burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

I left the house around quarter to eight this morning and it was snowing.  Lovely soft snow falling at not too great an angle.  There was more snow falling when I left the gym about an hour later.  It got heavy for a while and then let up mid-afternoon though I'm not sure if it ever fully stopped.  I mostly thought it was lovely, though people being stuck and waiting for AAA seems to have been a theme, and I do feel bad about the troubles the weather has caused for people.

I walked in to the office and Greg had left at my desk a little gift baggie containing 4 Lindt chocolates, with a tag that said "Seasons Greetings" with a smiley face.  Heart.

P.S. s8eeyore, I got your card yesterday.  I totally wasn't expecting one.

***

Eric was out today 'cause it's his birthday.  We were talking about going out sometime in January, and MaryAlice said if there's alcohol she needs a place to sleep or time to sober up.  Katie and I were both like, "We have couches."  Kyle said, "I don't have a couch, but --" and I was gonna make a crack about how nice it was of him to let her sleep on the floor when I looked at her face and realized what that sounded like (though of course we all knew he hadn't meant it like that).

Kyle said something this morning and I was like, "Am I really no longer the most inappropriate person on this floor?"

At the beginning of lunch (what prompted it is kind of irrelevant) Kyle said he had been saddened to see so many of the people he grew up with converting to being Republican.  I said it depended on what kind of Republican.  He said no really all kinds bother him and yeah we will have to revisit this at some point.

Later, my dad e-mailed me an Ann Althouse post with a YouTube embed (direct link) of an official Hillary Clinton campaign ad. He wrote: "I can't believe she approved this. It is a classic right-wing insult that politicians think they're Santa Claus."

***

I was thinking about how my orchid would probably die over the break, but then Katie/I remembered that Greg said he was gonna be in.  (Apparently the building gets set on Weekend Mode -- no lights unless you manually turn them on, and the hall lights turn off again after two hours.)

OtherMailGuy came and serenaded us.  Which is not so much my style.
+ "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (the Rudolph-is-an-alcoholic version)
+ an OSS riff on "Here Comes Santa Claus"
+ I think something else that I'm forgetting.
+ "I'll Be Home For Christmas" (which, hi, is hella depressing)

***

At Longest Night service last night, I heard Gary use the phrase "this baby" talking to Trelawney during private prayer, and I thought, "Oh god, she's pregnant."  And then today in her e-mail about weather conditions and stuff she wrote:

now, I do not want to cancel group tonight. however, here's the thing:
I can't shovel snow. It's to do with my huge abdominal cysts and
related medical conditions (i'll give you the details later, I saw the
doctor last week). Similarly, I'm supposed to avoid walking around on
slippery surfaces, because falling down would be BAD.

We changed up the order of Affirmations, so Trelawney ended up being last (she usually goes first) and her self-Affirmation included that in July or August, if all goes well, she's gonna be a mommy.  She's eight weeks along.  So this'll be interesting for me.  I've come to understand better the desire to reproduce your genetic material in a little person, and even the desire to have a baby growing inside you, but not only is it still so much not something I want for myself, but I still feel a little like: "Why do you need to do this?  There are so many kids already in existence who need a home."  I know that adoption is a long and arduous and expensive process (much though I wish it weren't) and I feel like a PETA member or something when I start thinking all environmentally self-righteous about this . . . but yeah, my maturation is a work in progress.  (I am so much better though.  Ari and I were IMing last night, and we referenced a conversation from like 4 years ago and I said that in rereading it I "was struck by how much I've mellowed since then."  And she said, "I actually had the same feeling rereading it -- like, wow, possibly today Elizabeth would not be screaming quite so loudly [...].")

---

Advent meditation: Psalm 130 (Authorised King James Version)
     Katherine did the meditation, in which she talked about how we can feel like we're not "worthy" of God listening to us but that we "dar[e] to trust in God's forgiveness and love."

+

joy sadhana for Advent (19)

"Joy Sadhana is a daily practice in the observation of joy." -mylittleredgirl [more info]

And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High; for you will go before our God to prepare the ways, to give knowledge of salvation to God's people by the forgiveness of sins.  By the tender mercy of our God, the dawn from on high will break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace."
-Luke 1:76-79

Five good things about today:
1. Pretty pretty snow.
2. Summer Glau!  Holding a gun! [via AfterEllen via maechi -- the AfterEllen link also has a nice f/f implied shot, which I think is Photoshopped, like it matters]
3. I am definitely having my period.  Which is not in and of itself a happy thing, but it means I have an explanation for feeling icky in the tummy region and eating way too much chocolate and suchlike.
4. Katie continues to be highly entertained by me, and I'm growing increasingly comfortable with this.
5. CAUMC small group.

Three things I did well today:
1. I did 10+ minutes in the weight room.  (My plans for the Break include working on consistently Getting Enough Sleep and Getting Up And Eating Breakfast so as to cultivate better habits for a healthier and happier New Year.  I'm a little bummed the gym is closed Dec. 22 - Jan. 1 -- though obv. it makes sense as the whole school shuts down.)
2. I called people and worked on plans for getting together.
3. I brought us into an interesting tangent discussion in CAUMC small group.  And in my Challenge and Self-Affirmation statements I think I was more open and honest and challenging myself than I sometimes am.  And Meredith said in her Affirmation of me that she felt like I shared more of myself tonight than I usually do, and that I'm always big on the analysis of stuff but tonight she got to hear more about what I "think" about certain things (which is a distinction which totally makes sense to me).

Two things I am looking forward to (doing [better]) tomorrow:
1. Lunch with Allie.
2. Not having any post-work commitments.