burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

( the usual, gym talk )

Work was actually calm today, which I was grateful for.

Reading worth_the_trip has made me not only want to read many of the books but also reminds me of my attempt to read all the queer lit in existence (back in 2002? I hadn't realized just how much there was until I actually got into it).  I did writeups, but they were all aiming to be neutral summations, so I'd kind of like to reread for quality control.  I've been thinking for years now that I really should reread all that Jeanette Winterson I read in high school.  (I'm also working on composing my letter to Mike F., and in conjunction with the "A Queer Kid in the Library" post, I am reminded of how important it is to see oneself, or persons like oneself, represented in media that you consume.  I forget this sometimes, since with my various communities both fannish and otherwise I see a multitude of sexualities and gender presentations/experiences represented in fiction and autobiography.)

I've been seeing ads for The Brave One at the gym, and the first ad I saw I thought it was a torture film, but I IMDb-ed today, and was given "A woman struggles to recover from a brutal attack by setting out on a mission for revenge." as a Plot Outline, which is appealing to me.  In the comments to musesfool's post, someone linked an NYT piece on Ms. Foster's career.  It says, in part:

Outlandish in its violence and its conceit, "The Brave One" would be an interesting addendum to Ms. Foster's career even without its biographical frisson, without the image of Erica holding a gun with a deadeye stare that directly summons up Travis Bickle in "Taxi Driver," the film in which she plays a child whore, the film that inspired John W. Hinckley Jr.'s mad love.

Hi, I need to see Taxi Driver now.

I have been thinking about it being the Days of Awe*, and about repentance and being right with God and being right with other people.  Which is frustrating timing as I had been feeling just about done with having ethics.  (Phone calls make me happy.)  Being good is hard.  I was thinking about this on my way home, and how it didn't seem right.  I decided that it's like transitioning to a healthy diet -- we get into damaging habits, and a lot of the world inclines to keep us in those habits, and at first the new habits often seem far less pleasurable than the old ones, but eventually you get to the point where fresh fruit (in season, from local growers, all that good stuff) is actually more appealing to you than highly processed sugary packaged stuff and the vending machine stuff actually doesn't taste good to you.
* I wish Christian Education included more about Judaism, because if we profess to believe that ours is the God of the Israelites, then wouldn't there be some merit or at least interest in our learning about that history?  For a whole lot of reasons -- to understand how this God and His people used to engage, to understand the context of the texts we sacralize, and so on.

CAUMC!Eric was asking me tonight about what music I like, and I can't not talk about Ani DiFranco, even though I tend to avoid her political stuff and am not a fan of her more recent more experimental work (which I date from her 2001 r/r but which really dates from her 1999 upx6).  Unlike with most artists, I'm actually familiar with a majority of her work, and I actually like the majority of it as well.  I think she's a talented musician and lyricist, and I come back to her relationship songs again and again, finding new ways to connect them to my experiences.  My song today is "swandive" (though, as usual, only parts of it).

I'm not a fan of the musical experimentation Ani did with her last few albums.  revelling/reckoning (2001) and evolve (2003) took a long time to grow on me (the former especially), and I couldn't bring myself to listen to educated guess (2004) and knuckle down (2005) more than once each.  And we don't speak of so much shouting, so much laughter (2002).  So I had no expectations for reprieve (2006).

As it turns out, this album is the mellow evocative one might expect from the cover artwork.  (The artwork accompanying each lyric page is also very complementary.)  The lyrics are not the brilliance I am used to expecting from her, and I often notice similarities to earlier songs [though I guess that's to be expected, as there are only so many stories to be told] but it's actually enjoyable to listen to.  I am reminded of revelling/reckoning (and my experience therewith) a lot actually.  And frighteningly, I find myself wanting to give her last two albums another shot.

It sounds like I'm damning with faint praise, and maybe I am; but hey, I'm relieved.

( song-by-song )

Heading back to the city. Last night it occurred to me that I pass a Staples on JFK St. on my way to and from work, so I could buy a router there. This may wait a few days depending on the weather, though.

Last time I hung out with Jonah, he was commenting that Ani hadn't come out with a new album yet (she's come out with one each year for ages now). What comes in the mail for me today? Forwarded from my Smith address to my address at my parents'... I'm on the RighteousBabe mailing list thanks to an order I placed years ago, and in the upper lefthand corner it says "The new studio album Reprieve in stores August 8, 2006." And it really is a real album, not these "official bootlegs" (contradiction in terms!) RBR has been putting out recently.

Morning was errands. My gloves pulled a vanishing act, so after brunch i went (back) to Acme Surplus to purchase new ones (which i think i actually like better than my old ones). Britta had said hi to me the first time i was there and this second time we chatted briefly.

"Do you want me to cut the tags off?"
"Yeah, that'd be great."
"I've cut the tags off 47 pairs of gloves, and I've only been here since 9:30." [this was a little after noon]

9pm weather.com broadcast from Boston says 15-25 inches expected in Boston (near 3 feet on the Cape), winds of 50+mph, and a blizzard warning through 6pm tomorrow.

KLS and i went to a ballet today :) Pioneer Valley Ballet Company and School presents Dances at a Masked Ball at The Eric Carle Museum of Picture Book Art. We had come for the galleries, but the ballet was nice. The Eric Carle stuff seemed new since the last time i had been there, which was nice. Interesting comparing the scenes from Do Bears Have Mothers Too? (1973, by Aileen Fisher) to those in Does A Kangaroo Have A Mother, Too? (2000). And the Robert Sabuda batik was really nice. What i had really come for was the Chris Van Allsburg, which was lovely and made me want to reread all his stuff. There should be fanfic for The Mysteries of Harris Burdick.

A little after 3 we were done and headed to the coatroom to get my bus schedule and lo it was snowing out. Everything was white, though there wasn't too much accumulated yet. The visibility was crap on the bus ride back, though, and my plan for tomorrow is to wear the coziest clothes i own and never leave the house.

Oh, children's book stores. I made glee noises over stuff like the Nutshell Library, and KLS got this in German (Die kleine Spinne spinnt und schweigt).

hedy came over for dinner and we hung out for a while. She asked me if knuckle down was better than educated guess. I said yes because after one listen of educated guess i never touched it again whereas i'm enjoying listening to knuckle down even though all the songs sound the same. I pulled out the album, though, and later i looked at the lyrics booklet, and educated guess has really strong lyrics that i like better than knuckle down, but i put the album in and listened to it and really, a lot of the sounds pain me. This is unfortunate.

Studying Stones: *cough*River*cough*

hedy gave me a 9-inch wooden ruler that says "Let's talk about sex" (a Kinsey promo freebie she'd picked up). Yay me :)

After hedy left i went downstairs and caught the last hour or so of Maurice. I read it over break and don't think it's a terribly good book. It didn't strike me as a terribly good movie or adaptation either. Yeah, i know, no accounting for taste and all that. E, A, and any other opinionated parties are welcome to debate this with me.

So, i signed up for femslash05. Should i sign up for the Whedonverse Femslash Ficathon as well? This is probably a rhetorical question, huh? The "Pairings would you feel comfortable writing" line is interesting 'cause it's got me thinking about which pairings and characters i'm honestly interested in at the moment instead of just listing the same pairings i've always said. And yes, fanfic has definitely influenced my views on a variety of characters and pairings. (I also now have a desire to rewatch "Lessons" and "Help" and write Kit/Cassie.) Ooh, willshenilshe's doing alphabet drabbles. What a neat idea. I'd have to do it myself though, 'cause it's not like anyone's gonna request fic from me. (I'm also having angst going through my fic archive and feeling like most of its not good enough to wanna put up on my website. Oh and bugger, i should really try to do my other two Metamorphosis Challenge assignments, huh?)

Okay, so i'm disappointed with the redoings of some songs ("pulse" and "my i.q." most notably, making them faster and stuff, when i loved their slowness and simplicity), but "you had time" is still the achingly beautiful song it was the first time i heard it and the numerous time i heard my (old) roommate play it.

I found out (here) that "Ani has announced that she will be releasing another double CD live album, to be in stores September 10. the albums will be entitled so much shouting, so much laughter." [Bonus points to anyone who knows where the title comes from.] According to that site, though, the track list is almost all old songs (though i love a lot of the songs, so i'm not complaining -- much). It includes "self-evident," though, and that alone will make everyone buy it. It's basically a second Living in Clip.

The RBR press release is here. Google searching i also learned that i can "check out her new movie, "Render," a mix of concert footage and on-the-road interviews." Articles about the movie are located here and here. And here's another site about the new album.

I got just about no work done today. I tried to be good and stay inside and do work, but as evidenced by the preponderance of LJ posts, i just stayed inside and didn't do work. Around 3:40 Rebecca and i went for a walk. About 5:10 we got back. ("want to take a short walk as a study break?" Rebecca said. Ha!) We had dinner and got talking to Sophia and got into a discussion about Smith and community and the racist/homophobic shit that's been going on recently and town vs. Smith tensions and tensions within the town itself and lots of stuff. About 6:30 i pulled myself away to go upstairs to see if Joe had called, see how close they were to arriving and all that. (The title is from the message he left on my PhoneMail while i was at dinner.) People were still down there talking when i left, and Rebecca says they didn't finish until abut 8:50. I love having thoughtful discussions, though, or even just listening to other people have them -- even if they are about somewhat depressing topics such as what sucks about Smith.

Joe and crew (his friend Kristen and a couple friends of hers) were theoretically getting here around 6. It was about 7:40 when they finally got here. We still got good seats, though, which surprised me.

I wasn't a real fan of the guy who opened for Ani (Dan Bern), but whatever.

Because this was a solo tour (tonight was the last performance of her first solo tour since 1994) she played songs she could do solo (duh) so she played a lot of older stuff, which was cool.

I don’t remember the full set-list. She opened with "god's country," then "fuel" (during which she talked to the audience some), and then a new song.

She talked about how sorrow makes you so raw, just opens you up. She said that sorrow, joy, love, they all open you up like that, and what's important is the openness, not the up or down. This was followed by "sorry i am."

Interestingly, during that bit of talking she mentioned that in a previous performance she had asked if everyone could just let the energy settle, and everyone sat down. So when she started to play "sorry i am," most everyone sat down. (Everyone had been standing since she came on stage.)

She referred to these solo performances as candlelight dinners.

She has been reading poetry by other people throughout this tour and tonight read a poem called "Dickhead" from this book of poems called Donkey Gospel by Tony Hoagland.

The rest of the set, in no particular order since i can't remember the order, included "cradle and all," "two little girls," another new song, "up up up up up up," and "garden of simple." The last new song she did was hardcore. Stuff like "the master's tools will never dismantle the master’s house" (Audre Lorde). She recited her untitled poem about the events of 9-11 and the aftermath, followed by "names and dates and times." (She changed the lines a bit. Something like: "i talk too much, i laugh too long, and you'll probably be slightly relieved when i'm gone" and "i talk too much, i laugh too long, and you can finally get some sleep when i'm gone") I forget what her encore piece was. Probably one of the ones i already mentioned, though i know i'm neglecting one song because i couldn't think of the title. (I think it's from one of her new albums. The only line i can remember is something like 'the sidewalk in front of you is painted on a wall.')

Joe said he was looking forward to meeting some of the people i talk about, but after the concert he and his crew were pretty wiped, so we went to Davis and they got food and then drove back to UNH.

While at Davis someone walked by and for a second Joe thought it was a guy and thought, "He's cute." I said it would be so cool to have him stay for an extended period of time. He would be so confused.