hermionesviolin: image of a bicycle painted on pavement inside a forward-facing arrow (moar bike lanes pls)
I probably could have biked yesterday (it got close to freezing -- as opposed to the previous day when it topped off at low 20s and was more consistently windy) but I wimped/lazed out, so as we dispersed from Mike's at literally 11:30pm I asked FCS-Ian if I could drive his car home. It was basically uneventful -- though when I take a right turn onto a street that has a lot of parked cars I go kind of slow 'cause I wanna make sure I don't hit any of the parked cars, and FCS-Ian reminded me to go faster 'cause there was oncoming traffic (slow/far enough away that I wasn't in danger, but I was gonna piss them off).
hermionesviolin: image of a bicycle painted on pavement inside a forward-facing arrow (moar bike lanes pls)
I drove for about an hour and a half today -- after having not driven for almost two months, so I was feeling nervous leading up to it. Actually driving, I felt fine -- though interestingly, after I was back inside my house afterward I felt high heart rate etc.

I still felt a little nervous on roads where I was going more than ~30mph, but I was routinely in the lefthand lane on major roads and didn't feel nervousness about the oncoming traffic (well, I sort of felt it, but it was sort of like there was a wall separating me from that feeling).

I was fine pulling into parking lot spaces, but less good pulling out, so that's probably worth practicing -- and FCS-Ian wisely suggested consulting the driver's manual about the official most correct way.

On reflection, I'd also like to pratice 3-point-turns and parallel parking once more before I actually take a road test.

I feel like I'm a (at least) minimally competent driver at this point (and FCS-Ian continues to be mostly wholly unworried while I'm driving), but I'm not sure how stickler/demanding the instructor will be (despite [livejournal.com profile] trijinx's assurances that her road test was "basic and boring," I'm still partially convinced that I'm going to fail my first road test).

Edit: I went online to schedule a road test for over the Christmas Break and apparently the next available road test is January 27 in Cambridge -- I don't even know when the next one in Watertown would be. :/
hermionesviolin: image of a bicycle painted on pavement inside a forward-facing arrow (moar bike lanes pls)
Having learned from last time, the plan tonight was that I would drive wherever I wanted and FCS-Ian would read facebook on his phone. He was remarkably attentive to what I was doing, though -- like, could give me detailed critique about why/how I'd ended too far out from the curb when pulling into the space or whatever.

My first attempt tonight was good but room for improvement. My second one was perfect.

The rest of the night was a mix. After having gotten good [tonight] at parallel parking behind a vehicle when there was no vehicle behind me, I got way less good at parallel parking between spaces. I got better again -- though having a car over to my left also makes me nervous (yay, narrow streets!). But my last 2 parallel parks were perfect! \o/

And FCS-Ian commented multiple times during the night that I seemed to be operating a lot more intuitively -- parallel parking was more of a single step ("to parallel park") rather than a 3-step process ... which was a little problematic because I was paying less attention to the individual steps, but I was also developing some intuition about how to fix things.
hermionesviolin: image of a bicycle painted on pavement inside a forward-facing arrow (moar bike lanes pls)
FCS-Ian and I did driving practice this afternoon. More traffic than we were expecting, on the residential side streets we were attempting to practice parallel parking on, which made it challenging. After a while, he reminded me that I tend to do better when I'm making the decisions and he's not talking to me all the time, so he told me to just pick streets and spots to try, and he wouldn't say anything (unless, e.g., I had the wheel turned the wrong way when I was about to reverse and thus would be about to hit another car). Apparently his checking facebook etc. while I was doing this was not just because he trusts me but also to keep him from talking -- but he did trust me enough that he could be on his phone most of the time. And I definitely got better as we went along. (And after like the 3rd time I consistently remembered which way to turn the wheel -- to my right when reversing to parallel park on my righthand side -- which I have no optimism I'll remember next time, hence writing it down now so I can refresh my memory before we go next time.)
hermionesviolin: image of a bicycle painted on pavement inside a forward-facing arrow (moar bike lanes pls)
FCS-Ian and I were gonna go driving yesterday before church, but after much back and forth we ended up rescheduling to 7:30pm tonight. Now that it's still light out at that hour, it works well (after his kids are in bed, etc.).

He'd had a lot of coffee today, which was fine except that he wasn't super-focused and so would be like "pull over here" practically as we were passing something, and I need to get better at being like, "Explain to me exactly what you're about to ask me to do" (and make sure I actually understand! like have the correct visualization) instead of just following his instructions and ending up being llike, "Yes, I totally overshot that, in part because I had literally no idea where I was supposed to be aiming." (I reminded him at the beginning that last time we spent the first half on the street and the second half in a parking lot and realized after we were done that it would have been much more effective to have started in a parking lot. He decided that we would drive until we found an acceptable parking lot -- since our usual would probably be full/busy -- and I was fine with getting street practice, but e.g. "drive until forever, don't worry about turning" followed almost immediately by telling me to turn somewhere is suboptimal.)

Near the beginning, he commented that my actual driving was fine -- that I haven't put in a lot of actual hours on the road, but I've improved significantly since I started. And near the end (driving back to my house) he commented that I'm much more confident driving when I know where I'm going, to which I said that we learned this when I drove through the Powder House Rotary of Death at like 4pm on a holiday.

At the end, he said I'm doing great with k-turns (aka, 3-point turns -- which, along with parallel parking, was what I'd said I felt stood between me and passing the road test).
hermionesviolin: image of a bicycle painted on pavement inside a forward-facing arrow (moar bike lanes pls)
This morning, we drove to FCS-Ian's neighborhood and spent about a half an hour trying to practice 3-point turns & parallel parking. I can follow really explicit instructions, but I have basically no internal understanding of why the car is doing what it's doing when I'm going in reverse, so after about a half an hour (at which point I was half-expecting FCS-Ian to say we'd maxed out his anxiety quotient for the day) we went to a parking lot so I could just practice reversing -- in retrospect, it would have been more Effective to do the parking lot first, but live and learn.

Doing 90-degree turns while reversing, I quickly internalized (well, after I got through the part where I was just memorizing -- which was less helpful) that I turn the wheel the opposite direction of where I want the front of the car to be pointing. Which, in retrospect, probably people had attempted to explain that to me before? And it's probably more nuanced when you're making less than 90-degree turns. But hey, I have learned a thing.
hermionesviolin: image of a bicycle painted on pavement inside a forward-facing arrow (moar bike lanes pls)
We didn't drive last Sunday, due to a scheduling conflict -- which given that we lost an hour to Daylight Savings &c. was okay with me, as it meant I was significantly less underslept for a long day -- but we did this morning.

We took 93 North for about a half an hour, stopped at a Dunkin' Donuts, and then took 93 South back -- with some extra practicing on and off exit ramps on the way back.

FCS-Ian thinks I'm doing fine. I continue to feel a little bit nervous -- I think largely I just still haven't internalized all of how it works ... being aware of and responding appropriately to all the stuff around you (traffic [incl. reading what the other driver is thinking and intuiting what they think you're thinking as you all do this non-verbal dance of not crashing and ideally keeping a smooth flow of traffic ... !], exits [I keep feeling like exit ramps pop up suddenly way after I've seen the initial sign and have been looking for warning about when I should start slowing down in anticipation of said exit], etc.).

One of the biggest adjustments, actually, is that I've gotten trained to not manually turn off my turn signal since it does it on its own -- except that when you're just shifting lanes rather than doing ~90-degree turns, it doesn't.
hermionesviolin: Boston skyline at sunset with the word "Boston" at the top (Boston)
You know when is a terrible time to practice driving? When the sun is directly in your face.

Okay, I've driven with sun-blindness before, but highway driving when you can't see the speedometer...

I wasn't actually super-anxious, though -- I definitely slowed down whenever I couldn't see the speedometer (and FCS-Ian would alert me when I got down to 45 or 40 -- the posted speed limit was 55), but there wasn't a lot of traffic (it was ~7:30am on a Saturday); I think with more traffic, the limited visibility would have made me a lot more nervous.

Driving on Mt. Auburn last weekend, I really felt the difference between 20mph (which I'd been comfortable driving at) and 30mph (the posted speed limit), so I was nervous about the ~60mph nature of highway driving, but because of the road surface, I mostly didn't feel it at all -- which is a little nervous-making, because I can't rely on my bodily experience of the driving and have to be sure to keep an eye on the speedometer (and the traffic around me, which would usually be primary, but in the absence of much traffic, very much the speedometer) or else I could easily drive a wildly different speed than I intended, but I was mostly fine.

I didn't do the full drive to Framingham, 'cause we used up FCS-Ian's anxiety quotient (not that I was driving badly!) plus he was helping with AV stuff at Super Saturday so he wanted to get there early-ish and while I was hovering around the speed limit (even getting up to ~65 at times) when the sun wasn't blinding me, obviously he drives faster.

We talked about doing some Sunday morning (pre-church) highway driving (possibly on north-south roads, to avoid the sun-blindness issue) because he wants me to get to practice changing lanes on the highway without there being much traffic.

***

On the drive home, we had productive and enjoyable church-related conversations, in which I acquired more to-do list items, but I am currently in phase one of my "do laundry then go the fuck to sleep" post-Super Saturday to-do list (I was out late last night because Drag Gospel at Club Cafe, and up early this morning because Framingham; bonus: I biked ~16mi yesterday for the first time in a while [my work commute is ~8mi roundtrip] and my knees were definitely feeling that during the afternoon workshop today).
hermionesviolin: image of a bicycle painted on pavement inside a forward-facing arrow (moar bike lanes pls)
As we were finishing up lunch this afternoon, Shoshana asked, "Do you want to go driving?"

I said, "No" -- but that it was what we had on the schedule for the afternoon ... and that while I felt nervous and anxious, I am committed to this.

She asked what I wanted to work on, and I said three-point turns and parallel parking. She said she didn't feel well-equiped to teach me to parallel park, so we just did three-point turns.

She drove us to Mount Auburn Cemetery and despite the terrible dappled light, I navigated all the turns etc. successfully. And I apparently have a high tolerance for people repeatedly telling me I'm slightly too far over to the left (or the right) -- which is good, since appropriately staying in my lane is apparently a skill I have not yet mastered.

We practiced three-point turns turning to the left and turning to the right. Having done them a bunch, it definitely felt more intuitive.

After about an hour, we drove back to church (where my bike was parked), so no rotaries or anything. There was a bicyclist going the wrong way on Mass. Ave. and flipped him off and complained but forgot that I have a horn for displaying my displeasure (hey, there are a lot of things to remember in a car).

This morning, FCS-Ian and I chatted about when he might be willing to go back on sound booth rotation and/or resume driving lessons with me, so when we do resume in October-ish I'll try to remember to ask him to focus on parallel parking.
hermionesviolin: (small girl in big world [_extraflamey_])
FCS-Ian's wife gave birth to their second child the night after our last driving lesson.

Sunday afternoon, Shoshana picked me up at my house and drove us to Mount Auburn Cemetery. I drove around, getting used to her Prius.

Then I practiced three-point turns and parallel parking. I did them successfully (eventually), but I needed step-by-step instruction and definitely need a lot more practice. (Steering wheel direction while reversing continues to be completely non-intuitive to me -- among other issues.)

She GPSed us out of the cemetery (yay, technology) and thought I could drive back to my house (she GPSed it and directed me). So that was Mystic Valley Parkway, and rotaries.

I didn't crash into anything or even get honked at (until I was almost home and was being careful of a bicyclist in front of me and the car behind me was cranky), despite some seriously flawed driving.

QOTD was possibly, "We're yielding to rotary traffic, remember?"

Though as she pointed out, there's a steep learning curve when first learning to drive because there's so much you need to pay attention to -- and as you do it more, much of it becomes rote and you can focus on just paying attention to the stuff that's unfamiliar.

***

On the drive over to Watertown, I talked about my continuing indecision about ASA. I told her that the previous afternonon I had told Ari that basically I want someone to convince me to go to ASA, and that in that conversation Ari had said, "I'm not hearing anything that tips me over from neutral."

During our conversation, Shoshana said, "I think you want someone to convince you NOT to go," but she was attempting to be amenable.
AAR/SBL is clearly the better choice for me -- but I have the disposable income and vacation time &c. that it doesn't have to be an either/or choice.
Just showing up to panels and taking notes is basically what I do at Arisia -- I mean, I end up bumping into people I already know and hanging out with them, but I don't go out of my way to make new friends. So doing that at ASA isn't going to feel like a waste of a con to me. And there are sessions on sexuality and media and stuff that's of interest to me at basically every time slot, so it's not like I'm spending a thousand dollars or whatever just to go to the porn panel.

I also talked with Jenna at Coffee Hour. She asked, "What else would you be doing with this money? [...] I'm not trying to encourage people to be reckless, but..."

***

In, "decisions I feel more equipped to make than ASA," I think I'm finally going to get a smartphone.

Based on my previous experience with could-be-smartphones, I have a strong preference for one with a pullout keyboard. Otherwise I don't really have any specifications in mind. I want to keep my phone number and transfer my contacts, so that probably means staying with Verizon, though I assume those transfers are doable across carriers, albeit possibly for a fee.

Input is welcome.
hermionesviolin: image of a bicycle painted on pavement inside a forward-facing arrow (moar bike lanes pls)
FCS-Ian and I went driving after work yesterday. He has a Ford Focus and yeah, it definitely handles differently than my parents' Toyota Corolla.

He proposed that he not talk (unless necessary) -- because when he's nervous he talks more, and that's not necessarily helpful (to me), that I know the stuff I need to practice/be careful about/whatever and him continuing to tell me doesn't necessarily help me any. I don't think it's unhelpful, but I said sure.

I briefed him on the driving practice I did with my dad on Saturday, and he said he thought it was good for me to get practice in other vehicles (and with other instructors).

I asked where he wanted me to drive (recalling that we had planned to do more trafficked streets) and he said I could go wherever I wanted. (And we did talk while I drove, he just didn't tell me where or how to drive -- much.)

I did some familiar routes (there are only so many side streets around the church) and then decided to take a right instead of the left we'd done last time, even though I suspected that would take me toward a more trafficked street (yes, Shoshana was like, "So you knew you needed to practice on more trafficked streets and you were avoiding them?"), and yup, that was Broadway coming up ahead of me. The police had pulled someone over up on the left, so instead of taking a left onto Broadway we took a right -- then a right onto Medford Street. While on Medford Street I noticed it was 6:05pm and suggested we head back since he needed to get home. He actually hadn't noticed the time at all (yay!). We took School Street to Highland and then came through Davis Square (the easiest possible way, because it's just staying to the right, but still -- and FCS-Ian did remind me to be attentive to people trying to merge into my lane as we were coming into Davis on Highland).

I was definitely like a foot and a half away from the curb when I pulled up in front of the church, but we didn't really have time for me to work on parking at that moment.

FCS-Ian said I was more confident (and [thus] a better driver) on the more trafficked roads -- which makes sense; they're wider, more predictable (you have the yellow line to your left and parked cars to your right and everyone's just doing their thing, fewer cross streets or people etc. possibly jumping into the street). I still get nervous when there are bicyclists on my right, worried I'm going to be too close to them and tragedy will ensue (since I still don't have a great sense of how much space my vehicle is taking up -- I can get into a groove on the road, but when there's something between me and what's been on my right...). He said the bicyclist and I were clearly aware of each other and I was being conscientious and he gave me permission to let go of that worry.

(It occurred to me later that I could drive us to my house -- not through the Powder House Rotary of death, but the way I bike home.)

I still haven't done a lefthand turn onto a ~major street -- oops.

Shoshana volunteered to take me parallel parking etc. once FCS-Ian is indisposed due to newborn (baby is due August 7). I think parallel parking and 3-point-turns are the things you get on the driver's test that I really don't feel equipped to do. *looks up the list online*

Page 31 of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts Driver's Manual says:
During a road test, you should be prepared to demonstrate your ability to...
• Use hand signals
• Start the engine
• Start and stop the vehicle
• Parallel Park
• Back the vehicle approximately 50 feet
• Make left - right turns
• Start, stop, and turn the vehicle on a hill
• Turn around between curbs (three point turn)
• Enter and leave intersections
• Recognize and obey traffic signs, lights and signals, and other rules of the road
• Use good driving sense

In addition to judging your overall driving skills, the examiner will note how well you follow general good-driving procedures, including whether you...
• Use good driving posture, with both hands always placed properly on the wheel
• Drive in the proper lane and look carefully and signal properly before changing lanes
• Maintain enough distance between your vehicle and the one ahead of you
• Always drive at safe speeds to comply with speed limits and varying traffic conditions
• Properly yield the right-of-way
• Are generally aware of your actions and particularly those of other drivers
hermionesviolin: image of a bicycle painted on pavement inside a forward-facing arrow (moar bike lanes pls)
We did the same side streets around the church (starting with pulling into College Ave. and then taking the immediate next right off) as we did last time -- extending out a bit further, but one can only go so far in any direction before hitting major-ish streets.

The plan for next time (this Thursday) is to intentionally go onto more trafficked streets -- practicing turning onto a street and staying in my own lane the whole time. Today I was mostly chill about going onto ~major streets, but multiple times turning onto streets (low-traffic ones) the car felt really unwieldy to me, so I am v. dubious about this exercise. Obviously this is a skill that people master, but yeah.

In general I think I am getting more comfortable, though. And I mostly displayed good judgement driving today -- and was marginally better at actually paying attention to behind me. I did edge close to the right a few times -- and there were various other times when FCS-Ian would point out/remind me of things (there is a lot to keep track of while driving!).

Parking the car at the end, I was like a foot and a half away from the curb. When I parked I felt like I was too far away, but since last time I'd crunched up onto the curb I didn't want to trust my judgement.
hermionesviolin: image of a bicycle painted on pavement inside a forward-facing arrow (moar bike lanes pls)
We were aiming to start closer to 5:30 (FCS-Ian needed to be home by 6:15), but he got stuck on the T so we started closer to 5:50.

Pulling out into College Ave. he wanted me to try to pull out actually into my lane rather than into the other lane and then compensate. I started to pull forward (I did reverse first, eyeing my rearview mirror and everything) and totally felt like I was going to hit the car in front of me, and then reversed further and tried again and ditto. He assured me I would not hit the car in front of me, based on the space between the vehicles and the position of my wheels &c. and I trust his spatial judgment even though I did not actually believe I would not hit the car -- and I successfully did not hit anything. I got a little bit flustered trying to straighten out the car and also take the next right &c., dealing with the traffic that was now all around me, and I definitely like hit the windshield wipers instead of the turn signal and stuff, but I turned onto the side street and didn't hit anything and no one honked at me.

I felt more comfortable driving than I did the other day, and FCS-Ian was not expressing anxiety that I was going to run into parked cars. He said he felt like I was overcompensating and staying further to the left than he would have, but I was staying within my lane.

I'm still inclined to stop longer at stops than he would.

Near the end, I turned onto College Ave. and off again without too much stress. And we ended with my pulling over and parking, and FCS-Ian asked me to get as close to the curb as I could, and unsurprisingly-to-me I overshot slightly and crunched up onto the curb -- he was expecting me to be a perfect 8 inches or an overshot 3 feet away from the curb or something. The street is not all that wide, so I was not expecting a redux of parking lot parking where I am way far out from the right.

He said he thinks it's a good idea for us to keep doing these shorter more-frequent lessons (instead of only doing lessons when we have the time for longer ones, which means we end up with a long time between lessons because scheduling) -- but not next week, since he'll be away on family vacation (which I knew).
hermionesviolin: image of a bicycle painted on pavement inside a forward-facing arrow (moar bike lanes pls)
We met outside the church after work and blessedly there was a pause in the rush hour traffic so I could pull out into College Ave. and then take the immediate next right onto the side streets where we spent the next half hour.

Yeah, usually we're out for about an hour, but FCS-Ian kept getting really nervous that I was gonna hit parked cars on our right (I said usually I leave too wide a berth between me and other stuff, but he said I overestimate on my left and underestimate on my right, which is probably true, esp. since I did go up on the curb once today) -- though he also pointed out that he did zero driving this time (usually some of our time is spent on main roads getting places; he said maybe highway driving not next time but the time after).

I tried getting in the habit of looking in my side mirror at least while on these slow side streets, though the one time I overshot a turn and stopped and had to reverse to get around the parked car I had stopped behind, it totally didn't occur to me to look behind me -- FCS-Ian was telling me what to do and I was just following the instructions. Oops.

Apparently I have a habit of slowing down at intersections even when there's not a stop sign (I was reminded that in early lessons, I was aware that the crosswalks pinged me to stop), and I also tend to pull over to the right at stop signs (I think because there cease to be parked cars there and so I feel like I "should" pull over to the right now that I'm able to).

Mostly I did well, though.

I learned that when you're turning you don't have the right of way -- and I learned how (in FCS-Ian's car at least) to flash your high beams to indicate to the person facing you that they can go.
hermionesviolin: image of a bicycle painted on pavement inside a forward-facing arrow (moar bike lanes pls)
As I've mentioned elsewhere on the Internet, at Council last Wednesday we did an Affirmation exercise. We each wrote our name on the top of a sheet of paper and passed it around, each of us writing an affirmation for the person whose paper we received (folding the paper so you didn't see what people before you had written). We passed them to our left, and FCS-Ian was sitting to my left. When I got his, it was full, so when I handed it to him I said, "I can't fit anything else on here -- but I sent you a thank you note, so I'm gonna pretend like that counts."
He said, "That was wonderful."

After Council, I asked about driving this Sunday and said I might have hallucinated sending the fb msg proposing this Sunday, said I knew I sent the thank you email a couple days later.
He thanked me again for the email, said, "When I was reading it, I kept waiting for you to be passive-aggressive, and you weren't."
I told him to call me out if I were being passive-aggressive.
He said really he expects me to be aggressive and I said yeah, I try to be aggressive-aggressive.

***

driving today )
hermionesviolin: image of a bicycle painted on pavement inside a forward-facing arrow (moar bike lanes pls)
So, I broke my elbow a week and a day after our last driving lesson. Once I was allowed to ride my bike again (mid-November), I felt I was good to go for driving again, but FCS-Ian is challenging to schedule with. So, Driving Lesson #3 this afternoon.

FCS-Ian asked me if I was excited/nervous/whatever about driving again, and I said I wasn't exactly excited about it, but that I'd also been thinking that if he canceled on me I would be seriously pissed. He said yeah, he was aware that if he canceled on me today he would be damaging a friendship.

I said if he'd canceled I would have been like, "Do you actually wanna teach me how to drive? Because I could find someone else to." He said no, he enjoys this -- but if I wanted to get a supplemental driving instructor he wouldn't be upset. Given him and scheduling, this would probably be a wise idea, but I was reminded this afternoon that for all our initial certainty that we would have to safeword out of this arrangement immediately, this works really well -- he knows a lot and is attentive, so he's a very informed instructor; and the vast majority of the time he's very good at explaining step-by-step how to do something; and he pushes me beyond where I'm comfortable (e.g., he'll say, "let's go do X now," and I'm like, "I don't feel I've mastered X-1 sufficient..."), but not in a way that makes me feel super unsafe (though I do sometimes feel like I've been given more things to think about than I can actually hold in my head at a time); and while I know it stresses him out, he mostly feels like a non-anxious presence; and we have a relationship such that I can be like "Fuck you" or "Shuddup" or flip him off and it's totally fine -- and he can follow up comments with, "That wasn't mocking, that was just informational," and I believe him or at least don't care. And I'm not super optimistic about finding people who are similarly good. (Though if I have daylight time when I'm visiting my parents, my dad would probably be similarly good.)

Read more... )
hermionesviolin: a build-a-bear, facing the viewer, with a white t-shirt and a rainbow stitched tattoo bicep tattoo (pride)
Yesterday I went to Super Saturday [a regional UCC event], and Ian H. (support pastor while Molly was on medical leave) asked if this meant I was officially UCC and I said no, though when I saw him I suspected he would think that. [He used to nudge me about officially joining FCS.]

Introducing me to the person he had been chatting with, he referred to me as "ecumenically promiscuous."
I said these days I was actually mostly only at FCS -- "situationally monogamous, what's that about?"

Early on the drive home, FCS-Ian (still more pastoral than the entire UMC!) asked me about CWM and my feels thereon, and doing my ~usual spiel, I said that FCS isn't the radical queer church of my heart and doesn't want to be, but that in recent years I've come to feel like I've been around long enough and involved sufficiently that I know ways I can push that are in keeping with the gist of the community, that isn't me just imposing my agenda -- and I mentioned the recent walk'n'talk I had with Molly, wherein she said that when I first came to FCS I was attending multiple churches and that was great but it meant I was kind of an outsider, and now I have a stake in the community (including having taken on leadership roles in the community) and so it's a lot easier for her to receive criticism from me now ... and how I'd told her that that definitely made sense once I heard her say it, but that I never experienced myself as having a particular moment when I shifted to having a stake in the community, because I organically grew into leadership in Rest and Bread (and I had a stake in *that* from early on) and my involvement shifted and changed but I didn't feel like there was switch when I went from not having a stake to having a stake.

FCS-Ian said that he knows me and he knows that "[I] can go to 3 churches and commit fully" -- but that he had to learn that about me, that he knows for himself he can't commit fully to multiple churches.

Jamie and I both thought (and she vocalized) that it's like being polyamorous (or monogamous).

It's a long-standing thing that I and others use the romantic/sexual relationship metaphor for my engagement with churches, and I sometimes miss being involved with multiple communities, but it hadn't occurred to me to potentially frame it as being actually ecumenically polyamorous (as opposed to being ecumenically slutty, which I think would not be an inaccurate representation at times).

Edit: I was writing an update email to someone and mentioned going to jazz service at Old South (one of whose ministers I know from Pride Interfaith), followed by Bible study facilitated by the same person who facilitates Wednesday night meditation at First Church Cambridge, and how I felt a certain sense of right-ness (or at least comfort/familiarity/at-home-ness) about the intersecting of various different spaces I inhabit. /edit

[livejournal.com profile] cadenzamuse: I couldn't decide if I should use the "you're not polly; you're elizabeth" tag for this, and I totally thought of you in that decision-making :)

Molly's creating an Ecclesiastes Bible study curriculum, and the second session was this afternoon (I missed the first one due to a pre-existing commitment and then it lapsed for a bit), on Ecclesiastes 3-4:8, but we were going around in a circle reading in turns and someone accidentally read the next bit, so Molly ended up mentioning it at one point, including that it doesn't "privilege 2s over 3s."
Ally said, "my poly friends will love that."
Molly said she knew I'd gone there and I said yeah, that's why I didn't bother saying anything, but that I'm always pleased when I'm not the only person in the room to go there (other than people just knowing that *I'm* going there).
Molly said, "Prooftexting -- but maybe God put it in there [thinking] 'one day they'll be ready for it'."
hermionesviolin: image of a bicycle painted on pavement inside a forward-facing arrow (moar bike lanes pls)
June 17 got canceled 'cause FCS-Ian and his wife were going out of town later in the week and had too much to do in too little time before they left.

I was busy the beginning of July, and then apparently he was changing jobs and stuff, so Tues. Aug. 20 he finally responded to the list of dates [July 12 - Aug 28] I'd sent him on June 27.

So here we are on September 5th.

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After we were done and we were heading back, FCS-Ian said he wanted to try a Saturday morning or Sunday afternoon so we could be on bigger roads but with minimal traffic. I said Saturday mornings are tough but Sunday afternoons are fairly doable -- that I tend to feel like I need to block off a whole stretch of time, but apparently we're only doing an hour.

He said you know how when something's stressful it can feel like it's taking longer than it actually is.

I said, "Possibly you experience this as more stressful than I do."

Which is apparently true. And makes sense for a variety of reasons. But neither of us has needed to safeword yet :)

Edit: When I got home (about an hour ago) I posted to facebook: "Round 2, and [FCS-Ian] and I still haven't had to safeword out of driving lessons -- though apparently he experiences them as significantly more stressful than I do :)"

Jeff M. just commented (arguably inspired by a preceding commenter): "What is the safe word? I bet you guys have a good one."

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hermionesviolin: an image of Alyson Hannigan (who plays Willow Rosenberg) with animated text "you think you know / what you are / what's to come / you haven't even / BEGUN" (Default)Elizabeth (the delinquent, ecumenical)

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