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[hermionesviolin]

When i saw Ruthie today, she told me about how her grandson had gone on a mission trip to Mexico with 200 other teenagers. They helped to build a church, among other things. (The frame had been out up by a previous group, and they finished the walls and stuff.) They came back at midnight on a Saturday and were at church the next morning at 10am to give an articulate presentation on the experience. Ruthie, of course, sobbed. He still won’t sleep on his bed. Knowing there are people who are sleeping on the ground, he can’t bring himself to sleep on his bed. Not that he’s not talking about the car he’s gonna get, but still, i’m really impressed that he was so powerfully affected.

It seems like everyone recently has had someone close to them diagnosed with something potentially very bad. I feel like i should be reading this as a sign to recenter myself and focus on what’s “really” important or whatever. But i’m still chugging along re: grad school and stuff. Because this is what i love -- what i’m doing right now. And isn’t that what all those lifechanging epiphanies are all about, anyway? -- spending your life doing what you love.

In other news, i’m at the library 10-6 tomorrow (which is now today -- ouch). Grad school replies have been piling up in my inbox (i’ve at least read them all finally), so hopefully i can get up early and tackle those. Some have been only moderately helpful, but others have been very helpful both in terms of being and/or directing me to compatible professors (the latter of which, sigh, means more e-mails to write) and often additionally being very helpful in further explaining how that particular program operates and how i could fit my research interests in (sometimes recommending i check out CompLit and/or Film/Media Studies as a potentially better way to do what i want at that particular university). I feel like i should send chocolates to some of these people after it’s all over. While the first batch of responses i got was almost overwhelmingly positive, this latter batch has been tempered with advice/warnings about how competitive the programs are and suchlike [mt will appreciate this from one student: "Putting aside the usual warnings about going into a PhD program in English (since I'm sure you've already heard all the arguments against such a decision, many times over), I'll do the best I can to tell you about ours."] which i also appreciate. I mean, i am at least something of a realist.

I was thinking a while back about how problematic it is for people to constantly tell children how wonderful/brilliant/whatever they are, because it’s easy to buy into that, and when you find yourself competing against other people who might be more qualified than you, it can be traumatizing. Everyone tells me i’m brilliant, capable, etc., and most of them have never seen any of my schoolwork. Certainly my own perceptions of how good my work is (as well as how qualified i am for whatever) are skewed, but i at least have some grounding in reality. Since high school i’ve often had to insist to people that i’m not really the most brilliant person ever and certain to succeed at whatever i want, and i know it would be so easy to just believe them (though of course it would be harmful in the long run, since they’re not the ones on graduate admissions committees or anything).

A Duke professor who wrote a very cool looking textbook (Media Journal: Reading and Writing About Popular Culture) wrote: "Nice to hear from you! I wish I was as savvy and organized as you when I was applying to grad school!" Hi, i am easily won.

For anyone keeping track: Duke, UPenn, and Rochester (NY) are currently the front-runners.

Comments

[speacechilde.livejournal.com]

I was thinking a while back about how problematic it is for people to constantly tell children how wonderful/brilliant/whatever they are, because it’s easy to buy into that

is this a common phenomenon?

wow, until i got to college, EVERY SINGLE TEACHER i'd ever had, bar none, told me i'd come to no good. (now, of course, i get very little feedback at all...o well, so it goes.)

but even the college counsellor in my high school (a college DROPOUT, by the way--not to mention PAID to usher the squeaking kidlets benignly through the process) told me not to apply, following her proclamation with 'well, you're not exactly the smartest, are you?'

h'm...i sort of wish someone HAD lied to me like that, and told me i was brilliant. then again, it's probably healthier to be told otherwise. i don't know...

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

Well actual teachers, guidance counsellors, etc. tended to sound more realistic, but family, people i know from work, those sorts of people, much with the "You are teh brilliant omg," which is of course lovely to hear, but it's also frustrating because i know they're not right and it's not terribly fun to try to persuade people that you're not as good as they think you are, but at the same time i know i need to be realistic. Obviously i'm not as susceptible as other, particularly younger, people, might be, so i tend to just revel in the love, but it worries be because i know they do it with all the children they love, and i know how dangerous it can be to hear constant unadulterated praise.

I think you're quite intelligent. And dude, you got a Kahn Fellowship... clearly some people think you've got what it takes. And you've been taking seminars since you were an underclassperson and doing very well in them. You're currently learning Welsh. I could start affirming you on a weekly basis :)

:)

[speacechilde.livejournal.com]

na, popeth yn iawn.

i mean, you can certainly affirm me if you like--wouldn't want to be 'oppressionary' and deny you the option--, but i'll settle for having you over for dinner now and again (aside from kahn night, wrth gwrs, the week is thine.)

Re: :)

[hermionesviolin.livejournal.com]

Dinner once a week at your place would be lovely. I know Mondays are out. I probably won't have a solid idea of which evenings are doable until a couple weeks into the semester but yes, weekly dinner.