burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

Look at me and the lack of updating. I feel like i've been in liminal space recently -- sleeping in, waking up and wondering what day it is, lacking specific deadlines for schoolwork and thus being very lackadaisical in getting any of it done. I have gotten some work done this weekend, though. I find i like The Hours less than i did the first time around, which is sad. So anyway, updatey things.

"Fuckin' Rhinos." Oh, Skarda, how i will miss you.
Also: "Smith: where binary oppositions aren't all that opposed." (Though really, that's mostly only true of the gender binary.)

"You're writing and thinking well here." -Skarda on my Mary Reilly response paper

I think i've decided on my topic for my final Skarda paper (more pressing than most of my final projects as it's due April 22 at sunset) -- defending The Eyre Affair. This is not a huge surprise, since it was one of my favorites of the books we read in that class and she keeps saying it's not a very good book.

Dude, my "I'm done with ficathons for real now" fic? Has gotten praise from the recipient and other people. ::hearts:: (And i quite like the fic written for me.)

During Thursday night's poetry reading, Jane Hirshfield (the reading poet), noted that it was warm and extended her universal permission: that it's okay to nap at a poetry reading -- you just rest up and come back and there is another poem and eventually you get home and have insomnia. Ironically, hers was the first poetry reading in ages that i didn't doze off in.
Her reading kicked off the Women Practicing Buddhism weekend, but her poetry wasn't explicitly about Buddhist practice, which i appreciated.
I really liked the vast majority of the poems she read, though some of them were very powerful and moving at the time and then problematic upon reflection. Her poetry is very bare and evocative, and she uses interesting and compelling imagery and talks a lot about persevering through the pain of life.
She read us a haiku she had translated (i forget the original author) which she said changed her life. Basically it was: the wind blows terribly here, but the moonlight also leaks through the slats of the roof into this ruined house. (The idea that what lets the pain in also lets the beauty/joy in, and that some beauty/joy can't come in without some pain. And she also mentioned that the moon is frequently an image of Buddhist Enlightenment.)
In one of her poems she talked about washing one's face with cold water in the morning to practice making the unwanted wanted. In another she wrote, "The world asks only the strength we have. And we give it. And then it asks more. And we give it."
I forget if it was from her intro or from something she read, but she has a line about how "knowledge is erotic" because it inspires the desire to know more (intimately).
Commentary between poems: "People don't take up Buddhist practice because they're good at non-attachment."
In "Memories/Rwanda" she talks about how the river carries with decorum what it is given but then thet the river is sickened (continuing the multi-level meanings) and then the poem talks about being at a dinner table about to say something but deciding not to because it would be impolite and after she finished she said, "That poem is my penance for not having spoken at that dinner table."
In "The Poet" she asks that the poet have enough paper to make mistakes and go on. I really really liked that metaphor.
In "Milk" she talks about how wind without a hall howls in silence, and she talked about in times of tension, some things flare up and others dig down for the long haul (using the imagery of a volcano, i think). And concluding the poem -- i think it was her talking after she had finished the poem -- she said, "Every single glass of milk is suffering. I still drink milk."
"Tree" talks about a redwood growing next to a house and includes the great line: "soflty, calmly, immensity taps at your life."

At dinner one night last week, Ruhi talked about the Temple and Jesus, how Jewish practice is centered on the Temple and Christian practice is centered on Jesus, and how both include the idea the focal point coming again (the rebuilding of the Temple, the Second Coming of Christ) and it was an interesting conversation.

The Catholic Church already has married priests?

I'm tempted to do stuff like okcupid when i go back to Boston just to find people to talk to and hang out with. I suddenly understand the appeal of book clubs -- having a built-in group of people who have all read the same book and with whom you can talk about it.

firynze wrote: "Lastly, learn to spell (hell, just learn some English) before I answer your ad solely to find you and kill you in an inventive manner involving a typewriter." I am totally posting that in any online dating profile i ever make.

UPenn graduate admissions doesn't have voicemail. I did eventually get a real person, though. Decisions started to go out March 22. I haven't yet received one in my mailbox. I said i didn't mind knowing over the phone, and lo i am 0 for 6. So my brother and i did manage to each get rejected from our top choices.

I've been having a like-hate relationship with my hair all week. It was at that awkward hitting my shoulders stage, so obviously a trim was in order. However, short hair is not as wash-and-wear as long hair, though admittedly it takes less time to wash. Unless, that is, it's really short hair. So i've been feeling like Allie all week (which is disconcerting and wrongness) having moments of desperately wanting to hack off all my hair. I got it cut on Friday and it's longer than i had envisioned, so i'm still deciding how i feel about it. I hacked at the bangs some myself, which was obviously a bad idea, but it actually looks pretty decent. And i got a bunch of unsolicited compliments on it, which was nice.

On Friday, we watched the first disc of Firefly, whose episodes i haven't seen since they first aired (though i've seen all the other episodes 2-3 times). I forgot how all the dynamics are established from the very first episode, and how "The Train Job" despite being written in a weekend gets all the exposition out effectively in the first few scenes and also establishes all the dynamics. I think i have a soft spot for it because it was my intro. Other notes: (1) Joss continues to have masterful segue (2) wow the echoing themes, both within episodes and throughout the series (3) as on his other shows, everyone can be shipped with everyone else (4) Joss reuses his people like whoa, but we already knew that. Loves the show we does.

Saturday we watched disc 2, followed by a couple episodes of Wonderfalls because disc 3 of Firefly is all dark episodes (well, the first 3, so then we would have had to watch the 4th). We watched the runaway nun episode because Emma hadn't seen it before and then we watched the deportation episode and the Fat Pat episode. When i watched the episodes when they were airing (all 4 of them) i remember being surprised after each episode at the fact that i had liked it, because they always seemed from the ads unappealling. Watching this time 'round i seem to have less tolerance for Jaye, and her sister is actually growing me.

( vaguely spoilerish notes on Firefly with reference to some BtVS/Angel episodes, mostly spoilers for Safe )

( Neil Gaiman )

Look at me not hating Maureen Dowd. This is such a rare occurrence that it needed an LJ post.

"To celebrate World Book Day, we asked the leading lights of British letters to name the characters who give them the greatest reading pleasure" -The Independent
I am much with the boggling, of course.

So much mutant_allies to read. (And i'm 2 episodes behind on ats_nolimits.)

Hey, Allie. Look.

I have now read Tam Lin. GorgeousJessica led seminar discussion, starting with contemporary performances of some of the ballads we read. "The Unquiet Grave" by Solas, "The Wife of Usher's Well" by The Chieftans, and "Lord Randall" by The Prodigals. This last group she called a "Celtic rock band" and said the refer to themselves as "jig punk." Listening to their "Lord Randall" i was in love. Too bad i can't find Dreaming in Hell's Kitchen in any library catalog.

Why is everything i write this semester such utter crap? I am excited about my seminar paper, though. "Bring on the fanfic," as Gillian put it. And really, i think i could legitimately use fanfic in it. I'm doing sexuality and power in the multiple incarnations of what we now call the Little Red Riding Hood tale -- from "The Story of Grandmother" to the didactic Perrault version to Angela Carter retellings. I still haven't figured out what the point will be (sadly, i can't just do a catalog) but appropriation of traditional tales, potential role reversal or at least romanticization of the "beast"... fanfic modeled on the LRRH tale could totally fit into my paper. (P.S. I love this site like whoa.)

"This is a product of sex, and I'm putting my mouth on it." -Cat, on the pear she was eating

I saw After Mrs. Rochester with Moriah. Really interesting interweavings of stories. Wonderful portrayal of the seductiveness of being a kept woman and how sickening power games can be when one party holds all the power.

I love looking at people's icons, but I don't always *get* them - I often wonder stuff like, "Who's that guy?" or "Where's that quote from?" but I tend not to ask, for various reasons. So come on, here are my icons. Pick one (or more!) you're curious about, and I'll try to explain it. Or at least explain what I like about it.

Who wants to explain to me what reason one would have for not asking? Memes like this strike me as odd since i figure if one has a question, one should just ask the question.

Oh, fandom drama. I forget that it isn't just the intellectuals vs. the teenyboppers. I forget that all the intellectual fen don't sit down over metaphorical tea and chat about inanities and have heated discussions underlaid by mutual respect. I forget that there are intense divisions. Surprisingly, this isn't triggering my usual "People are so immature and stoopid; i hate them all." Perhaps because i'm not really committed to any particular side. I can't handle any of the fandom BNFs enough to have them on my flist but i do like the meta, so i check a lot of the LJs with some frequency, but i haven't really had the time to engage recently. So i'm mostly just glancing and wowing at the hate.

Sometime when I was in college, the Boston Garden was torn down and replaced with a new arena, called the FleetCenter. (There seems to be some mania in business for dropping spaces between words, and it's the dumbest trend since shag haircuts.) Since Fleet Bank no longer exists, having been gobbled up by Bank of America, the naming rights to the arena went on sale. After several charity-related temporary re-namings (Jimmy Fund Center, yes; Derek Jeter Center no, on basis that "Derek Jeter" is basically a swear word in that context, no I am not joking), the arena has a new name: the Garden.

Okay, the TD Bank-North Garden, and I think hyphenation is the new black for business names. But all of the newsies bleated Gahden, Gaaaahden, overjoyed to have the old name back. Having spent the last ten years calling it the Garden anyway (much to the amusement of the peanut gallery), I can only congratulate the universe for conforming to my views on this matter.

[...]

On my trip through the park, in the early evening, past much snow and ice, I saw the bronze ducks modeled after Make Way for Ducklings: all of the baby ducklings were wearing knit hats, with ties to secure them against the wind. I had to check to be sure, because some of the hats were in dark yarn, but yep -- warm-headed bronze ducks in my freezy city.

-Vee Jane

I'm glad it's The Garden again, but the real tragedy is that Great Woods is still the Tweeter Center.

"You don't have the devil in you; I don't care what you write on the web." -Meredith, to me

I think i said "I love you" to Emma at least a half a dozen times on Friday. So many people i'm gonna miss when i graduate.

She and i were talking about porn and Felicia and Liz started talking about volunteer work, in an attempt to move the conversation in a more wholesome direction. Then Emma and i brought the remains of tea back to the kitchen (something we weren't personally obligated to do but which needed to get done) and on our way back Emma said we were good and virtuous, which was true, and so ironic given the immediately preceding.

     "You should focus on quality," says Dana Zemack, who teaches classes about chocolate through her business the Tasty Show. "You don't want to give someone a box of chocolate the size of a bed, because they'll get lost in an ocean of chocolate and feel overwhelmed and not very sexy. You want to give them something small, so they're able to savor each individual piece."
-from "Sweet Surrender" by Christopher Muther (The Boston Globe, Calendar, Feb. 10-16, 2005; page 6)

Who needs to feel sexy when you've got a box of chocolate the size of a bed?

Watched High Fidelity. (I wasn't interested in the story enough to sit through the Nick Hornby book, but i was willing to sit through the movie.) Reminded me a lot of Empire Records.

Okay, so things like making About a Boy into a movie make me cranky (screenplays and novels are entirely different mediums, does no one have an original ideal in zir head anymore? etc.), but making a fucked-up queer version of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland i wholeheartedly endorse.

Bonny Doon has Loves Me / Loves Me Not packages i was so tempted to get except that they're over $25 each.
Loves Me: milk chocolate, massage oil, mood candle and matches, Framboise raspberry liqueur
Loves Me Not: bittersweet chocolate, voodoo doll, soap and eraser, Madiran Heart of Darkness

[Okay, hours later i'm still really tempted to purchase the Loves Me Not package for the Madiran Heart of Darkness -- and the voodoo doll.]

[Poll #436728]

Cat was telling me about Songs Inspired by Literature. I'm tempted to purchase, though i know almost none of the original texts.

Dude, i had better get a damned good fic for the Ethan Ficathon ‘cause i am displeased with my assignment.

"Fascinating how many of the questions provoked by the portrayal of Aslan echo debates in theodicy!" -prof who has been described as "pleasant, but she's a bit of a nutter"

Doing some Googling for ideas about presenting on Faulkner's "A Rose for Emily" gets me some bizarro shite.

My father says "The semi-colon is the Rodney Dangerfield of punctuation." ["I don't get no respect."]

Emma, reading "But general rules often undergo exceptions, even as in grammar, so also in morals" (from Libellus de Auferibilitate Papae ab Ecclesia, which she's reading in parts and in translation for a history class) writes, "so I'm assuming that somewhere out there, there is the moral equivalent of how to use a comma"

Jane Eyre is, on the whole, a more enjoyable book than Tess of the d'Urbervilles, but i am well and truly glad to be done with it. And oh, damn, look at the time -- reader response, what? (Oh, the joys of cohabitation and how it keeps me from my work. Second violin pride! Now i want my violin and sheet music.) I think i'm skipping the Rare Book Room lecture at St. Johns on the Bible tomorrow (Sunday) afternoon, though, which gives me more time. (I still have to read and respond to Out of the Silent Planet [cosmic space trilogy: book 1] and prepare discussion questions for "A Rose for Emily," nevermind my seminar work.)

Our readings in weeks 1-4 all in one way or another raise the question of what we mean by a piece of "authentic folklore" and what authenticity means. Write an essay of about 4 pages that tests a particular piece [or type or kind or tradition or whatever] of folklore against your own ideas about authenticity.

I'm doing mine on the Grimms, of course. We're not required to do reading outside of the assignments for class, but of course i got out from Neilson an obscene number of books i'm never going to have the time to read.

I've already started thinking about what i wanna do my final (15-20 pages) seminar paper on. I'm thinking something about sexuality/sexualization in contemporary retellings (Angela Carter, Anne Sexton, Francesca Lia Block).

Tuesday, February 15
5 p.m., Graham Hall, Hillyer, Brown Fine Arts Center
Anthony Cromwell Hill, grand nephew of Otelia Cromwell, shows his film Return to Glory in conjunction with the exhibition Augustus Saint-Gaudens: Master of American Sculpture. The film focuses on the Saint-Gaudens memorial honoring the 54th Massachusetts regiment, the first African-American regiment in the Civil War.

This photo shoot should do it for me but doesn't. I like some of the other photoshoots, though.

( icons and an angel/demon quiz )

from "English Majors" (Saturday, February 8, 2003 Prairie Home Companion):

(ORGAN)

SS: Honey?

GK: Yes?

SS: Do you love me? (SUSPENSE CHORD)

GK: I certainly do. I love you with all my heart and all my soul, with every sinew of my being.

SS: I love when you say that. Especially "sinew". (BIG CHORDS, THEN UNDER…..)

TR (SOTTO VOCE): The clear statement of passion: it's no wonder most women prefer an English major.

SS: Sometimes I'm not sure how you feel.

GK: Sometimes my passion for you is so blazingly strong, I'm not quite sure what I would do if you were taken from me.

TR (SOTTO VOCE): An economist wouldn't know how to speak like this. But an English major does. The human heart ---- it's his specialty.