hermionesviolin: (anime night)
Today: Couldn't see blue in the sky, but it was still bright, almost blindingly so due to the fresh snow. Clearly i'm a freak; i did errands outside without a coat. And there was snow falling while i walked, almost unreal.

A Thousand Acres is more depressing than King Lear. And now that i've read it i wanna reread King Lear, in large part for the differences between the sisters. Except there's only so much time one wants to spend in the deep pit that is either of those narratives.

I just want to know what i'm doing next year. I keep planning things and then realizing that i don't even know if my circumstances will be such that those plans would make sense. And my current feeling is that i don't want to be in a PhD program next year, but i think that's my psyche reacting to the fact that i don't think i'll get in places. And yes i should just focus on all the work i have to do for the next two weeks, let the present be sufficient unto itself and all that, maybe meditate or something. I just feel everything so intensely recently. It may turn out that i'm hormonal, but that's not a helpful answer.

You know how... You get scared. Or worried, or nervous. And you don't want to be scared or worried or nervous, so you push it to the back of your mind. You try not to think about it. The limbic system is what lets you do that -- it's like a filter in your brain that keeps your feelings in check. They took that filter out of River. She feels everything. She can't not.
-Simon, in "Ariel"


I'm considering getting one of these icons.

Closing time
Open all the doors and let you out into the world
[...]
Closing time
You don't have to go home but you can't stay here
[...]
Closing time
Time for you to go out to the places you will be from
[...]
Closing time
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end
hermionesviolin: image of Buffy in the desert in "Restless" with text "small girl in a big girl world" (small girl in big world [_extraflamey_])
I don't even particularly like The Clash, but i've had that stuck in my head since last night.

We so go to a girls school. During dinner, two adorable little girls came in, and they had the attention of probably the entire table i was sitting at. Then they pulled out My Little Ponies, which i love. I miss Hayley and Chelsey.

People have stopped asking me if i've heard from my grad programs yet, but back when they were asking i kept forgetting that i even had apps to be waiting for until people asked me. Now people i know are starting to get acceptances, and i'm truly happy for them, but it reminds me that i haven't got accepted anywhere yet and makes this fact and my looming post-grad future stick in my brain. I don't even know if i wanna be in a PhD program next year, and i know i'll be happy whatever i'm doing, but everyone just assumes i'll get into grad school and i'm not looking forward to disappointing people. Plus, i find all of my friends exasperating at times, but they're also all more brilliant than i am, which i think is unfair.

I felt removed from RCFOS tonight, in large part because the recent retreat and the upcoming Mollie Rogers weekend were so a part of the atmosphere. (And not because i was/am not a part of those things and it was an exclusionary atmosphere, just because i don't feel connected to those things.) Also because my bad mood still lingered, so i didn't trust myself to contribute in a non-bitchy manner.
A vigil for rainforest activist nun Dorothy Stang immediately preceded and heavily colored the meeting. Emily asked what you would do if you knew that the path you chose for your life would lead to your death. I thought, flippantly, "All paths lead to death."
Emily also read a passage about Buddhism and Christianity and touching God and people kept talking about touching God like i would talk about oneness or full communion with God.
After the fact i was able to articulate coherently and respectfully on those two topics, but at the time i just kept quiet.
OtherElizabeth mentioned The Polar Express, which i've been meaning to reread for ages. I recall loving it, and i talk about it as if i still love it, though i am apparently guilty of misremembering the ending. I half-suspect i'll prefer my ending. Oh me and my tragedy.
In related news, it makes me sad that i don't spend very much time talking with Ruhi.

P.S. I'm jealous of Amherst. We do get Judith Halberstam, though.

I learned from [livejournal.com profile] antheia that this week's [livejournal.com profile] rightclicklick theme is "Boy Touching." I may have to friend the community for the week. However, she has already linked to the best post thus far -- from which i learned that Dangerous Lady (1995) includes Jason Isaacs kissing a guy.

Other highlights:
This includes: Interview with a Vampire, Jude Law and Stephen Fry, Maurice, Brideshead Revisited (which dammit i really need to read; totally didn't know it was queer until last night)
This includes Alan Cummings and Jason Isaacs
This includes Jay and Silent Bob go film noir
This includes John Cameron Mitchell and Stephen Trask (and David Boreanaz and Alexis Denisof). Warning for Macaulay Culkin in the top image.

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hermionesviolin: an image of Alyson Hannigan (who plays Willow Rosenberg) with animated text "you think you know / what you are / what's to come / you haven't even / BEGUN" (Default)
Elizabeth (the delinquent, ecumenical)

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