burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

Elizabeth [surname redacted] from Cambridge Welcoming Ministries begins this month's discussion on queer identity and spirituality. As the term "queer" is reclaimed, and assumptions about sexuality and gender challenged, spiritual communities are also rethinking their theology, worship and prophetic witness around these issues.

This is a great blurb, but I still don't have any more ideas about what to talk about than when Desmond first "wondered if [I] might be willing to start a discussion on being queer and Christian, or queer spirituality/religion" a week ago (though I still owe Lorraine answers to her questions).

[Edit: "Sacred Eros is a monthly discussion group at Arlington Street Church, providing a safe and supportive space to explore questions about sexuality from a spiritual and ethical perspective."]

I got bonus surprise Scott today, albeit briefly.  He was sadface to learn that I wouldn't be around this afternoon.  I teased him about calendar-keeping.  And got to be the bearer of the exciting news that GoogleCalendar recently improved the Recurrence feature.

I can't sit in on class tomorrow because they don't have any extra seats, but it'll be recorded.

He was going to invite me to Simchat Torah except I have Art Night class.  I told Roza tonight: "I'm going to be a lot more Jewish by the end of this year, aren't I?"

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Event went well.  Julia likened me to an "angel" at one point.  I'll have to watch the video of the panel discussions at some point as I had to be in and out a bunch.

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Before Sacred Eros tonight, Desmond said of me: "She's a writer; she takes words seriously."  A. asked me what I write.  I finally turned to Roza and asked her, "What do I write?"  She answered, "You write sermons," in a sort of "among other things" tone, and I said, "Thank you, that is in fact what I was looking for."  (I had discarded blogging as not the answer I was looking for, since I don't feel sufficiently like that's a What I Do; and porn fanfic, since I really don't do that anymore; and I was literally blanking.)

One of the things we ended up talking about was "radical hospitality," and people used various story-images to express how they understood that concept; I forgot how powerful that is.  At some other point someone said something about the tension of using Bible stories in a UU service, of are those stories going to be resonant for people who don't come from that tradition, and my immediate (unspoken) response was, "They had better be or else Christianity isn't worth much" -- by which I mean that the stories that make up the Story of our faith should be powerful, resonant stories that speak to people.

Edit: At some other point during Sacred Eros, I cited a bit from the "Happiness" sermon Molly recently reposted (though I was recalling it from memory -- my netbook's busted, recall -- so I talked about not being happy with "the way things are" from more of an externally-directed perspective, which I think is a little unfortunate because "Frankly, I think God wants us to grow" is a great idea):

“Frankly, I think God wants us to grow and for me, growth comes from conflict. And I am never happy with conflict. I guess underlying conflict is change—and if I were happy with the way things are in the world, I wouldn’t want to change them. Of course, if I follow my own logic, then I am probably not happy with change either.”

My Converse All-Stars (black with a pretty blue design on them) are srsly coming apart :(  I like being able to wear the same shoes at the gym and at the office, but I'm not about to buy another $50 pair of footwear (e.g., an all black pair of Converse) if they're just gonna fall apart in a few months like these.

This morning, Jess came by and asked if I needed help.  (She came by yesterday morning and I was running around doing a bunch of stuff -- mainly helping Sara -- and noted that I was busy and asked if I needed help, and I refrained from saying, "if you could unjam the color printer..." )  She said, "You can't shoulder it all," and my brain pre-emptively heard "shoulder to the wheel" and shuddered internally.

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I was reading the noon daily office and I was really struck by this from the Canticle ("The Song of the Women" by T.S. Eliot)

Those who deny thee could not deny, if thou didst not exist;
and their denial is never complete, for if it were so, they would not exist.
They affirm thee in living; all things affirm thee in living

I can this not sitting well with nonbelievers, but as a Christian I really like the idea.

And I was really impressed by the Prayers:

For the hungry and the overfed
May we have enough.

For the mourners and the mockers
May we laugh together.

For the victims and the oppressors
May we share power wisely.

For the peacemakers and the warmongers
May clear truth and stern love lead us to harmony.

For the silenced and the propagandists
May we speak our own words in truth.

For the unemployed and the overworked
May our impress on the earth be kindly and creative.

For the troubled and the sleek
May we live together as wounded healers.

For the homeless and the cosseted
May our homes be simple, warm and welcoming.

For the vibrant and the dying
May we all die to live.

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy."
-mylittleredgirl [more info]

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Five good things about today:
1. My brother's gonna visit my mother's godfather (whom we met on family cross-country trip #1 back in 1997) this summer (said godfather recently got moved to a veteran's home).  Yeah, my folks raised good people.  (My brother's gonna be doing an internship in the vicinity, so it's not like he's just up and trekking halfway across the country for a visit, but still.)
2. Someone brought in Dunkin' Donuts donuts (and later, banana bread also appeared; and catering leftovers).  And I had lunch with Katie and MikeS (and Paul, and Laura).  [For those playing the home game, Sarah had to postpone to next week 'cause work stuff came up.]  And I got to walk to the T with Katie after work, too.
3. Bonus surprise Nancy!  I don't know why she had stopped by, but it was nice to see her.  At one point while we were talking about what I've been up to here, she said, "Don't get too good at things..." and I laughed.
Mom, you'll appreciate this -- we were talking about the busyness of the teaching season, and I mentioned how Sara was kinda stressed the other morning and I'd said, "Do you want a hug?" and she'd said, "That would be amazing" and Nancy's expression got all soft and she said, "Oh, that's so perceptive of you."
4. Oona also stopped by (I hadn't realized she was still working here -- possibly I am conflating her with Claire).
5. I took the T out to Arlington Street and last time I'd gone to Arlington Street Church I'd walked around for I dunno how long trying to find the correct street, so since this time I had like 40 minutes, I just started walking.  My first turn took me onto Newbury Street and hey there I was at the end of the street, where it hits the Public Garden, and the cross street is Arlington Street and hey look I recognize that construction: it's Arlington Street Church.  So I walked around the Swan Boat pond (which was nearly drained, but which had young ducks) for a while and then walked Comm. Ave. in the median -- and then turned around when I hit Dartmouth Street and successfully found my way back without incident.
    The ASC signage is weak, but I found where "Sacred Eros" was meeting.  The theme was Transformation, and at first we were all like, "Yeah..." but we got to talking about changing identities and identity labels and non-normative sexuality (e.g., kink) and various things, and it's a good mix of people, and early on I really liked this woman Roza, and afterward I said we should get metaphorical coffee and she said yeah and we exchanged info and Jonah said that he had actually been thinking that I would really like her.  I was thinking later about how Allie had commented that I have so many different circles of friends and I'd sort of shrugged and said that most of it's from all the hanging out in churches I do; and I was thinking tonight that this (church stuff) is what I do, and so yeah, I acquire people in those places, that's how people make friends.
    Jonah and I went to ABP for some food and then walked Comm. Ave. to Clarendon and then walked to Back Bay from there and stayed inside and kept chatting until the 10:40 Franklin train.  On the Orange Line home, I was engrossed in my book until I looked up at State Street -- oops.  On the Red Line, I looked up at Harvard and saw Josh (Tiffany's partner) sitting across from me, reading, and when we got to Davis he didn't move, so I said, "Hey Josh, isn't this your stop?" and he startled and got up and we chatted a bit on the walk home.

Three things I did well today:
1. I did my requisite morning routine and went to the ( gym )
2. I put together a spreadsheet I'd been putting off.
3. GoodReads is totally productive procrastination, right?  But I added lots of feminist sf (plus the syllabus+supplements of my UMass "Brave New Worlds" class -- which, wow, I barely even remember some of the books I know I read) thanks to this post on feminismfandom.  (Going through the archives of 50books_poc is a project I haven't yet tackled.)
4. I made this week's CWM deposit.

Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
["anything that you're looking forward to, that means you're facing tomorrow with joy, not trepidation," as Ari says]
1. getting to see Laurel
2. emailing Roza about getting together sometime