hermionesviolin: a close-up crop of a Laurel Long illustration of a lion, facing serenely to one side (Aslan)
Wednesday

We were prepping the Elements in the kitchen (the chalices and patten were still in the dish drainer from last week) when Kerrie came in.

She hadn't realized we were prepping for service, and she decided to stay for service (she's never been to Rest and Bread in the nearly two years it's been going on).  But she still wanted some wine now.  I said, "You can pre-party with Jesus."
Somehow vodka came up.
Keith said, mock-defensively, "Potatoes were very important to Celtic Christianity."
me: "So vodka and potatoes instead of wine and bread for Communion, huh?  Well when we talk about what if any changes we want to make to the Rest and Bread service, we can take that under consideration."

The Sacred Text reading was Luke 5:1-11.
I thought, "That's an Epiphany reading!  I remember Tiffany's sermon on that!"

Keith did the Reflection.  He talked about how this passage mirrored this past Sunday's Gospel passage.
He said that this Sunday the disciples go back to fishing -- we don't know if they've gone back to it as a way of life or if they just needed something to eat.
Again, they're catching nothing, and again Jesus shows up, and then they catch abundantly.
Keith talked about faithful living and faithful transition (this was the theme of his Reflection).
quote: "perhaps with some denial before the actual transition"
He reminded us that we will build on the beautiful and faithful life we lived before.
Jesus tells the first disciples that no longer will they fish for fish but rather they will fish among humankind -- keeping the metaphor.
His question for us to reflect on: what have you learned from your faithful living that will help you with your next faithful transition?
Marlin talked about how his father's mind is going: last time he went to see him, his father was living in 1968 -- and he said that that's not a bad time for his father to be, a time when his ministry and his family were both young and growing.  And he said that he hopes that he lives his own life such that if someday down the road he finds himself living certain times again, it will be a good life to be returning to.
Maria talked about actively having faith -- something she, like me, is bad at (e.g., it's easy to say I trust God, but when push comes to shove, I need to find a job, or whatever).

I had no idea how I was going to tie any of this to the Call to Confession (I've taken to extemping a thematic connection), but when I started I found words.  I said we acknowledge those times when we have failed to live faithfully, not to wallow in the guilt but to move back to the path of faithful living, returning always to a God who is always welcoming us back.

Our closing hymn continues to be "Christ the Lord is Risen Today" ('cause it is Eastertide), and wow it's loud in that chapel with 11 people singing.  (I think we had about half that number last week.)

***

despite the 3:24pm timestamp, I still hadn't seen this by the time I went to bed ~9pm last night (Yahoo!Mail being wonky, I suspect):
[FirstChurch Mailing List] Rest and Bread tonight, then Council...

Dear Beloved,

We have our beautiful service of Rest and Bread this evening at 6:30. Keith will reflect, Elizabeth will help help us name what distracts us from rising, Tara will play and help us sing. Come share silence with us from 6:15-6:30. Our service of prayer and communion goes from 6:30-7:10.

Just after, our Church Council will meet. Do you ever wonder how things get done around here, how decisions get made? Come and see, come and be a part of the process. All are welcome. Ian, as Moderator, leads the meeting.

We'll be glad to see you tonight.

Love,
Laura Ruth



Thursday

morning prayer lectionary:
Esther 2:12-18
Acts 2:1-21

FCS-Ian commented on the fact that Esther spent a year (at a spa, it sounds like) preparing.  I was like, "Yeah, I know!  I had forgotten that!"
He also commented on the fact that he keeps expecting big things from Esther, since she has a book named after her and all, but she hasn't done anything heroic yet.  (He didn't say this as a criticism -- he said it partly as a statement of continuing anticipation and partly as a neutral/positive reflection.)
I (silently) recalled Tiffany's (frequent) invocation of "for just such a time as this" (which I assume must have been in her Esther sermon, unless she preached more than one Esther sermon) and thought about how God consistently chooses unlikely people and how yeah, sometimes we may end up in places not realizing what lies ahead of us, and we might find ourselves in situations thinking we are in no way equipped, but God is with us and God will be faithful.

***

I have a tendency to take lunch at my desk -- hi I am a control-freak workaholic.  But today I made a conscious decision to eat lunch outside in the sunshine (and work on my sermon).  \o/

Scattered thunderstorms were predicted, but it was a bright sunny warm day to have lunch outside.  Shortly before my workday ended, I heard thunder and looked out the window and hey, rain.  Which was even more like a summer thunderstorm because when I left the office less than a half an hour later it had stopped.  And it was still hoodie-wrapped-around-my-waist temperatures.

***

It was so nice out I almost didn't want to go inside a cafe for Laura Ruth's open office hours.

Significantly way through the time I'd been hanging out at her table (Al and Cindy and later Kathy were also there), she asked me, "How are you?" and I said, "I'm better than I was earlier this week," and I got instant concerned-face -- which actually threw me (I think because I'd sort of wanted to tell her last night and hadn't really had opportunity to -- before service, she asked me and Keith collectively how we were, and Keith answered and we got off on various topics, and it's hard for me to bring up an amorphous poor mood because there isn't anything specific to say about it or to ask for).

I said I'd been grumpy over the weekend and that I suspected some of that was grieving -- "I had lunch with you on Friday, and that was lovely, but it was also wrapping things up because you're leaving" -- and on Monday I was cranky and each day I had a new word for how I was feeling, but I wasn't quite sure why I was feeling, and this morning when I left my house and felt kinda like I wanted to cry I thought, "Okay, so it's grief?"  I also said it might be hormonal.  She talked about menstrual amnesia.  I feel like I don't necessarily get emotionally wonky around my cycle -- but my cycle is also so irregular that I dunno.  But the fact that tonight I feel like all this grump and cranky has been lifted from me does lend credence to the hormonal thing.  (Also, heh, look at me up past my bedtime and still energized -- as opposed to last night when I was tired like when I got home from church; and I did go to bed in time to get 8 hours of sleep last night even with getting up at 5:30am for morning prayer this morning.)

+

When we wrapped ~7 tonight, Laura Ruth offered to drive me home (possibly in part because of the light rain), and I said yes (hello maximizing time before she leaves).
We passed CAUMC with all its scaffolding and I said I keep forgetting to ask Sean what's up with that and I said I wondered if it was part of the Terms of Sale or something.  I said the building sale was finalized, and she expressed surprise, and I talked about that a little and I said that meant we definitely had to be living somewhere else come July 1, which would also be when we started with our new pastor, and, "Do you care who our new pastor is?  Do you know who our new pastor is?"
She said, "Yeah, I know, Nizzi..." and I said, "No, she's our interim appointment.  We found out who our new pastor effective July 1 is."  I said that when I had lifted up as Joy in Prayers of the People last night, that's what I was talking about.  I said I was surprised she hadn't asked me who our new pastor was -- I mean, I know she's leaving Somerville and so it's not directly relevant to her, but still.  She said she thought I was saying that Nizzi was finally coming and she was like, "I thought she'd already been here but okay."

So I told her who our new appointment is.  She busted out in excitement.  She said that was so "fucking" great.  I was really pleased at her excitement.  And glad that I got to tell her, and tell her in a context where she could be overflowing with excitement.

We both recalled the story LR told me one of the Thursdays before Holy Week about Lisa facebook messaging her to say, "I hear you're leaving Somerville..." and Lisa said Marla had told her, and LR was like, "Who's Marla?" and I told her Marla's one of the lay leaders at CWM but I didn't know how she knew though I guess I had raised it up at prayertime or something.  Yes, this story is literally one of the first things I thought of when Rob announced Lisa's appointment on Sunday.

I told her most of the stuff I said in that first block of text in my LJ post -- about Lisa and Annie and Nizzi, about transition and relationship and etc.  She said she thinks I'm good at building relationships -- that she's seen me do it.

+

During office hours, she said she's cried twice today because of saying goodbye to people.

Before service last night, she was like dancing excited -- "I got a job!"  Tonight she said she doesn't really feel yet that she's going [to somewhere] -- that she's keenly aware that she's leaving [here/us].  I'm glad that she has three weeks in between ending at First Church and starting at Hope Central.  She said early on tonight that she was really only starting to get her wits back about her yesterday and today.  The weekend was just so intense.  She wrote so many sermons for Sunday and none of them worked and Sunday morning she had three sentences and that's what she preached off of and that was so scary.  And there were so many meetings on Sunday.  And they voted on her unanimously.

She said she had lunch with First Churchers in JP today.  I love how many different specific and general venues for saying goodbye FCS has.  (LR's last re/New is this Sunday, and folks are going out for a beer afterward.  The Saturday night before her last Sunday, there's some sort of party at the church -- there was to be a meeting about this after church last Sunday, but I was at Scott's birthday brunch.)

Somewhere else in conversation, she asked me if I'd gotten the invitation to the queer women of First Church event tomorrow night and I was like, "Uh ... no?"  So she forwarded it to me.  Touro Ave. in Medford.  Which is totes walkable from my place.  \o/

+

Oh, and LR said something she learned in Al-Anon is that "dreading is a form of control."
hermionesviolin: (glam)
Yup, definitely cramps.  Yesterday I thought it was something I ate, but today it came back and turned into something more clearly identifiable as cramps.

I'm also blaming my recent incessant hunger and possibly also the resurgence of my "omgwannamakeout" on this.  Oh and the fact that suddenly seven hours of sleep wasn't cutting it as sufficient.  Would be nice if I were regular enough to be able to predict this stuff rather than figuring it out after the fact.

No one commented on my yummy shirt today.  It's a darkish blue with silver trim (and most importantly I had forgotten how super-comfy it is) and I think it looks really good with my coloring and certainly more flattering than the turquoise loose knit sweater I wore yesterday and got two compliments on for the color.

*

I was telling Alyssa about people potentially staying overnight for my apartment-warming 'cause of travel time and that I've only lived there three months but I've had overnight visitors twice so far which is funny because I don't think of myself as especially social.  Alyssa said she thinks of me as very social -- that she feels like I'm always going out and doing stuff.  Which is not exactly untrue, but still surprised me.

(Later, I was thinking that only six of my friends and two of my relatives have seen my apartment since I moved in.  And Ari's the only one who's seen what it "really" looks like -- i.e., complete with living room furniture.)

The above parenthetical will change after the party.  The current attendance numbers are approximately 25-40 (the yeses plus the maybes).  Yeah, I was a little surprised, too.  This (plus an e-mail from my mom) means I may have to reevaluate the amount of food provided -- though so many people are planning on coming late and/or stopping by briefly that I probably shouldn't worry too much.  (I also need to decide about alcohol.  And find a good fruit punch recipe.)

RA called this morning, and while we were chatting she asked if I'd gotten her invitation yesterday for pre-party this Saturday -- 'cause it bounced back from a lot of people (all gmail she thought).  I said yes I got it and would probably be there around 7:30.  (The invite said 7-9.)  She said I'm always the first person there, that I get there at 7 and everyone else gets there at 8 -- and that that's cool.  I said yeah, I saw it started at 7 and thought I'd purposely try to get there a bit later than that -- "not that I don't enjoy your company" I hastened to add; she said that way (my coming at 7:30 versus 7:00) at least she'd be there :)

I sent my evite Fri. Aug. 25 -- almost exactly one month before the date of the party itself.  I've mentioned the party in front of Eric since, but I was very good and didn't explicitly ask him if he was attending.  (He's on the evite list but hasn't rsvp-ed.)  We were chatting this afternoon, though, and I did directly ask him.  He said "It's on my mind" and that "I don't know what I'm doing next weekend."  The obvious response to that (which I gave) is: "You're coming to my apartment.  That's what you're doing next weekend.  Of course."  Apparently "I don't know if I'll even be in the city next weekend.  But if I am, I'll be at your apartment."

We also talked about our plans for this weekend, and he thinks I'm a bit young to be attending "luncheons."  To me, the word conjures up church functions (which is what this is) rather than specifically old lady functions (though okay, the two are clearly related).  Thoughts?

*

I'm considering adding ":[text]" to my "tv: firefly: episodes" tags to demarcate episode -- in part for easy searching (the point of tags, right?) and also because in my first-run viewing (just backtagged today) I didn't always name the episode and would like to be able to see which episode prompted any given vague squee without having to go look up original airdates.  This would be an additional rather than a replacement tag; so you could still view all the episode entries in one full list.

The more I backtag the more I wish the S1 display could show you all the tags on an entry when you're viewing a page of entries by tag.  Does that sentence make sense?  I mean the username.livejournal.com/tag/yaddayadda display.  (I also really dislike that S1 forces tag display into this very basic page; one thing I love about S1 is that I can have different looks for different stuff -- journal mainpage, calendar, friendspage.  However, they have finally coded in Previous/Next 20 so you don't have to manually add ?skip= onto the end of the URL when viewing an S1 journal by tags.  So that is a huge huzzah.)

I am trying to force myself to just tag by content as I go so I can have a prayer of getting all these entries tagged and then I can go back and smooth out the redundancies and clarify what specific tags mean.  Either way it is so intimidating/daunting, though.

Would it surprise anyone that I have only tagged a small fraction of my <3,000 entries and currently have 435 tags?  Is the more appropriate question whether that fact would scare anyone?

*

Every time I hear Patty Griffin's "Mary" now I think about how I chose it for "A song about the end of the world" for August's frankenmix.  (And I also still always think about the Inara vid which introduced me to the song.)
hermionesviolin: photoshoot image of Michelle Trachtenberg (who plays Dawn in the tv show Buffy) looking seriously (angrily?) at the viewer, with bookshelves in the background (angry - books)
I read something a few days ago that said that cutting down on your consumption of meat and dairy can reduce the severity of your menstrual cramps. Today it occurred to me that perhaps the reason why i never had cramps when i was at school but have had them (albeit mildly) this summer is because i consume much less dairy when i’m at school than i do when i’m at home. (At school i have juice with meals and lots of water and tea, whereas at home i have much more milk. I also have cereal with milk every morning at home whereas at school it’s a bagel and juice. I think my ice cream consumption is fairly high both places, though, so now i’m not so sure it could make much of a difference.)
hermionesviolin: an image of Alyson Hannigan (who plays Willow Rosenberg) with animated text "you think you know / what you are / what's to come / you haven't even / BEGUN" (Default)
Okay, finally updating.

On Tuesday, Joe came over. I think i walked another 6 miles that day -- to Joe's house and back twice and also to Victory and back because we were out of chocolate chips. And Joe didn't say anything about all the walking, which surprised me because last time we hung out we wandered around the cemetery before walking to my house and as we were nearly to my house he said something like, "How can you do it? All this walking," ('cause i walk everywhere) and we'd only been walking for a half an hour or something. Anyway, we hung out from about 1-5 last Tuesday. We made chocolate chip cookies. I used to do that all the time with friends when i was a kid, and even in junior high and high school i would do it with my best friend. (No, i didn't mean for that to sound dirty. *cringes*) Anyway, i love making chocolate chip cookies, especially with friends, and he's so cute. I don't do the whole "Let's pretend we're God making the world" thing that i did with my friends when we were kids, but he got the idea to throw chocolate chips into the batter like meteors, and he enjoys it so much, like a little kid. It's so cute.

And now, switching gears.

On Thursday, Brian Morrisson, who used to go to my church, came into the library when i was working. He asked if i'd gotten involved in any Christian groups at college. I said, no, i'd been busy with school and friends and stuff so i really hadn't gotten involved in anything. He seemed disappointed and said stuff like, "Well, I thought you would, since you were raised in a church" and talked about how "Jesus calls us to the salt and the light" and he's been trying to witness to people more and if we're embarrassed about Him (Jesus/God) then He'll be embarrassed of us come Judgement Day. Yeah, way to make me feel about half an inch tall. Plus, what was actually going through my mind was, "Actually, i'm really questioning religion recently and while i do believe in God i'm not so sure about Christianity in general and religion just hasn't been a really important part of my life recently oh and by the way i'm queer, which i don't feel conflicts at all with true Christianity but i know a lot of people like you will have serious problems with it."

I went back and gave Michele a hug and she asked what was wrong and i told her and apparently she's not really a fan of Brian herself and she told me i'm a good and loving person and no one should make me feel bad about myself. This is why i need to keep Michele around. (One of the many reasons.) She's very much one of those "Don't talk politics or religion with me" people, and believes that it's your own business and no one else's. I'll argue most anything with anyone (so long as i know something about the issue) but on an academic level. My best friend and i used to have discussions about various aspects of Catholicism and Protestantism, because she was very much Catholic and i was very much not, but we weren't trying to convert each other, we were just discussing. I don't totally believe that my religion is no one else's business, but i definitely shouldn't be made to feel badly about not living my religion the way other people think i should. My church wasn't a big witnessing, proselytizing, etc. church. It's becoming more of one now with the younger people who are becoming the church (a lot of the older people have died or left) but that's not what i'm used to. Add to this the fact that i believe in a loving God who isn't going to eternally damn anyone, regardless of his or her religious beliefs on Earth.

I was thinking later about what Brian had said about being called to be the salt and the light. Honestly, i'd rather be a warm blanket. If my epitaph is "She was a good and loving person" i will be very happy. I like helping people, comforting them. I think it is much more important to be a good person than to believe in the "right" religion. Beth-from-work-not-Beth-from-LJ said maybe i should be a masseuse, maybe that's my real calling, because i have a habit of giving shoulder massages to certain stressed out people at work. I don't want to do that as a career, though, giving massages to strangers 8 hours a day. I like just doing it for certain people i care about very much. I think i'm making God much happier by doing that than by "witnessing" to these people. I know i for one get very uncomfortable when people "witness" to me. If you wanna discuss religion, faith, spirituality, whatever with me, fine, i'm all for it, but i'm not a fan of people making me feel like i'm not a good person because i don't share their beliefs.

And now on a completely random note...

So i've been feeling crampy and being annoyed at that because usually having my period doesn't affect me at all, and i thought of Ani's "Independence Day" (because everything relates to Ani or Whedonverse, right :) ) -- "did i ever tell you how i stopped eating when you stopped calling me i was cramped up and shitting rivers for weeks and pretending that i was finally free." It seemed quite appropriate since this weekend i finally got over this sort of a crush that i had, and it's a really long story that i'm not going to share, but basically i was all emotionally achy for a day or so and then i realized, "Girl, you lost a fantasy. You realized that this fantasy you'd been playing in your head is absolutely never gonna happen. This is a good and healthy thing. Now you can just have a real relationship with this person. Get yourself together, girl." So now i'm feeling much better, except with the cramps and the lots of bleeding (the latter of which i wouldn't mind at all except for the inconvenience it causes).

I felt like crying
To your half asleep heart
No reason, really
Sometimes I just fall apart
-Catie Curtis, "Just Getting By"

me: life's been boring recently, which is a good thing i guess.
Beth: hm, boring in the peaceful way or in the on the verge of banging your head against a wall way?

LOL. Gotta love friends who understand. Boring is good, but only in moderation. I am so glad i am going back to work tomorrow. (Technically, today.) See people, do stuff other than sit around and read, and of course with the money making. 15 hours the first week, then 24 hours last week, and then 31 hours this week. Yay for the mad paycheck i will be receiving. :) I need to actually make some sort of a to-do-list, though, because there are various things i need to get done, some even by actual deadlines, and i'm definitely not awash in free time.

(And because Beth made me think of this song and i really like it.)

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hermionesviolin: an image of Alyson Hannigan (who plays Willow Rosenberg) with animated text "you think you know / what you are / what's to come / you haven't even / BEGUN" (Default)
Elizabeth (the delinquent, ecumenical)

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