burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

Thursday

Who knew the sun was up at 7:30(a.m.)?  I mean, other than my dad of course.  [Okay, SunriseSunset.com tells me the sun actually rose on my coast at 6:08am.  When did sunrise get that early?]  Mmm... temps in the 40s.  Bracing cold that made me close all the windows and reminds me that warm showers are the love of my life.

Being up so early meant i actually went to class with dry hair, which hasn't happened in ages.  And i saw Zia at breakfast, which was nice.

Presentation went reasonably well.  I am such a text girl, so more interested in close-reading the text than in doing biographical research (not that i'm not interested in that and in sociohistorical context -- i mean, we talked about the 4 ways of reading a text, and Skarda singled me out as a contextual criticism girl).  Triggered by one of the presenters, we discussed briefly the difference between talent and genius.  I decided not to profer my ever so unhelpful "Simon is talented; River is a genius," but now i have the Murmurs song stuck in my head.  (EmilyF offered the classic distinction that normal people get from points A to D via points B and C, but geniuses can go direct.)

Meg (and her boy) took me out to lunch at Haymarket -- which neither of them had ever been to, surprisingly.  Meg ordered a Spanking (because really, what else would she order?) and it is indeed yummy.  Stew was weirded out by the mayo in my grilled cheese, said the smooshiness would have been too much for him.  I attempted to validate his concern, but couldn't come up with an appropriate adjective.  "Aesthetic" would be more along the lines of "Your smoothie looks like tar; I don't think I could eat it."  "Textural" sounds like "textual" which would be confusing for this English major.  Stew suggested "sensual," but that had too much erotic implication for me.  (I pointed out that a sensual concern would be more like "But the crumbs..." :) )

In seminar we talked about Angela Carter's "Beauty and the Beast" stories -- "The Courtship of Mr Lyon" and "The Tiger's Bride."  The former is in my opinion one of Carter's weaker stories and really doesn't grab me much.  We talked about them as companion pieces and i appreciated it a bit more than i had.
Becca referred to the end of "The Tiger's Bride" as them freeing each other and also about the beneath the skin, neither of which i had thought of before.  The latter was a particularly good analogy for what Carter does.  Liz talked about folktale as skeleton -- Shakespeare for example takes some bones, but Cater fleshes it out.  Becca used an extended coversong analogy (folklore as jazz, bits and pieces of tale as sampling) which i thought was great.
I got talk about getting in touch with the primal via dark sex.  Class discussion included such professional academic phrases as "extra layer of awesomeness" :)
In discussing Carter, someone mentioned pulling out latent elements, and i thought "fanfic!"  April used the term "plotbunny," and e_clare mentioned the sex that brings the house down ["The Tiger's Bride"].
Multiple people mentioned how after reading Carter, the story is never the same.  I don't particularly disagree, but i find it problematic to single out Carter like that.  I have read/seen so many fairytale reworkings (as well as discussions thereon and discussions about the original tales) that there's a lot influencing my readings of the originals.
Some people were upset at having their childhood stories ruined, which kinda threw me 'cause i like dark&twisted, plus i wasn't attached to these stories to begin with.

I went to the first batch of Eng. Dept. thesis presentations immediately afterward and thus missed tea, slideshow, and the beginning of Banquet itself, which i'm okay with.  Banquet went until 10 (and HP!Emily finally just decided to will the rest of her stuff later -- really there has got to be a more efficient way to do the willing).  I had forgotten how much i enjoy Nicole&Carrie.  (Carrie: "If I'd known how gay this house was gonna get, I might have stayed.")  Prophecies were the usual mix of boring and raunchy, obscure in-jokes and accessible in-jokes.  I was last.  [Being late meant i didn't get to choose a seat, so i ended up at the end with all the drunken seniors.  Kate later told me i looked "small and awkward," which is not entirely inaccurate.]  Emma, Felicia, and Cat did a skit.  Including props from my room.  There had been prior mention of stealing stuff from my room, but i didn't believe them enough to actually lock my door.  Clearly i underestimated them.  And while i'm not sure most people there got any of it, a number of such people said it was entertaining, which was the important part as it came at the end of nigh on three hours of Prophesying and Willing.  And i laughed a lot.  Oh the in-jokes.  And i didn't even have to make plans to kill anyone in their sleep afterward.

Kate got my Black Death: European Tour t-shirt, and i didn't will anything else.  Partly because i haven't had time to think, but mostly because i try not to hang onto stuff i don't want.  (The problem, of course, is that i want lots of the stuff i have.)  I don't expect to take my posters with me, save maybe a few (though really, if i decide i need posters for my apartment or something, it's not like they're super-expensive), and i also have a bunch that aren't even up on my walls currently.  And i have novels from classes that i'm never gonna read again.  And if you think i have something you might want, let me know.  And no, i haven't forgotten the people i've already promised stuff to.

P.S. Thanks to Laura for sharing the Godiva Cocoa Annie willed to her.

I found myself wishing i had opted to do my paper in Mr. Dalloway instead of The Eyre Affair.  However, it ended up the appropriate length, as i went along, i sort of found rich themes in the book.  (The entire exercise, of course, inspired in me further suspicion of lit crit, as i was taking a book i had found merely enjoyable and arguing for serious literary merit in it.)  My essay feels so casual, though.  Eh, whatever.
Oh how i turn into background music girl as a way of not doing my work.  Though it's nice to be reminded that i have so much music that i like.

It started raining when i handed in the paper Friday after dinner. (yay!)  I came back, intending to read fanfic and maybe do some for-class reading as well.  I ended up having an orgy in the hallway for about six hours.  Cat's friend's Julie's mom's friend made cake in a boobies-shaped pan, so cake=sex.  (The other bakery option was eventually decided to be eclairs, and Laura pointed out the obvious pie to get all the parts covered.)  Cat gave me speed hickeys on my arm, i groped her a lot, stressed-out Felicia got gayer as the night went on, Laura=Oz, and Emma is easily traumatized though she will dress Felicia up in a dominatrix outfit for me in exchange for dinner.  Oh, and Maria returned my stereo, Anna shared leftover Easter candy that was still yum, and i decided that Devon is the Blaise of Whedonverse fandom.  Clearly this was more fun than Senior Ball could have been.
[Cat, this is the Phin quote i was trying to think of: "Even when we're not having sex, i could just, theoretically, put my hand on her breast. Hee. Four breasts to choose from! Now that's america."]

I had sent Skarda the YSI link to the aforementioned Murmurs song.  Her response: "Thanks for the song--freaky, kinda weird, she's a genius.  Just for fun, Smith's new SPAM collector got to it first.  I guess we're not supposed to give one another pleasure these days."

Have been crap about commenting on the flist, though i am reading.  Need to put together a curriculum unit this weekend, so i don't foreseee this situation improving.  Le sigh.  Two more weeks.

( If i were Pope, my name would be... )

I woke up a quarter of an hour before my first class -- the one i’m auditing. I considered not going, but i did. I feel like i should have skipped my next class (Language Acquisition), though, because it was boring and i didn’t understand it and i fell asleep. My hair was gross and ugly, so i took a quick shower after lunch and felt better. One of my acquiescences to shallow girldom is my hair. Not that i ever do anything super with it (‘cause i’m lazy) but it is important for it to look good -- this consists essentially of being clean and combed. [And as i go to post this i notice the time and it occurs to me that one reason i never get enough sleep is that i'm addicted to writing long LiveJournal entries and other nonproductive uses of my time like stalking.]

It worries me when people get so drunk that the following day they don’t remember some of what they did. Angst makes me sad. I am glad that i don’t have any angst myself right now. Sweet and cute is good. My people love me. One of the lovely things about e-mailing half my known world about my going to Oxford (a 6-week summer program, for those who have just started reading my journal) is that friends from high school i haven’t talked to in ages e-mail or IM with warm wishes. Also, i miss being in the loop when i get late memos like “I took the semester off.” I don’t miss high school people (and i’m not talking about you obviously, since i still actually stay in touch with you) but my inner stalker still wants to be up on everything that’s going on.

I posted about all the sunday100 “end of the world” drabbles i liked, so go and read them.

They FINALLY updated Smith’s searchable online catalog (Tuesday 08 April 2003 since 23 January 2003). Very little info on the Russian Fairy Tales class i wanna take, but no prereq is listed (despite its being a 300-level course). I e-mailed the professor just to be sure. I actually have room to take a 5-College class, but there’s nothing that interests me (except a Neruda course at Amherst that won’t fit in my schedule). Perhaps i will get a second job. Or maybe i’ll just actually get enough sleep. I am tired and nearing feeling overwhelmed by work so i am entirely ready for the semester to just stop now. I don’t particularly enjoy any of my classes (except Michael’s, because i adore him even when i don’t) and i’m not sure how excited i am about my classes for next semester. (The class that most excites me is Russian Fairy Tales. How weird am i?) I used to think i would love to be a perpetual student, but right now i’m feeling like there’s nothing that interests me to study (except various topics to tackle on my own) and i am so done with all the schoolwork that i just wanna be out in the real world. And i’m only a sophomore. This does not bode well.

The GLBTQQA Student/Staff/Faculty tea was nice. I suck at the mingling thing, but there was lots of good food, and i got to stand around and listen to people have conversations. I would like to see this happen again next year with more of a purpose, but that’s partly because i’m not so big with the socializing. I was talking with Allie and Amanda and Allie said she doesn’t need a support group and Amanda said the whole name change thing annoyed her (Smith’s LBTA changed its name because of various issues surrounding inclusivity and such) because there are so many more important things to be focusing energy on. That got me thinking about what i want the organization to do. Honestly, (again because i’m not so much with the socializing in groups of people i don’t much know) i don’t care much for/about the social functions the org does (which is not to say that they shouldn’t happen, of course). I’m much more interested in political activism. But how exactly does one go about doing that? Smith being what it is, there’s no obvious work to be done on campus specifically, though being that nowhere is perfect i’m sure there is some work to be done, but how does one choose how and what the org does outside of campus-specific issues? I am also disappointed at how little Bodywise seems to do, but again i’m not sure what exactly i want it to be doing or how i want it to go about doing this. I should think about this (and, gee what a thought, discuss with people) over the summer so i can really get involved and do stuff next year.

It occurred to me that not only does the Fairy Tales class conflict with Angel (if it gets renewed and retains its current time slot) but it also conflicts with Radical Catholic Feminists (which is not limited to Catholics and which i have regretted being unable to go to -- due to the Angel conflict -- this year) assuming that continues at the same time next year.

What up with this re: Prophecies at Senior Banquet?

If you want to work on more than one person but you may only present one. These are the instructions I was given by the HP and the Junior class rep who is running senior banquet. It is so all the senior get special attention. There are enough sophomores to cover the senior class so no one should be doubling up on presenting. You can get together in a group to work on them but details and presenting should be done by individuals.

I mean, it makes sense, but, meh. Shutting up now.

Couldn’t go to trans workshop at Talbot ‘cause i has to meet with my Soc of Crime group. There are so many things that i think i really should go to that i don’t (for whatever reason) that it irks me when i can’t go to something i would have legitimately gone to otherwise.


In music news, i’m liking Tori Amos and also (thanks suspectplaces) Five String Serenade (Mazzy Star) and This Mess We’re In (PJ Harvey w/ Thom Yorke of Radiohead).


Sweetest thing ever.

JoeyD341: my friend has "Wild Geese" up as her away message - that poem will always make me think of you

Okay, so really just uber-sweet thing of the day. I heart my boy lots.