burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

There are a few tags I'd been meaning to implement, and an offhand comment from Ari prompted me to actually do that today. On my way back from getting lunch just now, I was thinking about the fact that I did my backtagging sporadically and so I really should start from the beginning and go through methodically -- which reminded me that I started my journal in early April and hey that means that this year I failed to mark my 8(!)-year LJ-versary.

7 years ago today I set up my LJ (thanks to athene for the invite code).

I don't know what to say about my LJ these days.

I tend to put my whole life on here (problematized first by my lack of time to write up everything), but around this time last year, I finally started friends-locking some of my LJ entries, and things often get redacted because I can't figure out how to talk about them in a way that's appropriate for the totality of the readership (be it public, locked, or filtered).  [I've grown resistant to giving out my LJ username to certain folks I know in meatspace because I've gotten used to talking about them/mutual acquaintances.]

Yesterday, via myHBS, I clicked over to the HBSnews twitter and read: "Problem: online sites constrain us to sending one 'signal' to many audiences acc. to Mikolaj Piskorski http://bit.ly/jjVWq "

I'd been thinking that idea recently but lacking that terminology.  Obviously there's always the email option, which I do sometimes utilize, but I like having everything recorded for myself (and definitely use the Private feature sometimes for that very reason), plus email contains more of a request for response (albeit an implicit one, and often one the sender doesn't intend) than a mass posting (this actually reminds me of the behavioral study on whether people are more likely to respond to a request for assistance when they're the only one being asked versus when a whole group is asked).

Recently I've been doing a lot of joy-sadhana-as-update, and I don't feel like my LJ is inherently interesting to anyone not already invested in me (and I imagine is rather boring to most people who already are friends with me, to boot).  And yet I've acquired new LJ friends recently.

I'm not sure what to say about who I am or what this LJ is.

Created on 2002-04-01 17:23:50 (#513957), last updated 2009-04-01
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Despite forgetting to actually turn my alarm on this morning, I still woke up with enough time to shower and get to work with time to spare.  (Exam day, so we had to distribute exams at 8:30 and 8:45. -- My department's is the last exam, so the students should be gone soon.  Yay.)

After we came back, Katie, Greg, and I went to get breakfast at Spangler.  I got scrambled eggs (plus some potato and a slice of french toast) 'cause that was kind of my vegetarian Spangler option.  I always thought I wasn't much for eggs, but they turn out to be the kind of nice bland food I like (I don't actively like the taste, but I don't dislike it, either).  This continues my theme of becoming even worse at being a wanna-be vegan.  Yay for protein, though.  Come lunch time I decided it was gonna be a salad day 'cause I still felt largely full and definitely didn't want anything heavy.  (I largely wanted kidney beans, which I discovered I like a lot.  Today I also tried chick peas and cottage cheese, both of which I learned I am fine with.)  I did snag a pre-TGM chocolate chip cookie, though.

Recently I keep thinking of the section in Traveling Mercies (the "Hunger" chapter) where she talks about having severely disordered eating and her recovery process, specifically the idea of giving herself permission to eat what she wanted to (being aware of what it was that she wanted and also being aware of when she was full).  Reading French Women Don't Get Fat has made me really conscious about what I'm eating, specifically thinking about consuming nutritious stuff and being aware of when I'm full and of consuming "junk food" sparingly (with the further idea of holding out for stuff you really enjoy, rather than just stuffing your face), and I'm definitely not being hardcore about it, and I was thinking today about the idea that even when it looks like little kids are eating nothing but PB&J sandwiches or something, you probably don't need to worry that they're not getting enough nutrients because over a period of time they'll eat other stuff and balance out because their bodies know what they need.  I like this idea of paying attention to what my body really wants -- along with encouraging it along the way, since I know I for one have definitely developed major food ruts (which I suspect plays a large role in the "I don't know what I wanna eat" phenomenon).

I went to the gym for the first time since last Wednesday (Reunion, then Monday was laundry and Tuesday was shopping for better gym pants).  SO much emptier than when I was there last week.  I did the elliptical, interval program, half hour plus cool down (which lasted extra long, 'cause an OPM participant started chatting with me).  [1mi - 11:12min / 2mi - 22:59min / 2.58mi - 30min]

Afterward, I did ten minutes on the rowing machine.  I was feeling really bored -- and had stuff to do afterward -- so I was disinclined to push myself to do a full half hour.  I think I wanna try lifting weights -- tomorrow.

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I saw this meme via likeadeuce (and other people since) and adore it.

Comment with two characters I write know, and I'll tell you about their first kiss.

[Possible fandoms: BtVS, Angel, Firefly, ST:TNG, HP, XMM, tWW, CSI, WaT, HIMYM, Heroes, BSC, anything else you think I might be familiar with.]

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Edit: This was apparently my 3,500th entry (which I noticed in checking my UserInfo and seeing "Journal entries: 3,502" -- it also said: "Comments: Posted: 15,971 - Received: 11,433").

This is my three-thousandth LJ entry. I've had this LJ almost exactly 4½ years (Oct. 1 would be exactly) and average more than 2 entries per day.

I never know what to say in these anniversary entries, but I always want to mark them.

I've been backtagging sporadically for months now, and it's been interesting reliving portions of my life -- since I put basically my entire life in my LJ.

My entries have ranged from very brief announcements of snow or schoolwork procrastination to massive posts of excerpts from political commentaries and writeups of tv shows/movies/books. I've chronicled over three years of college and more than a year post-college. Umpteen crushes, assorted fallings-out with friends. A transition into engagement with political issues and then a hiatus I'm still coming out from. I've also become addicted to LJ icons.

I still haven't mastered the balance of "writing for me" and "writing for an audience," am still stubbornly not locking any entries (except some private-locked ones) which will certainly come back to bite me, and am still learning how to tell stories.

This is the two thousand five hundred and first one.

And my 4 year LJ-versary is coming up in just 3 weeks (April 1).


The day is something like half over, but I want to wish a very happy birthday to offbalance, who has the distinguished honor of being one of my pre-LJ friends.

"Whee! I'm sinking into the depths of sin. Whee!" -Skarda, on "slippery slope"

She asked if i'd heard from places yet and i said, "I've gotten rejected from everywhere except UPenn, which i haven't heard from yet. Way to go me." Cheery voice and everything. Her response was very matter-of-fact, take it in stride, which was so comforting, because my anxiety has totally been about having to disappoint people.

There are white and purple crocuses on the patch of grass by the JMG crossroads. First time i've seen flowers growing since i was in Virginia. (Though the museum keeps getting lovely floral displays.)

So many sirens today. "The pedestrians are getting frisky," said Megan (who really meant "uppity").

The Commencement schedule came out.

Oh, and the Buddhism thing turns out to be next weeekend rather than this weekend, and bell hooks is giving a lecture ("Buddhism Beyond Gender") in JMG at 8pm Friday April 8 [edited to correct the date]. Just in case anyone cares.

Instead of going to Finding Neverland (which Kate owns on DVD now), i went to the Spring Dance Concert, which was really very good. I think i need more dance in my life. Who wants to come to the Senior Dance Concert with me Thursday April 14?

doyle_sb4 polled her friends about which fandoms they're a part of. I basically consider myself part of a fandom if i know all the source text and care to engage in meta&fic re: said source text. My instinct is to just say Whedonverse when asked which fandoms i'm part of, so it was interesting to really think about what else i would consider myself part of fandom for (and some of it sounds so weird to call fandom).

This tells me i am 48% Femme and 52% Butch. Somehow we are not surprised.

Room Draw is over. The floor dynamics in my house next year are gonna be weird.

Yay for good discussion about politics, books, and (post-)college plans. Also: ♥ Cat.

P.S. 3 years ago today my LJ was born, thanks to athene. This will be entry #1932. Look at me go.

I really don't do the April Fool's thing. However, in honor of the recently deceased Mitch Hedberg, offbalance posted a list (from lizzola) of examples of his humor. I laughed out loud multiple times.

Today is the one-year anniversary of my having a LiveJournal (thanks to athene).

I was going to write some long essay on the dynamics of my LiveJournaling but decided against it. I am a big fan of TruePenny’s manifesto, though:

This is my mantra: I am writing these posts on the tails of an armada of kites--dragonflies and cranes and glorious dragons--and letting the kites go. If someone else finds one of my kites, reads the post, and enjoys it, that's fantastic. If they send a kite back to me, that's even better. But the point is not the answer; the point is sending the kites in the first place. (In other words, the LJ is not a popularity contest. I will not obsess about it.)

Pursuant to this conceptualization, I am making myself three promises.

1. I will not dumb myself down or apologize for being smart.

2. I will not be embarrassed or defensive about liking something which other people think is a piece of shit, or vice versa.

3. I will choose what I want to write about but I will not censor myself. My vocabulary can range across as many registers as it damn well pleases. I will not be afraid to say what I think.

Also, i want color schemes for the people on my friendslist. Oblige me?