Greg is seriously good people.
Sep. 20th, 2007 11:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hermionesviolinOver coffee this morning, Greg asked how I was -- in a tone which made me suspect he was asking re: grief topics, but I'd already started responding as per usual (what kind of a morning I was having work-wise) before I'd processed that.
He reaffirmed that we've established if I really were miserable I'd at least give a hint. I said yeah, said I would love to hear from my friend Terry, but his father just died a week ago, so.... Greg said he didn't remember the name, but yeah, he was wondering about that. [He and Katie both got the story of my weekend over coffee on Monday -- I love that Greg's m.o. is that if he asks how you are he's actually interested in an answer, and if you ask how he is he'll actually give you a real answer.]
I said I was trying to figure out if I were in the position of an adult whose father had died, when I would be ready to talk to people again. I e-mailed the day I found out, but I don't even know when he'll check that. When I visited this past weekend, my mom mentioned her work's bereavement policy, so this morning I Googled Town employee bereavement leave. [Unrelatedly, today I learned that here at HBS the Dean's Office "send[s] a gift to any faculty or staff who has a baby."]
Greg said he would err on the side of earlier than he might intuit -- that sometimes people don't even realize they wanna talk until someone talks to them (which I hadn't thought of but which is totally true -- and given the person in question is so very likely to be accurate) and worst case, they don't wanna talk to you, and you say "I was just calling to see how you're doing" and they say "I don't wanna talk" and you hang up.
He said he remembers times when he was "mold" [in terms of functionality] and people persisted, and he recalls that fondly.
I said he made good points and etc., said it had been only a week, so Terry was probably still wrapped up in funeral plans and whatnot. Greg said yeah, a week, in Judaism... and I said "Yeah, sitting shiva," and said I kind of wished Christianity had that... people bringing you food and all that. He also said it has a clearly defined beginning and end, that after a week, you're still grieving, but you can pick up McDonald's on your own . . . grieving the whole way there and back.
So I'm thinking of calling mid next week. And am trying not to obsess about waiting versus not. But if you have input, feel free to share.
He reaffirmed that we've established if I really were miserable I'd at least give a hint. I said yeah, said I would love to hear from my friend Terry, but his father just died a week ago, so.... Greg said he didn't remember the name, but yeah, he was wondering about that. [He and Katie both got the story of my weekend over coffee on Monday -- I love that Greg's m.o. is that if he asks how you are he's actually interested in an answer, and if you ask how he is he'll actually give you a real answer.]
I said I was trying to figure out if I were in the position of an adult whose father had died, when I would be ready to talk to people again. I e-mailed the day I found out, but I don't even know when he'll check that. When I visited this past weekend, my mom mentioned her work's bereavement policy, so this morning I Googled Town employee bereavement leave. [Unrelatedly, today I learned that here at HBS the Dean's Office "send[s] a gift to any faculty or staff who has a baby."]
Greg said he would err on the side of earlier than he might intuit -- that sometimes people don't even realize they wanna talk until someone talks to them (which I hadn't thought of but which is totally true -- and given the person in question is so very likely to be accurate) and worst case, they don't wanna talk to you, and you say "I was just calling to see how you're doing" and they say "I don't wanna talk" and you hang up.
He said he remembers times when he was "mold" [in terms of functionality] and people persisted, and he recalls that fondly.
I said he made good points and etc., said it had been only a week, so Terry was probably still wrapped up in funeral plans and whatnot. Greg said yeah, a week, in Judaism... and I said "Yeah, sitting shiva," and said I kind of wished Christianity had that... people bringing you food and all that. He also said it has a clearly defined beginning and end, that after a week, you're still grieving, but you can pick up McDonald's on your own . . . grieving the whole way there and back.
So I'm thinking of calling mid next week. And am trying not to obsess about waiting versus not. But if you have input, feel free to share.
no subject
Date: 2007-09-21 04:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-22 12:20 am (UTC)I often think of the poem my mother sent me years ago: "What I Learned from My Mother" by Julia Kasdorf. The full text is here (http://hermionesviolin.livejournal.com/167703.html), but the theme is encapsulated in this excerpt:I found it very comforting and helpful because I am such a word-oriented person but so often I have no words. I've come to really value the power of mundane practical offerings and also of just being present.