burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

It was pretty out this morning, snow covered.  It was more like rain when I walked to work (I didn't notice, except that my glasses were getting spotted and my hair falling wet in my face), and I wasn't a huge fan of the slush.  But my socks didn't get soggy enough for me to regret not having brought a pair of dry socks, and my hair managed to dry well, so win.

I didn't wanna go to the weight room, but I went, and did 25+ min.  Low weights, but I don't have shame about that since I've been away for a couple weeks and weight training has never been my forte.

Didn't facebook used to have an option to say that you knew someone from having met at an event?  I looked up a couple of the guys I met at MCC SF (can't find Chris, who was arguably my favorite) and am just putting in "MCC SF" in the "Other" option.

RED class canceled tonight due to weather.  (It was clear when I left work, but I respect Diane's choice to make an early call -- she emailed at like 7am -- and to err conservatively.)  Laurel went to LEM, so we met up around 8pm at Tealuxe.  When she first suggested this I regretted not having brought a book, but then I remembered that I can has bff phone call.

At Tealuxe, I tried the Vanilla Green Tea (was gonna try the Silver Needles White Tea, but they were out).  I'm not entirely certain I let it steep long enough, and I was like halfway through the 16oz drink before it was really cooled off enough to drink comfortably; oh well.  I also bought a Vegan Chocolate Banana Cranberry muffin at the counter on a whim (I had an apples-grapes-Brie crepe at Mr. Crepe for dinner, so I wasn't wicked full), which was v. tasty.

***

Rest and Bread ("Epiphany")

There's music and meditation starting at 6pm -- service starting at 6:15.  Tonight, the CD was of string versions of "Great is Thy Faithfulness" and a couple other hymns I couldn't quite place.  [Finlandia!  Snippets of the words were running through my head, but I could pin down enough of them to Google.  1:39am I remembered the tune.  Turns out I was misremembering pieces of the verse "My country's skies are bluer than the ocean, / And sunlight beams on cloverleaf and pine. / But other lands have sunlight too and clover, / And skies are everywhere as blue as mine."]

Call to Worship
    [One] People of God, Jesus said, "I am the light of the world.  Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."
    [People] We have seen the light of Christ like a star shining in the sky; and like the Magi, we have come to worship.
    [All] Glory be to God.

The "Psalm" was Isaiah 60:1-6.  Which first verse immediately felt familiar -- Messiah, I presume.  "Arise, shine; for your light has come, and the glory of God has risen upon you."

The Sacred Text was the poem "how good it is to center down" from Meditation of the Heart by Howard Thurman.  The bit that struck me was (excerpt from the first Google result):

The questions persist: what are we doing with our lives? -
What are the motives that order our day?
What is the end in our doings?  Where are we trying to go?
Where do we put the emphasis and where are our values focused?
For what end do we make sacrifices?  Where is my treasure and what do I love most in life?
What do I hate most in life and to what am I true?
Over and over the questions beat in the waiting moment.

Keith did the Reflection, and he talked about Epiphany (at which first reference Laura Ruth looked at me and smiled, 'cause I'd given her an SF church report before service, and had lamented that Glide didn't do anything for Epiphany -- though I said I understood the rationale behind focusing a sermon on New Year's Resolutions -- and I said I'd also been knee-jerk reacting against an emphasis on January 1 in church settings ever since Ari pointed out this year that the Christian New Year begins at the beginning of Advent).  He talked about how Epiphany is about God manifesting Godself, and about how we find the story of the Magi (foreigners) in Matthew, which is a very Jewish gospel, written for a very Jewish audience (the idea of Christ being revealed to the "outsider" is I think my favorite Epiphany theme).  He connected this to the Thurman poem about centering and questions and the Isaiah text about light (in a way which reminded me some of the MCC SF sermon about finding the light within you that will guide you -- which sounds more secularly self-centered phrased that way than the sermon actually was) and it wasn't tied together neatly enough for me to have good notes, but I was impressed that he managed to tie it together enough for me to feel reasonably satisfied.

When I emailed Laura Ruth last week, I mentioned how afterwards Ari had commented about how there was a responsive that wasn't in the bulletin, and lo, in the bulletin this time:
    The Sharing of the Sacrament
    One: The Gifts of God for the People of God.
    All: Thanks be to God.

However, during the Words of Institution, Jesus said of both the Bread and the Cup, that they were a "symbol" and I winced, recalling Ari's experience at the MCC in Wichita [locked entry].  I brought this up to Laura Ruth after the service -- saying I was all pleased that she'd added that in to the bulletin and I was all prepared to tell her that and ask how Sunday went (she was preaching) and now I had to complain.  She said that ["that" = my complaining to her] was fine, and that there was a pastoral reason for the unorthodox liturgy.  I said I respected that and having raised my complaint would let it go.  I thought later of how Marla has said she can't take Communion anywhere besides CWM 'cause she can't handle the "sanctification of broken bodies," but I feel like Rest & Bread and CWM have similar Words of Institution.  [shrugs]

Laura Ruth's Blessing & Benediction said something about asking for God's help that we not fall asleep, which really struck me because I've been thinking recently about how to be with people when I'm helpless to do anything -- particularly how it's hard when I'm not physically proximal and thus can't physically hold them for comfort -- and how I'm so bad at praying (at that kind of focus) and this morning I think it was I literally thought of the Maundy Thursday Taize-ish "Stay here with me. Watch and pray."

After service, Laura Ruth thanked me again for having come early last week -- said that knowing how to help (and doing it) was truly being a "Christian citizen."

***

Speaking of not falling asleep... how many hours of post-Tealuxe gchatting was that?  [goes to bed]

( gym: Mon-Fri )

***

Tuesday & Wednesday I spent nigh-literally all workday (save an hour lunchbreak) filing, printing, and filing applications.  I barely looked at LJ.  And then Thursday I finished that and thus got to catch up on other stuff.  I was feeling zen, though.  (I said hi to RA!Kate briefly over coffee Thursday morning and articulated it as feeling like I was still coming out of a daze.)  Thursday I stopped by Katie's desk at the end of the day and she said, "Are you okay?  You look like you've been crying."  I choose to interpret that second bit as that I'm somewhat perpetually red-faced due to the cold dry weather, but yeah, I was like, "Do I really look that bad?"

***

Wednesday

My hair froze!  I'm not certain this was the first time this season that had happened, but I was pleased regardless.
Indicators of winter: at the Harvard Square ABP at like 7:20pm I ordered mac&cheese and they were out (I got broccoli & cheddar soup instead), and the woman at the register next to me ordered chicken noodle soup, which they were also out of (so she got the chicken vegetable).

Speaking of food, I've been getting egg white omelets at Spangler with some frequency and Wednesday morning Pablo said, before I'd even ordered, that they were out of egg whites.  I got a regular omelet, and wow.  When I first switched to egg white omelets, they seemed kinda flavorless, but clearly I've gotten used to them 'cause having a regular omelet it seemed so much heavier and more flavorful -- not a bad thing, just different from what I'd gotten used to.

Over lunch, folks were talking about food, as we often do, and I was indifferent, as I almost always am.  MaryAlice quipped, "She's not excited about food because she's too busy having great sex."  I CRACKED UP laughing.

+

Laurel sent me an email inviting me to go see the Capitol Steps.  She signed it "Laurel," which made me gleeful.  See, her given name is Lauren, but on the third day of class one of the students referred to something she said but called her "Laurel" and then corrected himself.  She said she likes "Laurel" better anyway, so I've been calling her "Laurel" ever since.

We don't have class next week, so Laurel invited me to a Thanksgiving thing her MIT Lutheran Episcopals are doing.  Rest & Bread is canceled, so yay.  (When I mentioned this to Laura Ruth, she said, "I'm glad our absence allows you to expand your lovely wandering ways!")

Laurel's going to Worcester to family friends for Thanksgiving, but coming home same day.  I said she could come to Norwood if she needed 'cause I'm staying over into Friday.

***

Rest and Bread ("Rhythm")

Psalm 150
We read it twice, the second time complete with an actual cymbal and some other percussion instruments.

In her Reflection, Laura Ruth talked about how the liturgical calendar provides us with rhythm, and how we have an opportunity to hit those beats each year.

Keith in the Call to Confession said: in the dance of life, sometime we miss a step, and sometimes someone knocks into us and we miss a lot of steps.

***

signs of maturity from the past week or so:
* being happy for friends' potential s.o.-having, untainted by my own ambivalent wanting an s.o.
* being zen about Someone's newfound inability to thoroughly read emails and spreadsheets (it didn't particularly cause me to have to do any extra work, and I decided that should be my new bar -- so long as it doesn't have a significant negative effect on my job)
* curbing my defensiveness when I was strongly conscious of how I could have done my job better but no one was actually criticizing me
* listening and leaving space for the other person to speak rather than just filling up the space with my own stories
* not making it All About Me when listening sympathetically to someone (mjules and I have explicitly agreed that we relate to other people by relating it to ourselves, but with people with whom I don't have this explicit understanding it sometimes feels inappropriate)

( gym )

I was hoping to get on Y!M and actually chat with mjules today, but again I was busy. I'm not sure I could even tell you what I did all day. My biggest chunk of downtime involved reading B's Al Dunlap case (and teaching note) as I'd been meaning to since econ class last week.

Today, B was asking me if I'd be interested in helping out with writing stuff, and I said yeah and mentioned how Alyssa and I had helped edit Max and Deepak's book. He said I must be really familiar with that book then. I said yeah and told the story of being in young adult church group discussion and finding myself using the phrase "parasitic value creation."

He said I'm really good at my job, that he would love to keep me for the next 30 years, that my organization is great and that it's appreciated not just by him but by the whole Unit. I'm sure this is true, but I thought, "Does anyone actually make a point of explicitly telling you that?" -- though Ian has thanked me and Katie for our help with Recruiting in multiple mass emails.

Trying to find dates/times to get anything scheduled with faculty takes forever, but apparently we FAs are ridiculously indecisive about picking things like, oh, a restaurant to eat at. Flist wanna decide my vote for me? The links go to the official websites, but feel free to check out Yelp or whatever. (Department is footing the bill, so normal concerns about price don't so much apply.)

[Poll #1283679]

***

Rest and Bread ("Community")

Psalm 122

Sacred Text: Romans 12 (v. 8-12). I was struck even more so than I was when it was a Scripture reading in church recently by how bad the parallelism is.

Keith did the Reflection. He opened by talking about "community as context for vocation," though the bulk of the reflection ended up being about community sort of more generally. He did end by saying, "as we have received, so let us go and give."

( gym )

***

Accomplishments today included cleaning up the "book description" of the hardcover edition of Henry Jenkins' Convergence Culture: Where Old and New Media Collide (thanks, Amy!) on GoodReads.  (And then editing book data on a variety of other books -- mostly other Jenkins books.)

***

Last Wednesday, Laura Ruth mentioned that Keith has a seminar every Wednesday, so he won't be able to be there quite so early to help set up, so if anyone wanted to come early to set up that would be great.  I emailed her that night about a variety of things, including asking if she wanted me to help set up 'cause I always get there early anyway.  She replied yesterday (Tuesday) and said, in part, "See you tomorrow."  I didn't know if that was a yes or not and decided that rather than emailing back to ask I would just show up early and ask.  She turned out to be very grateful for the help.

Shortly before service she was running through the things she still needed to do, saying them aloud to help herself remember: "I am going to..."  She listed three things and then paused and said, "And then I'm going to thank you very much."  I said, "I was going to say, 'And you're going to remember to breathe,' but you can thank me very much, too."

Rest and Bread ("Peace")

Psalm: 23
Sacred Text: Isaiah 2:2-4

Keith talked about how "They will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not take up sword against nation, nor will they train for war anymore." is carved in a wall across from the UN and went on to talk about how we need to be careful.  Isaiah's vision of peace is one in which everyone acknowledges Isaiah's God, and it's so easy for us to insist that peace will be when all the world acknowledges that we're right, and we need to have humility.  He talked about the Farewell Discourse in John -- the "My peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you" bit (14:27) and how this is a different kind of peace.

I got there around 5:30 and went up to Laura Ruth's office 'cause I'd said I could help set up since Keith had said last week that he thought he might be running late this week.  I saw both of them up there already, so I went back downstairs to sit outside in the beautiful weather and read.

About twenty minutes later they came down, and Laura Ruth stuck her head out the door and said, "Hi, beauty."

At the opening of the service, Laura Ruth talked about how they always welcome input (including words of encouragement) on the service, and they've made a couple of changes for this week -- including adding a comma where there wasn't one before but should have been.  I grinned, because that was totally my input.  Someone (Mary?) said, "But not a period."  There was general laughter.

The Psalm was Psalm 127.  Excerpt:

¹ Unless God builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.  Unless God guards the city, the guard keeps watch in vain.

² It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for God gives sleep to God's beloved.

The Sacred Text was from Ecclesiastes.

Keith did the Reflection.  He quoted the bit about "the harvest is plenty but the workers are few."  He said that Jesus calls people to take up their cross and leave their family, but he also promises life abundant, so the kingdom must not just be drudgery, there must be some joy there.  I looked at Laura Ruth and grinned.  He talked about "Hevel," which sometimes gets translated "vanity" but is more accurately translated "vapor" or "emptiness."  He reminded us that our work here is transitory, said this can be comforting to people who are not fulfilled by the jobs that they have, and is also a good reminder for those of us who can tend to identify ourselves by our work.

Edit: I forgot to mention that in the Prayers of petition, Laura Ruth lifted up "the daughter of the vice-presidential candidate," who "has become a symbol of something much greater than she." I literally said, "Thank you," sort of softly, right at the time, and after service I thanked her directly, saying I had wanted to lift that up but couldn't figure out how to articulate it. /edit

As we began to serve each other Communion, Laura Ruth began to sing, "Stay here and keep watch with me.  Watch and pray."  Whoa, Tenebrae.  I was distracted by trying to get the words right because I kept wanting to do the version I knew from CAUMC/CWM, but it was really powerful, really making present the Last Supper.

In the Benediction, Laura Ruth said, "Work is good.  But drink wine ... God approves."

Psalm 121
Sacred Text: The Canticle of Zechariah

In his reflection, Keith talked about how the opposite of hope is despair and how "a false belief is not hope."