burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

[Votes or other thoughts are welcome. You have until 8am Eastern Time, Monday, April 14, 2003.]

ARH 101 (Frazer Ward) MW 9-10:20
Approaching the Body
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CLT 229 (Ann Jones) MW 9-10:20
The Renaissance Gender Debate
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ECO 150 (Lewis Davis) MWF 9-9:50
Introductory Microeconomics
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ECO 153 (Randall Bartlett) MWF 9-9:50
Introductory Macroeconomics
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I woke up a quarter of an hour before my first class -- the one i’m auditing. I considered not going, but i did. I feel like i should have skipped my next class (Language Acquisition), though, because it was boring and i didn’t understand it and i fell asleep. My hair was gross and ugly, so i took a quick shower after lunch and felt better. One of my acquiescences to shallow girldom is my hair. Not that i ever do anything super with it (‘cause i’m lazy) but it is important for it to look good -- this consists essentially of being clean and combed. [And as i go to post this i notice the time and it occurs to me that one reason i never get enough sleep is that i'm addicted to writing long LiveJournal entries and other nonproductive uses of my time like stalking.]

It worries me when people get so drunk that the following day they don’t remember some of what they did. Angst makes me sad. I am glad that i don’t have any angst myself right now. Sweet and cute is good. My people love me. One of the lovely things about e-mailing half my known world about my going to Oxford (a 6-week summer program, for those who have just started reading my journal) is that friends from high school i haven’t talked to in ages e-mail or IM with warm wishes. Also, i miss being in the loop when i get late memos like “I took the semester off.” I don’t miss high school people (and i’m not talking about you obviously, since i still actually stay in touch with you) but my inner stalker still wants to be up on everything that’s going on.

I posted about all the sunday100 “end of the world” drabbles i liked, so go and read them.

They FINALLY updated Smith’s searchable online catalog (Tuesday 08 April 2003 since 23 January 2003). Very little info on the Russian Fairy Tales class i wanna take, but no prereq is listed (despite its being a 300-level course). I e-mailed the professor just to be sure. I actually have room to take a 5-College class, but there’s nothing that interests me (except a Neruda course at Amherst that won’t fit in my schedule). Perhaps i will get a second job. Or maybe i’ll just actually get enough sleep. I am tired and nearing feeling overwhelmed by work so i am entirely ready for the semester to just stop now. I don’t particularly enjoy any of my classes (except Michael’s, because i adore him even when i don’t) and i’m not sure how excited i am about my classes for next semester. (The class that most excites me is Russian Fairy Tales. How weird am i?) I used to think i would love to be a perpetual student, but right now i’m feeling like there’s nothing that interests me to study (except various topics to tackle on my own) and i am so done with all the schoolwork that i just wanna be out in the real world. And i’m only a sophomore. This does not bode well.

The GLBTQQA Student/Staff/Faculty tea was nice. I suck at the mingling thing, but there was lots of good food, and i got to stand around and listen to people have conversations. I would like to see this happen again next year with more of a purpose, but that’s partly because i’m not so big with the socializing. I was talking with Allie and Amanda and Allie said she doesn’t need a support group and Amanda said the whole name change thing annoyed her (Smith’s LBTA changed its name because of various issues surrounding inclusivity and such) because there are so many more important things to be focusing energy on. That got me thinking about what i want the organization to do. Honestly, (again because i’m not so much with the socializing in groups of people i don’t much know) i don’t care much for/about the social functions the org does (which is not to say that they shouldn’t happen, of course). I’m much more interested in political activism. But how exactly does one go about doing that? Smith being what it is, there’s no obvious work to be done on campus specifically, though being that nowhere is perfect i’m sure there is some work to be done, but how does one choose how and what the org does outside of campus-specific issues? I am also disappointed at how little Bodywise seems to do, but again i’m not sure what exactly i want it to be doing or how i want it to go about doing this. I should think about this (and, gee what a thought, discuss with people) over the summer so i can really get involved and do stuff next year.

It occurred to me that not only does the Fairy Tales class conflict with Angel (if it gets renewed and retains its current time slot) but it also conflicts with Radical Catholic Feminists (which is not limited to Catholics and which i have regretted being unable to go to -- due to the Angel conflict -- this year) assuming that continues at the same time next year.

What up with this re: Prophecies at Senior Banquet?

If you want to work on more than one person but you may only present one. These are the instructions I was given by the HP and the Junior class rep who is running senior banquet. It is so all the senior get special attention. There are enough sophomores to cover the senior class so no one should be doubling up on presenting. You can get together in a group to work on them but details and presenting should be done by individuals.

I mean, it makes sense, but, meh. Shutting up now.

Couldn’t go to trans workshop at Talbot ‘cause i has to meet with my Soc of Crime group. There are so many things that i think i really should go to that i don’t (for whatever reason) that it irks me when i can’t go to something i would have legitimately gone to otherwise.


In music news, i’m liking Tori Amos and also (thanks suspectplaces) Five String Serenade (Mazzy Star) and This Mess We’re In (PJ Harvey w/ Thom Yorke of Radiohead).


Sweetest thing ever.

JoeyD341: my friend has "Wild Geese" up as her away message - that poem will always make me think of you

Okay, so really just uber-sweet thing of the day. I heart my boy lots.

So yesterday was so jampacked. House meeting was only 2 hours, though; that was exciting. Koda mentioned a sign-up sheet for the pool room like we have for the TV. Um, okay. Because people always plan pool-playing in advance. On a more annoyed note, there was a girl checking everyone off at lunch today. I remember at the beginning of last year anyway there was someone checking off people from Albright and Capen, but as long as someone came in through our dining area no one cared. No one was there at dinner, though. Sigh.

My Soc class is in a seminar block, so we technically have until 4:50, though we’ve been getting out at 4:30ish. The class is really interesting, and we’re talking about the Protestant Reformation, which is one of my favorite things. I really want there to be a class that i could take that covers the development of Catholicism, the Protestant Reformation, and the development of Protestantism because i don’t know nearly enough about any of it. Dork that i am i actually got books about the Reformation out from the library today, even though i already have more than enough reading, both for school and not. (Laurel, tomorrow i’ll get Wait Till Helen Comes from Forbes ‘cause i forgot today.) I’m still deciding about whether i want to take Mary: Images and Cults (REL 242, offered in the fall).

Ooh, looking in the Religion section i see a REL 110 called “Women Mystics’ Theology of Love” offered this spring. My mom would love that course. (And yes, they include Julian of Norwich, who was actually mentioned in one of my classes recently incidentally.) There are so many religion courses that look really interesting, but what with everything i want to take more i don’t think i’m ever going to take them.

But i’m digressing hardcore. Where was i?

Oh yeah, the fact that we spend so much time in Soc class would not be a problem at all except for the fact that group is 4:30-6:30 on Thursdays. I don’t wanna leave Soc class (so i don’t) but i also feel bad about being late to group. Oh well, whatcanyado? Desiree (who kinda adores me) and Nural (sp?) both said they missed me, which was sweet, and i got compliments on my haircut. We went to the park, which made me happy. At one point i was carrying Nahir and i was singing to her and i sang Dar Williams’s “I Had No Right” because i like the rhythm and it was the only song i could think of. I told Izzy (another volunteer who’s a senior at Mount Holyoke) and she said “Hey, she’s growing up in the Valley.” Later, Desiree (who’s 7) was asking Izzy who she had a crush on. Izzy was being evasive and her friend Jess was teasing her. At one point Desiree said, “Some girls have girlfriends. But they don’t get married.” I think we were all kinda in shock. Jaynie (the woman in charge) said that actually sometimes they do.

I love the poem Layna posted in her LJ. I wanna write beautiful poetry again. Or really beautiful anything.

Annie came by tonight and hugged me. She said she thinks just my having that “Free Hugs Available Inside” sign makes it more friendly, even if you don’t take advantage of it.

We didn’t do faceboards at tea today because all the HONS were MIA. Most all the upperclassmen were absent for one reason or another, actually. A very heavily first-year tea. That was fine, though. I’m getting to know more of the first-years despite our continuing lack of faceboards.

Yay for the weekend. I have plans to be productive after an appropriately lazy Friday. And yay for the Orgs Fair tomorrow (Davis Lawn, 12-5). And Joan and i are going to Twelfth Night at Mount Holyoke. (8pm showing; we’re getting the 6:40 bus, and i have 2 tickets reserved; anyone else is welcome to come too though)

I enjoy mp3s.

Okay, i think that is all for now.

Okay, quick introduction to my life at current. Returning Smith sophomore, living in a single in Lamont house, currently taking 6 classes, on which i have spent just over $400 for texts.

RUS 126 Readings in 19th Century Russian Literature: Alienation and the Search for Identity (12 books) MWF 9-9:50am
ENG 263 Romantic Poetry and Prose (9 books) MWF 10-10:50am
CLS 227 Classical Mythology (9 books) TTh 9-10:20am
PHI 236 Linguistic Structures (1 book) TTh 10:30-11:50am
ENG 269 Modern British Poetry (8 books and a reader) TTh 1-2:30pm
SOC 101 Introduction to Sociology (4 books) TTh 3-4:50/4:20pm

I have attended the first class of all of them, and while nothing has made me fall in love yet, neither do i want to drop any of them. (Though i can’t really make a judgement on Romantic Poetry and Prose because Pat Skarda was absent so we watched a weird video on William Blake.)

I was looking through the course catalog tonight, to see what i could take to fulfill the evil “Two courses before 1832” English major requirement. There are 4, maybe 6, Smith classes which fulfill it. My Romantic Poetry and Prose class is one of them. Woot. Another one which fulfills it is The 18th-Century Novel. Not exactly my first choice, but it’s taught by Doug Patey. And really, those are the magic words to get me to take a class.

I’ve been somewhat nonsocial, but not really any more than i usually am. I feel kinda like a first-year again, with so many of the people i knew gone and so many new people. Lots of transfer students, actually. But i've been getting to know the new people, and mostly they seem really cool.

Tuesday night i visited with Layna (and her friend Lisa, who’s back from Australia). When i came back, there was a note on my door from Ria down the hall (215). I had no dry erase board, so i was impressed that she actually wrote a note and taped it to my door. I love your fucking door man. You rock! So of course i had to go down and say Hi. I ended up talking to her and her roommate Furu for over an hour. Very cool.

Tonight i got to be the first person to use Layna’s duct tape, to put up the dry erase board Rebecca left me because i finally found it in the trunk room today. *GRIN* I also put my Buffy poster up on my closet door. Sophie (a first-year who’s in my old room) walked by and said, “You like Buffy?” We share a total love of the show. Yay. (And Sharon, she thought last season was great.)

My bed is below a window which overlooks the front of the house, so it’s been fun talking to people who are down in front of the house.

I got my friend Jonah a LiveJournal. He was reading mine and loved it and wanted one of his own. He chose a really boring name. Sigh. Is it a boy thing to choose boring names? Or conversely, is it a girl thing to care a lot and invest your usernames with great thought and meaning? (And of course, he hasn’t updated it yet, but he just started the school year, too.)

Convocation was okay. It seemed better last year. Some of the incessant “diversity” talk makes me squirm, but i’m just not up for a lengthy post nitpicking everything about the ceremony. Especially because few people would care anyway. Mostly it was fun. The story of the Grecourt Gates, of the Smith women who were in France from 1917-1922 rebuilding villages moved me, i’ll be honest with you.

Terry left me a voicemail while i was at Convocation. The way we work i probably won’t hear from him again until i go home for Fall Break in 5 weeks, but it’s all good, right?

I called Lucia at the Northampton Community Music Center, and she said “I talked to one of the librarians you worked with and she spoke very highly of your work” so she was very excited about employing me, but then someone came who wanted to work for them 20 hrs/wk, every afternoon, for free. I was very happy for them and she said i should definitely get in touch with her in December about working there spring semester.

I interviewed with Bruce Sadjak for the Reference Assistant position today. If that doesn’t pan out i have an interview on Monday and one on Friday, both for receptionist-type positions (at the Smith Museum of Art Director’s Office and the Smith College School for Social Work).

I skipped the Barbara Ehrenreich lecture. No real tea, so we had DIY tea. Macaroons from Nicole, cookies from Sally, popcorn from new girl Nancy, and honeydew melon from Nicole and Carrie. Yum. We watched The Breakfast Club, which i’d never seen before. Fun movie. Not the greatest, but quite enjoyable.

So yes, life has been moderately busy and much with the good.

[edited to add that tonight i looked out my window and saw a beautiful sunset over Cutter/Ziskind]