hermionesviolin: a close-up crop of a Laurel Long illustration of a lion, facing serenely to one side (Aslan)
Wednesday

We were prepping the Elements in the kitchen (the chalices and patten were still in the dish drainer from last week) when Kerrie came in.

She hadn't realized we were prepping for service, and she decided to stay for service (she's never been to Rest and Bread in the nearly two years it's been going on).  But she still wanted some wine now.  I said, "You can pre-party with Jesus."
Somehow vodka came up.
Keith said, mock-defensively, "Potatoes were very important to Celtic Christianity."
me: "So vodka and potatoes instead of wine and bread for Communion, huh?  Well when we talk about what if any changes we want to make to the Rest and Bread service, we can take that under consideration."

The Sacred Text reading was Luke 5:1-11.
I thought, "That's an Epiphany reading!  I remember Tiffany's sermon on that!"

Keith did the Reflection.  He talked about how this passage mirrored this past Sunday's Gospel passage.
He said that this Sunday the disciples go back to fishing -- we don't know if they've gone back to it as a way of life or if they just needed something to eat.
Again, they're catching nothing, and again Jesus shows up, and then they catch abundantly.
Keith talked about faithful living and faithful transition (this was the theme of his Reflection).
quote: "perhaps with some denial before the actual transition"
He reminded us that we will build on the beautiful and faithful life we lived before.
Jesus tells the first disciples that no longer will they fish for fish but rather they will fish among humankind -- keeping the metaphor.
His question for us to reflect on: what have you learned from your faithful living that will help you with your next faithful transition?
Marlin talked about how his father's mind is going: last time he went to see him, his father was living in 1968 -- and he said that that's not a bad time for his father to be, a time when his ministry and his family were both young and growing.  And he said that he hopes that he lives his own life such that if someday down the road he finds himself living certain times again, it will be a good life to be returning to.
Maria talked about actively having faith -- something she, like me, is bad at (e.g., it's easy to say I trust God, but when push comes to shove, I need to find a job, or whatever).

I had no idea how I was going to tie any of this to the Call to Confession (I've taken to extemping a thematic connection), but when I started I found words.  I said we acknowledge those times when we have failed to live faithfully, not to wallow in the guilt but to move back to the path of faithful living, returning always to a God who is always welcoming us back.

Our closing hymn continues to be "Christ the Lord is Risen Today" ('cause it is Eastertide), and wow it's loud in that chapel with 11 people singing.  (I think we had about half that number last week.)

***

despite the 3:24pm timestamp, I still hadn't seen this by the time I went to bed ~9pm last night (Yahoo!Mail being wonky, I suspect):
[FirstChurch Mailing List] Rest and Bread tonight, then Council...

Dear Beloved,

We have our beautiful service of Rest and Bread this evening at 6:30. Keith will reflect, Elizabeth will help help us name what distracts us from rising, Tara will play and help us sing. Come share silence with us from 6:15-6:30. Our service of prayer and communion goes from 6:30-7:10.

Just after, our Church Council will meet. Do you ever wonder how things get done around here, how decisions get made? Come and see, come and be a part of the process. All are welcome. Ian, as Moderator, leads the meeting.

We'll be glad to see you tonight.

Love,
Laura Ruth



Thursday

morning prayer lectionary:
Esther 2:12-18
Acts 2:1-21

FCS-Ian commented on the fact that Esther spent a year (at a spa, it sounds like) preparing.  I was like, "Yeah, I know!  I had forgotten that!"
He also commented on the fact that he keeps expecting big things from Esther, since she has a book named after her and all, but she hasn't done anything heroic yet.  (He didn't say this as a criticism -- he said it partly as a statement of continuing anticipation and partly as a neutral/positive reflection.)
I (silently) recalled Tiffany's (frequent) invocation of "for just such a time as this" (which I assume must have been in her Esther sermon, unless she preached more than one Esther sermon) and thought about how God consistently chooses unlikely people and how yeah, sometimes we may end up in places not realizing what lies ahead of us, and we might find ourselves in situations thinking we are in no way equipped, but God is with us and God will be faithful.

***

I have a tendency to take lunch at my desk -- hi I am a control-freak workaholic.  But today I made a conscious decision to eat lunch outside in the sunshine (and work on my sermon).  \o/

Scattered thunderstorms were predicted, but it was a bright sunny warm day to have lunch outside.  Shortly before my workday ended, I heard thunder and looked out the window and hey, rain.  Which was even more like a summer thunderstorm because when I left the office less than a half an hour later it had stopped.  And it was still hoodie-wrapped-around-my-waist temperatures.

***

It was so nice out I almost didn't want to go inside a cafe for Laura Ruth's open office hours.

Significantly way through the time I'd been hanging out at her table (Al and Cindy and later Kathy were also there), she asked me, "How are you?" and I said, "I'm better than I was earlier this week," and I got instant concerned-face -- which actually threw me (I think because I'd sort of wanted to tell her last night and hadn't really had opportunity to -- before service, she asked me and Keith collectively how we were, and Keith answered and we got off on various topics, and it's hard for me to bring up an amorphous poor mood because there isn't anything specific to say about it or to ask for).

I said I'd been grumpy over the weekend and that I suspected some of that was grieving -- "I had lunch with you on Friday, and that was lovely, but it was also wrapping things up because you're leaving" -- and on Monday I was cranky and each day I had a new word for how I was feeling, but I wasn't quite sure why I was feeling, and this morning when I left my house and felt kinda like I wanted to cry I thought, "Okay, so it's grief?"  I also said it might be hormonal.  She talked about menstrual amnesia.  I feel like I don't necessarily get emotionally wonky around my cycle -- but my cycle is also so irregular that I dunno.  But the fact that tonight I feel like all this grump and cranky has been lifted from me does lend credence to the hormonal thing.  (Also, heh, look at me up past my bedtime and still energized -- as opposed to last night when I was tired like when I got home from church; and I did go to bed in time to get 8 hours of sleep last night even with getting up at 5:30am for morning prayer this morning.)

+

When we wrapped ~7 tonight, Laura Ruth offered to drive me home (possibly in part because of the light rain), and I said yes (hello maximizing time before she leaves).
We passed CAUMC with all its scaffolding and I said I keep forgetting to ask Sean what's up with that and I said I wondered if it was part of the Terms of Sale or something.  I said the building sale was finalized, and she expressed surprise, and I talked about that a little and I said that meant we definitely had to be living somewhere else come July 1, which would also be when we started with our new pastor, and, "Do you care who our new pastor is?  Do you know who our new pastor is?"
She said, "Yeah, I know, Nizzi..." and I said, "No, she's our interim appointment.  We found out who our new pastor effective July 1 is."  I said that when I had lifted up as Joy in Prayers of the People last night, that's what I was talking about.  I said I was surprised she hadn't asked me who our new pastor was -- I mean, I know she's leaving Somerville and so it's not directly relevant to her, but still.  She said she thought I was saying that Nizzi was finally coming and she was like, "I thought she'd already been here but okay."

So I told her who our new appointment is.  She busted out in excitement.  She said that was so "fucking" great.  I was really pleased at her excitement.  And glad that I got to tell her, and tell her in a context where she could be overflowing with excitement.

We both recalled the story LR told me one of the Thursdays before Holy Week about Lisa facebook messaging her to say, "I hear you're leaving Somerville..." and Lisa said Marla had told her, and LR was like, "Who's Marla?" and I told her Marla's one of the lay leaders at CWM but I didn't know how she knew though I guess I had raised it up at prayertime or something.  Yes, this story is literally one of the first things I thought of when Rob announced Lisa's appointment on Sunday.

I told her most of the stuff I said in that first block of text in my LJ post -- about Lisa and Annie and Nizzi, about transition and relationship and etc.  She said she thinks I'm good at building relationships -- that she's seen me do it.

+

During office hours, she said she's cried twice today because of saying goodbye to people.

Before service last night, she was like dancing excited -- "I got a job!"  Tonight she said she doesn't really feel yet that she's going [to somewhere] -- that she's keenly aware that she's leaving [here/us].  I'm glad that she has three weeks in between ending at First Church and starting at Hope Central.  She said early on tonight that she was really only starting to get her wits back about her yesterday and today.  The weekend was just so intense.  She wrote so many sermons for Sunday and none of them worked and Sunday morning she had three sentences and that's what she preached off of and that was so scary.  And there were so many meetings on Sunday.  And they voted on her unanimously.

She said she had lunch with First Churchers in JP today.  I love how many different specific and general venues for saying goodbye FCS has.  (LR's last re/New is this Sunday, and folks are going out for a beer afterward.  The Saturday night before her last Sunday, there's some sort of party at the church -- there was to be a meeting about this after church last Sunday, but I was at Scott's birthday brunch.)

Somewhere else in conversation, she asked me if I'd gotten the invitation to the queer women of First Church event tomorrow night and I was like, "Uh ... no?"  So she forwarded it to me.  Touro Ave. in Medford.  Which is totes walkable from my place.  \o/

+

Oh, and LR said something she learned in Al-Anon is that "dreading is a form of control."
hermionesviolin: (light in the darkness)
Before service, Laura Ruth told me she liked my Easter 2 "Wounded Healer" sermon.  :)

Liz D. stopped by with baby Nora, and in talking about Sunday's service of baptism, Laura Ruth called me "Liz."  I know she knows what my name is, so I asked, "Did you just call me Liz?" mostly just to clarify that she really was actually referring to me (which I explained).  She said, "I'm sorry, my love."

Heh, sitting across from Laura Ruth in her soft blue button-down shirt and Keith in his soft pink button-down shirt.

The Sacred Text was Luke 24:13-35 -- the road to Emmaus.

When [Jesus] was at table with them, [Jesus] took bread, blessed and broke it, and gave it to them. Then their eyes were opened, and they recognized [Jesus] -- I want to say that Laura Ruth actually tacked on "in their midst," because I think I mentally filled in only "and in each other" (hi, Communion liturgy).

Keith is recently returned from a vacation in Asheville, and in his Reflection he talked about Beholding (nature, people, etc.).
The line that most struck me in his Reflection was "precious, fragile, damaged" -- he turned out to be talking about nature, but I was thinking about how in truly Seeing/Knowing someone, you see all of them.
Rituals help us behold people in (particular, special) moments.  In my contribution to the "We Reflect" following, I said that my immediate thought to that was, "Like Communion," but that it's so easy to just go through the motions, and so we are reminded to be really present with people, in ritual moments and always, because we don't have an infinite amount of time with anyone.

During Communion, during the Words of Institution, Laura Ruth did the Cup and went off book and said something like, "The Cup of blessing," which I was really glad of, since I am increasingly uncomfortable with "this is my blood, the blood of the covenant [poured out for many for the forgiveness of sin]" without some interpretive work articulated around it.

In the Announcements, Laura Ruth said that next week Keith would be the Reflector again and then she would for the next two weeks and then her time with us is finished and this service will carry on with Keith and Elizabeth and Tara (who's been leading the music these past couple Wednesdays) and others.

After service I told Keith that it had occurred to me recently that now that it'll be us-two instead of us-three doing the service that I might be doing the Reflection more than once a year and maybe we should talk about that.  He agreed that yeah, we should talk at some point.  (I'm not worried about it, since I've been helping do this service for two years.)

***

Unrelated (thanks to my housemate): #songprequels on twitter [e.g., "Crossed Off The First Item (Bitch) From My List Of 100 Problems"; Sign, Sealed, Can I borrow a stamp?; we are the semi-finalists; I'm Not Sure What the Correct Definition of Ironic is, But I’m Going to Write a Song About it Anyway; Scaffolding to Heaven]
hermionesviolin: (be brave now)
[FirstChurch Mailing List] Rest and Bread, and still we rise!

Dear Beloved,

The season has changed from Lent to Easter, from winter to spring. We are changing also. We go from indoors to outdoors, from hidden in the earth to pushing through the crust of the earth. We come out. We make plans to go to grad school, to new cities, to new jobs, to new relationships within ourselves and in the world. We make plans to stay but not to do it in an old dead way. God is making a new thing happen.

But for a moment, between work and home, between ill and well, between here and there, this job and that, come and rest with us. Come pray with us. Come for a moment of quiet rest.

Our service of Rest and Bread begins at 6:30. Music for meditation begins at 6:15. Elizabeth [surname redacted -- but spelled correctly in her email!] will open the Word for us.

Just after, the Deacons will meet.

Love,
Laura Ruth
The Subject line comes from Molly's email last night --
And this Sunday, we begin a new preaching series:  six Sundays of Eastertide: (borrowing a line from Maya Angelou) And Still We Rise. We'll be preaching about baptism and social justice, about near-death-experien ces, about the nexus of science and faith, Haiti rising from the rubble. Get up! Get on up (borrowing a line from James Brown). That's what Easter people do.
***

John 20:1-18 )
Laura Ruth read the Scripture, and opening it she said, "this is a story of the discovery of Christ -- and a story of Mary who loved Christ;" Ari, I thought of you ;)

my sermon text )

***

I half-expected I would cry while preaching, but I didn't.  Laura Ruth did cry, though :)

After service, she told me and Keith, "You two are the bomb."  She was grateful to be able to just worship (she read the Scripture and did the Blessing & Benediction and led us in singing Opening Hymn “Now the Green Blade Riseth” [#238 vs. 1, 2, 3] and Closing Hymn “Christ the Lord is Risen Today” [#233 vs. 1 & 4], but Keith did the Welcome and Call to Worship and Prayers and Passing of the Peace and he and I did Communion -- I chose the Minister Two role because I wanted to say "siblings in faith of all genders" instead of "brothers and sisters in faith" ... yeah, when the service is mine and Keith's I want us to have a conversation about tweaking the Communion liturgy some, which conversation we should probably start having before Laura Ruth leaves) and also said that she doesn't feel at all anxious about this ministry after her departure.

And she told us that she loves us, and we both said, "We love you, too."

I got to church later than usual because I was finishing up some personal email at work and then talking with FCS-Ian on the way to the T and then saying hello to Antonio the spray paint artist.  And we're doing new music for Eastertide.  So when I got to the chapel, Keith and Laura Ruth were already there, and so we sprawled in the sunlight (sitting on chairs in the chapel, but still sprawled in the sunlight) and talked through how we were going to divide up leading worship and which verses of the hymns to sing (I didn't vote on that -- largely 'cause I suspected my vote would be "all of them?") and so on and so forth.  And it just felt really really right.  Yeah, this church is in many ways my home.  (And I know it'll be okay after Laura Ruth leaves -- it'll be hard, but it'll be okay.)  I don't think I had fully articulated that after Laura Ruth leaves Rest and Bread will be Keith's and mine until I was thinking tonight about revising the Communion liturgy, but it feels totally natural.
hermionesviolin: image of snow covered hill and trees with text "the snow with its whiteness" (snow)
[FirstChurch Mailing List] I'm watching the snow start

Dear Beloved,

Wouldn't it be fun to bundle up and come out in the snow to church tonight for Rest and Bread at 6:30, and our big leadership night at 7? We'll have bread and wine at Rest and Bread and pizza at 7:10. Music for meditation begins at 6:15.

Snow angels are showing up around 5:30 to prepare the way of the Lord.

Hope you all can come, will come.
Laura Ruth
When I left work, snow had only accumulated on the coldest patches of ground, but I was still busting out gleeful walking through campus -- really dunno whether that was actually related to the weather or not, 'cause I was kind of like, "Where did that come from?"  When I left church around 7:30, the snow was falling more heavily (though I wouldn't actually call it "heavy") and it was windy and the ground was mostly all covered.  When I got home, my housemate said, "So the snow is about 12 hours behind schedule."

We finally changed the altar cloth to green for Ordinary Time (I liked having it white, so I wasn't agitating for liturgically appropriate -- and white is what I'm so used to on the Communion table, that I think after Epiphany I just didn't register it as a parament).  And we adjusted the Call to Worship again.  And Laura Ruth asked me if it would be okay if we added in "I Surrender All" as a transition between Confession/Grace and Communion -- actually, she opened by asking, "Do you know [sings] 'I surrender all...'?" and I said I'm familiar with it enough to recognize it when she was singing it but not enough to sing it on my own without looking at the words, and she said they were thinking of adding it into the service for Lent blah blah blah and I said I didn't remember it well enough to know if I have theological problems with it -- "Not that that would necessarily stop you from using it, which is fine" -- and she said they'd actually changed the language some, so it's, "I surrender all ... my loving Savior ..." and I said "I like it thus far," and she said that was it, and I said I was okay with that.  She wiped her brow in relief :)  [Looking it up now, I guess we're just using the chorus.]  And Keith asked me if I had any Assurance of Grace I'd like to swap out the current one for, and I said I really like the one we're using now, and I really hadn't thought about liturgical planning for Lent.  He said they were leaning toward keeping the current one, but that if there was one I'd been burning to use -- "But you probably would have told us already if there were" :)  He asked if his playing piano for the meditative music worked, and I said yeah, and he said something like he knew I could be trusted to tell him if I didn't think so, and I said yeah, I might not necessarily volunteer that opinion but if I'm asked outright...  He said that's rare and valuable -- to have someone willing to give honest negative feedback.  I said there are times I hesitate, because I think the person asking doesn't really want to hear my honest negative opinion, but yeah.

+

Sacred Text: Matthew 19:16-29 (Inclusive Bible version)

Keith did the Reflection, and he talked about approaching the text from multiple perspectives -- said we tend to read this text from the perspective of the rich person, to feel it as a judgment on ourselves and to take the discussion in the direction of what do we do with that tension, but that while yes, living where there may be violence but not war, hunger but not starvation, we are in some ways in a position of privilege, but there are other places and moments where we are very much not in a position of privilege -- having our marriage not recognized by the government, being afraid to come out to people we love, being victims of racism or harassment, etc.  He said that Jesus' primary audience wasn't the rich and powerful, and that one message of this passage is that the Kingdom of God is so important that we should push all else aside for it, and so maybe we can be thankful when there is less between us and the Kingdom of God.

Yes, I totally said "Kindom of God" when I did the Call to Confession (I talked about how sometimes we turn from opportunities to do good and sometimes we actively place more stuff between us and the Kindom of God -- and I said "Reign of God" at one point as well, and I talked about God welcoming us into [God's Kindom, or whatever term I used] of love and peace and justice).

+

Announcements:

Apparently Lenten morning prayer service will begin on Ash Wednesday and will include an Imposition of Ashes?  And then there's a 7pm Ash Wednesday service with Imposition of Ashes (no Rest and Bread, though the chapel will be open at 6:30 for meditation).
Lenten Midweek House Church - The early Christians went deeper in faith by gathering in faith by gathering throughout the week in small groups for prayer, conversation, and a holy meal.  We do the same each year during the 40 days of Lent, a time of deeper introspection and spiritual growth.  This year's Lenten theme is "Simple Shifts."  Every Wednesday in Lent we'll explore a different way to simplify our lives -- YOU will create the agenda on our first Wednesday together, and every Wednesday thereafter we'll explore one topic to determine what Christian scripture,tradition, and new revelation have to teach us.

Wednesdays work like this:

6:30 Rest and Bread worship
7:10 Simple Soup Supper
7:35 Small Groups
Edit: After I'd gone to bed Wednesday night, someone emailed the listserv announcing a pancake breakfast after church this coming Sunday. /edit
ACCOMPANY IMMIGRANTS IN DETENTION - Some Boston-area church folks are organizing to visit detained immigrants in Suffolk County Detention Center once a month.  The idea is that as people of faith, we offer accompaniment as spiritual caregivers to detained immigrants.  We don't offer legal help or advocacy, we offer our presence, hear people's stories, and let them know that they are not forgotten.  This is part of a larger campaign around immigrant rights that's being organized by the New Sanctuary Movement, a coalition of churches.  A faith-based group that does spiritual care-giving at the detention center, the Refugee Immigration Ministry (RIM), is doing a comprehensive training for anyone who'd like to commit to the visiting program.  [...]  The visiting schedule will be one Monday evening a month 7-9 pm-ish, plus a "support" meeting once a month (which may be optional).  Visits are usually done in pairs and you should be able to commit to one year of visits.
I think I can't make the trainings (it's Thurs. Feb. 18 - Sun. Feb. 21, so it would mean missing my second Singspiration in a row, plus being late to the first CWM led by the new pastor) but I was thinking later that this would be really good practice for being in ministry (since my big resistance to ministry is that I don't want to have to care for people -- I totally do care for people already, but those are people I chose at some level or another, not a congregation I got handed).

And while I'm thinking about giving of my time and talents: Recording for the Blind & Dyslexic

***

Edit: Oh, so there was annual leadership meeting after Rest and Bread, but all were welcome to join for dinner, so I did (yay pizza -- though I would have liked the toppings in writing).  FCS-Ian (Church Moderator) said, "If anyone feels moved to offer a blessing over the food, then we can move over to the pizza," and Althea said something like, "I move that we say grace," and he said, "I didn't mean it had to be so formal" -- I honestly don't know whether she thought he was seriously saying we had to formally move to do this (it occurred to me later that the meeting hadn't even been called to order, right? so you can't make any formal motion -- yeah, I am so going to end up purchasing a copy of Robert's Rules of Order along with all those hymnals, aren't it? And yes I know various denominations have their own meeting rules, but I'm not sure I'm that hardcore and if I were to be it would be the UMC rules I would be learning and I feel that Robert's Rules is always a valid neutral default.) but NGL my default reaction was "seconded" -- though I didn't actually say that, 'cause Ian spoke first.
hermionesviolin: image of snow covered hill and trees with text "the snow with its whiteness" (snow)
When I got up this morning, I saw it had snowed, which was a pleasant surprise.  And I got to walk in the falling snow as I walked to work, both before and after the gym.  (Though it was sunny enough during the day -- and above freezing -- that most of it was gone by the time I left work.)

And bracketing the day, tonight I found a great pair of pajama pants I'd forgotten I had.

***
[FirstChurch Mailing List] Rest and Bread and then Deacons

Dear Beloved,

Molly and I went to the picket line yesterday, to ask the Hyatt Hotel to pay attention to the real live people they fired, back in August. Almost all of the workers we met yesterday were immigrants to our country, just as we all were. Two of the workers had worked for Hyatt over 20 years, Droopy and Lucy.

Our scripture tells us, instructs us that we are to care for the immigrants, for the widows and orphans. As a people we've been doing this for seven thousand years. Tonight at Rest and Bread, we will reflect on this practice, reflect on how this practice brings joy and makes us free.

Our service starts at 6:30. Music for meditation begins at 6:15.

Our Deacons meet at 7:30. [...] These are the folks who look out for the spiritual life of our congregation. Please, won't you say a prayer for them, and for us as we meet together for the first time tonight?

Love,
Laura Ruth
Setting up for service, I avoided getting hit by a door while carrying some of the Elements.  I said something about not getting Jesus hit by a door, and Laura Ruth said, "It's not Jesus yet," and I said that I don't believe in "making" it Jesus, and Laura Ruth said that she doesn't believe there's some magic that makes it Jesus but rather the assent of the community, and I said that I have such a low theology of Communion that for me it's more like, "Well I don't think it's every really Jesus, so..."

Service was just the three of us -- me, Laura Ruth, and Keith.

The Sacred Text was Psalm 146, Nan Merrill's version.

When Laura Ruth began her Reflection, Keith shifted his chair so he could look at her (he was sitting next to her) and she shifted her chair accordingly and then indicated that I should come join (I was sitting across the semi-circle from them) and so I came and sat on the (carpeted) floor, because I felt like it -- and stayed there until we all got up for the Passing of the Peace.

Laura Ruth talked about her experience yesterday, and talked about "the dance of justice" -- and invoked Jesus' Matthean "least of these."

During Prayers of the People, Laura Ruth gave thanks for me -- for my "sweet, deep spirit," and then some other stuff too.

When I did the Confession, I said, "those moments we have fallen short, have missed the mark -- those moments where have abstained from the dance of justice, or obstructed the dance of justice," and Laura Ruth smiled at me approvingly (yay thematic tie-ins).

During Communion, we all gathered around the table and did the service jointly.  Giving each other Communion, Laura Ruth gave Keith the Cup and said, "The cup of salvation," and then realized that wasn't the language we use and asked him for the correct words and he said, "The cup of the new covenant," and I said, "It is also the cup of salvation -- Jesus is a many-splendored thing," and so then when she gave me the Cup she said, "The cup of salvation."
hermionesviolin: image of Ainsley Hayes from The West Wing with text "the righteous shall walk by faith" (righteous shall walk by faith)
[FirstChurch Mailing List] Carving out a little time for prayer and communion, Rest and Bread

Dear Beloved,

Every Wednesday, about seven of us from our congregation and neighborhood carve out a little time in the middle of our week to pray and to serve communion to each other. It seems that we get to know each other a bit more deeply, we who are able to come. We think and pray for each other during the week. It is a way to be known to each other and to know God. If you've been wanting to get involved in a small group, here's one that meets every week from 6:30-7:05. Music for meditation begins at 6:15. We'd be so tickled if you'd join us.

Love,
Laura Ruth
The Sacred Text was Acts 9:1-15 -- the Conversion of Paul.

Keith gave the Reflection and said that Ananias' experience was as if George W. Bush went, unarmed, to a repentant Osama bin Laden -- and I saw Laura Ruth's face light up with the dawning of understanding of just what a radical thing it was that Ananias was called to do.

During "We Reflect," Laura Ruth talked about having gone to see Scott Brown last week "because I thought he was Saul" and talked about the possibility that she may be Saul.  And then she lit another candle and talked about the reminder that she needs 3 days of not talking and maybe even of fasting to find God.

Althea said she has often imagined herself as Saul but she wonders if she will ever by called to be Ananias to someone, and that she hopes and prays she will be.

I said I wonder about the friends of Saul, who lead him into the city and who then vanish from the story.  I said I can imagine what happens with them after the three days, but I wonder what happens with them during those three days.

When Laura Ruth opened the Prayers of the People, she mentioned, our friends, who wait with us during our blindness, wondering if we will ever find God.

Doing the Call to Confession, I said, "Having offered up our prayers of petition and of thanksgiving, we also offer up our prayers of confession -- acknowledging to God and to ourselves those times when we have missed the mark -- when, like Ananias initially, we turn from opportunities to do good, and when like Saul, we actively do harm.  We acknowledge these moments, not to dwell in them, but to let go, to let of the pain, knowing that God is always welcoming us back, into the light, into God's love."

After service, Jeff borrowed Laura Ruth's guitar and practiced "step by step" (a spare copy from re/New happened to be in the chapel) and so I was singing that as I walked home.
I will seek you in the morning
and I will learn to walk in your ways
and step by step you'll lead me
and I will follow you all of my days
hermionesviolin: image of snow covered hill and trees with text "the snow with its whiteness" (snow)
Morning prayer service, I did both readings (de-masculinizing the language on the fly, so I wasn't entirely happy with the results):

Psalm 147:12-20
John 8:12-19

I accidentally read through verse 20 in John by accident (that's how the paragraph ends!).  Someone asked if this was when Jesus was 12 -- which it isn't.  Ellie said that was the reading this past Sunday (I'm glad some church did Christmas 1 this past Sunday).  FCS-Ian commented that it's interesting that when he was 12, the religious leaders were impressed by him but once he started challenging them, then they were questioning him and trying to get rid of him.

The responsive was Psalm 97 (in the New Century Hymnal).

Afterward, I kindly asked to be locked in to the building and was obliged, so I didn't have to go hermit at Starbucks or something :)  [Keith was joking yesterday that we should turn the church into a wireless cafe -- because before Rest and Bread I was on my laptop on the phone with Carolyn making plans for today, and the last time he'd seen me I'd been on my laptop in the chapel before Cantata Sunday.]  Though while I'm increasingly hooked on wi-fi, I'm still not really comfortable using my eee for more than casual surfing level of actvity -- because of the keyboard and the fact that I keep accidentally dragging tabs out and accidentally zooming in/out (which I still can't figure out how to do on purpose, so I can't undo it).

Carolyn and I had some difficulty finding her ZipCar in the University Park lot (sidebar: she had a Prius yesterday and way prefers it to the Civic we had today) and then we hit snow around 10:30, so we got into Northampton significantly later than we had planned, but so it goes.  (God bless the parking garage!  We parked for 2hrs38min for $1!!!)

We stopped and Pride & Joy first.

Looking at the buttons, I commented on the one that said, "If I let Jesus into my heart, then everyone will want in."  I said I know it's intended to be sarcastic, but really it's true.  There were 2 left in the drawer.  We each bought one.  I put mine on my snowflake hoodie.

I also looked at a necklace -- black beads with rainbows of beads sprinkled throughout.  I tried it on and Carolyn said it looked good on me.  I bought it.  I didn't actually see it on myself until I was in the bathroom at Haymarket (yay non-gender-demarcated bathrooms!) but it really does look good on me.

We had lunch at Haymarket (duh).  Looking at the menu, I thought, "I want everything on here!" which like never happens to me.  I think I had this same experience last time I was there.  At some point I noticed that there was no meat in any of the items on the menu.  \o/  I got a grilled cheese sandwich (with gruyere, tomato, avocado, etc.), which while I was eating it I realized I think I'd gotten last time; oops.  I got a Daucus smoothie, which I don't remember from when I've been there before (carrots, cinnamon, etc.).

Carolyn's been angry with God recently for Calling her -- and also with her parents for teaching her how to hear the Holy Spirit ;)  She said people keep asking her, "How do you know you're called to work within the church?" and she wants to start responding: "How do you know you're not?"

She said to me, "You're lucky.  You're called to be where you are.  To do what you do.  You're drawn to the church, but."  I was amused, since just a few weeks ago she was teasing me about not answering my call to ministry.

She asked me if I thought I was called to do the work that I do at HBS -- "to deal with that particular kind of bullshit," as she put it.  I said that for the most part I really like my job and for the most part I seem well-suited for it -- but that I've been rethinking that a little recently because the staff all have their own things going on so there's not that feeling of connection that there used to be, plus some of the faculty are leaving.  She said it sounded like I was called to be stability in times of transition (be that in the church or elsewhere), and talked about my ability to stay calm in the midst of change, to see and point to the stepping stones across the water -- which image I really liked, because it reminds me that stable doesn't have to mean static.

By the time we left, the snow had basically stopped -- having accumulated about an inch.

We skipped Faces but stopped at Northampton Wools.  Carolyn's been questing for a rainbow skullcap to replace the one she gifted to someone, and she bought self-variegating yarn to make herself one.

We went to the Emily Dickinson Museum (though due to repairs on Emily's house, we only got to tour her brother's house) -- last tour of the day/year.  It was lovely picturesque in the snow.  (Ari, apparently the Franklin edition is the best collection -- so says the retired English professor who was our tour guide.)

Aww, Carolyn's facebook status: Carolyn [redacted] had a fabulous adventure with Elizabeth [redacted]  today. She learned that when the GPS says "left" or "right" it really means "gaily forward." There was snow, there was good food, there was queerness, there was literary greatness... and there were a few inside jokes. What a great way to end the year!
hermionesviolin: (self)
As I said, yesterday I didn't leave the house until I went to get my hair cut.  Despite having absorbed the information on weather.com, I was still thrown by just how cold it was when I left the house.  It was good for me to get out, though.  Walking from the salon to dinner, I found myself wishing I had my laptop with me because I wanted to work on my sermon (something I hadn't wanted to all day).

I forgot about Molly's Diesel office hours until I got the reminder email she sent to the listserv Tuesday night ("five golden rings"!), so I chose to sleep in -- having gotten home from dinner around 11:30pm and in bed around 1am.

Today I had a 2½ hr lunch with Cate and then went and gave blood at the Masonic Lodge near Porter Square (and got a free travel mug).

I don't have keys to the church, so I hung out at the library for about an hour (and had wireless, which surprised me).  I got a phone call at one point and went outside and was fine despite the fact that it was 25F (though I did go back inside after I was off the phone).  Yes, today was significantly warmer than yesterday and I remain made of polar bear.
Dear Church,

Tonight at Rest & Bread, we will reflect on the love of God in the flesh.

Music for meditation begins at 6:15 in the chapel, leading into our service of prayer & communion at 6:30.

Peace,
-Keith
It was literally me and Keith.

Call to Worship was:
Almighty God, you have poured upon us the new light of your incarnate Word.

Grant that this light, enkindled in our hearts, may shine forth in our lives.
Psalm was from Psalm 96 (vss. 1-3 and 10-13).  Sacred Text was John 1:1-5, 14. We talked about the language we use for Jesus and about finding language that speaks to our contemporary experience.  Keith suggested language of "guide" (as in, on a journey), and I talked about Tillich's Ground of Being and the idea of Jesus being transparent to the ground of his being and how for me that's one way in to understanding Jesus being fully divine and fully human.

I had dinner in Harvard Square with my brother and his girlfriend tonight.  We were thwarted in our attempts to get Thai food (both 9 Tastes and Spice were closed), so we ate at Uno's.

Tomorrow I'm getting up at 5:30am for morning prayer and the going on an adventure to Northampton and environs with Carolyn.  Yeah, I think when I get home I'm just gonna post year-end wrap-up posts and then fall into bed.
hermionesviolin: (moon house)
I hadn't realized how tired I was until Rest and Bread tonight. I wasn't especially tired in Maine, despite getting less than eight hours of sleep a night, but I got back and I stayed up a bit too late Sunday night and I've been getting decent but not great amounts of sleep since, and work has been consistently busy (after three months of doing nothing), especially today (especially since I'm in Colorado the remaining two days this week).

Rest and Bread

Psalm 144:9-15
Sacred Text: Mark 7:9-23
(Ari, I can't believe Rev.S. doesn't wanna preach on the "not what goes in but what comes out" passage.)
Keith did the Reflection.
He talked about how Jesus was frequently transgressing purity laws, including those around gender and sex. His second point was that Jesus' listeners would have understood "heart" to include more than just emotion, it would have also included knowledge and other things we today associate with the brain. He said that good intentions don't guard against doing ill, and it's easy for us to fall into patterns of behavior without thinking, especially the patterns of the society we're in.


Afterward, I was telling Laura Ruth that I'm going to Colorado tomorrow ("Reconciling Ministries Network Convocation -- the GLBT & Allies segment of the United Methodist Church -- Tiffany calls it "gay camp," but I say it can't be because I went two years ago and enjoyed it, and I don't like camp") and she said, "Have fun with all the queerdos. I hope you get a date." I laughed.

***

gym: Aug. 31-Sept. 2 )
hermionesviolin: (moon house)
Laura Ruth emailed me this afternoon asking me if I would "be willing to lead the confession and assurance of pardon in the service today."  Of course I agreed.  I decided to actually write something up rather than just winging it as I usually do -- because I tend to simply state what/how we're going to do next, whereas FCS extemp includes more talk about "why," which I really like.  So this is what I wrote (heavily influenced by the Calls to Confession I have heard before, surely including here):
Having lifted up our petitions and our thanksgivings, we now offer up our prayers of confession – reflecting on those things we wish we had done or those things we wish we had not done.

We offer them to God, safe in the knowledge that God already knows [all] these things and that God is always inviting us to repent – to turn towards God.

Please join me in the responsive prayer aloud, and then we will share together a time of silent prayer and reflection.
The bulletin says:
Confession of the Community
One: O God, We have wounded your love.
All: O God, heal us.
One: We stumble in the darkness.
All: Light of the world, transfigure us.
One: We forget that we are your home.
All: Spirit of God, dwell in us.

[Please keep a period of silence for our individual confessions.]

Assurance of Grace
Jesus said, Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads. And I will give you rest. Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in spirit, and you will find rest; for the yoke I will give you is easy and the load I will put on you is light. We are a forgiven people. Amen.
During the Passing of the Peace afterward, Laura Ruth said, "That was beautiful; I think we're going to use that from now on."  I was touched.

I'd seen her smiling at me as I read it, but I took it as general support and happiness.  I looked up more while I was reading the Assurance of Grace, and I was really struck by the looks on people's faces, how meaningful and moving it was for them (and I do love this Assurance of Grace).

***

Psalm 107
Sacred Text: The Words of Institution from Mark
In his Reflection, Keith talked some about how a radically open and welcoming table was a theme throughout Jesus' ministry, and he mentioned how Judas (who would betray Jesus) and Peter (who would deny Jesus) were both at this Last Supper.

We Affirmed Keith's lay ministry in an additional liturgy insert during the service.  I think this means he has magic jesus hands for serving communion now.

Gianna brought cookies and dried apple slices and cheese and crackers and drinks.  I felt bad leaving -- esp. since James was there -- but I hadn't been drawn into any deep interactions, and I enjoy my Intellectual Property class (and I know that I'm not great about watching the lectures online later) and I will miss this twice-weekly chat-and-cuddle with Cate once August hits, so after I'd fed myself sufficiently I left (Gianna assured me that I was released :) ).
hermionesviolin: (moon house)
Dear Beloved,

Come tonight for Rest and Bread, if you like. Come pray with us, join us for communion at 6:15. Come for a deep, sweet silence at 6.

After Rest and Bread, come tell us what you like about Rest and Bread, and what you wish we would and could do. We'll be so glad for your input.

Love,
Laura Ruth
***

Psalm 82
John the Baptist (Someone read Mark 1:1-11 -- though I don't actually remember having heard any of the middle bits.)

Keith did the Reflection.  He talked about how John the Baptist is sometimes thought of as the last of Old Testament prophets, precursor to Messiah.
He said that Jesus might have been a follower of John, but they had some differences.  Jesus says God's kingdom is more accessible, something we can participate in, less catastrophic.  His end point was something about building up the kingdom with each other -- I don't even remember; I've heard a lot of sermons recently, and it's all somewhat blurry.

At the call to prayer, Laura Ruth said, "some of us think we have too many prayers and some of us think our silent prayers won't be heard," and we are invited to share aloud as many prayers as we wish, and to keep silent as many prayers as we wish.  I was pleased by this (see my recent discomfort with how Prayers are done here versus for example at CWM).  She spoke to God, "begging your presence here in this room," which sort of talk always makes me uncomfortable since God is always present and said that we know that "all that we ask of you is met with respect."  I really liked that phrasing.

She invited us to pray for our world, our nation, and our community.  I wasn't sure if that was supposed to include all of our Prayer Concerns, so after a couple of people had lifted up more global concerns (with substantial periods of silence in between -- I learned later that she had totally forgotten about the sung response), I listed all of mine (I prayed for Charles, and for CWM, in ways that didn't insult anyone being prayed for \o/) and then she said we also pray for ourselves and those we love (oops).

future liturgical planner )

Before service, Laura Ruth and I talked briefly and then she said she had to go off and do stuff to prepare for service, and I said yeah, I know not to expect to get real interaction with her around service 'cause she's got stuff going on, which well means ever since I only see her here.  She was like, "I didn't know you wanted to interact with me more."  I said there wasn't anything in particular I wanted to talk about, and I know that if I needed pastoral care I could ask (and I said that I don't need pastoral care right now but that if I do this summer she will totally be my go-to person since Molly's on sabbatical and Tiffany's on maternity leave), I had just been realizing that I never get any real time with her.  So she said okay let's get coffee.  (Of course, now that I've set this in motion I have no idea what I would talk to her about.)
hermionesviolin: (moon house)
From Laura Ruth's email to the listserv:
Our service of Rest and Bread begins tonight at 6:15, with music for meditation at 6.

I want to testify how lovely it is to come at 6, to be sunk into prayer, all alone, next to someone who is also sunk in prayer. It is an amazing way to be community together. We'd love to sit next to you.

Tonight's reflection is on St. Barnabas, a man who's name means "son of encouragement."
Psalm 112 (I dislike that the Psalm so often seems unrelated to the Sacred Text and Reflection) and a reading from Acts.

Laura Ruth did the Reflection.  She talked about how she has thought of Barnabas as just a name in a story, but he was a flesh and blood human being, as they all were, and so she wanted to flesh out his story.  So she pieced together the various mentions we get of him into a biographical narrative.  My favorite part was that after Saul (Paul) had converted, he wanted to meet with some of the disciples who were at Jerusalem, and none of them wanted him to come, because they knew him as someone who would hurt them, but Barnabas was willing to go meet with him.

At Communion, Laura Ruth said that we are flesh and blood and we follow one who was also flesh and blood.  Then, in her Blessing and Benediction, she said, "You are a flesh and blood human being," and her next line she got all tangled up tripping over her own words so I jumped in and said, "What you are is," and as I was saying it I realized that although I knew the grammar for what she was trying to articulate, I didn't actually know how she had planned to end that sentence, so I just said firmly, "a bright, brilliant, beloved child of God."  Laura Ruth kinda looked at me (like, "That was GOOD") and said, "What she said!  Amen."  So afterward I explained that Tiffany says that a lot, that it's from a baptismal liturgy and Tiffany preached a sermon recently using a story about it (which story she told again on Pentecost, when we baptized Lucas) and had us turn to our neighbor and say it to our neighbor and then have it said back to us, and she said our homework for that week was to look at ourselves in the mirror each day (you could put on you makeup or whatever first) and say it to ourselves.

Oh, and Keith brought us back to doing the sung "God have mercy"/"Thanks be to God" responses, which I was glad of.  (He asked me before service what I thought of that and I said I very much endorsed that choice.)

***

My dad emailed me about my high school's graduation this past Sunday.  Three of our former next door neighbors' kids.  The little sister of my former best friend (which best friend now has both a J.D. and an LL.M.).  A girl I sort of tutored briefly when I was in high school.  The younger son of a family that no longer attends our church.  I haven't seen any of these kids in years (some more years than others, which makes it weirder, as I think of them as stalled at the age I last saw them), so it's weird to think of them as turning into adults.

***

this part feels excessively emo now that it's been like 6 hours since I wrote it )

***

joy sadhana )
  • [FirstChurch Mailing List] Show Our Pride this Thursday
    Each year just before the LGBT Pride March in Boston, First Church folks hand out rainbow-colored, cross-shaped lollipops to passers-by in front of church. The Growth Committee needs volunteers to help us do this again this year. It will happen this Thursday, June 11 from 5pm to 7pm. Can you come for part or all of that time and help us celebrate Pride? Please email me if you can make it. Thanks.
    Cindy
    Before service tonight, Laura Ruth opened up a box of these and asked me to include one with each bulletin.  I'm still gonna go visit tomorrow evening, though -- because I really don't need lollipops but depending on who's tabling I'm likely to want to hang out and chat.
  • hermionesviolin: (be brave now)
    Before service, I told Keith that I felt like everything was off-center but I couldn't figure out why.
    He said, "Clearly someone moved the pole." (As in, the support pole that's sort of in the middle of the room.)

    Later, I asked why we only had one tall white candle on the altar (usually there are two). He said, "Two men will be in a field, and one will be taken and one left." I said, "Yes, clearly the other candle was Raptured."

    ***

    Psalm 19 [I looked it up in the NIV to see if we really had read the whole thing -- sometimes we don't but it's not so marked -- and it's rather different than the version we read.] Read more... )

    The Sacred Text reading was Esther 4.

    "For if you keep silence at such a time as this, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another quarter, but you and your father’s family will perish. Who knows? Perhaps you have come to royal dignity for just such a time as this." (NRSV)

    Hee. I had totally invoked that (though I'd forgotten about the "you will perish" bit, which was irrelevant to the argument at hand anyway) at SCBC Adult Ed on Sunday. Owen had opened with talking about North Korea and how children are dying of malnutrition and asking the open question. David insisted that we should not trust our own wisdom (like we did with the choice to go into Iraq) but pray and etc., and I pushed back and said that yeah we should prayerfully discern, but that as Christians we are called to be a prophetic witness, to do God's work in the world.

    Keith did the Reflection, and a number of things didn't quite resonate for me, but one thing he said was that closeting can lead to our private faith not having a claim on our public life.

    We're back to reciting "God hear our prayer" after a prayer is vocalized, which I like far less than the sung "God have mercy"/"Thanks be to God."

    I was noticing (not for the first time recently) how people open up and make themselves so vulnerable and I DON'T. I have litanies of prayer concerns for other people, which I will say aloud, and I will often lift up my prayers of celebration, but I don't ask for prayers for myself. I am so impressed by the bravery of people to open themselves up and make themselves vulnerable by vocalizing the places of pain and struggle in themselves. ("My challenge this week/what I'm working on this week" at CAUMC small group doesn't have quite the same resonance.) I do not do well with admitting weakness. (There's also the difficulty of articulating something succinctly but still in a way such that those listening will understand the appropriate backstory and resonances and emphases. But I think the bigger problem is that I don't do well with admitting weakness.)

    During the Words of Institution & Prayer of Consecration, when Laura Ruth said the part about the Holy Spirit blessing us gathered here, my instinct was to (A) recite it along with her (B) say the Cambridge Welcoming Blessing -- "Pour out your Holy Spirit on us gathered here and on these gifts of bread and the fruit of the vine. Make them be for us the Bread of Life and the quenching Cup of Blessing, so that we may be the Body of Christ for the world, co-creating God's vision of peace and justice until all are reconciled and feast together at your table. Amen." [At Cambridge Welcoming, as the priesthood of all believers we the congregation are all invited to join in the blessing of the elements.]

    I had read something that afternoon about Communion, the author taking Communion and really feeling and needing the tangiblity and food-ness of it, but in looking back through my GoogleReader later I couldn't find it. (I sort of had the visual memory that it was on EveTushnet.com, but that seems not to be true.)

    Anyway, I tend to not really feel the resonance of being fed physically at Communion because even though my current churches do actual bread which you tear a piece off of, it's still only a mouthful and it feels more symbolic (representative) than anything. But I stayed a bit after service and had more of the bread (which I usually do, 'cause at 7pm I'm wanting dinner) and drank deeply of the chalice of grape juice a few times, resting one palm outspread on the Pentecost altar cloth (dark red and possibly silk? when Laura Ruth put it on I expressed pleasure at no having the makeshift one we'd had the past few weeks, and joked that apparently I do have some sense of aesthetics after all).
    hermionesviolin: an image of Buffy from the episode "Once More With Feeling," looking to the left away from the viewer, with flames in the background, with orange animated text "I want the FIRE back / so I will walk through the FIRE" (fire)
    [Heh, I hadn't realized that my Subject Line got cut off -- Semagic allows me to type for longer in the Subject Line bar than LJ will actually display -- but I kind of enjoy that "house of Is" . . . echoing God's self-identification as "I AM."]
    [FirstChurch Mailing List] Rest and Bread, Ezekial, his wheel and his bones

    Dear Beloved,

    Rest and Bread tonight is a preview for Pentecost, as each service is, a preparation for a visit from Spirit.

    In our series of biographical reflections, tonight, we learn about Ezekiel, how he was visited by God's Spirit, what he saw, and what it has to do with us.

    Come and be prayed with and for tonight at 6. There will be a full glorious 15 minutes of silence (except for music for meditation). Our service begins at 6:15.

    Growth committee meets at 7:15.

    Love,
    Laura Ruth
    Psalm 6 [I remembered reading this during Lent -- 'cause I read one Psalm a day, in order -- and I appreciated hearing it today, even though I am definitely not that distraught.]
    Sacred Text: Ezekiel 2:1-3:3 (with changes ... "mortal" instead of "son of man;" I think the Israelites were just referred to as "rebels," etc.)

    Laura Ruth gave the Reflection.
        She said that Ezekiel was around 570 BCE, when Israel's power was waning and the Babylonians were coming in and carving up pieces of it and taking Israelites into captivity.  I definitely did not take notes on all of this, but I think she said that Ezekiel was on the fringe somewhere.  She said he was a priest & prophet -- which was unusual at that time, although it's how Christians are ordained now.
        She talked about the prophecy Ezekiel is given about the dry bones and I thought, "Didn't we do that Scripture reading?"  But actually that was Holy Saturday at CWM (thank you, Ari -- since a site-specific Google search was uncharacteristically fail).
        She said that from a Christian perspective, Ezekiel's story prefigures Pentecost (which she did say we celebrate as the birth of the Church) -- God breathing into people and giving them voice, though she then said that of course God doing that long predates Ezekiel (I later thought, "Yeah, like Adam"), he's just a very good example of it (and apparently it's one of the readings you have the option of doing for Pentecost).  I thought, "But Pentecost is the birth of the church because it happens in community."  As I was articulating to Ari tonight what about the Acts story of Pentecost makes it the story of the birth of the church (like the fact that everyone gathered heard it in their native language, symbolic of reaching out and being so much more than just a Jewish revival/reform movement), I realized that I was so stuck on community being the important part of our Pentecost story in reaction to Laura Ruth's analogy, if you had asked me previously to tell you what Pentecost is about, I probably would have said: fire, speaking in tongues, birth of the church (in that order).
        She also talked about (and this was one of the pieces I was most struck by listening to the reading) God telling Ezekiel to eat the scroll and his finding it to taste as sweet as honey.  She talked about embodying the Word by physically ingesting it and pointed out that we ingest the Word every time we take Communion, which I hadn't thought of (hi, I have a low theology of Communion) but which immediately made me think of the time we had milk and honey with Communion at CWM one Sunday.

    Prayers of the People:
    At Prayers of Thanksgiving, I said the first one -- thanksgiving for having a functioning washing machine again, thanksgiving for being able to afford the technician's visit and being able to afford to take the time off work, and thanksgiving for being able to afford to purchase a new washing machine because this is very much a stopgap fix.
    Next, Gary said in that theme he gives thanks for the guy in Brookline who gave Althea a free washer.
    Keith gave thanks for family visits at a graduation ... and his parents doing his laundry.
    Laura Ruth gave thanks for the next-door neighbor who hauled away lots of trash from the basement, including a washing machine.

    ***

    After service, I hugged Laura Ruth and asked if she was okay, said she had seemed rushed before service.  She said she was rushed, is still catching up from being away, but that she's fine (and she sounded genuinely really cheerful and energetic).  She asked how I was, and I said I'd been better.  She got concerned-face (which was of course the reaction I had been looking for).
    I said low-level anxiety flare-ups which I wasn't entirely sure the why of, plus I still haven't heard from my friend Terry and I really really really don't like that.
    She said, "You knew you wouldn't hear from him for a while, right?" (in a way like she wanted to make sure she was remembering correctly, not like she was criticizing me for being upset about something I should have expected) and I said yeah, said my self-imposed deadline for when I'm allowed to contact him again is next week.
    She said someone once asked her if she "carries" parishioners and she said yes she does and the person said, "Then you're not letting God do her part," and she was properly abashed.  I laughed and said I try to do that but yeah the reminder is helpful, that you sit with people but you are not called to carry it all.  She then said something like, "But I know how much you care about them," which I appreciated -- because yeah, of course I worry about those I love, and I think I actually do a good job of not trying to take on an undue portion of the stuff I should leave to God.  I knew she had a meeting to go to, so I wasn't even going to request pastoral care in that moment ('cause it's not like I was in crisis, and getting to tell her -- and hold her hands while I did it -- and have her be sympathetic, was about what I was looking for ... yes, I want someone to sit with me and hold me for a long long time, but really I want to know something; I'm trying not to dwell SHUDDUP because talking about it doesn't really do me any good and I don't have anything to talk about anyway, since entertaining worst-case scenarios is not at all a good use of my thought processes) nevermind think about getting into a discussion about loving healthy caregiving and support -- though on reflection, it wouldn't be a bad conversation to have at some point (though she'll be busier than usual this summer with Molly on sabbatical).
    After I was done, she changed topics and asked if I wanted to be a part of their summer small group series and I said yeah I'd been a part of the tail-end of that last summer and so long as it could be right after service on Wednesdays I could do it.  She had apparently already put my name down -- though as she pointed out, she could easily have taken it off if I'd said no :)
    hermionesviolin: 3 saguaro cacti silhouetted against an orange sunset, with the yellow sun setting behind one of them (summer)
    From Laura Ruth's email to the listserv:
    During Eastertide, Keith and I have been reflecting on folks in the Bible, then we pray and have communion.

    Today, Keith will reflect on Moses, a man who stuttered yet a man who lead his people out of their bondage into promises unimaginable.

    Why not join us imperfect followers of God? Together, we can learn how to move out of our own bondage and into the promises revealed as we walk our practice of faith, of prayer and communion.
    One of the songs Keith played during the Music for Meditation was "Go down Moses..."  I looked over at him and smiled when I realized.

    Psalm 103
    Exodus 3:1-15a (the burning bush)

    In his Reflection, Keith mentioned that Moses says both "Here I am, Lord" & "not me."
    He also said, "No one else can do your life's work for you."

    In the call to the communal prayer of confession, Keith said, "We remember all the times we have said, 'Please God, send someone else.' "
    hermionesviolin: text "a land flowing with milk and honey" (abundance)
    Because Laura Ruth is in Ontario, Keith asked me to help lead Rest and Bread. He had Molly help celebrate Communion ("do the pagan magic to make it Jesus," as I said). I feel like Molly's been to Rest and Bread before, but regardless, she wasn't aware of how we choreograph it, and we just rolled with it -- especially since there were only 2 other people besides the 3 of us. (I recalled Mark telling me after the "When All Are Welcome..." workshop, Joy was all, "But Elizabeth will be there" -- concerned about the possibility of the workshop not going as outlined in the agenda -- and he reassured her that I'd been at a CWM service where there were like 4 of us in a circle in the sanctuary and Tiffany was in a rocking chair.)

    Psalm 146
    Ruth 1:6-18

    Keith mentioned that he and Gianna had used those opening lines of Ruth's hymn ("where you will lodge/rest, I will...") in their wedding.

    He said that it has been said that the Book of Ruth is a story about loyalty (chesed -- I was thrown by hearing that definition of "chesed" and indeed, looking it up online, "lovingkindness" seems to be the prevalent definition -- heh, in searching Velveteen Rabbi, I found an essay on the Book of Ruth, for example -- though they're not unconnected).

    He also talked about how sometimes we are called to strike out on our own.

    Keith reminded us of the story of Jonah from last week and the message that God's love is not provincial or bounded by ethnic categories.

    Keith outlined how the Book of Ruth continues, including Ruth marrying Boaz and bearing Obed, who fathers Jesse -- yeah, you see where this is going. He said that when we welcome the foreigner, we welcome the parent or grandparent of someone who will redeem our people.

    ***

    Earlier that day, I'd seen this video on Tyler's facebook. (Jeremy has also posted about it.)

    In it [beginning at 7:57], Dr. Jim Bankston tells of Peter Story saying that the phrase "to invite Jesus into your heart" is foreign to him (he's from South Africa) but the more he thinks about it, the more he likes it. He imagines Jesus responding, "I'll be glad to come -- can I bring my friends?" and we know from the New Testament who Jesus friends are (though I would quibble that just because he sat at table with all these people doesn't necessarily make them his "friends" per se, but I feel the point that Jesus was always reaching out to everyone still stands).
    hermionesviolin: ((hidden) wisdom)
    Trimming a candle before service with her Swiss Army Knife, Laura Ruth said, "all good sacristy rats carry a knife."
    I said, "They should carry a lighter, too, so we don't have to use up a whole box of matches." (The good big portable lighter we had had gone missing, and the remaining one had given up the ghost, so we were lighting candles with matches, and lighting tea candles you turn the match almost vertical to light it, so then the flame goes up the match and you wanna blow it out before you have time to light the next one. Very inefficient.)
    She said, "When you get ordained we'll give you a knife and a box of matches. When Keith gets ordained we'll get him something different."

    0.0

    There's some positive psychology term for that, I'm sure -- about not talking about "if" something's going to happen but just planning for "when" it happens. I'm used to people asking me if I'm going to div school/seminary since church is like What I Do, and more recently people asking me if I've considered going into ministry (since in certain contexts/with certain people I'm really caring and nurturing, a sympathetic/supportive/patient listener, etc.), but to just say "when you get ordained." Yeah. I didn't interpret it in any sort of pressure-ful way (And it occurs to me on reflection that Keith's in an econ Ph.D. program, so he's about as far from ordination track as I am.) but it still took me a moment to react.

    the actual service )
    hermionesviolin: image of snow covered hill and trees with text "the snow with its whiteness" (snow)
    "Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
    -[livejournal.com profile] mylittleredgirl [more info]


    Do not be afraid, I am with you
    I have called you each by name
    Come and follow Me
    I will bring you home
    I love you and you are mine
         -"You Are Mine" (David Haas)


    Five good things about today:
    1. Getting an actual response to two substantive emails I sent (complete with an apology for the delay).
    2. We seem to have successfully (re)scheduled the meeting I totally dropped the ball on scheduling (though part of me is holding my breath expecting that B will want to reschedule it -- but really I've been remarkably nonplussed by this).
    3. Sidewalks are well-cleared.
    4. Before Rest and Bread service, Laura Ruth said that she'd asked Keith how last week went (she had been out of town) and the first thing he said was, "Elizabeth helped, and she did a great job."
    5. Phone call with la bff.

    Three things I did well today:
    1. gym )
    2. I replied to some emails/comments.
    3. I washed dishes (and fit them into the drainer even though Housemate had just done dishes as well).

    Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
    ["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]
    1. CAUMC small group
    2. having gotten like 8 hours of sleep

    ****

    Rest and Bread ("Sanctuary")

    Psalm 63:1-8
    Sacred Text was "Would You Harbor Me?" from "Safe House: Still Looking" by Y. M. Barnwell.  (Which kept making me think of "The Summons.")
    Laura Ruth did the Reflection, and talked about visiting her ailing father-in-law, and how his sanctuary used to be [I didn't actually catch what exactly] but now that he's bed-ridden etc., his sanctuary is God, "because he could do no other," and how many of us find sanctuary in our abilities, our jobs, etc., but all those things pass away.

    ---
    [FirstChurch Mailing List] my note is late but our service won't be, Rest and Bread at 6:15

    Dear Beloved,

    Our service of prayer and communion begins at 6:15. The bread is warm and fragrant. Come taste and see that God is good.

    Our theme is Sanctuary. Come be in ours.
    hermionesviolin: (anime night)
    I went to bed shortly after 8pm, woke up about quarter past midnight, went to the bathroom and went back to bed, slept a bit restlessly and woke up to my 6am alarm.  I guess that's only 10 hours of sleep, which isn't an obscene amount (and I had been shorting on sleep), but 8pm still feels so early to go to bed.

    When I left my house around 7am, there was just a thin layer of snow and it was snowing lightly.  A lot of the sidewalks had ice under the snow, though, which I was not a fan of.

    I don't know how much it actually snowed since I didn't go outside between about 9am and 5pm, at which latter point it was raining.  Not very heavily, but when I left Rest and Bread around 7pm I needed the umbrella I'd brought.  I also walked through lots of puddles and navigated puddle/slush/ice conglomerations.  (I made it almost all the way home and then slipped and fell on my knees sloshing through a pond at the beginning of my street which I guess had ice at the bottom.)  Tomorrow morning that's all gonna be frozen.  I am for the first time seriously considering taking the bus to Davis/Harvard.  Were I ever to call out/work from home due to weather, tomorrow would be it (assuming it's as bad as I'm anticipating).  Walking down wheelchair-accessible curbs when they're slippery?  Kind of scary.  And I walked in the street at times this morning because of the ice-under-the-snow, but I don't think the roads will be any better tomorrow, judging by the seas I saw some vehicles driving through.

    ***

    Rest and Bread ("Reverence")

    Psalm 86:8-13
    Genesis 28:10-19a (Jacob at Bethel, skipping the last few lines)

    In his Reflection, Keith talked about how God was present in that place even before Jacob put up the pillar or the altar.

    In the Blessing and Benediction, Molly said, "Even if, like Jacob, you sleep between a rock and a hard place, and have disturbing dreams, know that God is present."

    (Before service, Keith asked if I would call us to Prayer of Confession and do the Assurance of Grace and I said sure.  I said I almost interrupted him to say "Yes" and then decided I should let him finish and make sure that his question was in fact "Can you read stuff aloud?" :)  I asked about how long to leave for the silent prayer of confession.  I told him that when I had done it when he was away I had been all "Ooh, that means I can make the silent prayer time last as long as I want" -- because I think there's too little silence in church services -- and Laura Ruth had said yes but I should be attentive to/aware of the congregation, and so then I was all anxious that I was making it last too long.  He kinda shrugged and said he tries to sense about a minute and a half but that his advice to was to go for what feels long enough and then go just a little bit longer.  I have heard that before [I forget from whom] and am a big fan of it.  I have an analog wristwatch, so I actually allowed literally one minute and thirty seconds.  Having an actual clock rather than trying to just "sense" also meant I could actually make some attempt at doing my own silent confessing.)

    ***

    "Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
    -[livejournal.com profile] mylittleredgirl [more info]


    Do not be afraid, I am with you
    I have called you each by name
    Come and follow Me
    I will bring you home
    I love you and you are mine
         -"You Are Mine" (David Haas)


    Five good things about today:
    1. lunch ("Asian Style Stir Fry Vegetables, Sweet Chili Peanut Spread, Wrap" plus potato chips, cookies, and fruit salad) courtesy of the department
    2. My mom (who worked from home today) emailed me and my brother this morning: "Your flowers didn't get delivered yesterday because Dad didn't get home until almost 6:00. The nice lady came out in this awful weather today to deliver them :)"
    3. I scheduled something, and B replied to the original email and suggested the exact time slot I did, and then Replied All to my scheduling email and said, "Eliz is ahead of me as usual."
    4. Housemate did in fact do dishes last night (and took my then-dry dishes out of the drainer and put them on the kitchen table, instead of just putting her dishes on top of mine in the drainer).
    5. After I got home, Housemate said, "Would you like a cup of tea?"  I said I would be fine once I changed out of my wet clothes, but that if she wanted to make me a cup of tea I wouldn't say no.  Later she made a mug of tea for herself and one for me.

    Three things I did well today:
    1. [gym] 45min treadmill (4.5mph, 2.0incline -- after like 7 minutes I was exhausted)
    2. I'm a good friend.
    3. I stayed at my desk through lunchtime to help with transitioning between back-to-back meetings

    Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
    ["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]
    1. CAUMC small group (ha! Sean's email says, "This week, we'll be talking about our vocations - where/how do we feel God calling us to be?  What's our passion in life?")
    2. hopefully getting to debrief with Katie

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    hermionesviolin: an image of Alyson Hannigan (who plays Willow Rosenberg) with animated text "you think you know / what you are / what's to come / you haven't even / BEGUN" (Default)
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