burning like matchsticks in the face of the darkness

I was going to also see Trinidad but I woke up (having gone to bed at like 1:10am) at 12:19pm (the film was at 1:30pm, and it takes about an hour for me to get to the MFA).

LGBT Film Festival
Film
Kiss the Moon (Chan di chummi)
3:30 — 4:50 pm
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Remis Auditorium

Kiss the Moon (Chan di chummi) by Khalid Gill (Pakistan/Germany, 2008, 80 min.). Kiss the Moon portrays the lives of Khusras, members of a close-knit subculture of transgendered women in Pakistan. Well aware of the complex and ancient cultural traditions of Pakistani society, the sizeable Khusras community struggles to maintain a harmonious relationship with society, but often at noticeable odds. Kiss the Moon demonstrates how it feels to live in a world where life is divided into a rigid binary of masculine and feminine, crossing gender boundaries to discover the true essence of being: the desire to love and be loved.

The woman who introduced the film said that these people in Pakistan probably wouldn't understand themselves to be "transgender" the way we understand it in the West but would understand themselves as "Third Gender," which carries with it connotations of mystical powers, though there is also the universal experience of alienation and not having good access to medical care and etc.

One of the older Khusras said that they used to be much more respected but now folks are very influenced by cable tv.

We watch one scene of some Khusras dancing to bless a baby boy, and I was unclear as to how much everyone wanted the Khusras to be there -- in part because I don't know the culture, so I don't know if some of what I was reading as hesitancy is just part of the social norm performance (like, when at the end the lead dancer gives the mom back the money, saying it's too little, but ultimately she does take it and says that the mom will have another baby boy next year and so she'll be back next year to dance for that boy).

In one segment, a number of them talked about Khusra community and how they are loved there better than they are by their birth families.  But later, one of the older Khusra (called a "mother") explains that each Khusra has a man, without a man life as a Khusra is very difficult.  The interviewer asked if this leads Khusras to go into prostitution, and the mother said yes but she disapproves and is glad that her girls aren't doing that.

Despite the intro-er's talk abut "Third Gender," my impression was that the Khusras truly think of themselves as women.  Some of them even said as much, including talk about having a "female soul."  Some of them talked about how they do all the female domestic work and their families like that, but when they go to become part of a Khusra community their families are all scandalized and don't want them to do that.

There was some talk about being castrated (Nibran Khusra), and one who had had it done said that she felt a feeling of purity, of being free(d) from sin.  Another talked about how much she wanted to have herself castrated but she thought surely there must be some purpose for something that God has attached to your body.

Most are given a new name when they become part of their Khusra community.  One said she never had an identity card made, said when an official asks for her identity card she just claps once and that indicates that she is Khusra.

There was also some uncomfortable race stuff underneath.
One Khusra wished she had been born white, because she thinks they're prettier.
One Khusra talked about wanting children and had a picture of two white, blond, little kids (one boy, one girl).
And in a segment talking about love, one has a photo from the Titanic movie (Leonardo DiCaprio kneeling and kissing Kate Winslet's gloved hand) up on her wall.

I got off the Green Line at the MFA, and there was this blond guy with a pink button-down shirt which was partially unbuttoned and I thought, "You're totally going to the gay and lesbian film festival." He was talking to the woman he was with, and they were clearly going to the MFA, and he said, "This is the most adult thing we've done all week." I turned and said, "Seeing The Curiosity of Chance is the most adult thing you've done all week?" He said, "We don't even know what it's about -- we just saw the word 'fashion.' " I said, "It's about a gay teenager who takes lessons from a drag queen -- I think you'll enjoy it." They were walking significantly more slowly than I was, and I was mildly concerned that the film would sell out (it didn't, though it was a pretty full house), so I didn't linger to try to chat them up further. Oh well.

The guy who took my ticket complimented me on my (JNCO) t-shirt :)

Film
The Curiosity of Chance [IMDb]
8:15 pm
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Remis Auditorium

The Curiosity of Chance by Russell Marleau, (Belgium, 2006, English, 98 min.). It's the 1980s: new wave music and gender-bending fashion are in, and Chance Marquis is out--with a flair. Chance is the new kid at an international high school and target of the school bully. With a military father and scary-strict principal, he is left to seek help from his sweet, geeky friends and a motherly drag queen, who also mentors him as a performer. Chance's object of affection is a handsome varsity jock who keeps Chance guessing until the end. A poignant, funny story chockfull of infectious music. Discussion with director follows screening. Co-presented by Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders and The Theater Offensive. Description adapted from All Movie Guide.

For more information about this film, please visit the official film site.

( Read more... )

Standing in line Friday, I felt sort of out of place surrounded by all these very dykey looking women.

Coming Soon (were there trailers in years past?): Girls Rock! (this looks adorable and awesome -- the website says it's showing at the MFA July 31 ... which is a Thursday, dammit), A Jihad For Love (part of the festival, and I still do not feel compelled to see it)

The woman introducing the films mentioned that yes they're aware that they should probably change the name of the festival to something more inclusive which more accurately reflects the community, and the 25th annual next year seems a good time to do that, so if anyone has any clever name ideas let her lnow.  Personally, I would settle for "GLBT Film Festival," which is what I've mostly been calling this, though I recognize that that's not inclusive of all identities and yadda yadda, but the tradeoff seems worth it for the simple clarity.  (It's also sort of weird to me that the festival is only one year younger than I am.  1984... that's pretty bold to have a Gay & Lesbian Film Festival then, with AIDS having so recently come out and all.)

Gay & Lesbian Film Festival
Film
Don't Go [IMDb]
6:30 pm
Friday, May 9, 2008
Remis Auditorium

Don't Go by Amber Sharp (2007, 60 min.). Melrose Place meets The L Word meets 227 in this intimate story of the lives and loves of a group of LA friends. Melody and Jaden (Guinevere Turner and Melange Lavonne) are a couple dealing with a surprise pregnancy; Jaden's friend, Bone (Skyler Cooper), has a potentially devastating secret; Shanti (Nisha Ganatra) struggles against her controlling family; Cindy (Janora Mcduffie) tries to balance work while caring for her mother; and Jess (Yaniv Moyal) still grieves the loss of his lover after five years. Preceded by The Insomniacs (Kami Chisolm, 2007, 11 min.). Skyler Cooper seeks late-night comfort. Discussion with director follows screening. Co-presented by Queer Women of Color and Friends Boston (QWOC+ Boston) and The Roxbury Film Festival.

This was a little too melodramatic for me, but I suppose that's kind of what it's billed as.  It's actually a pilot for a tv show, which I hadn't realized.  ( Read more... )

***

While I was sitting reading, a woman asked if the seats next to me were free and I turned and looked up and said yeah, and the woman asking was Sarah W-W!  She had come with another Smithie (another Sarah, class of '06) and as she was standing she saw another Smithie a few rows back and they chatted a bit.  In talking about area Smithies (she lives in Porter) she mentioned that Becca and Shawn are getting married.

Coming Soon: Girls Rock!, XXY (not part of the festival, but showing at the MFA later in May -- was already on my To See list, and the trailer still makes me wanna see it), The Curiosity of Chance (part of the festival; I had originally had no interest in seeing, but now I do -- which is unfortunate since it's a Sunday night)

Gay & Lesbian Film Festival
Film
Butch Jamie [IMDb]
8:20 pm
Friday, May 9, 2008
Remis Auditorium

Butch Jamie by Michelle Ehlen (2007, 84 min.). A quirky gender-bending comedy about an out-of-work lesbian actor willing to try almost anything for a role. Dressing up as "femme Jamie" for auditions, Jamie Klein (writer/director Michelle Ehlen) continually faces rejection. Frustrated and jealous of the success of her roommate's pet cat/actor, Jamie decides to audition as her true, butch self. When offered a male role, she reluctantly accepts, and begins passing as "male Jamie." The plot thickens as Jamie piques the interest of Jill, a sexy straight woman on the set. Co-presented by MadfFemmePride.

Mistaken identity plotlines are so not my cuppa, but I enjoyed this.  ( Read more... )

***

Coming Soon: XXY, The Curiosity of Chance

Gay & Lesbian Film Festival
Film
Black,White + Grey: A Portrait of Sam Wagstaff and Robert Mapplethorpe [IMDb]
4:15 pm
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Remis Auditorium

Black, White + Grey: A Portrait of Sam Wagstaff and Robert Mapplethorpe by James Crump (2007, 72 min.). Yale-educated and born into wealth, Sam Wagstaff's transformation from innovative museum curator to Robert Mapplethorpe's lover and patron is explored in Black, White + Gray. During the 1970s and '80s, the New York art scene was abuzz with a new spirit, and Mapplethorpe was at its center. Wagstaff pulled Mapplethorpe from his suburban Queens existence, gave him a camera, and brought him into his world, creating the artist whose infamous images provoked emotions ranging from awe to anger. In turn, Mapplethorpe introduced the starched-shirt Wagstaff to the world of drugs and gay S-and-M. Twenty-five years separated the lovers, but their symbiotic relationship endured throughout their lives.

Um, I don't really have a lot to say about this.  I was coming into it with basically no background, and a lot of it was just about art, but it was definitely interesting.

One unrelated thing which I found interesting was noticing that there are things I have visceral emotional reactions to -- they talked about Wagstaff's background and how he was in the Navy because that's what all people of his generation and class did, and hearing the words "Normandy" and "D-Day" was like this tug at my gut, even though I have no particular interest in WWII.

When Patti Smith said, "Robert was also sick," I realized the two men had AIDS.  The end of the film spoke briefly about how the art world was this very close community and so AIDS went through that community like a fire.  They ran this whole list of people in the art world who died of AIDS, and while I recognized almost no names, I gasped a little at "Alvin Ailey (2002)."

***

Coming Soon: XXY, A Jihad for Love

Gay & Lesbian Film Festival
Film
Red Without Blue [IMDb]
6 pm
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Remis Auditorium

Red Without Blue by Brooke Sebold, Benita Sills, and Todd Sills (2007, 76 min.). A groundbreaking portrayal of gender, identity, and the bond of twinship, this film follows a pair of identical twins as one transitions from male to female. We witness Mark and Claire Farley and their parents over a period of three years, exploring the Farleys' struggle to redefine their family. Preceded by Whatever Suits You by Ashley Altadonna (2006, 7 min.). A suit becomes a dress, a boy becomes a girl, and all is right with the world. Co-presented by Massachusetts Transgender Political Coaltion, GenderCrash, TransCEND, Tiffany Club of New England, and Truth Serum Productions.

I wasn't a huge fan of Whatever Suits You.  The technique of opening with shots of a suit and then having narration over images of someone cutting up and sewing together black cloth and ending with footage of a woman walking outside in a black dress is neat, but I wasn't really enjoying the narrator.  "I can be more sympathetic and nurturing ... adapted to have a more feminine perspective ..." it reminded of of stuff we read in Queer Studies about men who transitioned to women generations ago and were all high femme and their personality totally shifted and that was the way the culture understood it then and I just like so much better the culture we live in now where being female doesn't have to mean being stereotypically feminine.

So I was so very happy when the first shot we saw of the mtf in Red Without Blue she was sitting in a coffee shop or something wearing a regular shirt and pants, obviously having tits, blond hair about shoulder length, not heavily made up or super accessorized.  Clearly female, but not hyper-feminine.  ( Read more... )

The weather today has been just beautiful.  Walking back from CWM this evening it was just starting to rain, which is a lovely feeling, and I love the smell of rain on pavement.  When I went to the gym on Saturday it was like the b-school campus had been flooded or something, but that mud smell was great.

Before service at CWM tonight, I had started to read the bulletin and then heard Trevanna call my name.  I looked up to see Mark (sitting behind her) waving piteously.  Apparently I was ignoring him :)  It was a really nice feeling -- that people want my company.

Tiffany also said we should do coffee again, which lifted my heart.  I said it would have to be a little later than last time 'cause I've been going to the gym after work.  I said that it took me forever to actually start going, despite its convenience, and now I'm like, "Oh, this is so easy; it only cuts an hour out of my day," and yet I can't manage to do my Medieval Church reading or even spend ten minutes each morning in Scripture.  She said she thinks working out can be a spiritual thing -- wholeness etc. and said she's never been able to meditate while at the gym, but...  I said that my mom had talked about getting into a contemplative space at the gym and I can't do that but that I have been making a conscious effort to when I'm walking (which I am a lot) to instead of obsessively planning to really try to be in prayer.  [I also thought, though I did not mention, that "wholeness" seems to have become my big theme in trying to deal with spirituality.]

I'm starting to feel just a little bit like I'm actually living this spiritual journey (as opposed to doing lots of unconnected intellectual engagement -- and thus am feeling a little but more at peace with all the as-yet-unfinished to-do-list items related to all that learning).

***

In other news, I got an e-mail today.

The annual Boston Gay & Lesbian Film & Video Festival at Museum of Fine Arts, Boston is right around the corner, May 9-20. Film selections & schedule will be available within the coming weeks at www.mfa.org.

I am sad that one of the weekends of the festival is Reunion since I'm already limited as to when I can go what with church stuff -- the e-mail was about volunteering during the festival and I'm not even sure I can swing that, though I suppose I might look into it.  That it is coming up makes me feel a bit guilty that I still have unfinished writeups from when I went last year, but the existence of the festival makes me really happy.

weather.com said "heavy rain" and it wasn't kidding. How many times did I change my socks? (Though still-damp boots mitigated the efficacy of that.) On Friday, Cailin mentioned buying rain boots over the weekend, and trekking around in boots which have deteriorated to the point where they no longer keep out water I definitely wanted some for myself.

( film festival, art exhibits, and what happened after )

scattered musings from the past few days...


I hear McDonald's french fries contain beef extract. So much for my at least being able to have french fries when i go to McDonald's.

I learned of the 18th Annual Boston Gay & Lesbian Film/Video Festival on Sunday -- the last day of the festival. Grrr. There's always next year, though, right?

I read She Who Remembers by Linda Lay Shuler, and it felt so much like Jean M. Auel's Clan of the Cave Bear only not nearly as good. I wonder if it's possible to read too much, to have everything feel derivative of everything else. The end of Sharon Green's The Blending series feels so much like the end of Isaac Asimov's Foundation series.

I miss being self-sufficient in many ways. I miss the meal plan, not having to take care of getting food myself, but i also miss doing my own laundry, being in charge of when my stuff gets washed. I liked not having dirty dishes lying around, not having anyone else responsible for what went on in my life, in my space. I think when i get out of college i am moving into an apartment no matter what. Yeah, it'll suck to have to buy all my own food, do all my own cooking, and oh the bill-paying, but even after only a year of being "on my own" it is so weird and in many ways frustrating to be back "at home."

Jury duty. I had been 18 maybe 6 months when i got called to do jury duty. Got it postponed because i was away at school, so at 8am today i was at Dedham Courthouse. Ultimately all the jurors got dismissed. I decided i wanted to walk home, since it's just straight on Washington Street. I thought it was only about 11:30 when we got dismissed, but it was about 1:30 when i got home and MapQuest says it's only about 6 miles. It certainly didn't feel like i'd been walking for 2 hours anyway.

I think i need to make a better Tara icon. And i think i would like a Giles one as well.


I'm coming home with a stone, strapped onto my back.
I'm coming home with a burning hope turning all my blues to black.
I'm looking for a sacred hand to carve into my stone.
A ghost of comfort, angel's breath - to keep this life inside my chest.
This world falls on me with hopes of immortality.