burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]
"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up." --Anne Lamott

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"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]
The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light. And they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined. (Isaiah 9:2, Handel's Messiah)

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At lunch today, I mentioned that my Sunday morning church -- the one I usually think of/refer to as my generic mainline rainbow flag church -- had a Drag Gospel brunch this past Sunday. In explaining their mainline-ness, I mentioned T. asking me (in advance of visiting the church) how they were on kink/poly.

C. pointed out that there isn't really much in the Bible (esp. the New Testament) that could be construed as anti-kink. (Later I articulate my sense that most liberal Christian's negative stance on kink comes out of a general ethic of nonviolence, and not out of any particular Scriptural injunctions.)

Having recently read Borg and Crossan on Paul -- which book has a whole chapter on the letter to Philemon -- it occurred to me that, "There are lots of rules about how you are to treat your slave."

Which, yes, only apply if you're doing lifestyle.

***

Rest and re/New

Keith won't be here next Wednesday (proctoring a mid-term), so I may or may not be giving the Reflection (depending on the availability/willingness of the clergy he asked).

He said if there isn't a clergy presence, we shouldn't/won't/didn't have to have Communion. (The way service is structured right now, Communion is an option during the break-out time.) I said I would be in support of a Communion option (yes, I am totally this person who strongly supports church containing things she doesn't personally get anything out of). I was willing to preface it with, "These elements haven't been consecrated by an authorized person," but Keith remembered there was bread in the freezer, so he opted to pre-consecrate that. (I will probably still preface with a mention that the bread has been pre-consecrated by an authorized person.)

I went to the kitchen to be in community while he pre-consecrated the bread. I've never actually been present for a consecration outside of a service (since I got HEUMC-Scott's voicemail the one time that I was doing CWM sans consecrated bread), plus I wanted the consecration to be communal (since that's how it is in my churches, and if I were to believe in magic consecration, that's how I would believe the magic happened).

He did a brief rehearsal of, "On that last night, Jesus took bread..." After he finished, I said, "Those are the Words of Institution." Hey, if we are going to obey the letter... So then he said a bit asking God/the Holy Spirit to bless the bread -- which words included the word "magic."

Last Tuesday night I was at a visioning session [and yes, I would like a less ableist term for that] for a group I've been involved with for much of this year, and I repeatedly said that social justice isn't where my passion is. And just about every time I said it, I felt a little twinge like I was lying -- because fat pol and disability pol and mental health pol ... these are all issues that have become very important to me. But they're not issues where people are going to say, "Yes, I'm totally on board with that -- or at least as a good liberal I feel like I 'should' be."

And so I frequently don't speak up and advocate for these things I care about, because I am, contrary to how I may appear, frequently a risk-averse confrontation-avoidant person. (Reasons I don't self-identify as an activist.)

So I am owning the things I care about.

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Friday

My brother came to pick me up on Friday and commented that it smelled like gas.  I had a cold so I hadn't noticed.  I mentioned the gas oven, he suggested the pilot light was out, I mentioned (which I had mentioned to OriginalRoomie weeks ago) that on one side of our stove the burners no longer work.  Yeah, pilot light.  I've always had the impression that the pilot light being out is this big deal thing to fix but no, it turns out to be really easy.  So that's one new thing I learned.  Now I also need to invest in matches in case this happens again.

In conversation on the ride home I learned that my brother really likes Heroes, including the early episodes (he saw the last 3 or 4 eps and then started from the beginning thanks to NBC having them up online).

Every year we say we're going to get a small tree, and every year the tree we get turns out to be rather large, but the tree my brother picked out this year actually is fairly small (though not, despite our joking, a Charlie Brown tree).  Decorated, it actually turned out well (and my brother conceded to my desire for white lights -- no colored lights -- which made me happy).

I watched so much tv Friday night.

Watching Jeopardy I learned that not only is there is a ballet of Dracula but there is also one of Faulkner's As I Lay Dying.  I continue to be struck in watching Jeopardy by how easy a lot of the questions are (though of course the majority of them I don't know at all).

I caught some of The Simpsons due to being on the computer while my brother watched in the adjoining room.

I watched WWE Smackdown with my dad as per usual.  Near the beginning, of the players referred to it as the "cornerstone of the CW network."  Hee.  ( Read more... )

My brother and I watched 1 vs. 100 for the first time.  We were not impressed.  Both the questions and the contestants/mob were stupid (North America/Asia/Africa has the largest desert, static is caused by protons/neutrons/electrons).

We saw Numb3rs (3.07 "Blackout"), which I had never seen before (though I recognized Peter MacNicol from The Practice Ally McBeal; and checking IMDb I was right in thinking Navi Rawat was the name of the actress who played Dana in Angel -- "Damage" 5.11).  The show itself, though?  ::shrug::  ( Read more... )

My brother watched South Park, and when I was home over Thanksgiving I'd seen part of an episode and really wasn't taken with it.  However, I quickly got sucked into the episode that played Friday night, and it turned out to be awesome.  ( Read more... )

I also kinda liked the Christmas in Nebraska one, in large part because I have Santa issues.  ( Read more... )

Saturday

I went to Frank Crowley's funeral because that's what one does.  It was open casket, which I shouldn't have been surprised by, since it was viewing followed immediately by funeral, but I was still a little wigged, especially 'cause he looked kinda yellowish.

While one of the daughters was talking, it occurred to me that in the not too distant future I'll have to stand up and say nice things about my grandmother.  I told my mother this later, and she said I could just be keeper of the tissues.  If she had died when she fell five and a half years ago, I wouldn't have minded, but she's just declined so much that it's hard to remember the good days.

After the funeral, I went over to my grandma's to help her wrap presents.  I was there for four or five hours (the wrapping only took about an hour, but first there was lunch and after there was keeping her company -- i.e., listening to her talk nonstop) and that last hour was painful.

I didn't bring Joyce home with me, knowing I wouldn't have time (or motivation) to work on it.  However, I had ILL-ed 1971 text on masochism which also included an English translation of Venus in Furs (the latter being the purpose in ILLing it).  Saturday night I had time to kill, so I read Venus and then started reading the psych/litcrit text.  I wasn't impressed with either.  Sigh.

Sunday

Fourth Sunday in Advent

(For my reference: there was a program in my hymnal from the Second Sunday in Advent which said "Light the Candle of Love.")  ( Read more... )

Sunday afternoon I worked on a Firefly fic I've had sitting around for quite some time and actually got a couple sections finished (and an idea for a companion piece).  I was really proud of myself, though there's still one section I'm struggling with.  Anyone interested in betaing?

We watched an episode of CSI: Miami (2.06 "Hurricane Anthony").  This show doesn't particularly grab me, but I don't actively dislike it either, so I could easily get sucked into an A&E marathon or something if I ever felt like I had the free time.  I also really enjoy Emily Proctor.  ( Read more... )

Christmas Eve
Looking back at LJ, I'm impressed that the order of worship almost exactly the same as last year.
Only differences:
*First Scripture Reading was listed as John 3:16-18 instead of John 1:1-14.
*After "Sweet Little Jesus Boy" we sang "O Little Town of Bethlehem" instead of proceeding directly to the Lighting of the Christ Candle.
*Choral Selection after Lighting of the Christ Candle was "Beautiful Star of Bethlehem" (instead of "Rejoice With Exceeding Great Joy").

What struck me this year in "Sweet Little Jesus Boy" instead of "But please, sir, forgive us Lord, we didn't know 'twas You," was "The world treat You mean, Lord; treat me mean, too. But that's how things is down here, we didn't know 'twas You."

Meditation (sermon) was entitled "What Time Is Christmas?" and I swear I was awake, but I remember nothing.  At least Christmas Eve sermons are shorter than Sunday morning ones are.

The sanctuary wasn't very warm, but then the receiving line afterward?  Someone had left the front door open (our receiving line ends right at that door, mind) and it looked like it was propped open (else I would have pulled it shut when I walked by).  omg so cold.  weather.com when we came home said 11pm: 38F feels like 33F, which made me feel like a wimp since I am she who loves cold and all.  Nevertheless, I felt like death -- which was actually happened once before: cold, achy, occasional stabbing chest pain.  Dunno what causes it.  I was given permission to bust up the heat in the apartment (shockingly, it was already at 68), and I felt better the following morning, and by the end of the day on Christmas felt wholly myself again. 

Because there is nothing on Sunday late-night on broadcast tv, my brother and I watched King of the Hill (5.20 "Kidney Boy and Hamster Girl: A Love Story") and Farscape (3.13 "Scratch 'n Sniff ").

Monday

Remember how FormerUnitHead gave me a gift saying "You may already have this, but I hope you don't"?  Best boss ever.  I also got an amazon.com gift certificate for a quite pleasant amount, but really, the book was the best part.  I have often said that all you need to win me is to be attentive.  (Hee, I just flipped the book over for the ISBN to add to LibraryThing, and it still has the Borders pricetag on it.  Clearly he does not come from my grandmother's school where it is tres gauche to leave price tags on ever.  Personally I don't care much.)

( rest of the loot list )

My brother got Family Guy UNO, and we played a few rounds Christmas afternoon before 4pm dinner.  Grandma was so out of it (and color-blind?) but thankfully the experience was still enjoyable.

Linnea came for a visit.  She brought me a gift basket of apartment stuff (okay, some of which I'm dispersing -- like the meat thermometer :) ) 'cause she couldn't make my apartment-warming.

Maureen also came to visit.  The place she went was sold out of Frangelico (my mom's preferred liqueur), so she got Baileys, which my dad prefers.  I agree with him that the first sip has that overpowering taste of alcohol at the end and the second sip doesn't.  I'm still not really taken with it, though.

After everyone had gone home, I watched a little bit of Remember the Titans with my parents, but then Jonah came over, and of course he trumps movies.  [IMDb-ing: The white coach's daughter?  Is played by the actress who plays Claire in Heroes!]

After he'd left, we watched another episode of 1 vs. 100.  This one was less ridiculous -- some of the questions required niche knowledge (The Night Before Christmas poem, Will Ferrell's movie Elf) -- though 54/99 (plus the contestant) didn't grasp parallel/perpendicular.

I saw an ad for Freedom Writers and it's Sia "Breathe Me" that's playing in the trailer, right?

Tuesday

I saw one of the new MBTA commuter rail schedules.  The shiny is a little disconcerting, though it does have a lot of useful stuff (subway map, etc.).  One of the blurbs talks about this form will be more durable and yadda yadda, in a way which makes me wonder whether they'll have scads of them at the Information counter at South Station like they used to.

Waiting at the Mass Ave.-Alewife Brook Parkway intersection when my brother drove me home, I wondered if it would be more efficient for me to just take Mass Ave. the whole way home if I were walking from Harvard or Porter, rather than switching to Elm St. at Porter, given where I live.  (I also wanna learn how to walk to my house from Alewife T station.)

I came home to a reminder that I live with idiots.  Our trash day is Monday; Monday was Christmas, so trash day would have been today; I came home around 3pm to full trash barrels still sitting by the side of our house.  I hope that OriginalRoomie really did, unbeknownst to me, go somewhere for Christmas, 'cause that would be a reasonable explanation for it.

However, I also came home to mail including a Charlie Card from work and a handmade (purple! my favorite color) coaster from maechi.

I've been seeing so many Yuletide recs on the flist I just wanna immerse myself in that, but I have to write a Joyce paper, plus I have a gazillion writeups I wanna make a dent in.  Speaking of recs, I should really look into renewing my domain/hosting since it's gonna run out in a couple weeks.  There are also lots of people I wanna see over Break, and I fail at coming up with actual plans.

Why can I not find the flyer of Shakespeare productions I picked up at Ladders to Heaven?  I remember it mentioned Titus and I think also Winter's Tale.  I can find the latter on ArtsBoston, but Google is not at all helping with the former.

In followup research after lunch today, I learned:

(a) sherbet and sherbert are both acceptable spellings (and pronunciations), though sans r seems to be primary [citation]
(b) Life as a House has an autoerotic asphyxiation scene. This makes me really wanna see the movie (which I think I wanted to see when it first came out, actually) even though breathplay is one of the kinks I least grok.

I'm about as bad at explaining BDSM as I am at explaining poly, but I heart that I have the opportunity to attempt (even though I hate that I do such a poor job). And when AEA came up? My first thought was totally to wonder whether CSI had done an episode on that. (6.02 "Room Service")

Smith's performance of the Verdi Requiem was the night of the day the Pope died.
Requiem=rest, and yet it contains so many "dies irae" (day of judgment, lots of wrath). Most beautiful part of the whole thing, lots of percussion and all, but still weird.
I really liked the Sanctus&Benedictus. And the Responsory, though when it ended [i was following along in the program] and then there was more i was confused.

I had forgotten that because this is the Sunday after Easter, First Churches' service focused a lot on the Resurrection etc.

Besides the Pope and Terri Schiavo, Frank Perdue and Fred Korematsu also died this week.

The Bible-Art-Culture symposium was largely underwhelming (to my mind) but Amy-Jill Levine was amazing (as akronohten had said she is).

A lot of the talk about Donfried talked about him doing a lot for ecumenical relations, which came as a total surprise to me. I mean, he's Mr. "Paul the Jew," but who knew he was Lutheran? I distinctly remember him making some remark about Lutherans, because i remember thinking "What is it with the religion department and Lutherans?" because he and Joel both said something within the space of a week about "Catholics and Lutherans," as if Lutheran=Protestant. Not that people don't make cracks about the groups they belong to, i just totally thought he [Donfried] was Catholic.

( 5 panels )

I did a large alcohol run Saturday night. It occurred to me that i get approximately 20% - like a waitress; you pay for your food and you also pay the person who brings it to you.

Ruhi proved that she gives good hickeys. ("Joygasm" was Alana's word.) I heart my friends who don't need to get drunk (not that my friends who do drink aren't entertaining when drunk).

I went to the "Confessions of a Sex-Crazed Mind" lecture on Saturday and the "Sexology 101" workshop and "Intimate Q&A" on Sunday, though i didn't go to the Sunday night Best Lesbian Erotica (10th edition) reading.

Tristan reminded me of Ms. Fisher, though less pale and skeletal, and her hair's highlighted. (She also reminded me of Tammy Bruce.) She was dressed so conservatively, which was also disconcerting. Dark stiletto pumps, dark slacks, reddish purple lacy velour tank, dark blazer, choker and pendant necklace, hair past shoulder length, oval glasses. Second day she had a pinstriped blouse.

( notes and highlights )

Stuff i forgot to mention from Friday:
-Emma and Cat tied Felicia up with duct tape. That was possibly the best part of the day. (Though multiple hours with Cate was pretty hot.)
-Laura came to tea and the first words out of my mouth were "What the fuck did you do to your hair?" because she'd gotten it cut very short. I actually liked it better when she was all femmed up for the mocktail that night, which i don't understand. I'm pretty much fine with it now, though. (I actually wanna get my hair cut pretty short, but in a femmey way. In that copious free time i have, right? And i'm thinking of going bra&camisole shopping as well. Maybe this coming Friday.)
-Music to have sex by was also a topic of conversation during the mocktail.