" in white letters. I got a cut and shampoo for $20. I especially recommend it for you, Eliz, because you're hair is so easy to cut. You shouldn't be spending a fortune on trims!"
I hit the intersection of Brighton Ave. and Cambridge St. and decided to just walk up Cambridge St. (rather than walking over to Harvard Ave. and up to Comm. Ave.), figuring it should cross Comm. Ave. Yeah, not so much. After 15 minutes I was beginning to think I should just turn around when I saw Sparhawk, which I thought I recognized from when L. drove me out to Kristy and Leander's in Brighton, so I decided to keep going. When I hit the big intersection of Washington St., I opted to turn onto Washington. In part because I was like, "This street maybe has a B Line stop?" When I hit Fidelis Way, I remembered that Kristy and Leander actually live on Washington St., right near the end of the street by the Comm. Ave. stop. So instead of being 2 stops Outbound from where I wanted to be, I was 6 stops Outbound from where I wanted to be. (And yeah, I did take the B Line rather than walking along Comm. Ave.)
My haircut cost $15 ('cause I didn't get it washed). She cut it shorter in the front and longer in the back than I had asked for, but I like it (mostly). I took the B Line to Park Street and walked to Downtown Crossing and spent a little time at TJMaxx and even less at H&M. I do not enjoy shopping, and I was tired (not enough sleep, plus an hour of walking). I actually took the Red Line back to Harvard and then waited for a #96 home, which I almost never do.
I came home to an email reply including an apology for yesterday. And then while writing my reply to that email I had a crying fit. I'm not sure exactly what's up with that, as I haven't felt really emotionally worked up since last Tuesday/Wednesday. (Possibly it is that omfg I do not get to have this way fucking overdue conversation for 3 more fucking weeks? It's not that I feel like I'm getting brushed off, I am just fucking tired of not getting to have this conversation. I have also possibly accumulated more emotional stress these past 3+ months than I realize.)
Apparently I can walk from my house to Namaskar in ~20min when I am seething? And then I waited outside for 15 minutes (Allie had texted me warning me she was going to be late). So by the time we had ordered our food I was able to tell the story calmly. And Allie was exactly the right amount of sympathetic (the thing I hate most about venting about people I love, is that often the listener gets more upset with the person than I am so I have to defend the person). And she also had a helpful suggestion re: Ian that I hadn't thought of and ditto re: Terry. Sympathetic AND helpful, here let us model this for you /snark
Allie reminded me that the phrase "interrogating the text from the wrong perspective" comes from the Ann Rice wank (this is the first hit when you Google that phrase).
***
"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]
"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up." --Anne Lamott
Good things about today:
["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]
( Mercy, 4.14 ) And then I ended up watching all of ( Perfect, 4.24 )***
A few weeks ago, Carolyn posted about finding a cheap place to get her hair cut, and I asked for details, and she said, "Lisa's is located at Comm Ave and Babcock Street. (HA! funny name) Anyway, it's got a puple awning that says "Lisa's" in white letters. I got a cut and shampoo for $20. I especially recommend it for you, Eliz, because you're hair is so easy to cut. You shouldn't be spending a fortune on trims!"
I hit the intersection of Brighton Ave. and Cambridge St. and decided to just walk up Cambridge St. (rather than walking over to Harvard Ave. and up to Comm. Ave.), figuring it should cross Comm. Ave. Yeah, not so much. After 15 minutes I was beginning to think I should just turn around when I saw Sparhawk, which I thought I recognized from when L. drove me out to Kristy and Leander's in Brighton, so I decided to keep going. When I hit the big intersection of Washington St., I opted to turn onto Washington. In part because I was like, "This street maybe has a B Line stop?" When I hit Fidelis Way, I remembered that Kristy and Leander actually live on Washington St., right near the end of the street by the Comm. Ave. stop. So instead of being 2 stops Outbound from where I wanted to be, I was 6 stops Outbound from where I wanted to be. (And yeah, I did take the B Line rather than walking along Comm. Ave.)
My haircut cost $15 ('cause I didn't get it washed). She cut it shorter in the front and longer in the back than I had asked for, but I like it (mostly). I took the B Line to Park Street and walked to Downtown Crossing and spent a little time at TJMaxx and even less at H&M. I do not enjoy shopping, and I was tired (not enough sleep, plus an hour of walking). I actually took the Red Line back to Harvard and then waited for a #96 home, which I almost never do.
I came home to an email reply including an apology for yesterday. And then while writing my reply to that email I had a crying fit. I'm not sure exactly what's up with that, as I haven't felt really emotionally worked up since last Tuesday/Wednesday. (Possibly it is that omfg I do not get to have this way fucking overdue conversation for 3 more fucking weeks? It's not that I feel like I'm getting brushed off, I am just fucking tired of not getting to have this conversation. I have also possibly accumulated more emotional stress these past 3+ months than I realize.)
Apparently I can walk from my house to Namaskar in ~20min when I am seething? And then I waited outside for 15 minutes (Allie had texted me warning me she was going to be late). So by the time we had ordered our food I was able to tell the story calmly. And Allie was exactly the right amount of sympathetic (the thing I hate most about venting about people I love, is that often the listener gets more upset with the person than I am so I have to defend the person). And she also had a helpful suggestion re: Ian that I hadn't thought of and ditto re: Terry. Sympathetic AND helpful, here let us model this for you /snark
Allie reminded me that the phrase "interrogating the text from the wrong perspective" comes from the Ann Rice wank (this is the first hit when you Google that phrase).
***
-
mylittleredgirl [more info]"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up." --Anne Lamott
Good things about today:
- I went to check in with FUH before leaving at noon (per the Dean's okay), and the first thing he said when I walked into his office was that oh we need to pick dates for me to come up to Frenchboro :)
- I called Carolyn during lunch to see if she was around, and it turns out she's working 40 hours/week, but she was pleased to hear from me esp. as she was sorting the mail which she says is a tedious lonely task.
- About three and a half hours of conversation with Allie :)
- I went to the ( gym )
- I filled out a form and tracked down an article.
- I did not actually call anyone and YELL at them.
["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]
- LizL's ordination
- lunch with Chris
- Jeremy and Chelsea's going-away party
I've been thinking about Pentecost a lot recently.
Later last week, I came across an entry on the "When love comes to town" blog -- "Pentecost, peace and grace..."
I don't like the color-and-image-heavy formatting, so I am definitely not replicating it all here for you, but here's an excerpt:
In looking at the Archives, I saw a post titled "What if God was one of us..." and wondered if it was like this post (responding to an Onion piece), but actually...
Excerpt:
***
I wasn't that taken with most of the Pentecost stuff from actual Pentecost Sunday this year, but one of the things I liked best was from LizL's Children's Time. She said she had been trying to program her husband's radio alarm clock but it wasn't working, and she asked the kids what they might try if they were having that problem. One kid said, "I would check if it's turned on or plugged in." And indeed that was exactly the problem. She said, "It's very important to plug in electrical appliances before you try to program them."
It actually reminds me somewhat of the Pentecost blogpost I quoted above.
During Coffee Hour, LizL. and I joked that she should have a red sparkly stole. When I was telling Carolyn this before CWM, I said it made me want to obtain/create a red sparkly shirt with flames on it to wear for Pentecost next year, and she said, "If you wear that, I'll wear my red sparkly bra...under something see-through." I said, "It's a deal!"
***
At the 3pm organ recital at FCS UCC, I sat in a pew by myself like I do. Laura Ruth summoned me to sit with them. So while she was off doing stuff I read the pieces of paper she had left, which was her reading copy of her day's sermon, "See My People Through." From the end of the sermon:
Later last week, I came across an entry on the "When love comes to town" blog -- "Pentecost, peace and grace..."
I don't like the color-and-image-heavy formatting, so I am definitely not replicating it all here for you, but here's an excerpt:
How does John’s gospel for today put it?***
“I still have many things to tell you,” Jesus said, “but you can't handle them now. But when the Friend comes, the Spirit of the Truth, he will take you by the hand and guide you into all the truth there is. He won't draw attention to himself, but will make sense out of what is going on… indeed, out of all that I have done and said. He will honor me; he will take from me and deliver it to you. Everything the Father has is mine. That is why I've said, 'He takes from me and delivers to you.
And then he concludes with these words: Fix this firmly in your minds: You're going to be in deep mourning while the godless world throws a party. You'll be sad – very sad – but your pain will turn into joy.
Did you hear that? God will be sending Christ’s friend to us – the Holy Spirit – the Spirit of Truth – and the Spirit will come to us and comfort us so that our pain might be turned into joy. And that is what an adult Pentecost is all about, it seems to me: learning how to live and nourish the Spirit within and among us so that we might experience Christ’s joy.
Pentecost, writes Jim Callahan, is not the birthday of the church; that probably happened on Good Friday when Jesus was hanging on the Cross and pleading with God that we might be forgiven for sins we couldn’t even name or imagine. No Pentecost is God’s reply to Good Friday – a day of great joy, power, fire and spirit – that isn’t reserved just for Jesus alone but is poured out upon all of the faithful disciples. How does the book of Acts put it?
When the Feast of Pentecost came, the faithful were all together in one place. Without warning there was a sound like a strong wind, gale force—no one could tell where it came from. It filled the whole building. Then, like a wildfire, the Holy Spirit spread through their ranks and they started speaking in a number of different languages as the Spirit prompted them. There were many others staying in Jerusalem just then, devout pilgrims from all over the world. And when they heard the sound, they came on the run… because one after another heard their own mother tongues being spoken. They couldn't for the life of them figure out what was going on, and kept saying, "Aren't these all Galileans? How come we're hearing them talk in our various mother tongues? Are they drunk?”
Strangers became kin folk on Pentecost. Frightened disciples became fearless evangelists on Pentecost. Women and men became equals on Pentecost. And everyone who experienced this revival could only talk about it like a banquet – or a beer fest – because the sadness was gone and joy filled the air. “In the midst of a numbingly sober and sour world, these women and men looked like a bunch of happy drunks,” Callahan writes, “because at last they knew that they were God’s beloved.”
Every last one of them experienced from the inside out that they were beloved by God just as Jesus had promised. What’s more they knew deep within that the heart of God was love – “not just in poetic theory, but in palpable fact.” They experienced, too, that in belonging to God they were not alone – they belonged to one another – in community. And the joy this gave them not only filled their hearts, “but gave them the inspiration to go out into the streets to heal and redeem.”
In looking at the Archives, I saw a post titled "What if God was one of us..." and wondered if it was like this post (responding to an Onion piece), but actually...
Excerpt:
Well, my friends, in case you haven’t guessed, today we’re going to be talking about Jesus: specifically I want to consider what the Cross of Jesus Christ has to tell us about God’s love and our humanity in these early hours of the 21st century. Theologian Douglas John Hall writes that: The cross of Jesus Christ represents simultaneously a high estimate of the human creature, a grave realism concerning human alienation, and the compassionate determination of God to bring humankind to the realization of our potential for authenticity.I don't really see that the Cross per se tells us these things, but I do affirm these things.
Did you get all that? In the tongue of popular culture, we’re going to think about three essential insights in the Cross:
+ God’s deep love for us as beings created in the Lord’s image
+ The profound pain we cause through our alienation
+ And the relentless compassion of God’s grace
Are you with me? Love, pain and grace – or as Hall writes – our experience of being created, fallen and lifted: a new/old encounter with the Cross of Jesus Christ for our generation. So let’s see where this conversation might take us, ok?
***
I wasn't that taken with most of the Pentecost stuff from actual Pentecost Sunday this year, but one of the things I liked best was from LizL's Children's Time. She said she had been trying to program her husband's radio alarm clock but it wasn't working, and she asked the kids what they might try if they were having that problem. One kid said, "I would check if it's turned on or plugged in." And indeed that was exactly the problem. She said, "It's very important to plug in electrical appliances before you try to program them."
It actually reminds me somewhat of the Pentecost blogpost I quoted above.
During Coffee Hour, LizL. and I joked that she should have a red sparkly stole. When I was telling Carolyn this before CWM, I said it made me want to obtain/create a red sparkly shirt with flames on it to wear for Pentecost next year, and she said, "If you wear that, I'll wear my red sparkly bra...under something see-through." I said, "It's a deal!"
***
At the 3pm organ recital at FCS UCC, I sat in a pew by myself like I do. Laura Ruth summoned me to sit with them. So while she was off doing stuff I read the pieces of paper she had left, which was her reading copy of her day's sermon, "See My People Through." From the end of the sermon:
When we are done, when we can’t go on any longer, when we are all dried up, when we’re toast, when we have put down the bags, spent our last dime, when we have woken up in someone’s bed and we don’t remember whose, when we have alienated our last friend and relative, when we have drunk everything in the house including the mouthwash, when we have stolen from those we love and been caught, when we are too ashamed to live anymore, when we have sold our birth rite, when we can’t remember our essential sweet goodness, when we have sold out our friends and family, when we have been conquered, when someone not interested in our welfare is occupying our heart, our homeland and our minds, God will blow life back into us.
Even though we are a heap of desiccated bones, if we watch and notice, God will bring us back to life. God will help us to reassemble ourselves, to grow into the people God made us to be, humans whose essence is the same essence of God.
And more than that, and it is the story of that day of Pentecost, if we remember to ask for the presence of God, she will come and not only save us, but give us the gifts we need to heal and to become like Jesus, bring justice, she will set us free to be fully human, fully free.
Today is Orthodox Easter Sunday.
Apr. 19th, 2009 11:12 pmAt SCBC Adult Ed this morning, the pastor was talking about how he doesn't take the Bible literally and all this stuff, and I kept thinking, "Everyone's so negative on how conservative this church is, and yet..."
As we drew to a close, Owen asked me if I would be comfortable leading the closing prayer. I was totally thrown and unprepared, but I did it. I always want to use female-gendered language for God because so many folks in this group say "Father God" all the time, but I don't use gendered language in talking about/to God, so it wouldn't have been authentic, and if I'm gonna really discomfit people during prayer time, I had better be doing it out of authentic prayer language. I am so all about intentionality in language, but I totally cribbed from familiar prayer language even though it wasn't necessarily the exact words I was looking to invoke -- "Great and gracious Creator God ... grace, mercy, and peace ..."
[Edit] At CHPC this morning, I felt like the number of people I didn't recognize was almost greater than the number of congregants I recognized. Apparently the four women whom I totally read as queer were visitors from a Waltham congregation. I felt bad that I didn't do more introductory conversational greeting, but I tend to want to do that during Coffee Hour rather than in the sanctuary, and by that time other folks were chatting them up (at least one of the congregants clearly already knew at least one of them), so I hung around while LizL. chatted with one of the couples. I've taken to wearing my "Ask. Tell." dogtag recently (I'm not entirely sure why), and one of the women complimented me on it :) [/edit]
In CHPC Adult Ed we talked about metaphors for sin and salvation (using a handout from an HDS class Kelsey is taking this semester) and what does it mean that sin is such a central component to our faith. I kept having responses to things people said, but I didn't actually get a chance to jump in, and none of it was anything that felt important enough for me to really be obvious that I had something to say. Near the end, though, LizL. asked me what my thoughts were -- as the "resident orthodox theologian" :)
I went almost forty-eight hours with no update on [redacted v. Holy Saturday].
Reconciling Saint Celebration at CWM tonight. I walked into the sanctuary and felt like there really should have been more people (since it's this big even that we put on) and felt bad that I hadn't invited anyone, but I always feel weird inviting people to stuff like this for their first visit to CWM because it's so different from how our Sunday worship usually is.
I sat next to Marion because it was convenient, and she asked how things had been, and I talked in very broad terms (mostly just because I was tired and because I'm rarely good at exciting synopses of my life) and I mentioned that the semester had been plugging along and not as crazy as I'd initially thought it would be, and she asked me to remind her where I work, and I told her. A guy sitting in the pew in front of us turned and said, "Did you say you worked for...?" He works there, too, and asked me where at the school I work. I named my department and the faculty I support. He named where he works and I nodded and named a couple people I know who work there and he told me his first name and I was like, "Oh! I know you." It's a fairly uncommon first name, and he works with junior faculty development or whatever, so I'm familiar with the idea of him from various conversations. He said they go to Union United Methodist (I said, "Oh, that's the church that hosted the Boston Pride Interfaith Service a couple years ago, right?") and Martin McLee (our invited preacher for the event) used to be the pastor there, so... He also named someone who organizes GLBT lunches where we work, though apparently there hasn't been one in a while, and I am totally going to follow up on that, even though queer folk do not automatically feel like "my tribe" and so I actually have very little expectation of making new friends from that endeavor -- but I feel like I should totally try. [I am totally stalking now, and I am disproportionately gleeful that someone did a case study on GLSTN.]
Early in the sermon, I wished I had invited SCBC folk -- "I know that one or two of you are non-demonstrative, but I've been black all my life, so..."
Rev. McLee preached about how the church is for everybody, and I had a moment of wanting to bring my broken beloveds to my church, but really most of the meatspace people I didn't meet at church either have their own faith tradition or have made a conscious choice that theism/Christianity is not for them. I have brought friends to church before, but basically as visitors; I think the real "bring a friend to church" I do is on the Internet -- demonstrating that Christians can be devout believers and still be thinkers and seekers and really kind and good people (and queer to boot).
Other notes:
If the foot says it doesn't fit, that doesn't make it any less a part of the body (the Scripture he was preaching on was 1 Corinthians 12:12-26). I was really struck by this -- that we can say we don't fit, that we're not a part of the body, but that doesn't mean that we actually aren't. And I don't mean this in a squicky way like that your baptism is something magical you can never undo, but in a way which feels really comforting to me personally as a Christian believer, this reminder that we are all God's children. (During his acceptance speech, Bishop Melvin Talbert said, "Don't let anyone drive you out of your church.")
"We can't wait until General Conference gets it right to invite folks in." (Though the understandable hyperbole of the preaching moment elides the fact that it is a really difficult issue to navigate how one can in good conscience invite people into a structure which is going to harm them.)
"How radical would it be if we spoke to people as we leave the House of Love?"
Michael Vick -- "where is the redemptive choir?" I liked his bringing up the fact that church should be present, should be reaching out, when people are trying to rebuild their lives.
During Passing of the Peace, I went to greet Cassandra, and she asked me what I'd been up to or something, and I said that some friends of mine had been having difficult times, so that had been taken up a lot of my time, and she did the usual, "Oh that's so good of you," which I am still not entirely used to, because from my perspective (a) it is an automatic response that of course I would take the time and energy to be present and supportive and whatever, and (b) I only do this for certain people and from my perspective I'm conscious of how little I care to engage with so many people. I referenced "What I Learned from My Mother" by Julia Kasdorf -- saying that I often return to that idea of how important it is just to be present with someone in their pain, that the "help" you can offer is secondary though also important.
After service, Carolyn introduced me to her STH bff Kelly (I was introduced as her CWM bff), who had actually been sitting in the pew behind me so I'd technically met her during Passing of the Peace.
Why is there such an abundance of people around me going through really difficult times in relationships?
As we drew to a close, Owen asked me if I would be comfortable leading the closing prayer. I was totally thrown and unprepared, but I did it. I always want to use female-gendered language for God because so many folks in this group say "Father God" all the time, but I don't use gendered language in talking about/to God, so it wouldn't have been authentic, and if I'm gonna really discomfit people during prayer time, I had better be doing it out of authentic prayer language. I am so all about intentionality in language, but I totally cribbed from familiar prayer language even though it wasn't necessarily the exact words I was looking to invoke -- "Great and gracious Creator God ... grace, mercy, and peace ..."
[Edit] At CHPC this morning, I felt like the number of people I didn't recognize was almost greater than the number of congregants I recognized. Apparently the four women whom I totally read as queer were visitors from a Waltham congregation. I felt bad that I didn't do more introductory conversational greeting, but I tend to want to do that during Coffee Hour rather than in the sanctuary, and by that time other folks were chatting them up (at least one of the congregants clearly already knew at least one of them), so I hung around while LizL. chatted with one of the couples. I've taken to wearing my "Ask. Tell." dogtag recently (I'm not entirely sure why), and one of the women complimented me on it :) [/edit]
In CHPC Adult Ed we talked about metaphors for sin and salvation (using a handout from an HDS class Kelsey is taking this semester) and what does it mean that sin is such a central component to our faith. I kept having responses to things people said, but I didn't actually get a chance to jump in, and none of it was anything that felt important enough for me to really be obvious that I had something to say. Near the end, though, LizL. asked me what my thoughts were -- as the "resident orthodox theologian" :)
I went almost forty-eight hours with no update on [redacted v. Holy Saturday].
Reconciling Saint Celebration at CWM tonight. I walked into the sanctuary and felt like there really should have been more people (since it's this big even that we put on) and felt bad that I hadn't invited anyone, but I always feel weird inviting people to stuff like this for their first visit to CWM because it's so different from how our Sunday worship usually is.
I sat next to Marion because it was convenient, and she asked how things had been, and I talked in very broad terms (mostly just because I was tired and because I'm rarely good at exciting synopses of my life) and I mentioned that the semester had been plugging along and not as crazy as I'd initially thought it would be, and she asked me to remind her where I work, and I told her. A guy sitting in the pew in front of us turned and said, "Did you say you worked for...?" He works there, too, and asked me where at the school I work. I named my department and the faculty I support. He named where he works and I nodded and named a couple people I know who work there and he told me his first name and I was like, "Oh! I know you." It's a fairly uncommon first name, and he works with junior faculty development or whatever, so I'm familiar with the idea of him from various conversations. He said they go to Union United Methodist (I said, "Oh, that's the church that hosted the Boston Pride Interfaith Service a couple years ago, right?") and Martin McLee (our invited preacher for the event) used to be the pastor there, so... He also named someone who organizes GLBT lunches where we work, though apparently there hasn't been one in a while, and I am totally going to follow up on that, even though queer folk do not automatically feel like "my tribe" and so I actually have very little expectation of making new friends from that endeavor -- but I feel like I should totally try. [I am totally stalking now, and I am disproportionately gleeful that someone did a case study on GLSTN.]
Early in the sermon, I wished I had invited SCBC folk -- "I know that one or two of you are non-demonstrative, but I've been black all my life, so..."
Rev. McLee preached about how the church is for everybody, and I had a moment of wanting to bring my broken beloveds to my church, but really most of the meatspace people I didn't meet at church either have their own faith tradition or have made a conscious choice that theism/Christianity is not for them. I have brought friends to church before, but basically as visitors; I think the real "bring a friend to church" I do is on the Internet -- demonstrating that Christians can be devout believers and still be thinkers and seekers and really kind and good people (and queer to boot).
Other notes:
If the foot says it doesn't fit, that doesn't make it any less a part of the body (the Scripture he was preaching on was 1 Corinthians 12:12-26). I was really struck by this -- that we can say we don't fit, that we're not a part of the body, but that doesn't mean that we actually aren't. And I don't mean this in a squicky way like that your baptism is something magical you can never undo, but in a way which feels really comforting to me personally as a Christian believer, this reminder that we are all God's children. (During his acceptance speech, Bishop Melvin Talbert said, "Don't let anyone drive you out of your church.")
"We can't wait until General Conference gets it right to invite folks in." (Though the understandable hyperbole of the preaching moment elides the fact that it is a really difficult issue to navigate how one can in good conscience invite people into a structure which is going to harm them.)
"How radical would it be if we spoke to people as we leave the House of Love?"
Michael Vick -- "where is the redemptive choir?" I liked his bringing up the fact that church should be present, should be reaching out, when people are trying to rebuild their lives.
During Passing of the Peace, I went to greet Cassandra, and she asked me what I'd been up to or something, and I said that some friends of mine had been having difficult times, so that had been taken up a lot of my time, and she did the usual, "Oh that's so good of you," which I am still not entirely used to, because from my perspective (a) it is an automatic response that of course I would take the time and energy to be present and supportive and whatever, and (b) I only do this for certain people and from my perspective I'm conscious of how little I care to engage with so many people. I referenced "What I Learned from My Mother" by Julia Kasdorf -- saying that I often return to that idea of how important it is just to be present with someone in their pain, that the "help" you can offer is secondary though also important.
After service, Carolyn introduced me to her STH bff Kelly (I was introduced as her CWM bff), who had actually been sitting in the pew behind me so I'd technically met her during Passing of the Peace.
Why is there such an abundance of people around me going through really difficult times in relationships?
Jesus, Savior, Lord, lo, to thee I fly:I was close to having given up on getting a response from Someone, but I actually got one this morning. And it wasn't the angry response I was expecting, It was, in fact, mostly "Yes, I realize that you've been trying really hard and I haven't been trying at all."
Saranam, Saranam, Saranam;
Thou the Rock, my refuge that's higher than I:
Saranam, Saranam, Saranam.
( in which I go on about process -- mostly for my own reference )***
CWM-Carolyn's back, and she missed me, and I hugged her lifting her up during Passing of the Peace, and during dinner she asked me how I was and I said I was doing okay, that I've been worried about a friend of mine for a few weeks but I was feeling better -- that I was still concerned, but it was less of an emotional drain on me recently -- and that I'd finally gotten a response from a friend and I talked about that in the vague way that I do, and she talked about some of her stuff, and then I was like, "Yeah, my friend that I've been worried about..." and I did my little spiel, and she just kinda nodded -- not in a way where I felt like she wasn't hearing me, but just in a way in which she wasn't hearing it as a big dramatic scary thing, which I suspect was largely because of how I was talking about it. I hadn't initially intended to tell her about it at all, and I didn't want to get into a big serious Thing about it right then, so the way that she responded to it was really good for that moment, but I was really interested by the experience since it's so not the response I've gotten from anyone else (though as I said, it's also not the way I've presented it to anyone else).
During group after dinner, she was standing and at one point I walked over to behind her and started rubbing her back (I used to do this all the time to friends, and I'm not sure why I stopped) and after I was done she rubbed my back/neck/arms, which was really nice, especially since I so rarely get that reciprocated.
***
During Prayers of the People at CWM, Cara said something like, "I already lifted this up in prayer this morning, so I hope it's okay if I mention it here, too." One of her joys was celebrating her 15th anniversary of being diagnosed with diabetes, and I loved that she turned that into such a bubbling over joyful occasion. (Also, her friends made her a cake shaped like an insulin container, complete with realistic-looking syringes made out of frosting.)
Cara also got to be my new favorite person for being so insightful in finding ways to make everything fit neatly when we were returning things to the office, and before that there had been some disagreement about how to do a project and I kept saying "My impression was..." and not being heard, and she told me that at one point she was going to say, "I think everyone should listen to Elizabeth," but then she started laughing and so she couldn't. When she told me that, I said that if she had said that I would have been laughing so much I wouldn't have been able to speak.
***
-
mylittleredgirl [more info]"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Five good things about today:
1. Getting a really good email from a dear friend.
2. Ross wants to get together and chat theology again (this time about gendered God-language -- in a totally generous, "If I'm going to be a pastor, I need to be aware of and understand ways in which people experience God-language" way).
3. I have a dispensation from Sean to go to Arlington Street this Thursday instead of to CAUMC.
4. Cara and Carolyn at CWM tonight.
5. This.
Three things I did well today:
1. I went to morning church(es) even though what I really wanted to do was stay home and obsessively draft a reply to an email.
2. I remembered to read a Psalm today.
3. I emailed Jeff about book group.
Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]
1. I dunno, getting caught up on some personal stuff because it may be a slow day at work? (I'm so hesitant to make predictions about what work is gonna be like)
2. phone call with Ari
Yesterday I learned that a charge of possession (of 5lbs of marijuana) with intent to distribute can carry a $5,000 bail. I was reminded of a piece I read recently in Slate Newsweek -- [OPINION] "Keep Bernard Madoff Free!: Why it's a bad idea to jail people before trial." By Mark Gimein | TheBigMoney.com (Jan 9, 2009 | Updated: 1:26 p.m. ET Jan 9, 2009)
The idea that we ostensibly have a presumption of "innocent until proven guilty" and yet most times once charged with a crime you are stuck in jail until trial unless you have the money to post bail is really distressing to me.
Clarendon Hill Presbyterian Church
I went to CHPC for the first time since the first Sunday in Advent (that means I had been absent for 6 Sundays, albeit over the holidays). I told Katherine I was wondering how many weeks I'd have to not show up before anyone actually got in touch with me. She said she'd thought of me like five times this week but never when she was actually in front of a computer or anything. I know that experience well.
I walked into the sanctuary and Karl greeted me and I reiterated what I'd said to Katherine and he said, "Were you testing us?"
I said, "No, I just had better offers."
There weren't many people in attendance so apparently an executive decision was made to just read some Scriptures about hope and some conversation about that and then trying out some new music. (It occurred to me later to be annoyed at the idea that we couldn't have a regular service with just a few people 'cause, nevermind the fact that we often don't have very many in attendance, Rest and Bread does a full service in like 30-45 minutes with attendance that often doesn't/barely break/s double digits.)
Up at the front of the sanctuary was a framed poster of that Barack Obama portrait with "Hope" at the bottom. I am still v. low church and was uncomfortable. I appreciated that the first reading Karl did (btw, I am not impressed with Karl's Scripture reading voice at all) included the line "Do not put your hopes in princes or mortals" (from Psalm 146).
There were no bulletins, but when we were going through new music, Karl asked for feedback on the Call to Worship as chant -- something they've been doing for a couple months now and no one's given him any feedback (positive or negative), and LizC said she hadn't been in a couple weeks so she didn't really know the new Call to Worship and so Karl went and got copies of what would have been today's bulletin. I really liked the unison Prayer of Confession.
Cambridge Welcoming Ministries
When I was skipping CHPC week after week and really not missing it, I was thinking I should just quit -- I mean, I was considering quitting last fall (not '08 but '07) -- but I would still feel like I should go somewhere Sunday mornings (because I can) and we've already established that I just cannot do First Church Somerville, so I'd be back to church-hopping. I was realizing recently that while I like the freedom to go anywhere I want on Sunday mornings (like interesting-sounding sermons at Somerville Community Baptist or First Church Somerville UCC), I'm not highly motivated to find a new regular Sunday morning place because I already have a church "home" -- CWM.
Nothing was particularly striking about the service tonight, and I'm not madly in love with lots of aspects of it like many of the congregants are, but it feels comfortable and natural and "right" and "home."
Carolyn was complaining about the recent stipulation for UMC ordination re: "fidelity within marriage and celibacy in singlehood," and Marla said that while the latter is bullshit, one can interpret the former in a way that makes it feel okay to sign off on it (even though yes of course we would like for that requirement to be removed) and mentioned that if you're interpreting "marriage" as "partner-relationship" then it even allows for polyamory, and she was so matter-of-fact about it and I wanted to be like "Thank you!" but I couldn't think of a way to interject that without disrupting their conversation.
In an earlier conversation, Gordon College came up, and Marla talked about how it's problematic that our Annual Conference is held there ('cause it means we're giving them money) but also talked about how there are always student workers there who will ask them about their rainbow stoles and she tries to have as many of those conversations as possible. I remember her talking about those student interactions before (probably after the last Annual Conference) and it continues to make me really happy.
***
[obligatory snow report]
There were only a couple inches of snow on the ground when I left for church around 10am, and it was soft snow, and it wasn't windy, temps in the 20sF, so I just felt like, "yes, this is winter."
Laurel gchatted me around 2pm and said, "ugh, the weather sucks. I shoveled for an hour, then took a shower. there are now probably 1.5 to 2 more inches of snow on my car. if I move my car, i will likely have to shovel for an hour efore I can repark it. when one has a car, snow stops being pretty and starts being a pain."
The snow stopped around 2:30, and walking to church around 4:30pm it was picturesque. Walking home around 8pm it had started again -- big flakes, but falling lightly.
***
"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]
Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine
-"You Are Mine" (David Haas)
Five good things about today:
1. I drowned a couple items in Shout Action Gel last night and laundered them today, and that actually got rid of the fluorescent pink splotches.
2. I like this green sweater I got at Sears more than I'd sort of expected.
3. Cat IMed me.
4. CWM = home.
5. Surprise bonus phone conversation with la bff.
Three things I did well today:
1. Stayed for Coffee Hour at CHPC.
2. Laundry.
3. Sussed something out while talking to Ari.
Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]
1. Getting enough sleep, maybe? (I keep failing at finishing LJ posts -- and thus getting to go to bed -- at a reasonable hour. I actually laid(?) down this afternoon from like 3-4 'cause I was feeling tired.)
2. Facebook-messaging Elyse.
The idea that we ostensibly have a presumption of "innocent until proven guilty" and yet most times once charged with a crime you are stuck in jail until trial unless you have the money to post bail is really distressing to me.
In the federal courts, the only purpose of bail was to prevent flight, until the passage of the Bail Reform Act of 1984. Part of a package of tough crime legislation, the 1984 law changed the calculus of the presumption of bail, weakening the presumption that people should not be jailed until conviction. (Capital cases have always been exempt from bail, creating an exception for the very worst crimes.) The bill added the amorphous standard of danger to the community as a determining factor in setting bail. On top of that, in the intervening years federal judges began confiscating bail bonds not only for actual flight but for all sorts of violations, making it harder for defendants to find bondsmen (who get paid 15 percent of the bail, which they keep whatever the outcome—a cruelty that's hard to miss) to put up collateral.***
Clarendon Hill Presbyterian Church
I went to CHPC for the first time since the first Sunday in Advent (that means I had been absent for 6 Sundays, albeit over the holidays). I told Katherine I was wondering how many weeks I'd have to not show up before anyone actually got in touch with me. She said she'd thought of me like five times this week but never when she was actually in front of a computer or anything. I know that experience well.
I walked into the sanctuary and Karl greeted me and I reiterated what I'd said to Katherine and he said, "Were you testing us?"
I said, "No, I just had better offers."
There weren't many people in attendance so apparently an executive decision was made to just read some Scriptures about hope and some conversation about that and then trying out some new music. (It occurred to me later to be annoyed at the idea that we couldn't have a regular service with just a few people 'cause, nevermind the fact that we often don't have very many in attendance, Rest and Bread does a full service in like 30-45 minutes with attendance that often doesn't/barely break/s double digits.)
Up at the front of the sanctuary was a framed poster of that Barack Obama portrait with "Hope" at the bottom. I am still v. low church and was uncomfortable. I appreciated that the first reading Karl did (btw, I am not impressed with Karl's Scripture reading voice at all) included the line "Do not put your hopes in princes or mortals" (from Psalm 146).
There were no bulletins, but when we were going through new music, Karl asked for feedback on the Call to Worship as chant -- something they've been doing for a couple months now and no one's given him any feedback (positive or negative), and LizC said she hadn't been in a couple weeks so she didn't really know the new Call to Worship and so Karl went and got copies of what would have been today's bulletin. I really liked the unison Prayer of Confession.
Prayer of Confession (unison)***
Gracious God, our sins are too heavy to carry, too real to hide, and too deep to undo. Forgive what our lips tremble to name, what our hearts can no longer bear, and what has become for us a consuming shadow of guilt. Set us free from a past that we cannot change; open to us a future in which we can be changed; and grant us your grace to grow more and more into your likeness and image; through Jesus Christ, the light of the world. Amen.
("The Worship Sourcebook," adapted)
Cambridge Welcoming Ministries
When I was skipping CHPC week after week and really not missing it, I was thinking I should just quit -- I mean, I was considering quitting last fall (not '08 but '07) -- but I would still feel like I should go somewhere Sunday mornings (because I can) and we've already established that I just cannot do First Church Somerville, so I'd be back to church-hopping. I was realizing recently that while I like the freedom to go anywhere I want on Sunday mornings (like interesting-sounding sermons at Somerville Community Baptist or First Church Somerville UCC), I'm not highly motivated to find a new regular Sunday morning place because I already have a church "home" -- CWM.
Nothing was particularly striking about the service tonight, and I'm not madly in love with lots of aspects of it like many of the congregants are, but it feels comfortable and natural and "right" and "home."
Carolyn was complaining about the recent stipulation for UMC ordination re: "fidelity within marriage and celibacy in singlehood," and Marla said that while the latter is bullshit, one can interpret the former in a way that makes it feel okay to sign off on it (even though yes of course we would like for that requirement to be removed) and mentioned that if you're interpreting "marriage" as "partner-relationship" then it even allows for polyamory, and she was so matter-of-fact about it and I wanted to be like "Thank you!" but I couldn't think of a way to interject that without disrupting their conversation.
In an earlier conversation, Gordon College came up, and Marla talked about how it's problematic that our Annual Conference is held there ('cause it means we're giving them money) but also talked about how there are always student workers there who will ask them about their rainbow stoles and she tries to have as many of those conversations as possible. I remember her talking about those student interactions before (probably after the last Annual Conference) and it continues to make me really happy.
***
[obligatory snow report]
There were only a couple inches of snow on the ground when I left for church around 10am, and it was soft snow, and it wasn't windy, temps in the 20sF, so I just felt like, "yes, this is winter."
Laurel gchatted me around 2pm and said, "ugh, the weather sucks. I shoveled for an hour, then took a shower. there are now probably 1.5 to 2 more inches of snow on my car. if I move my car, i will likely have to shovel for an hour efore I can repark it. when one has a car, snow stops being pretty and starts being a pain."
The snow stopped around 2:30, and walking to church around 4:30pm it was picturesque. Walking home around 8pm it had started again -- big flakes, but falling lightly.
***
-
mylittleredgirl [more info]Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are mine
-"You Are Mine" (David Haas)
Five good things about today:
1. I drowned a couple items in Shout Action Gel last night and laundered them today, and that actually got rid of the fluorescent pink splotches.
2. I like this green sweater I got at Sears more than I'd sort of expected.
3. Cat IMed me.
4. CWM = home.
5. Surprise bonus phone conversation with la bff.
Three things I did well today:
1. Stayed for Coffee Hour at CHPC.
2. Laundry.
3. Sussed something out while talking to Ari.
Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]
1. Getting enough sleep, maybe? (I keep failing at finishing LJ posts -- and thus getting to go to bed -- at a reasonable hour. I actually laid(?) down this afternoon from like 3-4 'cause I was feeling tired.)
2. Facebook-messaging Elyse.
Moment of Meditation
"I am Yours and with You I want not.
You throw out to me a rope and
the name of the rope is Love and
You draw me to where the grass is green
and the water not dangerous,
and I eat and lie down and am satisfied.
Sometimes my heart is very weak and falls down but,
You lift me up gain and draw me into a good road.
Your name is WONDERFUL."
-Isabel Crawford
( Read more... )
***
Over dinner, Jeremy told us that he'd reached a new level in masculinity -- he stared down a guy who was bigger than him who wanted to punch him in the face. During one of the quiet moments, Chelsea informed us that it was a middle schooler. It was a legit story, though -- eighth grade dance at Jeremy's church, a boy and his girlfriend get in a fight and the boy throws the girl against the wall, Jeremy's like "Yeah no" and starts coming down the stairs to where they are, the boy's all "I'm gonna break you" and even two steps below Jeremy he was taller than Jeremy. After Jeremy finished his story, Sean talked about him and Will. I turned to Carolyn and said, "I have the best church."
I'm stoked that Carolyn (and her partner) is likely moving to the Davis Square area for next year -- she's doing her field whatever at Harvard-Epworth, CWM is in Davis Square, and her partner's big into comics and gaming ... so she'll just commute to BU and they'll have their lives based here.
***
After dinner was "General What?" -- a PowerPoint presentation thanks I think to Karen Oliveto.( Read more... )
"I am Yours and with You I want not.
You throw out to me a rope and
the name of the rope is Love and
You draw me to where the grass is green
and the water not dangerous,
and I eat and lie down and am satisfied.
Sometimes my heart is very weak and falls down but,
You lift me up gain and draw me into a good road.
Your name is WONDERFUL."
-Isabel Crawford
( Read more... )***
Over dinner, Jeremy told us that he'd reached a new level in masculinity -- he stared down a guy who was bigger than him who wanted to punch him in the face. During one of the quiet moments, Chelsea informed us that it was a middle schooler. It was a legit story, though -- eighth grade dance at Jeremy's church, a boy and his girlfriend get in a fight and the boy throws the girl against the wall, Jeremy's like "Yeah no" and starts coming down the stairs to where they are, the boy's all "I'm gonna break you" and even two steps below Jeremy he was taller than Jeremy. After Jeremy finished his story, Sean talked about him and Will. I turned to Carolyn and said, "I have the best church."
I'm stoked that Carolyn (and her partner) is likely moving to the Davis Square area for next year -- she's doing her field whatever at Harvard-Epworth, CWM is in Davis Square, and her partner's big into comics and gaming ... so she'll just commute to BU and they'll have their lives based here.
***
After dinner was "General What?" -- a PowerPoint presentation thanks I think to Karen Oliveto.
( Read more... )[CWM] Easter Sunday [2008-03-23]
Mar. 23rd, 2008 09:17 pmI kind of wish I'd taken a picture of the flower-bedecked altar for use as an "abundance" icon or something (though the cream-colored drapes and all the white lilies, I'm not sure it would have looked how I wanted when shrunk down to icon size).
( Read more... )
( Read more... )-Henri Nouwen
( Transfiguration Sunday )***
Unsurprisingly, church ended around 6:30 (as per usual). Various people had other plans, but Beth and Rob and Kirk and I went over to Tiffany's (though only Kirk and I stayed until the end).
Most of the game was a whole lot of nothing (Kirk had asked us to count the ass-pats during the game, because our culture's comfort level with same-gender intimacy really is connected to the "bigger" issues like same-sex marriage; we only saw ass-pats during the commercials, but in their defense there weren't a whole lot of big celebratory moments during that game), and the commercials were similarly unimpressive on the whole.
Most of the good commercials seemed to be early on.
The Bud Light commercial early on with Hank the Clydesdale was sweet.
I loved the cars.com commercial with the Plan B of a deathmatch in the stone fire circle against Glondor or whatever. That was totally the best one of the night, and it aired during like the first quarter. The one that aired much later, with the headshrinker, I was less into, in part because it was closer to being culturally offensive. It was directly followed by an ad for an internet sales website, with the animated pandas and bamboo furniture, and both Tiffany and I said we didn't know what to think about it.
I did enjoy the Sobe Life Water lizards "Thriller" dancing.
The E-trade commercial with the baby? I was like, "Is 'even I can do it' really the message you wanna be going for? In this day of identity theft and all?"
But the later commercial when he buys a clown? I loved the "I underestimated the creepiness" punchline, 'cause the clown was actually creeping me out and I don't have a clown phobia.
My reaction to an anti-drug commercial should not be to laugh at it, but that was my reaction to the one with the drug dealer who's losing business 'cause kids can get high out of the medicine cabinet. Tiffany said it was controversial, that there was a thing on NPR, 'cause the drug dealer's sympathetic. I said I think most if not all drugs currently illegal should be legalized (and hi, there are good capitalist reasons to want them legalized; get with it, Republicans), so I'm not exactly their target audience anyway.
They kept having the Terminator robot* and I was like, "Summer Glau and Lena Headey are hot; show them," so I was pleased when we finally got a real ad for tomorrow's episode. (The second ad I was less into.) Kirk hasn't seen the show (Tiffany had seen the pilot and said it was fairly good) but said something about Summer Glau beats up everyone and I was like, "Duh." He said that was totally the best scene in Serenity and again I was like, "Duh."
*TLGN says it was a Terminator fighting the FOX NFL robot. That makes more sense now. I hadn't realized there was a FOX NFL robot. Since I'd previously watched one game this season and before that probably none since sometime in college.
Man, I love Sia's "Breathe Me," but hasn't it been used in umpteen shows already? (It was in the House ad.)
Oh, and near the end of the game there was a Victoria's Secret ad, which began, "Victoria's Secret would like to remind you" and I was like, "What? That girls are hot?"
Edit: The Coke commercial with the politicians ("jinx rules")? The execution wasn't anything to write home about, but the concept had me thisclose to making a heart with my hands as I watched. /edit
The first time we saw an ad for American Idol I said they should make a clips show just of Simon Cowell saying mean things in a British accent, because I would watch that.
I actually knew all the Tom Petty songs except the last one. When after two songs it seemed like they were done, I was like, "That's all we get?" Tiffany said the halftime show's only twenty minutes long.
Josh says they sell separate tickets for the people who rush the field during the halftime show, that they don't actually get to see the game.
( Do I need to spoiler cut the results of the Super Bowl? )Off the fflist: Kos' Origins of Super Bowl Sunday (St. Vincentius of Lombardy)
Prelude and Silent Meditation
"Christ beckons us beyond the point of familiarity, asking us to risk doing something we don't know how to do, to become someone we're not yet sure we know how to be." -Mark Ralls
Call to Worship
[One] Blessed are you. God of all creation, and blessed is the communion into which you gather us. You promised that when two or three gather you will be there in the midst of us.
[All] Send your Holy Spirit to call us by name and lead us home.
[One] We come defeated, we come dancing. We come tired, we come trusting. We come aggrieved, we come adoring.
[All] Send your Holy Spirit to call us by name and lead us home.
[One] We come because our hearts are made restless by echoes of a song we have never heard and memories of a place we have never seen.
[All] Send your Holy Spirit to call us by name and lead us home.
( Read more... )
"Christ beckons us beyond the point of familiarity, asking us to risk doing something we don't know how to do, to become someone we're not yet sure we know how to be." -Mark Ralls
Call to Worship
[One] Blessed are you. God of all creation, and blessed is the communion into which you gather us. You promised that when two or three gather you will be there in the midst of us.
[All] Send your Holy Spirit to call us by name and lead us home.
[One] We come defeated, we come dancing. We come tired, we come trusting. We come aggrieved, we come adoring.
[All] Send your Holy Spirit to call us by name and lead us home.
[One] We come because our hearts are made restless by echoes of a song we have never heard and memories of a place we have never seen.
[All] Send your Holy Spirit to call us by name and lead us home.
( Read more... )