"going through the motions . . ."

[hermionesviolin]

I slept for so long.  Guess I needed it.

Woke up to bright blue sky and tree looking yellow-green leaves in the light.  One would hardly believe wet snow had accumulated yesterday.  I went for a brief walk in the afternoon, and it was short-sleeve weather.  There were light purple crocuses in Mr. Carver's yard.

Gave my mom a massage tonight -- something I haven't done in ages.  I resigned myself some time ago to not getting my hours finished in time to get credit for the course I took over the summer.  Working full-time now I really don't have the energy to do it, and it feels more like a chore than something that gives me joy.  The school has a chair massage class one weekend in December that I still wanna do, but for now it's not something that on the whole I wanna pursue.

Of course I'm not sure what I do wanna pursue.  I've been seriously thinking about taking Continuing Ed courses through Harvard if I get perm. at HBS, with an end goal of teaching high school English, though of course I've gone back and forth on the "teach high school English" plan for years.  Layna's been talking recently about things she wants to do with her life, and she's so full of energy and purpose, and all I really wanna do is just be lazy.  I know that really it's fine to have a 9-5 office job and that the one I've got is hardly a bad one.  It's just that I would really like to have a career/job (that I'm either in or working toward) that I love, and I don't currently know what I would love to be doing, and I like having drive.

Comments

[paper-crystals.livejournal.com]

You would make an excellent HS English teacher.

[hedy.livejournal.com]

What do you have to do to become a high school english teacher?
I know it's more work, but would you consider learning to drive, and then applying for more substitute teacher positions?

in my opinion

[onwingsofeagles.livejournal.com]

You'd do better teaching at college, I think.
High school kids so don't care ... and you could create more of your own ideas on a college level.
But you'd young ... lots of time to decide.

[theatre-pixie.livejournal.com]

I understand the uncertainty and lack of drive you were talking about,luv. And yes, I totally envy people with tons of drive, energy, and a clear sense of where they're headed. Cheeky bastards ;)

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you.

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

I could get a provisional certification just by passing some test, but lots of people wanna be English teachers, so I wouldn't be likely to get a position unless I actually had a master's (though I'm not sure how I would swing the student teaching that is part of getting one's teaching certification if I were doing this while working full-time).

I keep thinking I really should learn how to drive, but I really don't wanna have to deal with actually owning and maintaining a car, so I really don't wanna acquire a job that would require a car.

Re: in my opinion

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

Well yes, I'd much rather teach college, but that's even more competitive than teaching high school, plus it requires a Ph.D., whose programs are far more competitive than masters/teaching certification.

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

Well I've been on both sides of the Having A Plan thing, and I honestly don't begrudge the people who are currently on the other side from me -- plus I know I have it far better than a lot of people (currently having a job I like well enough, having lots of options, hell just having my health).