"you ever have that dream where you open your mouth and you try to scream?"

[hermionesviolin]

• Monday i did a variety of errands including purchasing a new round hairbrush because mine broke and getting lots of ones for BeantownZinetown6 (and a nice lady from my church back home will be driving me home on Sunday).
• I also called and made an appointment to see Margaret Bruzelius (Dean of the Sophomore and Junior Classes, College Hall 23) before my Women’s Studies class on Wednesday to discuss transferring Oxford credits to Smith.
• Tuesday i gave Smith their money for this semester so the hold should be off my record soon. I also paid my phone bill.
• Then i went to one of the Language Acquisition computer lab sessions. I think i will be spending quantity time in the Bass statistics lab for this research paper, but despite the oft-unwieldiness of the program, i think i understand it and i also think i will be able to write a good paper.
• And i got a 90% on that exam (which counts for 30% of my grade in that class)!
• I left Bodywise (Love Your Body Week is next week!) after an hour to watch Buffy because i have priorities like that.
• I finally went through the magazines i got from Norwood over break and am doing my Women’s Studies paper (due Friday) on the Maybelline ads in Seventeen magazine.
• I finally got around to filling out my 1040EZ tonight. (Will photocopy at work Wednesday afternoon and then mail.)
• I am bitter that i will be missing this week’s Angel because of a group meeting, but my family will be taping it for me, and i will watch it when i get in on Friday.

I am feeling more capable of handling the nine million and seventeen things i have left to do.

Oh and speaking of my competence... At lunch today, Ria was complaining about the group presentations in Michael’s class. (I find them largely pointless and will be talking to him about them at the end of the semester.) She said she took two speech classes at her previous college, and stuff that her professor told her not to do, told her she would fail if she did, people giving these presentations do. Also, people don’t know when to shut up. She said i’m the only person she listened to because i’m her friend and she figured i’d have intelligent stuff to say and i did and i was the only person in my group who didn’t have a notebook. I was flattered.

I used to be free-spirited, now i’m just free of sleep.

There are 43 days left in which to do everything that remains for the semester. This is terrifying.

---

In the April 2003 issue of Seventeen magazine, Elizabeth Kuster interviews Christina Ricci:

17:In your new movie, Prozac Nation, you play Lizzie, a clinically depressed girl who pretty much loses it. What did you learn from that?
Christina Ricci: How all-encompassing depression is. Lizzie says, “I know I shouldn’t be acting this way. But I can’t stop.” She’s trapped in a body that’s functioning in a way she doesn’t want. Depression is a physical disease—something you have no control over. You end up hating yourself for behaving the way you do.

17: On paper, Lizzie had this great life. She got into Harvard, was writing for Rolling Stone . . .
CR: That was one of her main problems! She keeps saying, “I have no right to feel this way.” The thing is, everything is relative in life, and your worst moment—whether it’s any worse or any better than anyone else’s—is still going to be your worst moment.

17: You’ve gone through some tough times emotionally too. Did playing the part remind you of your past self at all?
CR: Teenage angst is very akin to chemical depression. So it certainly reminded me of how I was when I was a teen. In a lot of ways.

17: You once said you have “life anger.” Do you still feel that way?
CR: When you stop being a teenager, you stop the angst. And when it goes away, you’re just like, “Oh my God, I’m a normal human being.” To tell you the truth, it goes away so much when you get older that you sort of forget what you were mad about! That really awkward feeling that you’re never pretty enough, and you never have the right outfit, and you’re never good enough—as you get older, you’re like, “So what. So maybe I’ll never be good enough. It’s not a big deal.” You just learn to accept yourself more. And all of a sudden everything is just OK.

[[ “A lot of things that you read are things I said when I was 16 or 17,” says Christina. “I don’t think anybody wants to be held accountable for things they said at that age.” ]]