hermionesviolin: (self)
"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-[livejournal.com profile] mylittleredgirl [more info]

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up." --Anne Lamott

Read more... )
hermionesviolin: a close-up crop of a Laurel Long illustration of a lion, facing serenely to one side (Aslan)
Mark 8:31-38 )
This is not really a sermon on The Cross

Last week, Pr. Lisa mentioned the discomfort many progressive Christians have with the concept of “sin.” I apparently was acculturated differently, because I do not have a knee-jerk negative reaction to sin talk.

If you ask me, “What is ‘sin’?” I say, “Sin is that which separates us from God” -- and if I’m really thinking, I add that it also separates us from each other, and from ourselves.

“All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23)

Our consistent missing the mark is a part of the human condition, and our strivings to ever draw closer to the Divine are our best selves at work in us.

While I don’t have a problem with discussion of sin, I have basically zero interest in the glorification of Jesus’ suffering and death. I have, in fact, an active resistance to it.

I absolutely, full-stop, refuse to believe in a God who requires the brutal death of a Beloved Child in order to reconcile the world to Godself. That’s abusive and cruel and irreconcilable with the God of Love who is at the center of my faith.

So I tend to not engage with the Cross much.

And fortunately for me, today’s lectionary doesn’t require that I come up with a coherent theology of the Cross that I can live with.

Read more... )
hermionesviolin: image of Jewel Staite (who played Kaylee on Firefly) with text "Jewel" (jewel)
ash cross still on my forehead when I got up this morning. om nom nom hot shower, though.

Dear self: Just because you got a 1am response to a 10pm email YESTERDAY doesn't mean it's going to happen every time. There's a lot going on in the other person's life, and you raised a bunch of hard stuff that you would actually like a thoughtful response to. (I'm not actually feeling anxious at all -- I just would like a response ... and okay, there's an element of worry that my revealing that my framing is different than the other person thought might be problematic, though I have basically nothing left to lose at this point, and an interaction this afternoon indicated that really, not much has changed [which means that we are still okay].) /cryptic

Pr. Lisa and I had lunch, and although we didn't have a stated agenda (which I never feel very good about), we did cover a bunch of useful stuff, I think.

I went to the BU thing tonight, and some of the comments the panelists made were really helpful to me in giving words to the question I apparently still haven't sufficiently answered for Pr. Lisa of what is queer church/what makes it different from mainline progressive rainbow flag church?

I hadn't checked the bus schedule for coming back, so I just walked from the B-Line Harvard Ave. stop to Harvard Square proper. I called Cat and then Scott and got voicemail for both but Scott called me back almost immediately (he was on his way to the gym for Tae Kwan Do), so that was a nice bonus. While we were on our 7-minute phonecall [which actually lasted closer to 12 minutes], I passed someone who lives in the area who was like, "You're not usually here," and I was like, "Yeah, I'm coming home from an event and I'm on the phone" -- usually I'm on the phone with la bff and I'm like, "No, it's totally fine if we converse for a while while I put my phone to one side," and the other meatspace person is all apologetic about having interrupted my phone call ... but in this case I was on a time-limited phonecall with someone I'd much rather be engaging with and yet I felt like I was being perceived as almost rude because I didn't engage with the meatspace person -- but I affirm my setting boundaries/priorities.

On the Green Line out to BU, I was reminded how I can bicycle there from work so much more effectively -- though even leaving aside my residual post-accident fear, I'm disincentivized to bicycle to work these days because FCS-Ian and I have been commuting to work together after morning prayer.

Walking back meant I got to spend time with an HBS guest lecturer who was going the wrong way for the Charles Hotel. We got to the turn for the hotel right after he expressed his dislike of political correctness and I didn't have a succinct response in the moment (in part because I was unclear what was actually signified behind the signifier "political correctness").

Blah, I ordered a whole bunch of kink books off of half.com, and the first one arrived today but it's one by an author I don't think I like very much (tho I've only read one of his books) and so I don't really wanna read it.

I'm once again having that thing at work where I am juggling so much stuff that I don't stay on top of all of it. Sigh. (This week has been fairly calm, which I appreciate, but I've been lulled into a touch of lazy complacency to my detriment.)

Scott asked me if I'd be available at 10 tonight (for post-gym phonecall) and I was like, "Sleep." Course I had to get all the way home and pack for Singspiration and update the Internet -- but I am going to bed now.

***

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-[livejournal.com profile] mylittleredgirl [more info]

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up." --Anne Lamott

Read more... )
hermionesviolin: (glam)
We see the world not as it is, but as we are.
-Steven R. Covey (The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People)
Unison Prayer of Confession

God of the Mountain Top,

We confess that sometimes we don't climb.
We have the wrong shoes on, or we're afraid we'll get lose and look ridiculous, or because, really, we're needed here on the ground.

We confess that sometimes, after a long trek up, we turn right around and head back down.
We're tired. It's getting dark. And if you've seen the view from one peak, you've seen them all.

Forgive us.
We know that we can climb with bare feet. We know that when darkness falls, you will light the way. And our souls long to be still and gaze out with you.

Draw us up the mountain. Hold us up there awhile. And then put us back on the ground, where we are needed, renewed.
+

FCS Lenten House Church this year is on the 7 Deadly Sins. (Yes, one of my first thoughts was, "But we don't have 7 Wednesdays...")

And we're doing Adult Bible Study before Sunday worship (8:50am-9:45am) -- so apparently I'm *really* continuing my Lenten tradition of not getting enough sleep (usually it's just because there's 7am prayer service every weekday...).

+

Melissa (on the book/project ideas we have floating around): "This is what happens when you live with someone for a while and you have lots of bitter discussions about how stupid people are."

***

Pr. Lisa was teaching a a lay speaking class yesterday and, while mentioning this to me before service tonight, asked me if I'd thought about taking lay speaking training and then was like, "Oh, right, you're not a Methodist."
I said I've had plenty of conversations with UMC CWM folk about lay speaker training -- primarily a few years ago when I was writing sermons in my free time because I didn't like the sermons I was hearing in my churches and Tiffany said, "You might be repressing a Call -- I'm just sayin'."
I explained that I'd told Tiffany I am not Called to congregational ministry though I'm willing to believe I'm Called to some other kind of ministry.
Given that she's known me for ~2 years and in significant leadership for ~1 year, I was expecting Pr. Lisa to be like, "What is a polite way for me to agree with you that you are not cut out for congregational ministry?" but instead she commented that all the things that are bad for congregational ministry are things I could change if I wanted to -- and if I really felt Called then I would, because I'm really committed to being effective and successful. (I could argue about unchangeable parts of who I am that make me ill-suited for congregational ministry, but I took her point.)

Pr. Lisa and Cassandra had pre-planned for the Lenten worship planning meeting (using Season of Ash and Fire: Prayers and Liturgies for Lent and Easter by Blair Gilmer Meeks) so tonight's meeting was fairly straightforward.

One of the weeks is The Cross, and they had both thought of me as a preacher for that week -- Pr. Lisa was like, "You might have something constructive to say," and I was like, "I see what you did there" (deconstructive critique is really my primary and preferred m.o.). So that's in 2 weeks. *hands* (Mostly I am just like, "Ari will help me" -- because, as I commented while we were on the phone yesterday afternoon, she is way more brilliant than I am, at least when it comes to theology.)

+

When I came home from evening church, this happened:
Houseguest: "How's God?"
me: "..."
Housemate: "Noncorporeal and ubiquitous?"

***

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-[livejournal.com profile] mylittleredgirl [more info]

The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light. And they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined. (Isaiah 9:2, Handel's Messiah)

Read more... )
hermionesviolin: (anime night)
So, the Srs Bznz gloves I bought yesterday are really 2 sets of gloves.

[weather.com] 8:45am: 5F, feels like -13F

Biking to church this morning, I wore just the one set of gloves -- though I brought the lobster gloves that go over them just in case.

Initially, my hands were fine though other parts of me got progressively colder. By the time I got to the Powder House Rotary? (more than 2/3 of the way through the ~10min commute) Yeah.

And trying to work the key to lock my bike with frozen hands? That was challenging.

During Coffee Hour, orgainst!Hugh offered me a ride home (he saw me biking on my way to church). I said I'm a very stubborn person, and he said he used to live in Minnesota and biked year round except when it was icy, so he understood.

I put on both sets of gloves for biking home, and wearing the lobster gloves definitely felt awkward.

My eyes didn't water at all coming home like they had going to church (Jenni, who was greeting with Harold, said it looked like I had frozen tears), but my ears were definitely cold.

[weather.com] 11:45am: 11F, feels like -4F

I decided I was not biking to evening church. Instead I took the earlier bus, which meant less time on the Internet at home, but I could print out the Council agenda in the upstairs office and have plenty of time to set up the worship space.

[weather.com] 3:05pm: 17F, feels like 4F

I was LJ commenting, so I got to the bus stop right around 3:27 (when the bus is scheduled to be at that stop) and I thought maybe I'd missed the bus -- but there was a woman waiting, so I figured not. I know the Sunday afternoon #96 is often late, so I gave myself until 3:40 before I'd just start walking to Davis to get the shuttle (and then backtrack across Harvard Yard ... yeah, this was not my favorite plan). After I boarded the bus I looked at its ticker and it said 3:36pm.

***

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-[livejournal.com profile] mylittleredgirl [more info]

The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light. And they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined. (Isaiah 9:2, Handel's Messiah)

Read more... )
hermionesviolin: black and white photo of Emma Watson as Hermione, with text "hermionesviolin" (hermione by oatmilk)
Got two cringe-inducing emails last night.

One, I Replied All with a pointer to Snopes.

The second one was about the physician assisted suicide legislation which is going up before the Vermont legislation. I forwarded it to Pr. Lisa, mostly because I was feeling sad and cringey both about the stance the person was taking and about the way they were framing it. She emailed me back this morning with a really nice email. And at least 5 other people chimed in on the email chain, so I feel much less alone. (And am also glad to be relieved of the obligation to articulate a response in this moment.)

Lisa ended her email with: "Blessings on you and your heart and soul and integrity, Elizabeth! It is a constant inspiration to me of why I do this ministry and work." ♥
hermionesviolin: image of snow covered hill and trees with text "the snow with its whiteness" (snow)
It was snowing when I left the house this morning -- lightly but noticeably. I wasn't outside at all between 9 and 5 (lunchtime seminar talk in our building), so I don't know when it stopped. Definitely not much in the way of accumulation.

***

I had dinner with Pr. Lisa this evening.
She said she appreciates my candor, my intellectual integrity, and my heart -- and said no one could give the prayer I did over our food ["Dear God, thank you for this food, may it bless us and nourish us; we ask your blessing on all those responsible for bringing this food to our table, on all those who have no food and those for whom food is a difficult issue, on all those who have nowhere to eat or no one to eat with; we thank you for this time together, may we be blessed by our time together as well as by the food which we are about to consume."] and not have a soul, a heart for ministry.

***

My Pride vs. Annual Conference dilemma has been solved by a wedding invitation, apparently ;)

***

And I agreed to preach at H!PS next month. \o?
hermionesviolin: image of snow covered hill and trees with text "the snow with its whiteness" (snow)
Pr. Lisa just called, to confirm that I'd gotten the email about church tonight being canceled. She said she was trying to call everyone she thought might show up, and also to tell them that if they feel they need it they should feel free to call her tonight.

I said I had indeed gotten the email, that I thought I would be fine -- that I'm personally in a place where I don't need to have church tonight, I'm just irritated on principle because I don't think church should ever be canceled, but I understand that she's coming from Wellesley and it's supposed to be a blizzard and all that.

She said that she was wimping out because last time she drove home from Cambridge in a blizzard it took her 7 hours. But she said if I wanted to go and be a presence there, that the Korean congregation would be there until 4, so the building would be open for me to be able to get in, and she'd send out an email to CWM. She said she had thought about calling me before she sent out the cancellation email, and she was sorry she hadn't.
hermionesviolin: (moon house)
Hospital visits ftw ;)

My mom, earlier, to me: "Yesterday, when I was delusional, you and I were doing liturgical planning for Easter or something..."
[Note: I did not actually visit my mom yesterday.]
She said it happened again earlier today, this time incorporating what she was hearing on the radio, which since her hearing isn't very good...

When I lifted up my mom's continuing recovery in prayer time at CWM last night, both Marla and Pr. Lisa were like, "What hospital is she at? Would visitors be okay?" :) ♥ my church

Pr. Lisa did visit this afternoon. My mom said, "I thanked her for having a nice church for my daughter to go to" -- and that Lisa thanked her for having a nice daughter ... well, she didn't use those exact words, but positive sentiments were expressed :) Lisa said I was a blessing.

Edit: I emailed Lisa a thank you, and she replied:
It was a joy to be with her! I didn't want to stay too long because I could tell she was tired and trying to be "up" to talk to me. If she found it a nice thing...I'm very happy to come back another time or two while she's there. I also insisted that she call me if she needed anything...since I go right by there to and from work and am so close in the square with a very flexible schedule.
hermionesviolin: black-and-white image of a church in the background, with sheep of different colors in the foreground, text at the top "Religion is a Queer Thing" and text at the bottom "Cambridge Welcoming Ministries" (religion is a queer thing)
No one from CWM is available to person a table at TBC this year (I'm attending TBC, but I am booked up with attending things and am totally not that kind of extrovert anyway), so we're just purchasing an ad.

TBC Vendor Person Ian wrote:
Thank you so much for the ad, we really appreciate it. Hopefully we can work out something more for next year. Your organization has been a wonderful supporter of our organization.

Do you have a single general brochure you can get to us for our general community table? Again this is unmanned and limited in space, but we can get some of your material out to our attendees.
When I emailed the CWM crew to let them know I'd gotten that all taken care of, I included a postscript with a prayer request: Ginny H. (who came to CWM with Bev and my mom the first time I preached in January and again when I preached in July) died yesterday morning. She was hospitalized just a week or two ago and they diagnosed leukemia, gave her 3-4 months to live, and then she suffered heart failure and died a few days later. The funeral's this Friday (I'm taking a personal day).

Pr. Lisa said: "I am so sorry for your loss and for you mother and for Ginny's family. I so enjoyed meeting her when she visited CWM...what a nice spirit to remember her by. You all will certainly be in my thoughts and prayers..."

Marla said: "Elizabeth, I'm so sorry to hear about Ginny. Do you have a mailing address for condolences to her family? I will bring a card on Sunday for us all to sign."
hermionesviolin: black-and-white image of a church in the background, with sheep of different colors in the foreground, text at the top "Religion is a Queer Thing" and text at the bottom "Cambridge Welcoming Ministries" (religion is a queer thing)
assertive vs. aggressive

***

We had various good conversations, and I thought I had another takeaway thought for LJ, but I can't think of it at the moment. Oh, I remember what it was. We were talking about the term "queer," especially in relation to CWM, and I mentioned kink and poly, and she mentioned that she has a hard time with poly (more in a "I need to work on understanding this better" way than in a "it's bad" way) -- and so now I want Arisia (or TBC) to do a panel on Polyamory and Christianity. (I went to a Kink & Spirituality panel at Arisia 2010, but I want something that's more focused on the specifics of Christianity, rather than "spirituality" -- and actually I'd be okay with a multi-faith panel, I just want a conversation about you reconcile polyamory with inherited traditions/texts that have actual constraints, rather than a more broad conversation about the interaction of one's personal sexuality with one's personal spirituality. And okay, fine, maybe Arisia isn't the best place for that, since it's really not an organized religion conference ... but I'm not sure there are any organized religion conferences that are ready/able to have real conversations about non-"normative" sexuality outside of the alphabet soup.)

***

Bonus surprise butternut squash ravioli! (I was in the mood for pasta, and I requested the ravioli, as I usually do, and didn't realize which kind they had until I actually went to eat. I also got bonus surprise tofu; they don't usually have tofu as a protein option on the pasta bar, but they did today.)
hermionesviolin: (be brave now)
Excerpts from email conversation with Pr. Lisa about getting together for lunch next week:
Lisa: Hope your week is going well.

me: Significantly less exhausted since [...] last Friday -- which means I now have the brain space to fret (and other less negative verbs) about stuff that's more directly about me.

Lisa: Encouragement winging your way to stick with those less negative verbs for "self-care!!" ;->

me: :P Stuff that is clearly "self-care" I'm good with, it's the "evaluating other relationships in my life, thinking about where I want to direct my time/energy, etc." stuff that's harder (I've been grouping this all under the umbrella "vocational discernment," which feels a little bit misleading, but I remind myself that "vocation" means Call, and trufax it is a lot of discernment about what/where I am Called).
hermionesviolin: (self)
So, classes started in earnest last week. Tuesday I came close to feeling like I was treading water. All 3 of my professors had stuff for me to do. Yes, summer is over. Each day of the week was progressively calmer, though.

Friday night I went to Wicked at the Opera House with Allie because a friend of mine had a conflict come up and couldn't go (and so gave me the tickets he and his girlfriend were going to use). We went to My Thai Vegan Cafe (famed for its fake meat, apparently), and I was sort of overwhelmed by the fact that I could eat everything on the menu.

I am unimpressed by my Jesus and the Gospels class, but we shall see.

On Saturday I took another trip to the Fells.

Sunday morning, Ian H. preached on the 1 Timothy reading ("Even Me! Even You...."). He opened with reminding us what a bad guy Paul was before his conversion and then talked about his own faith journey and said that often God asks us to do something and we think, "No, I'm not good enough," but God meets us right where we are.

At CWM, Anthony Z. from Interfaith Worker Justice preached on Psalm 14 ("No Not One"). Eh, "worker justice" memes make me somewhat uncomfortable, and I felt a little like it was trying too hard to fit exegesis into what was really a worker justice speech -- though the sermon I have currently tabled for that lectionary set is the least sermon-y sermon I've written, I think, so I feel a little hypocritical lodging that criticism (and as I learned in trying to write that sermon for yesterday, I don't have a good solid definition of what a sermon "is").

(Our closing hymn was "Solidarity Forever" -- which is to the tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," and Pr. Lisa joked that hey great, she could offer this to all the churches in the South that don't like "The Battle Hymn of the Republic.")

***

After morning church was Rooftop People. I didn't really know what to expect, and it was more discussion than support group, which isn't exactly what I was expecting, but it was good.

We read Mark 2:1-12 (from whence the name of the group) and had a bunch of good conversations about it.

Think outside the box. Easier said than done when constrained by needing to not get fired, etc. The friends didn't know how Jesus would react -- they had a strong sense of what needed to be done to help their friend and so they did whatever they could to get their friend to a place where that could happen.

Were they cutting in line? Story implies that the crowds were listening to Jesus preach, not necessarily there for healing.

We talked about the fact that Jesus first says, "Your sins are forgiven," and only does the physical healing after the lawyers complain -- if the lawyers had just said, "That's interesting," would Jesus have not done the physical healing at all? I said that one of the things I was thinking about was all the disability politics I've encountered, about how physical limitations aren't necessarily inherently problematic, it's society that's the problem (people who are in wheelchairs, if buildings are wheelchair-accessible, then they're not at a disadvantage), so one way of understanding the story is Jesus recognizing that physical healing wasn't what was most needed, but that what was most needed was for the person to know, "You are right with God."
Someone else commented that in that socio-historical moment, physical infirmity was often understood to be a result of sin, so Jesus could have been understood as going to the root of the problem rather than just treating the symptoms. (I thought about mentioning the "Who sinned that this person was born blind?" story to emphasize that Jesus didn't believe in that causation model, but partly there wasn't opportunity to, and partly I felt like we all understood that and so it didn't necessarily need to be said.) Someone else commented on it as a holistic model of healing rather than focusing solely on bodily healing.
Someone else (who works in social work) commented that although we don't tell people, "Your sins are forgiven," but we do try to help people (e.g., abuse survivors) internalize the fact that it was not their fault. Someone who works as a nurse practitioner commented that yeah, we say, "It's not your fault," to people with cancer and etc., too -- and sometimes it is their fault (e.g., smokers who get lung cancer), but really, it's not our place to judge.
* cure vs. healing *
Folks who work in medicine can't necessarily "cure" people, but healing can be instantaneous. Healing is also a long process -- a lot of people self-sabotage, because okay you're gonna have this different life but "What will it be like?" Also, "What will be expected of me?"

Who are our Rooftop People? We know (from our jobs/roles as caregives) that people need help/ers, so why is it so hard for us to ask for help ourselves?

***

Autumn weather has hit!

I am considering investing in leggings to wear under my denim skirt, because finding dress pants (or even nice jeans) that fit and that I like has been fairly fruitless, plus I am not a fan of not having pockets, and women's dress pants are faily at pockets.

Future-sister-in-law sent me the final decision on bridesmaid dress -- this dress (in Wisteria -- a light purple). I'm not a big fan, but we'll see. Must hie myself to a David's Bridal and actually try one on.

Profile

hermionesviolin: an image of Alyson Hannigan (who plays Willow Rosenberg) with animated text "you think you know / what you are / what's to come / you haven't even / BEGUN" (Default)
Elizabeth (the delinquent, ecumenical)

May 2025

S M T W T F S
    123
45678 910
111213 14151617
18192021222324
25262728293031

Style Credit

Page generated Jun. 17th, 2025 12:24 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios