"you know you are still the song i sing to myself when i'm alone"

[hermionesviolin]

i wonder
can these boys smell me bleeding
though my underwear


Terry asked me about Oxford. He’s not the first person to ask me if i’m still going or if i’m scared because of the war. I never really understood this. I mean, it’s not like i’m going to the Middle East. While i was talking to him last night, though, it occurred to me for the first time that 9-11 was because of hijackers on a plane, that that’s what people are talking about when they talk about being scared to fly. (Have we mentioned how oblivious i can be sometimes?) He said to be careful when i’m at bars, to watch my drink, so no one puts anything in it. Hi, i’m a girl, i’ve been taught that. He was actually referring to friends putting “pick-me-ups” in your drink. Yeah, his friends are delinquents and i’m never going out drinking with him. Someone putting shit in my drink is something i’ll probably worry about, but i’m not worried about flying.

Relatedly, am i the only person not getting all apocalyptic about this war? We’ve been involved in dicey situations before. Is it because we don’t have the security of UN backing? Is it because this situation has new variables like chemical weapons and suicidal hijackers? I understand people being worrying about terrorist retaliation and worrying about the troops and so on, but i don’t understand why so many people are all, “We’re all gonna die.” Someone please explain this to me.

life just keeps getting harder
keeps getting harder to hide
darker it is around me
easier it is to see inside
and outside the glass
the whole world is magnified
and it's half an inch
from here to the other side

i guess that push has come to this
so i guess this must be shove
but before you throw those stones at me
tell me, what is your house made of
if you think you know what i'm doing wrong
you're going to have to get in line

Comments

Re: "i've got better things to do than survive"

[zzrg.livejournal.com]

Figuring out what the personal next right thing seems so much more possible (if difficult) than charting the future of the world. (Thank goodness!) The individual's next right thing has to do with one's moral compass, opportunities for personal growth, and what feels right on a spiritual plane. It is something that I really struggle with probably making things more difficult for me than they have to be on a regular basis.

The frustrating thing about Iraq is I don't know what to believe. I don't know if we are cleaning up a mess we created and the only way to do it is by killing people. Or if I am completely ignorant of the real agenda and I am a participant (citizen) in something that is totally wrong. But it all comes down to me and the next right thing I can do is. The rest of that stuff is largely out of my control.

Re: "i've got better things to do than survive"

[offbalance.livejournal.com]

I often feel that this desire for 'the right answer,' ingrained in all of us from grade school, has caused in a lot of people (myself included) this paralyzing fear of 'the wrong decision,' because 'wrong'=BAD, and we never want to be BAD, do we? Unfortunately, we never know how things will turn out, and some of the best intended moves have paved the way to personal hell for many people I know, myself included. It's incredibly frustrating, as I'm sure you know, but in the end, you can only make a jump and hope you don't land flat on your face. (it sounds easy, doesn't it?)

As for Iraq, I'm taking a wait and see approach. I know that this isn't the governmental equivalent of taking chicken soup to a sick friend, but I also refuse to believe it's as sinister as some other people make it out to be. We'll probably have grandchildren (if we choose to produce offspring, I was just providing a time frame) before we'll have a full understanding of things. If there was any lesson to be learned from the Cold War era, it's that nothing is as simple as it seems from the outside - for better and for worse.

But it all comes down to me and the next right thing I can do is. The rest of that stuff is largely out of my control.
You are SO completely right about that! :) I try to live my life the same way.