burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

Dear Lamonsters: Emma's been in a non-Internet mood, but she did reply to my e-mail and said "Miss you all, tell everyone I say hi."

When i tell people my post-graduation plans are bartending and massage schools, i get a lot of surprised reactions, and the kind of sorrowful "That's what you're doing with your degree from Smith?"  But really, while academia has cache, bartending and massage school have actual employable skills.  So instead of putting myself further into debt, qualified for a competitive niche market and perhaps overqualified for other things, and otherwise no different than i am now in terms of employability -- instead of all that, i'm gonna have actual skills i can use towards jobs i'm likely to actually get.  But graduates of prestigious colleges and universities are supposed to do the high-powered, or at least brainy, careers.  Le sigh.  I'm excited about what i'm trying to do, and in the end that's what really matters since it is my life.

So yeah.  I registered for bartender training -- DrinkMaster Boston because the location is uber-convenient, doing the one week (M-F 11am-3pm) program the week of May 30 -- and massage school -- Palmer Institute, summer session starts May 23, Massage I (foundational course) Tuesday 6-10pm for 12 weeks [May 24 - August 9].

Kind of scared 'cause, meep, so much less money in my bank account.  But i mean, i paid in full 'cause i could.  'S not like i'm poor now.

I did my Direct Loan Exit Counseling.  Using the rough numbers Smith had given me, i was guessing paying off all of it in six and a half years.  The Standard Repayment Plan is 10 years however, and results in my paying back approximately 113%.  Who's gonna be overpaying her payments like whoa?  Yeah, me.

The heat on Tuesday made me feel lethargic.  Yes i like it being warm enough to walk around outside in short-sleeves, but i'm so not a fan of the humidity.  Hot and humid makes me crave my winter.

I checked my mail on Wednesday and among other things, i had my Skarda exam.  "Choose one of the following questions for an essay that contains as much precision and specificity of detail and idea as did the texts we considered this semester."  We had topics in advance, and i knew i was gonna do the "What difference (if any) does the gender of the author make on women characters' place in society, function in the household, narrative perspective, or plot of the story?  Be specific"  question.  I did like no preparation, though, so my essay was full of generalizations and i had visions of "What part of 'Be specific' don't you understand?  15 points out of 30; I expected better from you."  However, i only lost one point and got "I'm pleased to see that you haven't been blinded by feminism, Elizabeth."  Oh Skarda.  I knew i'd aced the rest of the exam, though, and i only lost a few points.  Amusing given that i'd written my final long paper on The Eyre Affair, i mistakenly identified a passage from it as being from the original Jane Eyre :)  "Fine exam, Elizabeth.  Stay in touch.  You've been a great pleasure to have in class even though you'll never find Wordsworth worthy.  Happy Graduation to you."

My dad came that evening and took stuff back.  He also briefed me various NHS alums [kids whom i still think of as upperclassmen].  NHS is doing Hamlet and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead on alternating nights.  I approve.

Wednesday night: Went to Herrell's 'cause i wanted ice cream.  Saw Gillian on the way back.  Went with her to get caffeine.  Went back to her Friedman.  Hung with people.  Channel surfing 'cause some of us couldn't take any more of Good Eats, we stop at something and i say, "Is that Gina Gershon?" thinking, "And the horrible thing is, i only recognize her because of Showgirls."  What are we watching?  Showgirls of course.  On VH1 of all channels.  They start cleaning house and i go home.  P00rn wants me to drink with her some time before we graduate, so i go over to Chase with her to drink with aleksie.  I had 12-year-old Glenlivet (high quality Scotch i'm told) with Pepsi.  Definitely buzzed, and i didn't even drink it that fast ('cause, fucking strong).  3am-ish i left.  Came home and drank water.  In bed closer to 4.  Up at 8:30 'cause my body's crazy.  So i had breakfast for the first time in ages, which meant i wasn't hungry for lunch (and dude, it was fries and vegan nuggets, sadness).  Had the long-promised pool game with Stacey.  We played two rounds, though, so i have to come back for a tiebreaker at some point.

Skipped Baccalaureate.  I hear it was lovely and all, but since i so don't feel attached to most of my class, structured reminscence time seemed awkward.  Went to the senior bbq on Davis Lawn, though.  One booze per person.  Had a Smirnoff Twisted and then half of a friend's.  Crashed afterward, in part because i'd gotten so little sleep the night before.  Think it's gonna be an early to bed night.  Have to be up at a reasonable hour tomorrow morning for Commencement/IvyDay rehearsal.  Things are really nearing the end.  Kinda scary.  Finally really hitting me in the gut.

I was feeling a touch disappointed with the end of "Natural Born" (No Limits 13) but then i read "Crucible" (14) and things were good again -- in the sense of well-written and coherent, not happy of course.

In response to what was for me a rather short piece of feedback (i feedback like i LJ) on a different piece of fic i received the response "Thank you very, very much for your detailed and insightful feedback!"  Given how much (lengthy, detailed) feedback i've sent these past few months and heard no reply from, i think i was owed some karma.

Over on Blood Sings, my Hansel&Gretel fic has more than twice as many reads than my Simon/River, and there is still little love for Julia/Justine (though it is slowly accumulating reads).

Should Playboy thank MutantEnemy?  (And what's up with June?)  I bought Charisma issue last year and, um, might need to buy June.  [Bai Ling]  Okay, the uber exoticization is a problem (as viciouswishes points out) but still, hot.  She was in The Crow?  Clearly i need to rewatch.  And i played around and made icons from the photoshoot.