discuss

[hermionesviolin]

So, one of the things I mention a lot in therapy is my, "But if I did it, then it would get done correctly," impulse.

Today, therp asked me what the psychology behind my micromanaging drive is, and I honestly had no idea. It is very much a True Fact about me now, but it's not something I can point to having been present throughout my development.* Walking back to work, I thought about the fact that my job has trained it into me in some ways. Anyone else have any thoughts?

*Okay, in writing this up it occurs to me that there's the "stubborn independent baby, I can do it myself, maybe" -- but I think that's slightly different, since this is more about my micromanaging tendencies. Though okay, a stubborn "I know best/I can do it myself" could easily transfer to "I know best for you, too/you should just let me do it."

Comments

[hedy.livejournal.com]

You had it at Smith, so it didn't grow at HBS-LOL. For ME, my micromanaging is pretty much the fact that that's the behavior that received reinforcement in my life. Did it happen a lot in high school?

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

Heh, it's not something that I think of myself as particularly having at Smith -- though, okay, I can think of some instances. Say more about that?

[marginaliana]

Well, maybe this just means that I have a) the same issue as you and b) a bit of an intellectual snobbery thing going on, but a lot of the time I think you're not wrong to say you know better than others.

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

:)

It becomes problematic in caretaking contexts -- when being helpful and supportive with a peer who is an autonomous adult who can make her own decisions and thus an attitude/articulation on my part of, "I know what is best for you -- let me do it for you/you do it the way I tell you to," is inappropriate on a lot of levels.

But I am not disputing that yeah, I often do know better than other people :)

[onwingsofeagles.livejournal.com]

Maybe the nut doesn't fall far from the tree?

I can't really think deeply right now ... but you might think about how Dad and I function in the world. If it's similar, it might in part be your cultural environment.

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

It's funny, I mentioned I'd inherited my caretaking impulse from you, and she asked if I'd also inherited the "well if you did it MY way" sort of bent to my caretaking impulse from you as well, and I said I didn't think so -- that I mostly think of you as patient, etc.

I didn't think of it today, but I have said in many contexts before that I so love your and Daddy's hands-off approach to parenting, and thus find it ironic that at least in certain context I am so the opposite.

My impulse is to say that Daddy was always making us look things up in the dictionary, work through math problems ourselves -- refusing to just give us the answer -- but admittedly his critiques of various systems have a certain "If people thought the way I did..." flavor to them.

[speacechilde.livejournal.com]

Are you surrounded by people who breeze in, say "This mind-picture that I have in my head, make it be a thing!" and then just leave you to it? I often think that's what makes a micromanager...b/c really, if it were up to most of the world, we'd all spend our days wandering around looking for ballpoint pens and getting distracted by pictures of cats.