burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

Am bartending the family reunion. The reunion will be at my grandparents’ house, and one of the attendees runs a liquor store. In an e-mail to said attendee (CCed to various) about the various kinds of liquor in stock at the house, my grandfather wrote, “It is my understanding that the co-managers of the affair are designating Elizabeth (athene_writer[punctuation redacted for spambots]Yahoo.com) the barkeeper; a recent graduate of Smith, her first post graduate course has been a week at a Barkeeping Course. Please feel free to consult with her.” ♥♥♥

On my way to Bar Code certification, i stopped at Macy’s since i had the time. It was hard to find blouses i liked that fit right, but i did find a nice blue one (iron-free cotton, too) and i also found two pairs of pants that actually hang the way i like them to, which is a near miracle. They were about $30/each, which i decided was okay as it’s so necessary that i get decent clothes. (And dude, this is Macy’s, so those were on Clearance.) “Will you be paying for that with a Macy’s card?” “No.” “If you get one, you save 40%.” “Sign me up.” So i actually paid less than $20/item. Much more my style.

After class on Monday, i checked out Filene’s. I was seduced by suits, evening gowns, and clubbing type tops, but i didn’t find any blouses, so in the end, no more money was spent. Came home and finally ordered my massage table. Which will apparently take 2-3 weeks to arrive. I really had meant to order it a couple weeks ago, but i have been enswamped. Le sigh. I shall persevere.

I’ve actually been wearing my suit pants (the ones i bought at Sears) recently, ‘cause they’re swishy and have pockets, making them a win over jeans or my long skirts, and they hang better than i remember, which is happifying.

I’ve been noticing all the business professional dressed women i pass in Boston, noticing what kinds of shirts they’re wearing. Have so far restrained myself from stopping someone and saying, “Where did you get that blouse?”

I am mostly underwhelmed by Raising the Bar -- partly i’m just not a hostess -- but i do like the “Lava Flow” -- a piña colada onto which you pour grenadine. I should have scanned the picture; it looks like a science project.

I saw Eternal Sunshine... and when she’s making drinks for them i was trying to figure out what ingredients she was using from the bottles. I don’t feel confident enough in my knowledge to actually apply for jobs yet (though people should totally come scope out bars with me) but i am such a dork.

[And because you’re all going to ask, i didn’t actually like Eternal Sunshine... all that much. I wanted to like Clementine, but i didn’t, and we have nothing to go on for Joel. We know i’m a big ole completionist, so of course i’m already opposed to the idea of erasing memories, even bad memories, and i just wasn’t particularly moved by any of it. And yes of course i was reminded of the Angel plot device. Near the end, i was reminded of Sliding Doors.]

“Does the dingo feel sympathy for the slow-moving Australian baby?” -Two and a Half Men

Monday night there was a marathon, and i think we might have been a bit punchy as we kept having hysterical fits. The last one was the gay one. I don’t think i need to say anything more.

I saw Mr. Carver on the train in to Boston on Tuesday. Everyone keeps asking where i see myself in 10 years (ideally). I guess they figure this is a less stressful question than “How’s the job search going?” but dude, i have lots of ideas and am really not all that interested in working toward a future goal other than getting an apartment and a steady job.

Mr. Carver mentioned teaching, and i said i think i don’t have the patience. He said he doesn’t see me that way -- as impatient and bitchy (his phrase) -- that he sees me as cool, calm, collected, able to handle anything.

Oh, amusing story. I was out walking with my brother and someone drove past and my brother went to check his mirrors to see if he recognized the people. He said he sometimes goes to check his blindspot when he’s walking as well.

I’ve been tagged twice for that Your Top X Songs of the Moment meme. This surprises me ‘cause i’m such a “music, what?” kind of girl.

daryllang writes, “On blogs, as in the rest of the world, we get used to reading about music we’ve never heard of, and probably never will hear of. It’s a statement of cool to make obscure music references that only people who are into the same kind of music will pick up. [...] I certainly don’t mean to pick on anybody for this – In the last few days, I’ve mentioned acts as irrelevent as Wolf Parade and Glenn Frey. [...] Here’s a proposal. Make a list of your six favorite songs that everyone has heard of. It’s surprisingly hard.”

I, of course, skew the sample when it comes to “everyone.” As offbalance put it: See, most of us live with pop culture. You run into it every few months or so. ;)


mrissa started a 3 things you like about your body meme, ‘cause we all get so self-deprecatory.
1. My legs are strong and get me where i’m going and they look good in appropriately cut pants.
2. I have long fingers
3. I have good skin. It doesn’t break out, it’s not overly greasy or dry, and it tans nicely.

Dear Lamonsters: Emma's been in a non-Internet mood, but she did reply to my e-mail and said "Miss you all, tell everyone I say hi."

When i tell people my post-graduation plans are bartending and massage schools, i get a lot of surprised reactions, and the kind of sorrowful "That's what you're doing with your degree from Smith?"  But really, while academia has cache, bartending and massage school have actual employable skills.  So instead of putting myself further into debt, qualified for a competitive niche market and perhaps overqualified for other things, and otherwise no different than i am now in terms of employability -- instead of all that, i'm gonna have actual skills i can use towards jobs i'm likely to actually get.  But graduates of prestigious colleges and universities are supposed to do the high-powered, or at least brainy, careers.  Le sigh.  I'm excited about what i'm trying to do, and in the end that's what really matters since it is my life.

So yeah.  I registered for bartender training -- DrinkMaster Boston because the location is uber-convenient, doing the one week (M-F 11am-3pm) program the week of May 30 -- and massage school -- Palmer Institute, summer session starts May 23, Massage I (foundational course) Tuesday 6-10pm for 12 weeks [May 24 - August 9].

Kind of scared 'cause, meep, so much less money in my bank account.  But i mean, i paid in full 'cause i could.  'S not like i'm poor now.

I did my Direct Loan Exit Counseling.  Using the rough numbers Smith had given me, i was guessing paying off all of it in six and a half years.  The Standard Repayment Plan is 10 years however, and results in my paying back approximately 113%.  Who's gonna be overpaying her payments like whoa?  Yeah, me.

The heat on Tuesday made me feel lethargic.  Yes i like it being warm enough to walk around outside in short-sleeves, but i'm so not a fan of the humidity.  Hot and humid makes me crave my winter.

I checked my mail on Wednesday and among other things, i had my Skarda exam.  "Choose one of the following questions for an essay that contains as much precision and specificity of detail and idea as did the texts we considered this semester."  We had topics in advance, and i knew i was gonna do the "What difference (if any) does the gender of the author make on women characters' place in society, function in the household, narrative perspective, or plot of the story?  Be specific"  question.  I did like no preparation, though, so my essay was full of generalizations and i had visions of "What part of 'Be specific' don't you understand?  15 points out of 30; I expected better from you."  However, i only lost one point and got "I'm pleased to see that you haven't been blinded by feminism, Elizabeth."  Oh Skarda.  I knew i'd aced the rest of the exam, though, and i only lost a few points.  Amusing given that i'd written my final long paper on The Eyre Affair, i mistakenly identified a passage from it as being from the original Jane Eyre :)  "Fine exam, Elizabeth.  Stay in touch.  You've been a great pleasure to have in class even though you'll never find Wordsworth worthy.  Happy Graduation to you."

My dad came that evening and took stuff back.  He also briefed me various NHS alums [kids whom i still think of as upperclassmen].  NHS is doing Hamlet and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead on alternating nights.  I approve.

Wednesday night: Went to Herrell's 'cause i wanted ice cream.  Saw Gillian on the way back.  Went with her to get caffeine.  Went back to her Friedman.  Hung with people.  Channel surfing 'cause some of us couldn't take any more of Good Eats, we stop at something and i say, "Is that Gina Gershon?" thinking, "And the horrible thing is, i only recognize her because of Showgirls."  What are we watching?  Showgirls of course.  On VH1 of all channels.  They start cleaning house and i go home.  P00rn wants me to drink with her some time before we graduate, so i go over to Chase with her to drink with aleksie.  I had 12-year-old Glenlivet (high quality Scotch i'm told) with Pepsi.  Definitely buzzed, and i didn't even drink it that fast ('cause, fucking strong).  3am-ish i left.  Came home and drank water.  In bed closer to 4.  Up at 8:30 'cause my body's crazy.  So i had breakfast for the first time in ages, which meant i wasn't hungry for lunch (and dude, it was fries and vegan nuggets, sadness).  Had the long-promised pool game with Stacey.  We played two rounds, though, so i have to come back for a tiebreaker at some point.

Skipped Baccalaureate.  I hear it was lovely and all, but since i so don't feel attached to most of my class, structured reminscence time seemed awkward.  Went to the senior bbq on Davis Lawn, though.  One booze per person.  Had a Smirnoff Twisted and then half of a friend's.  Crashed afterward, in part because i'd gotten so little sleep the night before.  Think it's gonna be an early to bed night.  Have to be up at a reasonable hour tomorrow morning for Commencement/IvyDay rehearsal.  Things are really nearing the end.  Kinda scary.  Finally really hitting me in the gut.

I was feeling a touch disappointed with the end of "Natural Born" (No Limits 13) but then i read "Crucible" (14) and things were good again -- in the sense of well-written and coherent, not happy of course.

In response to what was for me a rather short piece of feedback (i feedback like i LJ) on a different piece of fic i received the response "Thank you very, very much for your detailed and insightful feedback!"  Given how much (lengthy, detailed) feedback i've sent these past few months and heard no reply from, i think i was owed some karma.

Over on Blood Sings, my Hansel&Gretel fic has more than twice as many reads than my Simon/River, and there is still little love for Julia/Justine (though it is slowly accumulating reads).

Should Playboy thank MutantEnemy?  (And what's up with June?)  I bought Charisma issue last year and, um, might need to buy June.  [Bai Ling]  Okay, the uber exoticization is a problem (as viciouswishes points out) but still, hot.  She was in The Crow?  Clearly i need to rewatch.  And i played around and made icons from the photoshoot.