hermionesviolin | [Saturday] "Suit up"

trijinx came by Saturday afternoon to watch some of my remaining How I Met your Mother reruns. She's closer to the Square than I had thought, so it turns out it only takes about a half an hour to walk from her house to mine. P.S. ABC Family was playing The Count of Monte Cristo.

So I ended up being fashionably late to RA's pre-party after all. When I told her I was hanging out with a friend she was all "You should have invited her." I said I didn't think it was really her scene. As it turned out, it was so not my scene. I mean, I knew that already, but the music was so incredibly loud and there wasn't really much room to dance (plus I was time-aware 'cause I didn't wanna have to pay for a taxi home -- but a three mile walk on Mass. Ave. was not exciting either).

Sidenote: The awkwardness makes me fear for my party this Saturday. Though my birthday party-of-four managed to not suck, so I supposed I really shouldn't worry.

However, this did mean

trijinx missed Cailin planning to hook up me and Eric :) She wants an office romance -- phrasing it that way, incidentally, is a way to make me really not want this to happen. I told Cailin I felt like I was back in high school, with people trying to hook their friends up. I should potentially be more squicked by this than I am. She actually literally said she wanted to be able to live vicariously (re: the office romance thing) which is super-ironic because she does in fact work with her boyfriend. But apparently at work he is incredibly nonsocial and therefore doesn't count.
Amusingly, I was thinking that very afternoon about how your s.o. should make you want to be a better person and how that is not at all the case with the guys I'm currently crushing on. Insert recurrent request for an appropriate person for me to date. [It was also occurring to me recently that I complain more about not having a snogging partner than any of my friends. By a factor of... they don't complain about it at all. Which means I have terrific friends, but also makes me feel like that stereotypical awful girl, which makes me sad -- though I think my hormonal/emotional neediness is entirely valid and I don't talk about it overmuch and even then only in LJ where one can just scroll past, so I don't actually feel guilty.]
Cailin asked me if Eric was seeing anybody, and I said I didn't think so. She said she didn't think so either, that we would know, that he would let it slip. I started to say that I thought he would tell us, but then I realized that it would very in character for him to try to not talk about it to us though I do still think we would know, 'cause we talk about our lives enough.
Talking about hooking us up, Cailin said something about him being dense -- as in, that he wouldn't realize what was going on and thus it would fail. I didn't say anything to that, but I'm honestly not sure how true it is. I think it's moderately obvious that I like him, but I also think it's very clear that he's not interested in me (and that "us" wouldn't be a good idea -- though obviously not everyone shares my opinions on that) so depending on how obvious Cailin is (and honestly, that part would be my biggest fear -- that he would feel really uncomfortable and implicate me) I can totally see how it wouldn't even register on his radar. And yes of course I go back and forth between wanting to just be direct and make a move and feeling like it totally wouldn't work on a multiplicity of levels -- which brings us back to the "Could we find me someone good to date, please?" And wow I feel like I'm back in high school. Only usually then it was other people's drama.
It's possible that I've stressed myself writing all that up 'cause in rereading it I'm like "Who am I kidding? I've barely got time for my friends nevermind an s.o." -- which was my m.o. throughout college.

Claire introduced me to her friends Nick and Owen -- both Firefly fans. I had forgotten that she was Firefly fan, so I was v. impressed that she remembered that I was. Owen did a spring semester at Oxford (Brasenose); he said he had a couple friends who got a two-month EuroRail pass and went all over Europe that way, sleeping on trains -- if there was a city they wanted to spend more than one day in they would take the train out and then back in. Hardcore.

I tried to talk to RA's roommate's sister (Kate?) but it was so incredibly loud you literally had to basically talk into the other person's ear. Yeah, so not my scene.

Oh, at the pre-party I met one of RA's friends, a guy named P.K. and he shook my hand and I tend to handshake firmly (I think I read How to Win Friends and Influence People at an impressionable age or something) and he commented on that, said he was taken by surprise by it and hoped he was man enough for me but feared he wasn't. I just laughed because I had nothing to say to that. His handshake really was nothing, so I couldn't reassure him on that score, and while I expect it's accurate that women are less likely than men to handshake firmly I get uncomfortable around traditional definitions of masculinity (i.e. the "man enough for you" comment). Though at one point he was handing around a plate of grapes etc. and joked "grapes, for feeding your lover, like so," and demonstrated with a guy friend, so obviously he won big points with me.

***

I ordered an amaretto sour at Enormous Room (thanks, Michaela -- though this one was way sweeter than the one I had in Georgia). I wanna try out interesting drinks at my apartment-warming, but I worry that no one's gonna want any and I'm gonna have booze lying around for eternity (with limited storage space). I also think I need to come up with more food as the affirmative RSVPs keep increasing. Sigh. (I know, being madly popular, it's tragic.)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, the thing is that I know you like Eric, and of course I'd like you to have what you like. :) But I don't know Eric. I do know you, though, Ms. Brutally Self-Honest, and if you say you don't really think that you and he would work out, then I gotta believe you. I'm a fan of *you* doing what you want to get/have what you want, but not so much of the third party involvement.

BAH! The no longer copying text from post screens is driving me batshit!!!!!!!!!!! *ahem*

*types* just because we get along we should therefore become an item

I mean, I can get her frustration on this point, if it is indeed a frustration and not just idle interest. One of my dearest friends, A, was very much in love with another friend, L, who did not return his affections. I know you can't make the heart love or create passion where it's not; I get that. But A would've treated her like a princess and been her intellectual equal (or superior really) and been so damn good for her. So it was frustrating to watch her choose all these shitty men who aren't even worthy to lick A's boots, to be all Victoriany. (Not that I'm saying that's what's going on with you and E, just that I see how two people you think would be good together and aren't together can be frustrating from an outsider perspective).

men and women being friends without a sexual component

I don't exactly where I stand on that topic. I personally don't feel that *people* can be friends with each other without there being a sexual component to it. (I mean true, actual friends; not just acquaintances, but people you feel close to) Everyone I'm friends with, I'm friends with because I find them attractive and stimulating in some way; I've got friends I know it would turn to crap if we actually tried to have a romantic relationship, but I can imagine a scenario in which I'd sleep with pretty much everybody I"m friends with. Not that I do that. Much.

BAH! The no longer copying text from post screens is driving me batshit!!!!!!!!!!! *ahem*

My understanding is that this is a "known issue" with Horizon, so you might wanna switch your settings (http://www.livejournal.com/manage/settings/) for the time being. (I wasn't a big fan of Horizon, so I'm sticking with Dystopia anyway, but the c&p isue would make me switch in a heartbeat even if I liked Horizon otherwise.)

Well, the thing is that I know you like Eric, and of course I'd like you to have what you like.

:) I think that does exactly sum up your position, and articulates exactly why your position is okay with me.

But I don't know Eric. I do know you, though, Ms. Brutally Self-Honest, and if you say you don't really think that you and he would work out, then I gotta believe you.

::loves you::

My sympathies on the situation with A. I think Cailin is mostly just idly interested though she does genuinely believe that we would be good together. I personally believe that he's not interested in me like that at all, and if he were I would be v. willing to attempt a relationship with him but I also feel like I would be settling -- that we're just not a very good match and there has to exist someone out there who *would* be a good match for me (though this is a triumph of hope over experience).

> men and women being friends without a sexual component

I don't exactly where I stand on that topic. I personally don't feel that *people* can be friends with each other without there being a sexual component to it. (I mean true, actual friends; not just acquaintances, but people you feel close to) Everyone I'm friends with, I'm friends with because I find them attractive and stimulating in some way; I've got friends I know it would turn to crap if we actually tried to have a romantic relationship, but I can imagine a scenario in which I'd sleep with pretty much everybody I"m friends with. Not that I do that. Much.

This makes sense since it seems to be common that we find people more physically attractive when we find their personalities attractive (I recall first discovering this in high school -- attempting to do objective "Which guys in our yearbook are attractive" and not being able to divorce the "But I like him as a person" factor from our reactions). I always thought I was unusual in eroticizing my relationships with people, though. Though I do remember some discussion of this in my Issues in Queer Studies class (second semester of college). Ah, found the entry (http://hermionesviolin.livejournal.com/3850.html#cutid1) -- "we discussed in Queer Studies a few weeks ago--the erotics of intense relationships (in simple terms: in intense platonic relationships one sometimes has erotic fantasies that one has no desire to actually realize)." That doesn't exactly articulate how it works for me, though I recall the actual concept as presented in class coming moderately close.

I always thought I was unusual in eroticizing my relationships with people, though.

I don't know. We may be the odd ducks. It's not like it's a really comfortable question to bring up with many people.

The fact that there is theory/literature out there (i.e. its being referenced in my Issues in Queer Studies class) indicates that it's not just us -- though how common it actually is (since when your area of focus is queerness your data is gonna skew a certain way) is probably impossible to know.

forgot to include at the end of my reply...

I've got friends I know it would turn to crap if we actually tried to have a romantic relationship, but I can imagine a scenario in which I'd sleep with pretty much everybody I"m friends with. Not that I do that. Much.

Word, yo.

[Saturday] "Suit up"

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject