"you know you are still the song i sing to myself when i'm alone"

[hermionesviolin]

i wonder
can these boys smell me bleeding
though my underwear


Terry asked me about Oxford. He’s not the first person to ask me if i’m still going or if i’m scared because of the war. I never really understood this. I mean, it’s not like i’m going to the Middle East. While i was talking to him last night, though, it occurred to me for the first time that 9-11 was because of hijackers on a plane, that that’s what people are talking about when they talk about being scared to fly. (Have we mentioned how oblivious i can be sometimes?) He said to be careful when i’m at bars, to watch my drink, so no one puts anything in it. Hi, i’m a girl, i’ve been taught that. He was actually referring to friends putting “pick-me-ups” in your drink. Yeah, his friends are delinquents and i’m never going out drinking with him. Someone putting shit in my drink is something i’ll probably worry about, but i’m not worried about flying.

Relatedly, am i the only person not getting all apocalyptic about this war? We’ve been involved in dicey situations before. Is it because we don’t have the security of UN backing? Is it because this situation has new variables like chemical weapons and suicidal hijackers? I understand people being worrying about terrorist retaliation and worrying about the troops and so on, but i don’t understand why so many people are all, “We’re all gonna die.” Someone please explain this to me.

life just keeps getting harder
keeps getting harder to hide
darker it is around me
easier it is to see inside
and outside the glass
the whole world is magnified
and it's half an inch
from here to the other side

i guess that push has come to this
so i guess this must be shove
but before you throw those stones at me
tell me, what is your house made of
if you think you know what i'm doing wrong
you're going to have to get in line

Comments

I wish I could, but we're in the same boat.

[offbalance.livejournal.com]

Yay for you for proceeding on with your life. You can't let fear interfere with your plans. And after what you went through to get into Oxford, you shouldn't let ANYTHING stand in your way!

(when do you leave, btw? I forget.)

Relatedly, am i the only person not getting all apocalyptic about this war? We’ve been involved in dicey situations before. Is it because we don’t have the security of UN backing? Is it because this situation has new variables like chemical weapons and suicidal hijackers? I understand people being worrying about terrorist retaliation and worrying about the troops and so on, but i don’t understand why so many people are all, “We’re all gonna die.” Someone please explain this to me.

1. No, you're not.
2. You are SO right.
3. I think people could just be scared of the variables.
4. Please share any explanations you receive. Thanks. :)

"i've got better things to do than survive"

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

And after what you went through to get into Oxford, you shouldn't let ANYTHING stand in your way!

I'm not even halfway there yet. Still have to do lots of paperwork to try to obtain funds for this. (I hate paperwork.) I attempted to book a ticket ($485 plus tax, roundtrip, woohoo) this afternoon, but it wasn't having it. Le sigh.

But yes, proceeding on with life is essential. And as we've established before, there's no sense worrying about things we have no control over.

I leave July 5th, probably taking an overnight flight since they won't speak to me until 9am July 6.

And i will indeed share any explanations i receive about this apocalyptic mood.

Re: "i've got better things to do than survive"

[offbalance.livejournal.com]

Where were you trying to book your ticket? Some of those sites can be super duper annoying.

But yes, proceeding on with life is essential. And as we've established before, there's no sense worrying about things we have no control over.
Word.

and where is that quote from? It's on the tip of my tongue!

Re: "i've got better things to do than survive"

[zzrg.livejournal.com]

The up to the second coverage on the war is really rather annoying. Life does go on. I am really more worried about the effect on the world ten years from now than in the next year. What is happening now means nothing because it is out of context, the context does not exist yet and it will only be sometime in the future that we will know what we are really seeing. (And then only if it is not classified.)

For me Bush is a dead ringer for the presidential canidite that is killed in the Dead Zone by Stephen King. He looked more like a poodle than a great dane when he ran for Best in Show.

Re: "i've got better things to do than survive"

[offbalance.livejournal.com]

I have a feeling someone will say something about indegestion, and the media will jump on it, thinking there was a gas attack in Bagdhad.

*shakes head in disgust*

There's no way to know how your consequences are going to affect the future. Would worrying about the possibility of breaking your ankle keep you from leaving the house when it was raining out, because you had something you absolutely needed to do? You can't predict how things will turn out, so it's best to go with what feels right at the time. Sometimes there is no such thing as the right answer. And I think that is what has the most people the most bothered. There is no clean solution.

Funny, Clinton used to remind me of this guy I knew in college, who used this 'gee I'm so nice' act to nail as many girls as possible, and get out of trouble with authority or professors when he didn't do his work.

Re: "i've got better things to do than survive"

[zzrg.livejournal.com]

Figuring out what the personal next right thing seems so much more possible (if difficult) than charting the future of the world. (Thank goodness!) The individual's next right thing has to do with one's moral compass, opportunities for personal growth, and what feels right on a spiritual plane. It is something that I really struggle with probably making things more difficult for me than they have to be on a regular basis.

The frustrating thing about Iraq is I don't know what to believe. I don't know if we are cleaning up a mess we created and the only way to do it is by killing people. Or if I am completely ignorant of the real agenda and I am a participant (citizen) in something that is totally wrong. But it all comes down to me and the next right thing I can do is. The rest of that stuff is largely out of my control.

Re: "i've got better things to do than survive"

[offbalance.livejournal.com]

I often feel that this desire for 'the right answer,' ingrained in all of us from grade school, has caused in a lot of people (myself included) this paralyzing fear of 'the wrong decision,' because 'wrong'=BAD, and we never want to be BAD, do we? Unfortunately, we never know how things will turn out, and some of the best intended moves have paved the way to personal hell for many people I know, myself included. It's incredibly frustrating, as I'm sure you know, but in the end, you can only make a jump and hope you don't land flat on your face. (it sounds easy, doesn't it?)

As for Iraq, I'm taking a wait and see approach. I know that this isn't the governmental equivalent of taking chicken soup to a sick friend, but I also refuse to believe it's as sinister as some other people make it out to be. We'll probably have grandchildren (if we choose to produce offspring, I was just providing a time frame) before we'll have a full understanding of things. If there was any lesson to be learned from the Cold War era, it's that nothing is as simple as it seems from the outside - for better and for worse.

But it all comes down to me and the next right thing I can do is. The rest of that stuff is largely out of my control.
You are SO completely right about that! :) I try to live my life the same way.