shana tova
Sep. 8th, 2010 08:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hermionesviolinAs has become my custom, reposting this from Amy:
At Rest and Bread tonight, we started a 3-week series on the poetry of Rumi.
Tonight's poem was "Be Melting Snow" (translated by Coleman Barks).
Title is from the penultimate stanza:
Keith mentioned various ways one might think about that stanza, including:
- cleansing yourself of false identities
- a state of in-between-ness
During the shared Reflection time, Marlin talked about "the bondage of self" -- and how trying to show people God in me still makes it all about me.
Ian H. talked about noise, about getting distracted and sidetracked by conversations that don't matter (i.e., the debates around Park51). And then during Prayer Time, he lifted up something like, "Everyone on both sides of all the strange arguments we find ourselves in," which really resonated with me for wholly unrelated reasons 'cause hi, the argument I found myself in this morning with [redacted, v.2], wherein we are (as we so often are, unfortunately) arguing about something that shifts the focus away from the underlying issues where we could actually be doing the work to make this relationship more life-giving for the both of us.
***
Yeah, I keep making these "screened comment" posts and then adding other content. Ideally, if you comment you would indicate whether unscreening is okay, but I'll probably use my discretion if you don't specify.
One of the big pieces of the ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur is that you reflect over the past year, and you attempt to (A) accept and forgive anything that has been done to you, and (B) apologize and ask forgiveness for anything you have done to others.***
Every year, I make this post, and people, er, rarely comment, but just enough do that it seems important to me to keep doing this, year after year.
Anonymous is enabled, and all comments are screened. If I've done anything to hurt you this year, let me know. If there's anything you think I might still be upset over, let me know that too. I won't unscreen unless you specifically request I do- or, well, I'll reply, but then I will re-screen immediately. (Er, if it's anon, I do not know if that's possible? But yes. I will try!) The goal isn't to start fresh- that's often not possible- but to acknowledge what has happened over this year (or any previous time, if you so choose) as an attempt to not have it happen again.
I promise to treat anything you say seriously and respectfully, and I will seriously be considering it over the next ten days.
At Rest and Bread tonight, we started a 3-week series on the poetry of Rumi.
Tonight's poem was "Be Melting Snow" (translated by Coleman Barks).
Title is from the penultimate stanza:
Be melting snow.Hi, I have been thinking about Rosh Hashanah a lot.
Wash yourself of yourself.
Keith mentioned various ways one might think about that stanza, including:
- cleansing yourself of false identities
- a state of in-between-ness
During the shared Reflection time, Marlin talked about "the bondage of self" -- and how trying to show people God in me still makes it all about me.
Ian H. talked about noise, about getting distracted and sidetracked by conversations that don't matter (i.e., the debates around Park51). And then during Prayer Time, he lifted up something like, "Everyone on both sides of all the strange arguments we find ourselves in," which really resonated with me for wholly unrelated reasons 'cause hi, the argument I found myself in this morning with [redacted, v.2], wherein we are (as we so often are, unfortunately) arguing about something that shifts the focus away from the underlying issues where we could actually be doing the work to make this relationship more life-giving for the both of us.
***
Yeah, I keep making these "screened comment" posts and then adding other content. Ideally, if you comment you would indicate whether unscreening is okay, but I'll probably use my discretion if you don't specify.
no subject
Date: 2010-09-09 01:22 am (UTC)Just today I got really annoyed with somebody, and I have been holding on to that annoyance all day (even though it kind of makes me feel like I'm in high school) and it's making me feel bad, and I just do not know how to let it go. I feel fairly ridiculous. I don't know how to let anything go.
/venting
no subject
Date: 2010-09-09 03:19 pm (UTC)Most of the times I've been able to let go of anger or anxiety or bitterness or worry or whatever, it's due to a real influx of grace. I don't know how to practice doing it myself.
[And yet here I go offering Advice anyway. Feel free to skip.]
I know that often I need to experience my negative emotions and that talking to people about them often helps me process and I feel so much better afterward -- except for those times when it riles me up and escalates it all. I like to think that if I gave myself time to really experience my negative emotion, to do whatever I felt I needed to do to move through it (yelling, going for a long walk, pummeling a punching bag, whatever) that I could get it all out and be able to move on (cf. Molly's invocation of "worry once and worry well" (http://revmolly.tumblr.com/post/1091069518/worry-once-and-worry-well?ref=nf)), but I'm not sure it works that way. I'm still learning how to balance the tension of sometimes very much wanting to froth in my righteous indignation for a bit with sometimes really not wanting to feel this negativity toward someone, this stew of anxiety.
My detached intellect suggests writing out the grievance in detail (which in and of itself may be all the catharsis you need), complete with what you want in order to feel better (an apology from the other person, for your boss to stop forgetting meetings, for the broken heirloom vase to be magically repaired, whatever) -- and at this point (esp. given that some of the things you'll want will be things outside the realm of possibility) I'm reminded of Pr. Lisa suggesting "The 5 Why's": that you ask "Why?" (in this case, "Why is X what it would take for me to feel better?") and after you figure out the answer, you ask "Why" again, and by the 5th time you ask "Why?" you'll have gotten down to the real root. I have not tried the 5 Why's myself, but it does sound as if there's some merit to it.
no subject
Date: 2010-09-09 11:38 pm (UTC)I have the same problem with talking it out. Sometimes it's really cathartic venting and I feel so much better. Other times it just riles me up and makes me madder, and I have a really hard time identifying what makes a venting session positive or not.
I talked out the incident with one of my colleagues yesterday and it began as a positive venting session. She listened to me and confirmed my perception of the situation (always important to me; I sometimes have a hard time telling if I'm overreacting), but then we started talking about some other problems and by the time I left lunch, I was even madder than before. In fact, I felt out of sorts all last night. I didn't feel better until today when I talked to one of the two people involved in the Lorraine Is Annoyed Situation. After I confirmed that he and I were okay and there were no misunderstandings between us, I felt much better and I'm not dwelling any longer. I have no intentions of speaking to the other person, but I think that's okay.
I really like the advice you give here, especially the five whys. I think I will try that next time I get stuck in anger loop.